great concept and nice story line.
However, i wish the story had gone slower. I realize that you want to keep it within 3 chapters, but the way you have written it, it seems a bit rushed. I would encourage exploring this concept at a slower, more defined pace. Right now it is coming across as a narrative, almost as if you are giving a synopsis (or summary) of some story.
Sorry if the critique is sounding negative. I have read your work and know that you have the ability to write great story lines... hence the critique on rushed style.
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