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Diya Aur Baati Hum
Diya Aur Baati Hum

The real meaning of marriage. (Page 4)

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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 3:40am | IP Logged
@ JAM  Thank you for commenting. My take

1. Since SurYa do not suffer from any apparent physical problem, I feel they should consummate the marriage. 3 more yrs down the line to my mind is a long wait.

2. Regarding the issue of separation I know about B. Sandhya not the other one . B. Sandhya has had numerous postings outside the capital where her husband works( Suraj is not even in Jaipur) They have had long stretches of separation which the services entail if the partner is not in the services. That is an indisputable fact. The issue is whether you are comfortable with it. If you are, than it is ok as the matter is subjective, to each his own. I for one do not support long term separation. Temporary is ok with me.

3.I respect your POV as this subject can be interpreted either way.

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b2011slodkagilaSAIBALROUTH.NJ.

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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 3:49am | IP Logged
@ Bharati  Thank you so much for your inputs. I appreciate your takes. While I do not subscribe to that school of thought, I can very well understand the other POV. As for me long term separation is a big no no. It is a matter that can be viewed both ways both having their pros and cons.

@hateme2   Now AKji this is not fair...You try to escape answering my questions by asking me a counter question...Shocked Yeh kahan ka insaaf hain..LOL

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b2011SAIBALROUTH.NJ.

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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 3:56am | IP Logged
Originally posted by niruba

UMDUji brilliant post Clap

I belong to the second group...no special reason, I think they are at that stage only when comes to relationship...the title En kanavan en Tozhan means My husband My Friend- the tamil translation of DABH best suits their relationship...

1. Sandhya shouldnt give up her dream...she would have become an IPS if she was not married to Suraj...so personally I don't want to see a dream being sacrificed because of marriage...Marriage should never been shown as a hindrance here...that would be the worst message to the audience Ouch

2. regarding marriage issues, I really have no experience, so I'm afraid to say much LOL...but separation is okay with me (this is based on what I have experienced and seen)...I don't think it will affect husband-wife relationship or the children will suffer...maybe the child will miss the parent...but suffer, definitely not, especially when they have a good father...here the DABH CVs can show the importance of joint family...bhabo and others can be shown being supportive to bring up the child/children...


Thank you so much Niruba. I appreciate your POV, but belong to the old school of thought which believes in living together in marriage and gives no room for long term separation. I am ok with a temporary one but long ones make me uncomfortable. In fact I followed the principle in my life as well. Gave up my Govt job to follow my husband. Was a dilemma but took the decision finally as it made me happy. At the end of the day we have to be happy with what we do. Let us see how the CVs handle this sensitive issue realistically. Hope they don't end the serial with Sandhya becoming IPS. Thank you once again for articulating your views.

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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 5:33am | IP Logged
Nice thought provoking post Uma Ji. Clap Clap

Now I belong to the second group who believes SurYa nok-jhok should be shown at each episode, possibly for 2 minutes or more, and it will light up the whole episode.Embarrassed Big smile

I believe that Sandhya will have to sacrifice her marriage life for the sake of her career. Had she chosen some alternate profession, like teaching, she would have balanced her family life lot more easily. But herein lies the challenge, SP wants to show that Sandhya will be balancing both which is quite unrealistic, I feel her IPS career will take precedence and ultimately her love and dedication for the country will make her achieve what she wants to achieve. Embarrassed

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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 5:42am | IP Logged
Uma ji, I always have a bad side of doctor of considering everything. Sorry for that. The opinion about consummation was only generalised, not in particular. Since I can't avoid that side also, I said "consummation is not a necessary strategy for marriage". It includes consummation also. Thats all or thats how I consider marriage. That was not about SoorYa. Our SoorYa are more matured than a normal couple married for 10-15 years. So they've reached such a status of their relation which could be attained only after a long journey by usual couples. Thats only because of their understanding. Consummation may be a step they slipped while taking the leap. So if they're okay with not consummating, I agree with them though I disagree that in general. Because they're not a couple who changes with circumstances contrary to most couples of my age. They're not consummating due to other health or family or any such issues. They want to achieve their goal and then do it. So if they're okay, I'm also okay though I'm not okay generally. But who knows what'll happen? I really have no hope in our CVs.LOL

