Diya Aur Baati Hum


Diya Aur Baati Hum
Diya Aur Baati Hum

The real meaning of marriage. (Page 2)

farhana874 IF-Dazzler

Joined: 08 April 2012
Posts: 4171

Posted: 06 April 2013 at 10:28pm | IP Logged
Uma aunty I belong to all three groups time to time!LOL

-CVs undoubtedly belong to first category.
When I feel there's actually nothing we can do other than finding fun element from what's being shown I belong to first category!

-When I miss SurYa moments I belong to the 2nd one!

-And whenever I want touch of reality in DABH or I read senior gangs' logical posts I enter the third!Big smile


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farhana874 IF-Dazzler

Joined: 08 April 2012
Posts: 4171

Posted: 06 April 2013 at 11:00pm | IP Logged
Now your questions...Hmm...Am not that intelligent enough to put my thoughts before you people. Am trying though-

1.  Sandy can concentrate on family n IPS parallel.

2. Teaching would have been an option. A teacher can enlighten the society, can bring change to it ( That's what Sandy is doing right now na). But that would be an easy option than IPS, as becoming a lady police officer is more challenging in this conservative set up. Thats why CVs picked this one. More challenges, hurdles for the female lead...more TRP!

3. I want to see that. I hope CVs show the post IPS phase in more realistic way.

4. That I can tell after my marriage!Embarrassed But I have seen couples successfully managing both the fields.

5. My mom is a govt teacher and that college is in my home district.
She has been in this job since my birth.
That wasnt a problem as long as we stayed in hometown at my Nani's place. But once we shifted to Dhaka in 1994, Amma has to stay away from at least 3 days a week to almost 2 weeks from us. She used to take the youngest one among us with her.
My aunt used to come to look after us while amma was absent. Then we grew up and we are used to it. By the grace of Almighty we havent been thru any major suffering. But amma had to pay/still paying a lot just for us.

Sorry for inna lamba personal kahani.Amma's case might not be a long term separation, but she has to stay away for more than half of every year from us.Confused

6 & 7.  They do get used to it. I saw my parents and my uncle-aunt(both are in higher posts of Police). And both the couples are happily married Big smile

Edited by farhana874 - 06 April 2013 at 11:00pm

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.Ami. IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 10 January 2012
Posts: 11448

Posted: 06 April 2013 at 11:09pm | IP Logged
As usual great in-detail analytical post Uma aunty.Big smile.

Marriage:- Definitely more than romance. Both should accept each-other the way they're.

SoorYa relationship:- Not sure which group i belongs to. I enjoy their soft,subtle,kiddish romantic scenes. When they share/discuss about problems they always focus on what's right instead of who's right. No ego. No arrogance.

Long distance relationship:- Rishte dil se connect ho toh distance is just a mere excuse. I'm okay with temporary base of seperation.

Career:- I firmly believe women/girls shold've some sorta career for their own self-respect.Big smile.

I wanted to give AK-47 estyle reply on this topic but running out of time.Wink.

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UMDU IF-Dazzler

Joined: 31 August 2012
Posts: 3170

Posted: 06 April 2013 at 11:42pm | IP Logged
@ Farhana    Thank you for your inputs. Nice to know your mother continues to work . She has dealt with this problem of separation. Now the point about your relatives being in top positions in Police service is exactly the point I made in reply to Shobhana's letter. Most people in services marry their counterparts, change cadres to be posted nearby. In this story that is not possible. Suraj is not a civil servant. Your mother was a teacher who got to see you from time to time. An IPS work involves odd hours and frequent transfers. No doubt it is extremely challenging as a profession but to strike a balance between the family life and career in most cases becomes difficult. The children mostly stay with the mother, that is not a problem at all the problem is normally separation from spouse as he would not like to give up his job and become a house husband. I would'nt mind if he does, that but in conservative India that will be unacceptable. Her postings in remote places often can make business expansion unviable for Suraj if they show realistically. Your mother had a job in one place, she was not transferred every 3 yrs. Am I right ? It is IPS as a profession which is difficult, if your partner is also not from the services. Women working is not the issue of debate. However I respect your view point and feel happy to see youngistan so forceful in their convictions

Edited by UMDU - 06 April 2013 at 11:50pm

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UMDU IF-Dazzler

Joined: 31 August 2012
Posts: 3170

Posted: 06 April 2013 at 11:48pm | IP Logged
@ Amlu   Thank you for your comments. I feel happy to receive feedbacks from the younger generation and their force of conviction. I also do not mind separation, but am against long term separation. The issue of discussion is IPS specific. I am myself a working woman and have always felt women should be financially independent.  IPS is a totally different game altogether if spouse is not from the services. Separation long term cannot be avoided. It will be interesting to see how the CVs show her coping with this emotionally.

Edited by UMDU - 06 April 2013 at 11:48pm

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shruthiravi IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 15 March 2013
Posts: 20356

Posted: 07 April 2013 at 12:23am | IP Logged
Thanks Umaji for starting this thread. Let me put my thought process. Please know that one of the prime consideration for my thoughts is Sandhya's age ie 20. It would have been good that in DABH it is stressed a little more. 

When I look back at myself when I was at that age a bubbly youngster studying in engineering college the last thing on my mind was marriage, leave alone marital relationship in the defined form or kids. I wanted a job, I wanted to be financially independant and I wanted some free time before settling down. So I am looking at Sandhya from this point of view . She had similar aspirations, but unfortunately for her she was forced into a marriage. One of things I liked about DABH is that it is clearly bringing out Sandhya's dilemma. Trapped between her aspirations and a traditional role of fulfilling a wife's duties for which she is not mentally equipped. 
Hence I want Sandhya's evolution to be shown from this confused teenager to a matured woman. 

