Diya Aur Baati Hum


Diya Aur Baati Hum
Diya Aur Baati Hum

The real meaning of marriage. (Page 3)

farhana874 IF-Dazzler

Joined: 08 April 2012
Posts: 4171

Posted: 07 April 2013 at 1:15am | IP Logged
Uma aunty...Yes, Amma is in the same college since beginning.

And I agree with all of your points.
That's why they are showing SurYa's story, coz its unique.
If they were from same family/educational background or from same profession there wouldn't be a DABH.

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Brahmaputra IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 12 February 2012
Posts: 13307

Posted: 07 April 2013 at 1:26am | IP Logged
Nice post Uma jiBig smile. I don't belong to any group you mentioned, but rather a mixture I prefer. Though I find it unbelievable DBC not happening, I've no problem until any of them feel that awkward. Its left to them. But on general terms, its a little foolishness. But SoorYa are always special. I don't consider physical proximity is a strong necessity to define a matrial relationship. Because there are married people who can't enjoy sex, but still love each other like any other married couple. I know SoorYa are no more handicapped, but when we say 'married people', it includes them too. This is my view on this. But since Sooraj is not my husband, I could say that is stupid. I'm fine if Sandy is happy with it. But thats again a mystery.LOL

Now answers to your questions.

1. No. Not at all. Both family and job are equally important like two eyes.

2. No options.

3. Yeah. But I don't think there is so much big separation is needed. I don't know about Kiran Bedi. But our Kerala DIG SandhyaIPS and one district collector SreeRekha IAS are successfull homemakers also.

4. Marriage doesn't mean to live together. In that case, all marriages should be success. But its not that what we see many times. Also its not that you stay separate for looonggg time. I choose midway between both.

5. Of course. Kids need attention of both parents. So duty is not a reason for not taking care of them. Otherwise don't reproduce. Because when you neglect your kids' needs, you're letting a seed to sprout in deserts. Kids need complete attention of parents till they're able to differentiate right and wrong. And it is not only one's duty. But there are successful parents who manage it along with other duties. At least for first five years, one should be with his/her kid as its the time when brain developes. What printed once during this period are difficult to wash away.

6 and 7. Completely depends upon how sincere and understanding one is.

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b2011 Coolbie

Joined: 03 January 2011
Posts: 12552

Posted: 07 April 2013 at 2:28am | IP Logged

Nice post Uma and good replies by all.
I definitely belong to group 1.  I do not think Sandy will lose focus if SurYa take their marriage to the next level. It is Suraj's decision.  He is more experienced in handling family issues and maybe thinks it is right for Sandhya at this time.
1.  IPS is not just a career but a dream to serve the nation for Sandhya.  If it was just a career, she could have changed it to a more suitable one.
It is difficult to say what gives us happiness, give up the dream and be with the family or achieve your dream at the cost of family. Sandhya can manage both family and career successfully with a jeevan saathi like Suraj.
3.      You have earlier said a lot about Suraj expanding his business opening branches in different parts of the state or country which would give them an opportunity to be closeby.  We also have people working in different places and trying to reach home on weekends.
4.      It is ok to pursue careers which entail long term separation in my opinion.
5.  I don't think children would suffer with single parenting but a supportive extended family would be helpful. 
6.   In general terms, not necessarily.
7.    No.

Edited by b2011 - 07 April 2013 at 2:30am

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hateme2 IF-Rockerz

Joined: 12 December 2012
Posts: 5016

Posted: 07 April 2013 at 2:41am | IP Logged
Umaji, I'm searching for last 25 years.

Please PM me if you can find the real meaning.

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UMDU IF-Dazzler

Joined: 31 August 2012
Posts: 3170

Posted: 07 April 2013 at 3:13am | IP Logged
@ Shruthi     Thank you so much for your inputs. Now my take on them

1. Continuing with the conversation in the other thread, pregnancy can happen but need not happen in the serial. They can use it  to convey the social message of family planning. Of course everybody has a different perception on it. Mine is this. No vulgar show of affection but a hint of them getting physically close and becoming normal husband and wife.

