The real meaning of marriage. - Page 4

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shruthiravi

@shruthiravi

IF-Stunnerz

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

This is an interesting thread. I am very happy reading a lot of opinions. I thought I will put in one or 2 thoughts on why I feel the way I am feeling or my thoughts are little different from many people regarding this issue.

I am an active volunteer in CSR initiative of my organization and I especially very active part of the education track. As part of it I go to government schools for taking English classes as well as Career orientation sessions once a month. We come across many type of students. We cover mostly high school students and college students from impoverished background. Many a times we had given counselling not only to students , but parents also. Especially when we see a child is bright but has behavioral issues or when we get a feeling family is not supportive of the student's education. My opinions are formed on some of the stories I have heard from those women. If I write them it will be another long thread, but one thing I can say truth is stranger than fiction. It has also made me realize that I am among a lucky minority who has been able to lead a life of my choice before and after marriage and I have been always thankful to Almighty for that.

I am a strong believer that woman keeps the family together. She is the Lakshmi. Saraswati and Durga of the family. It is her presence in the form of daughter, sister, wife and friend that brings warmth to many relationships. But if she has to bring happiness to a family, she has to be happy herself. For that she has to be acknowledged as a person who has dream, aspirations and right to live the life she wants. Many a times she is forced to sacrifice her dreams for her family and once that happens she is not truly happy. That suppressed dream/sacrifice take many manifestations which in the active form includes neglect of husband and children.

But its passive form is the most dangerous which we are seeing more in society. That is expecting the other woman to follow the same pattern . Degrade woman who behave differently.

Have mistrust on career woman, gossip, do kitchen politics and spread negativity all around. Only a strong and satisfied woman can raise a children based on values and trust who moves on to become assets for society.

So marriage,consummation, motherhood everything a woman has to go for this when she truly feels she wants to be a wife, mother etc.. not because society is expecting her to be one. Do not sacrifice anything, give only with happiness. If you end up in any situation which you do not want to be in dont grudge, try to make best use of the situation. Never suppress a dream. Whether it becomes a reality or not you have the right to dream. So dream as much you want. It can improve you as a person and can also make life little easier for you. And instead of grudging try to give an opportunity to another to realize their dream. Believe me you will feel a lot better. If every woman can think like this world will be a lot better place to be live in 😊

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Frequent Posters

@hateme2

IF-Rockerz

+ 2

Posted: 11 years ago

This content was originally posted by: UMDU
@ Bharati Thank you so much for your inputs. I appreciate your takes. While I do not subscribe to that school of thought, I can very well understand the other POV. As for me long term separation is a big no no. It is a matter that can be viewed both ways both having their pros and cons.

@hateme2 Now AKji this is not fair...You try to escape answering my questions by asking me a counter question...😲 Yeh kahan ka insaaf hain..😆

Apology first. Not to hurt any body or any view.

I did not try to avoid.

I always try to think simple.

Let Sandy study and be a wife for the specified period.

For that going to college is not necessary.

IGNOU offer all most all types of coures.

And those are well recognised, enough to sit for IAS / IPS.

Training period has holiday's also.

State cadre posting are mainly in the State.

If you are not for promotion, chance of transfer is much less.

If the Chief Minister and Chief Secretary likes you,

You will have no problem.

Lastly, Hindi serials are full of illogical things,

Why are we trying to find logic in becoming IPS ?

In films, I have seen a boy running and running and became adult.

Sometimes with a song, the story jumps twenty years.

All upto almighty CV's.

In Delhi, I have learnt and liked a particular phrase -

Baal ka khal nikalna.

I feel we are trying to do that.

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579388

Inactive

Posted: 11 years ago

Great topic and nice views by all. sorry my like button is not working at the moment.

I don't know which group I'm in, but I definitely want a healthy family.

Marriage doesn't always mean physical intimacy, sacrificing one partner or sacrificing careers or giving up dreams. it includes everything, both partners should be equal, as of I believe.

Sandhya can fulfill her dreams, but she should not neglect to fulfill her husband's rights. Showing or not showing SR isn't the question, but at least give us a hint that their physical relationship also has improved and maintained. If Sandhya would forget her carrier if she maintains the pati patni relationship, I don't know what to say. poor me and my mind.

What I want to see is SurYa to have a happy marriage and life. come on! I'm sure normal humans cannot live like that, without getting intimate after being married for all these days. I know these are daily soaps, but why not show some logic! Sandhya can take one step forward her relationship with Suraj, can fulfill her dream as well. As per Suraj seen in the serial, I'm sure he will support her to achieve success.

Distant relationships don't work very well usually with married couples, so I prefer a living together marriages.

As per the serial, I don't think it is easy for Sandy to carry out everything together.

As per my personal view, being married with a kid never stopped me from doing what I wanted. I'm still working, living with the family.

I don't remember from where I started and finished. I have almost lost the topic, no offence to any one done in my post!

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Fiza

@Fizak

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

Uma di I dont have anything to add but would suggest that u keep posting ur thought provoking post on weekend so that I dont miss them and have ample of time to read.

