Originally posted by -Payal-
Hmmm...just some thoughts as I watched to episode today...and thinking about the developments of the past week or so...random musings...hope it all makes sense.
It does...I loved the song...so perfect...so soothing...so heartbreaking...
How hard it must be for Megha to watch Mohan shower so much of love and affection on RJ.
it must break her heart a little more everytime when she sees it...this love, this care, she and her family have been deprived of it for 12 yrs...shattered...incomplete...just stuck...
No, not because Mohan never showered that love on Nanhi-Addu, because he did (as we clearly saw in the FB...I'll get to that later). But because all these years, Mohan should have been showering that love on Nanhi-Addu. Addu should have still been with them, and they should have spent their lives happily...together. Unfortunately, call it a cruel twist of fate, Mohan wasn't given the chance to shower that love on Nanhi-Addu for the past 12 years...and he didn't take the chance he should have...by coming back...and set things right, fighting for his family - with or without, Addu. ...What's worse is that Megha thinks RJ is his biological daughter. According to her, he's got this whole other life, a life where she is left on the outside looking in. All the while, in her heart of hearts, she's quite taken seeing Monu be the loving, caring father figure...the one he would have been to Nanhi-Addu...the one she always knew he could be. I feel even sadder for Megha today...because of the cruel game fate has played on her...because of the lies that have been told...because of the misunderstandings that show no sign of letting up. But mostly, because as far as she is concerned, RJ is living proof of Monu's having moved on and betrayed his promise, and her...yet in her heart, she knows she loves this girl and is now bound to her forever...and thereby bound to Mohan. ...That lullaby...Addu's lullaby...was simply heartbreaking...clearly, it was the swan song of her ever-bleeding heart. I am appalled at the strength of this woman. For the mother in her is able to put aside the pain of a wife...and care for her child despite the storm brewing within her. But as we know, Megha has always been a mother before a wife.
Season 2 has headlined Monu the father...RJ's father. But something Monu said today really struck a chord: You must be thinking I was never able to be the father you needed me to be, but if only you could peer inside my heart, you'd see how much my children mean to me...how much they've always meant to me...and how I've always had their best interest at heart...and loved them unconditionally with every fiber of my being. I may not have always been there with them, but they were always here with me.
It's like Monu said to Nanhi...he loved them both, equally...and unconditionally. Sadly, his own relationship with his father got the best of him...he never knew how to be a father. With Nanhi, it always came easily because as he claimed, (even after marriage) Nanhi was Megha's daughter, but his friend...his best friend...the one he confided in. He was just learning how to be a father...and he was trying so hard (again, the flashback). The first step was when he decided not to help Addu lie to his principal...cause that's what any good father would have done - taught his kid the difference between right and wrong. I can't help but think that all his shortcomings with Addu have helped shape him into this overprotective, first-time parent with RJ. He's overprotective because God-Forbid anything ever happen to her...and he gives into her every whim because if he doesn't she too may begin to hate him...the way Addu did.
He's so afraid that something will happen to her - and he'll lose her too, like he lost his beloved Addu. For the past 12 years, Mohan has been trying to set things right by Addu through RJ...(and ironically, today, Megha is trying to fill Addu's void in her heart through RJ...magical child RJ is, really...and in the end, she will be the one to unite her parents).
"Isko kuch hota hai toh meri saans atak jaati hai"...because he can't bare the thought of hurting another one of his beloved children.
I am loving this entire angle...of Mohan - the father. It's a wonderful new angle of this wonderfully written character. It really gets to the heart of the man he was 12 years ago - a slightly confused, lost soul who is caring, humble, and dignified...and who loves with every fiber of his being...and will go to the end of the world and back for that love. He puts his love for others before all else...that is the one truth at the core of his being.