2. Nice to know about your family life. However it is not separation which is the issue of discussion but long term one which is a subject of debate. As I said Sandhya will be posted to different districts of Rajasthan if she gets that cadre, Jaipur and Delhi intermittently. Here again perceptions vary as some people feel long separations with in between once a month or two months for a day or two is ok. I for one is against any long term separation as marriage to me means to live together. Temporary I can endure not a long term one.  This is strictly my point of view and there is no right or wrong in it. I respect your POV on the subject

3.Yes I agree with you totally that Suraj should update himself and get enrolled in classes as status wise Sandhya will be far superior to him even though monetarily he may be better off. A possibility of a complex developing is real.

Edited by UMDU - 07 April 2013 at 3:12am

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UMDU IF-Dazzler

Joined: 31 August 2012
Posts: 3170

Posted: 07 April 2013 at 3:20am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -SamiR-

Nice post UMDU ji!

Regarding the three groups .. I don't see any link between physical relationship and Sandhya's dream. I think it's unfortunate that the CVs have shown, although somewhat ambiguously, that the two somehow affect each other. On the bright side .. they are showing SurYa's 'physical relationship' slowly progress, so there is a chance that they may reconsider their position on the issue Geek. I personally couldn't care less whether or not they show/imply SR. In my mind .. the status of their physical relationship is unknown Big smile. Aside from this .. I think SurYa's relationship meets the criteria for a healthy marriage.

As for the other questions .. I don't think Sandhya needs to give up her IPS dream, especially if Suraj is supporting it so wholeheartedly. Ofcourse there will be challenges .. just like in any other career .. but if both are willing to go down this route .. then there are always solutions. The biggest challenge, as you pointed out, is perhaps the long-term separation. Depending on your definition of 'long-term', I agree with you that this not a good idea (you already pointed out the consequences). But again, depending on the specific situation, I'm sure there will be solutions to avoid this scenario. Maybe I'm just too young and foolishly optimistic Confused

EDITED: Just read all your replies UMDU ji .. so I have an idea of what you're gonna say about my second paragraph LOL. Now I definitely feel like I'm foolishly optimistic Ouch 

Thank you SamiR. I agree with you on the point that there is no link between SR and IPS preparation. Regarding IPS, don't worry I won't call you foolishly optimistic.LOL It is a subjective matter. I for one do not support long term separation. There are many who are ok with it. So it has to be for each his own. Let's wait for the CVs to handle it. Hope they give a realistic picture.

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UMDU IF-Dazzler

Joined: 31 August 2012
Posts: 3170

Posted: 07 April 2013 at 3:29am | IP Logged
@ Fatima    Thank you for your inputs. I could not have said it better. You have articulated exactly what I have been saying. I also feel in a marriage husband and wife should be together and long term separation is just not for me. I do believe in the concept of the family living together unless some grave financial crisis or health issues necessitate a separation.Happy to know there are still some like me in this world. I was really beginning to wonder whether I am so out of touch with the ground realities. Your post made me feel optimistic again. Thank you once again

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.NJ. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 28 September 2007
Posts: 17789

Posted: 07 April 2013 at 3:30am | IP Logged
UMDUji brilliant post Clap

I belong to the second special reason, I think they are at that stage only when comes to relationship...the title En kanavan en Tozhan means My husband My Friend- the tamil translation of DABH best suits their relationship...

1. Sandhya shouldnt give up her dream...she would have become an IPS if she was not married to personally I don't want to see a dream being sacrificed because of marriage...Marriage should never been shown as a hindrance here...that would be the worst message to the audience Ouch

2. regarding marriage issues, I really have no experience, so I'm afraid to say much LOL...but separation is okay with me (this is based on what I have experienced and seen)...I don't think it will affect husband-wife relationship or the children will suffer...maybe the child will miss the parent...but suffer, definitely not, especially when they have a good the DABH CVs can show the importance of joint family...bhabo and others can be shown being supportive to bring up the child/children...

Edited by niruba - 07 April 2013 at 3:31am

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