Sooraj is shown as a partner who understands this dilemma. It needs to be shown that though legal age for marriage is 18 many ladies are not mature enough to handle the responsibility that are thrust on them at that age. Personally I would prefer SR after IPS as I feel Sandhya will be more mature by then. But yes absence of SR doesnt means their affections need not be shown. I would definitely want more screen space for them enjoying their courtship period completely understanding each other( I am taking this phase as courtship which generally occurs before marriage)

Coming to 2nd part. My parents were both working in bank and my dad's was a transferable job. We stayed where my mother was working and at that time we had the support of my father's uncle and aunt in taking care of us as my father was not with us all the time. I have not felt it has really impacted us or the way we were brought up.Me and my husband are currently apart but I dont think it has affected our relationship in a major way. Hence I believe distant will not be a constraint in a relationship which has mutual trust, commitment and love. 

Coming to SURYA relationship I guess they have the trust, comittment an love and their relationship can survive the distance. However I am of the opinion that Sooraj's education track has to be shown because as Sandhya moves up in her career , the meetings she has to attend , the parties she has to go, she will have to take Sooraj with her. It is not that Sandhya will hurt him, but our society is unkind and in future any such unkind remarks should not affect their relationship. To some extent I have to agree to Bhabo's concern there. 

Basically what I am looking from this serial is the journey of a couple from " I" to " We" and how the thought that anything good or bad belongs to " We" rather than "I"  takes them to greater heights both professionally and personally 

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-SamiR- Goldie

Joined: 12 October 2012
Posts: 1406

Posted: 07 April 2013 at 12:53am | IP Logged
Nice post UMDU ji!

Regarding the three groups .. I don't see any link between physical relationship and Sandhya's dream. I think it's unfortunate that the CVs have shown, although somewhat ambiguously, that the two somehow affect each other. On the bright side .. they are showing SurYa's 'physical relationship' slowly progress, so there is a chance that they may reconsider their position on the issue Geek. I personally couldn't care less whether or not they show/imply SR. In my mind .. the status of their physical relationship is unknown Big smile. Aside from this .. I think SurYa's relationship meets the criteria for a healthy marriage.

As for the other questions .. I don't think Sandhya needs to give up her IPS dream, especially if Suraj is supporting it so wholeheartedly. Ofcourse there will be challenges .. just like in any other career .. but if both are willing to go down this route .. then there are always solutions. The biggest challenge, as you pointed out, is perhaps the long-term separation. Depending on your definition of 'long-term', I agree with you that this not a good idea (you already pointed out the consequences). But again, depending on the specific situation, I'm sure there will be solutions to avoid this scenario. Maybe I'm just too young and foolishly optimistic Confused

EDITED: Just read all your replies UMDU ji .. so I have an idea of what you're gonna say about my second paragraph LOL. Now I definitely feel like I'm foolishly optimistic Ouch 

Edited by -SamiR- - 07 April 2013 at 1:17am

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Fatima_Q IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 04 April 2011
Posts: 18951

Posted: 07 April 2013 at 1:09am | IP Logged
Ooo...UMDU Ji very nice post.
Okay so I'm definitely in the 3rd group LOL
I mean I don't need to see SurYa slobber all over one another...Indian serials are very tame compared to western ones...but it should be implied that they've moved on from the playground romance and to a normal husband wife relationship. 
The idea that Sandhya will lose all focus should she consummate her marriage is just so unrealistic that I can't put it into words. 
And if she does lose be would lead me to believe that maybe her dream wasn't as important to her as Suraj.  I mean people are entitled to change their minds, hopes, dreams and aspirations.
Personally I never liked the idea of Sandhya as an IPS officer.  I did however, start watching DABH because I was interested in seeing how 2 such polar opposite people manage to come together and fall in love.  And now I know how.  It's because of Suraj.  In my opinion he's bent over backwards and compromised more than most women would.  His love for Sandhya is unconditional.  And there in lies the success to their marriage.
I would reccommend teaching as a profession for Sandhya.  And although I believe SurYa can survive a separation...I don't know how the CVs would incorporate that into their show, without it becoming boring.  This is probably when the show may take a leap.
Marriage for me means being there for each other...both emotionally and being physically present...although it's not always practically possible. 
I personally don't like separations, and it is most damaging when you are early into the marriage.  With time, kids and responsibilities, you develop better understanding and make room for other priorities...and separation, if necessary, becomes more tolerable.   
Still you miss out on so much.  Whether it be having to start a family later in life,  or missing out on the baby's first step, his/her first word, the first time they caught a ball, let's not forget about birthdays, anniversaries, etc.. 
Children do suffer.  You can never convince me that single parenting (and no offense to anyone, nor am I putting down the efforts of the single parents to raise their children) can ever match up to the security that having both parents around gives a child. 
So basically everyone misses out on something or the other and there is always some bit of regret later. 
Achieving your dreams is not always the ultimate high...especially if you are left unsatisfied by everything you had to give up in order to achieve them. 
Infidelity due to separation?  Of's always possibleLOL.  Depends on how strong your committment to your marriage is.  But I don't hink that would ever be an issue in SurYa's case.

Edited by ummesulaiman - 07 April 2013 at 1:23am

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