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Shirin

@-Ayeshi-

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

I belong somewhere between 2 and 3... Cause though Sandy said to bhabo that dbc is not happening because of her dream I somewhere believe that it can not be the only reason.. Sandy still not ready for it or afraid of it...!!! She is young u know and their age difference is quite big...!!! And I guess Suraj understand her dis-comfortableness n treats her like a child more than a lover... 😆 But if its only because of her dream I definitely belong to the third group cause its totally unrealistic and I honestly dont even get it how study/career n dbc can turn against each other...!!! 😲

Its unfair when people pressure women to give their dreams cause of family's sake... Why always women... right??? But again I think it's women's basic nature or Allah made us that way that even a highly career oriented woman can not be happy when her family is suffering for her career... Women r always happy when she is sacrificing for her family... So I think fair or unfair question is depends on one's happiness...!!! Whatever she is doing.. she deserves to do the thing makes her happy the most...!!! About Sandy... IPS dream is just not a career for her... Its more than that... So I dont think she should change it and she has the advantage that Suraj is a entrepreneur.. He can move with Sandy or as u said many times can expand his business n live with Sandy...!!! I will have no problem if they leave Rathi house... I am not a fan of a joint families personally so...😳 Oh... I think Sandy can manage both family n career with help of husband like Suraj...!!! But they should be living together... If Sandy cant choose where to live because of her job, Suraj should move with Sandy...!!! 😊

No I cant even think of long term separation with my husband... For short terms like months is ok if the cause is really justifiable... But long term its a big no 4 me even for my/his career...!!! Career is an important thing for me... just not the first thing among things which makes me happy..!!! 😳

My mother is a head teacher of a Govt. high school... I always missed my mother specially in my childhood... But when I grew up I knew without her contribution our family might not be the exact way today is cause financial condition gets better when both of ur parents are earning.. So I know its little selfish but now I am happy about it...Ha ha...!!! So for sometimes children might miss their mom but when they grew up a bit they hardly even have time for parents... I said mom cause its natural that children needs their mother more than a father...!!! 😊

Nice and very thoughtful post as always... ⭐️ Couldn't resist myself after seeing ur post.. Writing after a long time so my reply got bigger I guess...!!! 😳

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Tacker_Holic

@Tacker_Holic

IF-Rockerz

+ 3

Posted: 11 years ago

This is a superb and very insightful post Uma Aunty! ❤️

Well personally I feel I fit in between 2 and 3 because I feel spending time together and light moments are necessary in a relationship and I feel SurYa do have that base but there is a strong requirement for more. However, in group 3 I feel that there is a requirement for DBC and what if contraception for? What is protection there for? Cant they promote that through the show?

It is a strong social message, I am sure they can show this in the show and also create that balance in SurYa's relationship. Because in my eyes there is a certain requirement for a physical relationship in a couple's life. I can understand the sacrifice of Sooraj's to not do anything like that but for how long can he hold his temptations? Its just not realistic to me. So its high time they show something like this in the show. They can handle delicate situations like terrorism, fake baba's and even pregnancy before marriage cant they do this as well? I may seem a bit desperate but this is a strong solution with logic.

Well if we just look at SurYa then I feel Sandhya should never leave her dream of becoming an IPS officer she has a gem of a husband that no matter what will make sure her dream is fulfilled. So I feel she should most defiantly not take another route in terms of a career and go for it. In today's society it is essential for a woman to remain independent and create a strong identity for themselves and I support the fact Sandhya should defiantly not forget her dream.

I personally don't know much about the route of becoming an IPS officer in India but I can strongly see something like Kiran Bedi's story I feel Sooraj and Sandhya can most defiantly play that type of story and deal with the separation successfully. (Again I have limited knowledge on Kiran Bedi and her husband's relationship if it was successful)

Yes of course it will affect children if they have them before her dream is true. Every child needs support of both parents and with absence of one it does become difficult but it isn't impossible. Again another social message could be shown the balance between parenting. A possibility which the CV's could look at. But then it may be that Sooraj has too much work on his shoulders. It would be unfair.

Infidelity will probably not happen in SurYa's case but on a general case not everyone is a Sooraj to be so faithful. I completely agree if one partner is not paying attention to his/her's needs then there could be room for other people.

This was a very biased answer in my approach and I have not really answered it with full depth so apologies on that account but I have tried my best to give my opinion with my limited knowledge.

