Diya Aur Baati Hum

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Diya Aur Baati Hum
Diya Aur Baati Hum

The real meaning of marriage.

UMDU IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 06 April 2013 at 7:28pm | IP Logged

 

Yesterday when I logged into my account and came across the excellent thread which Naina had written being revived, the debate on the way SurYa relationship is going again came in the spotlight. I am by nature a person who likes serious discussions on subjects like this. I know I may be accused of taking a mere serial so seriously and deliberating upon it. However I have always believed that whatever we see around us must be rationally or otherwise explained. That to my mind after watching DABH, brings larger questions of love and marriage to the forefront.Should the relationship between Suraj and Sandhya be called supportive friendship or should it be called a real marriage which in conventional terms involves physical proximity.The divergent view points coming from different quarters help me broaden my vision. There are two aspects on SurYa's relationship which needs to be discussed. One is their marital relationship and the other is Sandhya's career.The forum is clearly divided at least to my mind into three groups broadly over SurYa's marital relationship.

1. They believe Sandhya should be steadfast in the pursuit of her IPS dreams and her focus is likely to be disturbed if a physical relationship is established with her husband. She may not be able to concentrate on her dreams if Suraj becomes her focus. They are not interested in seeing any kind of intimacy on screen. They feel it is normal for a couple to behave the way SurYa do.

2.The group that feels that from time to time SurYa nokjhok should be shown. They are ok with it, if SR is not shown.

3. The third group that feels the entire take is unrealistic and there should be the SR. If not a vulgar display at least an implied one or a hint of it to make the relationship appear normal                      

  Which group do you belong to ?

The second question concerns the meaning of marriage as marriage to most of us has different meanings. There are married and unmarried, young and old, IF members who will definitely have different perceptions on the same issue. Some questions

1.       Should Sandhya give up her IPS dreams and take up some other profession as it entails lifelong separation ? Will she be happy doing that ? Should her family life or her career be her priority ? Is it alright if a woman is expected to sacrifice always ?

2.      What other profession would you suggest ?

3.      If she should be firm in her resolve to pursue IPS, are you willing to see SurYa separated and supporting each other long distance as Brij Bedi did for Kiran Bedi. After achieving her dreams will it give her the fulfillment that she craves for...

4.      Does marriage to you mean living with each other always or it is ok to pursue careers which entail long term separation ?

5.      Do you think the children suffer due to the absence of one parent most of the time ?

6.      Do you believe that such separations can make infidelity a real possibility? ( not necessarily SurYa case, in general terms )

7.      Do you think after living away from each other for a long time the partners get so used to the separation and managing without the other that the idea of marriage gets lost.

   Do take your time, think about it and answer the questions the way you perceive things. I would really appreciate the gesture. Your answers can be DABH specific or general. It is up to you.

 



Edited by UMDU - 06 April 2013 at 8:27pm

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Posted: 06 April 2013 at 7:30pm | IP Logged
haha Uma. Did we both have the same thoughts?  Will read and comment soon! Smile


Edit Add:

Okay!  

I think Sandy can easily manage SR and maintain her focus. But I prefer it to be implied. Bit of a Bharatiya Nari so I appreciate the more subtle ways in which Indian serials show a marriage relationship. If I want it any other way, I can go watch other shows. 

Marriages will definitely suffer if there's a separation of any kind. A price is definitely paid. The unfair part is that BOTH have to pay the price for one person's career. But then, life is not fair. 

I'll add more when I have more time to think. 


Edited by PadBear - 06 April 2013 at 7:38pm

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walquest2000 Senior Member
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Posted: 06 April 2013 at 7:59pm | IP Logged
It looks that this discusion will be taken up more by the parents.   The so called generation gap, is accentuated by the information media, and their goals to seek TRP.   The basic structure of Indian society is still intact, and as one beholds it from the side lines, it is healthy and progressive. Where children are avoided for selfish reasons, the union suffers, and gives rise to abnormaility. The writer has chosen a rural and conservative  setting, where customs have become walls of separation between the young and old.   The old are just  concered at getting an heir for their property, and the young are influenced by the media wars, and fumble through life.   If the young viewers take the serials as their model, it will create a sad state of affairs.  I do not find them to be so dumb.   The SurYa relationship is not appearing to blossom, not because of the pair, but because of the imagination of the Creative Team.   Surely, the serial is not averse to children, as Meenakshi and others are shown to accept them.   Sandhya is shown to be a progressive woman, and if this is the idea of progress in the minds of the writers, one has to see for the solution elsewhere.   It is long time and one wonders if this is deliberate posturing or some thing is wrong in the physiology of the two people involved.   Surely I vote for a healthy Indian family.

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Posted: 06 April 2013 at 8:54pm | IP Logged
A bit of information i would like to add here about IPS course
If you are interested in reading the whole part then click the link below.

http://targetstudy.com/professions/ips-officer.html

According to the above Surya have lots of time to achieve their goal.
As far as the separation is concerned it can be avoided if sandy tops her state in IPS exams.

"Being all India Services,IPS officers are posted to various state cadre under cadre system. The cadre system is allotted on the basis of lottery and the top rank holder of each state may get a chance to get their home state if he had applied for one."

According to the above link they say that the prelim, final exams & interview will take abt 1 year & training part will take one yr. So it will be 2 yrs altogether to become an IPS.

And another thing is IPS officers' job description is wide. It includes VIP security, border policing, tackling corruption, railway police, counter terrorism, checking  smuggling, drug trafficking, cyber crime, disaster mgmt, they can also be the leading officers of inetelligence agencies like RAW, or BSF , etc.

