(Living in the) Grey ch3 pg18 - Page 13

Chapter 3

He is trying to remind me of the good old times as I fill out my application for the Pen State online Gender Studies program. Isn't that ironic?

Funny how I am living a lie. I can't kick him out of my life but I am going to soon become a saviour for women everywhere.

"What are you doing?" He snatches the notebook away from me scrolling up and down trying to analyze my career decisions.

"What is this bullshit? Atleast learn something worthwhile like cutting and sewing. What do they call it these days? Fashion Designing, that'll look good on the resume of a superstar's wife".

Is that all I am to you? A superstar's wife, not a human being with her own aspirations, not a lover?? I swallow my agony and offer him a stern look. His fingers grasp my shoulder and he lays me down on the bed talking about the summer of '09.

"When we first met, you were so...so...innocent. Your hair oiled up and tightly knotted in a granny bun. Remember?"

"Yeah", a smile creeps up unknowingly. He was so kind back then. Or was that an illusion too? I try to switch off the hatred for a minute and search for sincerity in his voice.

"Me and the boys used to camp outside your gymnastics academy. Parking lot pimping".

"Please", I chuckle like I did then. "You were pathetic. It was your first movie out. That is the only reason those girls gave you the time of day".

"And you, you long legs?"

He runs his fingers through my hair. I feel relaxed. I suppose the nostalgia from those days has not lessened. I still love him, don't I?

"I, well", I had never been this nervous in a long time. "You were the one perving. You bribed the guards to let you watch me perform. That was not cool".

"Hey, it got me noticed. Besides, you wouldn't talk to me even after I told I was going to be a movie star".

"I was never the talking kind. I am shy and you know that".

"So you did like me?"

"Okay, stop busting my balls", I suddenly found myself back in the shoes of a teenage girl.

"Feisty. You were nicer back then. So cute braiding your pigtails after practise. I could just eat you up".

"I don't know. I found you scary. I had never had a person give me this much attention and unwanted attention at that".

I bite my tongue. I don't know why I blurred out my thoughts with filtration. He was going to scream.

"I liked you. I loved you. I knew you were my girl. My woman. My soulmate. If I had my way, I would put a ring on you at first sight. I didn't know what the right way was to approach you. You only do these things in film. Not when you are running from 18 hour shoots to your girlfriend's practise. I was skipping sleep to meet you babe. I missed you".

"I know but we were not together. Don't you think that was a little creepy?"

"But you liked it".

Yeah, I am not so sure. I was afraid of your temper. Even then, the sun was not as bright as appeared from afar.

"Besides, I did ask you out the following month".

"I love you but"

But I don't. I don't know if I love you Rishabh. You make it very hard for me think otherwise. I am supposed to do all these things for you and expect nothing in return? I am sorry but I am not Mother Teresa.

"But, what? But, nothing. Don't think about the buts. Think about the butts. Remember our first night?"

"There was so much more that happened in between then. We went out for a year. You had two successful movies. Things were good".

"Yeah, yeah. Lets get to the real meat".

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you ruin a marriage.