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UMDU

@UMDU

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

@Shruthi Thank you once again. Life has definitely taught me one thing and that is dreams are never sacrosanct and priorities in life keep changing. The point very well brought out in one of the OS I read in which Sandhya feels unhappy even after achieving IPS and yearns for Suraj. I think it was by Sonia. Many a times when life confronts you with two paths, you choose what you feel can make you happy. Separation at least in this profession is inevitable. No amount of argument to the contrary I will accept because my father is a retired civil servant and I have seen ego clashes all around me. Of course in this case it is unlikely to happen but among counterparts it is quite common or if the wife is from IAS and husband from IPS. Being a serial they will show her being posted in Ajmer which as usual is a highly unrealistic take. In the civil services normally you are not separated from your children, it is the husband from whom you get separated as he has to pursue his career and cannot follow you around if he is not from the services. Managing the house is also no big issue as you have a battalion of servants to help out. Except the separation from your spouse which to me is a very big issue logistics problems are not there in this profession at least. If you are ok with living separately than there is no issue. Regarding house work,that is why I have always maintained that there is no need for Sandhya to learn any household work as there will never be the kind of emergency where she has to cook and clean. Here in this story regarding SR, it is not Sandhya being ready which is the issue, it is Suraj's obsession with her career and him stopping himself which is the problem. She did seem quite ready after coming back from Singapore and on the rain scene day when Suraj stopped her and asked her not to distract herself. Preparedness is not the problem. The problem is with the CVs who some how have got it into their minds that if this is shown the charm of the serial will be lost. This is their trump card to be used when the chips are down. As I said everybody has their own priorities. You have to decide what keeps you happy. For me as I said earlier, marriage loses its meaning if you are away from each other for long spells and meet each other after weeks. Physical presence of the partner is essential to my mind. Just talking to him everyday is not good enough. This is strictly my take. Right or wrong, I have believed and followed that principle. Edited by UMDU - 11 years ago

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UMDU

@UMDU

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

Hunnybunch, Ayeshi, Fizak and Sonia Thank you for your inputs. IPS unlike other professions involves a lot of sacrifice. Transfers are common in the civil services. It is basically in the districts, capital of the state and Delhi were they will be transferred intermittently. They can be posted to other states on deputation or abroad in embassies where some posts for IPS do exist. Kiran Bedi was posted to the UN. I for one belong to the old school of thought and believe that in marriage temporary separation is ok not a long term one. The idea of marriage to my mind is to do things together, have children and bring them up together. Unless there are compelling financial reasons or health problems which necessitate a separation to my mind partners should live together. If one gets used to living away from the husband for long than you learn to be without the other. Kiran Bedi lives in Delhi and her husband continues to live in Punjab even after her retirement. Sonia you brought out that point very well in your OS. Sandhya yearning for Suraj after IPS. Ayeshi, I do not believe Sandhya is not ready for SR. The problem is with CVs who are not ready to show it. She was more than willing after Singapore track and rain scene day, but Suraj stopped her. So I do not believe she is not ready. I have always maintained that they will be separated after IPS for close to 2 yrs with short bouts of meeting . This is the only time they will be really together. As I said earlier priorities and dreams change in life. Nothing is sacrosanct. At the end of the day you have to decide what makes you happy. Thank you once again. I appreciate your taking time and commenting. I respect your POV. Edited by UMDU - 11 years ago

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UMDU

@UMDU

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

@ AKji This discussion is not so much about the serial but more about the larger questions in life. Serial here is only an example taken to discuss the dilemma career versus family life, whether it is easy to strike a balance for a woman. AKji aap ki tarah main humorous threads to nikal nahi sakti mujhe se jo ban pada kiya. Weekend main logon ke paas samay hota hain sochne ke liye, so I made them think and comment. Agar ise baal ki khal nikalne samje to wahi sahi. Try as I may I cannot let go of my serious disposition. Thank you so much for taking time and giving your comments. I appreciate the gesture.

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Deebz

@Deebz

IF-Dazzler

Posted: 11 years ago

Uma, Great questions raised by you and great discussions by all.

I am in group 3 that believes what is happening between the 2 of them is highly unrealistic for a young married couple in love. If Sandhya is not ready yet, she is definitely not in love yet and that is ok if Suraj is willing to wait. I cannot buy the fact that she is unaware of family planning. She shares a warm relationship with Ankita. She could confide in her and ask her for guidance.She was prepared for SR when she believed him to be an IIM grad in the early days of marriage. She may not have truly yet accepted him as her husband in her heart of hearts although she is resigned to the fact on the surface.

I can't blame her for it since she was cheated badly by her brother. The trials and tortures she suffered at the hands of Bhayanak Bhabo may never fully let her accept this marriage and I can totally understand that. ( I am even more puzzled by people who love Bhabo! She is hardworking and honest but as a mother in law she is horrendous and highly unfair.. I feel that people get confused between Neeluji who is a superb actress and Bhabo. )

I am not speaking in general terms because each woman is different in her circumstances and attitude when it it comes to having to choose between a career and home. But Sandhya definetely should follow her dream. That is the only thing that keeps her alive now until she realizes what she has with Suraj. She is born for a higher purpose in life and she should realize it. Bringing up children will not be a problem for her since she will have a litany of servants and nannies to help her. Her profession is definitely dangerous and that is a risk she is willing to take.

One person does have to compromise when it comes to career and marriage. Traditionally it has been the woman since she is perceived as the natural caregiver to the children. In SurYa's case, Suraj comes equiped with all the EQ and skills necessary for that. He may have to be the one find a way to live with his family as much as possible by making adjustments to his work. He could build a product line like the Haldiram's and leave it to hired help for managing day to day operations.

I do feel bad for both of them for the state their marriage is in at this moment. I would love to see Sandhya's feelings evolving slowly.The story should focus on their relationship and Sandhya's college path.

Edited by Deebz - 11 years ago

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