THE FLASHBACK: With a flashback like the one we saw today, how is anyone supposed to believe Monu wasn't a good father? It seemed to me as though he loved and cared for those kids and doted on them just as he should have...and by no means did he seem to be anywhere near the "S" word - the dark cloud which which he has lived with and endured all these years. Was it that maybe he really was a good father, perhaps perfect even? They say when your relationship with your own parents isn't ideal, you vow and do everything in your power to be the parent for your kids that your own parents never were. Was this true for Monu? Was the shortcoming simply the fact that Megha and the kids' faith in him was shortlived and that all his good deeds and efforts went flying out the window the day Addu went missing (through no fault of his)? The thought of it makes me so said. The flashback today was so so cute...Ashnooor.
You know I have always gotten the feeling that Mohan is seeking Approval from RJ...his self-esteem and his confidence in himself must have taken such a beating after being Lost (coz all of them were Lost when Addu went missing)...I feel, every action of his with RJ, his over indulgence is due to the fact that he wants RJ a little girl to tell him, to reassure him that he is a good father...I think he asks her too, when its her birthday...its so sad, how must he doubt himself, question his own actions in hindsight...His survival's guilt must be breaking him from within...
The flashbacks...*sigh* How is it that these two always end up in the same flashback at the same time?
12 years...of living, every moment of every day, through one of these beautiful memories...this beautiful history. And now, fate is kind enough to put them in the same space and time...and they find themselves still living every moment of the day through one of these beautiful memories. Because who's to say what the future will hold...and so they do the only thing they know how to do anymore...live by memory of times passed by...better times, when for a while, their lives were perfect...they were together, and life, was beautiful.
Have the memories become the vital tool upon which they have built the foundation of their lives without one another? I think so.
She: An outsider, looking in on this too familiar looking man and the world he has created without her. One she should have been a part of.
He: Watching her so seamlessly fit herself into this world he has created with her...asking her to stay...and be a part of...
[Side Note: How beautiful it must be for Mohan to see Megha take her rightful place as RJ's mother...the moment he's been waiting for all these years...short-lived as it may be, has finally come.]
The symbolism again. "Abhi bhi ruk ruk ke chalti hai..?"
The watch he gave her hasn't worked properly for 12+ years...and yet she wears it, every day...cause she's forever stuck in that moment...with him.
The watch he gave her hasn't worked properly for 12+ years...and yet she wears it...for him.
The watch he gave her hasn't worked properly in 12+ years...and yet she wears it...waiting...for him.
The lies and misunderstandings will leave her feet rooted to that moment when her world came crashing down around her. Until these are cleared she will stay there, waiting...even if she knows in her heart that he can never be hers again...he chose to move on from her, but she'll continue her wait...because she deserves it - until she can forgive herself, it's the price that she must pay.
The watch he gave her hasn't worked properly for 12+ years...and yet she wears it...for him.
He's desperate to uproot them from that moment when the world came crashing down around them..he's desperate to move on...move forward...and for the chance to set things right once again.
He's desperate to make up for his actions (or lack there-of)...for leaving her...and he's desperate to fulfill his promise so that just maybe, she'll forgive him...and ask him to stay. But for now, when Guru has told her everything...and the reality of his hell, why can't she see that he's tried, he's been tried...and he's still trying.
...but he gives her her own time...to heal the hurt which he inflicted...he's been waiting for 12 years and he's used to it by now...and so he'll mend his own heart and continue to hope...that one day, time will heal them all.
My song today:
EDIT ADD: Special mention for my dear Ashnoor today. I dunno why seeing this girl puts an instant smile on my face...I miss her so so much. Loved that scene today.
You have written it soo beautifully, I have no words...But the cynical and bitter me feels, Has Fate really been kind to them? Is it not tormenting to remember and relive the life that was just a dream, fleeting and always knowing that you will never have it again...Is it kind of fate to keep twisting the knife, so the wound would never stop bleeding...everytime you feel like, you are okay, the pain and longing is not that anymore, something reminds you of them and you are again a slave of that pain...helpless in the face of this sweet helpless torture...its like a drug...it gives you a high for a moment and then it brings you down...crashing down to earth...where you are left breathless and broken...waiting for another for another cycle to start...