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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 5:51am | IP Logged
Originally posted by SAIBALROUTH

Nice thought provoking post Uma Ji. Clap Clap

Now I belong to the second group who believes SurYa nok-jhok should be shown at each episode, possibly for 2 minutes or more, and it will light up the whole episode.Embarrassed Big smile

I believe that Sandhya will have to sacrifice her marriage life for the sake of her career. Had she chosen some alternate profession, like teaching, she would have balanced her family life lot more easily. But herein lies the challenge, SP wants to show that Sandhya will be balancing both which is quite unrealistic, I feel her IPS career will take precedence and ultimately her love and dedication for the country will make her achieve what she wants to achieve. Embarrassed

Welcome back Saibal. Thank you so much for your inputs. I agree in Sandhya's case country will take precedence over the family if they show a realistic presentation. Hope all is well at work.
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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 6:43am | IP Logged
This is an interesting thread. I am very happy reading a lot of opinions. I thought I will put in one or 2 thoughts on why I feel the way I am feeling or my thoughts are little different from many people regarding this issue.

I am an active volunteer in CSR initiative of my organization and I especially very active part of the education track. As part of it I go to government schools for taking English classes as well as Career orientation sessions once a month. We come across many type of students. We cover mostly high school students and college students from impoverished background. Many a times we had given counselling not  only to students , but parents also. Especially when we see a child is bright but has behavioral issues or when we get a feeling family is not supportive of the student's education. My opinions are formed on some of the stories I have heard from those women. If I write them it will be another long thread, but one thing I can say truth is stranger than fiction. It has also made me realize that I am among a lucky minority who has been able to lead a life of my choice before and after marriage and I have been always thankful to Almighty for that.

I am a strong believer that woman keeps the family together. She is the Lakshmi. Saraswati and Durga of the family. It is her presence in the form of daughter, sister, wife and friend that brings warmth to many relationships. But if she has to bring happiness to a family, she has to be happy herself. For that she has to be acknowledged as a person who has dream, aspirations and right to live the life she wants. Many a times she is forced to sacrifice her dreams for her family and once that happens she is not truly happy. That suppressed dream/sacrifice  take many manifestations which in the active form includes neglect of husband and children.

But its passive form is the most dangerous which we are seeing  more in society. That is expecting the other woman to follow the same pattern . Degrade woman who behave differently.
Have mistrust on career woman, gossip, do kitchen politics and spread negativity all around. Only a strong and satisfied woman can raise a children based on values and trust who moves on to become assets for society.

So marriage,consummation, motherhood everything a woman has to go for this when she truly feels she wants to be a wife, mother etc.. not because society is expecting her to be one. Do not sacrifice anything, give only with happiness. If you end up in any situation which you do not want to be in dont grudge, try to make best use of the situation. Never suppress a dream. Whether it becomes a reality or not you have the right to dream. So dream as much you want. It can improve you as a person and can also make life little easier for you. And instead of grudging try to give an opportunity to another to realize their dream. Believe me you will feel a lot better.  If every woman can think like this world will be a lot better place to be live in Smile




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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 8:05am | IP Logged
Originally posted by UMDU

@ Bharati  Thank you so much for your inputs. I appreciate your takes. While I do not subscribe to that school of thought, I can very well understand the other POV. As for me long term separation is a big no no. It is a matter that can be viewed both ways both having their pros and cons.

@hateme2   Now AKji this is not fair...You try to escape answering my questions by asking me a counter question...Shocked Yeh kahan ka insaaf hain..LOL

Apology first. Not to hurt any body or any view.

I did not try to avoid.

I always try to think simple.

Let Sandy study and be a wife for the specified period.

For that going to college is not necessary.

IGNOU offer all most all types of coures.

And those are well recognised, enough to sit for IAS / IPS.

Training period has holiday's also.

State cadre posting are mainly in the State.

If you are not for promotion, chance of transfer is much less.

If the Chief Minister and Chief Secretary likes you,

You will have no problem.

Lastly, Hindi serials are full of illogical things,

Why are we trying to find logic in becoming IPS ?

In films, I have seen a boy running and running and became adult.

Sometimes with a song, the story jumps twenty years.

All upto almighty CV's.

In Delhi, I have learnt and liked a particular phrase -

Baal ka khal nikalna.

I feel we are trying to do that.


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