So I guess this serial has taken a very good challenge on their shoulder.

After reading the above link i'm confident that Surya can manage both the normal relationship & career quite comfortably. Even if there is transfers no probs. There are many in the country who manage their transfers.

If sandy tops the state she will get a chance to serve her state. This is surely on the cards.

On searching in google i saw many ips woman officers from their state serving their own state.

SO SANDY PURSUING HER CAREER  & A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH SURAJ IS NOT A BIG DEAL. QUITE ACHIEVABLE. THE THING REQUIRED IS MENTAL STABILITY, MORAL SUPPORT & A CLEAR VISION.Wink


Another point was raised abt children suffering without one parent?
The answer is very simple. Surya live in a joint family. The children can be very well be taken care of by the family members all the time. It is very unrealistic that police officers don get time to spend with their children. There are so many police officers in India leading a happy & well balanced family.


Where there is a will there is a way. I have a strong belief in this.Tongue

Edited by shbhn3 - 06 April 2013 at 9:01pm

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Posted: 06 April 2013 at 9:47pm | IP Logged
@ Shobhana  Thank you for your inputs. I respect your take on Sandhya's life. However  I never said she will not get her state cadre any where. Cadres whether in IAS or IPS are allotted on the basis of ranks. That is a known fact to me as I come from a family of civil servants.  What I emphasised upon is the transferable nature of the job. If just for example sake, Sandhya is posted in Sri Ganganagar and Suraj is in Pushkar they are on two different sides of the state involving travelling time. In between central posting that is to Delhi is mandatory. You can see the IPS officers in service you will realise most of them are married to their counterparts or are living a life of separation or divorced or single. Even among counterparts in most cases they are either if possible posted in adjacent districts or far away. I have already given you the example of Kiran Bedi. There are many such examples in the services. Having said that I can understand your point of view as you are from a generation different from mine.

Edited by UMDU - 06 April 2013 at 10:09pm

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Posted: 06 April 2013 at 9:48pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by PadBear

haha Uma. Did we both have the same thoughts?  Will read and comment soon! Smile


Edit Add:

Okay!  

I think Sandy can easily manage SR and maintain her focus. But I prefer it to be implied. Bit of a Bharatiya Nari so I appreciate the more subtle ways in which Indian serials show a marriage relationship. If I want it any other way, I can go watch other shows. 

Marriages will definitely suffer if there's a separation of any kind. A price is definitely paid. The unfair part is that BOTH have to pay the price for one person's career. But then, life is not fair. 

I'll add more when I have more time to think. 

Thank you for your inputs. I totally agree with what you have stated.

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Posted: 06 April 2013 at 9:50pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by walquest2000

It looks that this discusion will be taken up more by the parents.   The so called generation gap, is accentuated by the information media, and their goals to seek TRP.   The basic structure of Indian society is still intact, and as one beholds it from the side lines, it is healthy and progressive. Where children are avoided for selfish reasons, the union suffers, and gives rise to abnormaility. The writer has chosen a rural and conservative  setting, where customs have become walls of separation between the young and old.   The old are just  concered at getting an heir for their property, and the young are influenced by the media wars, and fumble through life.   If the young viewers take the serials as their model, it will create a sad state of affairs.  I do not find them to be so dumb.   The SurYa relationship is not appearing to blossom, not because of the pair, but because of the imagination of the Creative Team.   Surely, the serial is not averse to children, as Meenakshi and others are shown to accept them.   Sandhya is shown to be a progressive woman, and if this is the idea of progress in the minds of the writers, one has to see for the solution elsewhere.   It is long time and one wonders if this is deliberate posturing or some thing is wrong in the physiology of the two people involved.   Surely I vote for a healthy Indian family.

@bold Cannot agree more. Serials cannot be the source of ideas.  It puts a responsibility on the media that I frankly think they are not capable of handling. And yes, neither young or old are that dumb. I hope. 

I also agree that being progressive does NOT mean being averse to children. They have deliberately made Sandhya a complete dunce when it comes to kids. She only connects with adults. Also she cannot use her intelligence to work out how to cook. More reasons to wonder if she is normal.

 

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Posted: 06 April 2013 at 9:50pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by walquest2000

It looks that this discusion will be taken up more by the parents.   The so called generation gap, is accentuated by the information media, and their goals to seek TRP.   The basic structure of Indian society is still intact, and as one beholds it from the side lines, it is healthy and progressive. Where children are avoided for selfish reasons, the union suffers, and gives rise to abnormaility. The writer has chosen a rural and conservative  setting, where customs have become walls of separation between the young and old.   The old are just  concered at getting an heir for their property, and the young are influenced by the media wars, and fumble through life.   If the young viewers take the serials as their model, it will create a sad state of affairs.  I do not find them to be so dumb.   The SurYa relationship is not appearing to blossom, not because of the pair, but because of the imagination of the Creative Team.   Surely, the serial is not averse to children, as Meenakshi and others are shown to accept them.   Sandhya is shown to be a progressive woman, and if this is the idea of progress in the minds of the writers, one has to see for the solution elsewhere.   It is long time and one wonders if this is deliberate posturing or some thing is wrong in the physiology of the two people involved.   Surely I vote for a healthy Indian family.

Thank you for your inputs. I also like you root for the healthy Indian family. I do not mind who compromises so long as the family stays together.

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walquest2000b2011-SamiR-Rajeshree53slodkagilafarhana874SAIBALROUTH.NJ.-Liebe-

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