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||DOTW||6th April Sons & Daughters. . (Page 2)

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Deepzpadukone

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Posted: 06 April 2013 at 4:07am | IP Logged
@Xarina maybe nxt time i have been told that i give good tours by family and friends

Embarrassed

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Xarina

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Justlikethat1

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Posted: 06 April 2013 at 5:15am | IP Logged
Superb topic XariTongue

There are too many questions. So let me try to answer them one by one.
The first one about whether society sees different..

 I would go with Yes. Society does see Sons and Daughters differently. There is a change that is coming around of late. Economic and maybe social change towards the way the girls are looked at these days.. I think the concept of having one child has led to that change.

The foremost reason I think that the daughters occupied the lesser slot was because they were 'paraya dan'. A girl was considered to be the wealth of her sasural. She was supposed to leave the Maayka and go and live with 'her' own family. This meant that she was supposed 'not' to be spoiled by her Maayka but she could be by her sasural.

Some things drove this thought process/

In the olden days, a family would be quite large. Girls were supposed to be for the 'other' family (sasural) while boys stayed home. And girls were married at an early age too when they were as young as 5. 6.. This meant that there was not way of spoiling the child except for those few years.

The families did not want the child of 5,6 years to be so attached to her maayka that she completely refuses to go to her sasural. Poor kid. Thinks about her being uprooted after being spoiled at home. .Cry  So that was used as an excuse.

But as laws came in, the age of marriage increased. This meant that the girl who is 'paraya dan' was not so paraya anymore. She would grow bonds, she would want love.

Some people adjusted to the change but the way of thinking never changed. It is still considered at many places that the girl remains at home only until marriage and the boy takes care of the family after that.

So is that true? Not as the new age sets by. The current generation does not see it that way but the past generations do. The point is, society did put in that thought process.

The same thought that has come over generations that girls leave and the boys stay around forever.

How many families do you see where the girls parents are supported by her? Very few.. It is a man's job you seeOuch

That is the thought that drives this girl/boy divide.. And in some communities, girls are considered burdens because she is you see equated to Dan literally.. I speak of Dowry..Sleepy
So no wonder a girl child is considered in less than happy terms even now.

Now was Urmi right about her thought process? Then it is a big NO..

Urmi I don't think wanted to know the gender of the child for anything other than for her own satisfaction. To her a male child would mean that Rashi owns MM. But if the two babies are female, then I have a sneaky feeling that she would want Rashi to do what Rashi is doing right now.. Have fun and split the family in the name of saving the future of Rashi's childrenDead

You see, I don't think it matters to Urmi whether Rashi gives birth to a girl or a boy. Yeah, a boy would be perfect for her plans for her Dikri but the girl though a slight problem would have got the same love

This could have changed though had Meera been a boy. If Gopi had sired the 'male' heir of the Modis then Urmila would have surely wanted Rashi to have a boy. What more she may have also gone for an abortion.. Sleepy Yes. I think Urmi would have and Rashi would have agreed with her if Gopi had a son.

I guess it is Meera and Gopi  (or should I say Ahem) who has saved the twinsSmile By Meera being female, she atleast has given the twins a chance to see this world.

I really at one stage did think that it would not have mattered to Rashi atleast. But no. I think it would have. Rashi's sole aim is still to be on top and if that means she has to try again to become pregnant she would after aborting her child. The harsh truth is her words of sympathy about finally falling pregnant are only to raise herself in the eyes of Modis.. Not for anything else.

If otherwise she would not gleefully think of harming Meera to get her own wayDead

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Xarina

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Posted: 06 April 2013 at 3:59pm | IP Logged
Harini, sorry I took long to reply. I went off to find this particular poem. It has some relevance in this thread but it has a particular hold over me for reasons that only I can decipher.

I am a woman the daughter of Eve
Sent down from the heavens pure and sacred
I've bloomed the flowers in this world
I give birth to a man and train him to walk
As a sister I tell him amusing stories
As his beloved, I make his life melodious
I sacrifice the precious pearls of my life
In a need I walk along with him
By serving him like this I lose my entity
The story of my sacrifice is in all the holy books
All that I have said is an illusion
I've always had one fear after many centuries
I may be pushed into some brothel
I don't know when I may be bet in gambling
I may be compelled to prove my chastity
I may be put to death just after my death
I may be auctioned in the flesh markets
I may be accepted as a wife after marriage
I may also be divorced and rejected
My chastity may be ravaged by the same men
This is all because I am a woman .

Here we see the position of woman as told through time in memorial. Our forefathers and foremothers perceptions are based on this and proved a grounding on what women and the girl child have to live with and what we as women of today have to contend with. We have been at a disadvantage to start with. To bring about change we have to change those perceptions. This is not something that will happen overnight and while we have women such as Urmila is SNS, Bhabo in DABH and Gayatri in YRKKH it will be a longer struggle. Each women is stuck in the rut of culture, tradition and I guess oppression which is why they too oppress their kin from moving forward in their thinking.

Daughters should never been thought of as paraya maal. That should have gone out eons ago. For the saying goes that "a son is only a son until he gets married but a daughter is for life."

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munnihyderabadShweta2111famzii05Deepzpadukone

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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 12:47am | IP Logged
Sons and Daughters interesting topic Xar 

i donno why people still believe in differences between son and daughter in this era ...  all I can say is "A son is a son till he gets his wife - A daughter is a daughter all his life"   

Wow the poem gives goosebumps .. it's just what a daughter/girl/woman is all about Xar





Edited by munnihyderabad - 07 April 2013 at 12:47am

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Xarina

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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 1:24am | IP Logged
Munni it is a subject which is debated the world over.  Unfortunately not enough is done to overcome the imbalance which is meted out to such girls in some parts of the world.  But you know such is the pull of having a boy to carry on the family name that even in the UK when one says that he has daughters and no sons that some people will sympathise! Thankfully daughters have an equal standing in countries where religion and culture don't feature hugely.

The poem is so profound.  I came across it many years ago and it stuck in my mind.  What would be nice is to have another poem to compliment it detailing the achievements of women. 

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Deepzpadukone

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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 5:59am | IP Logged
I'm back finally..
Ok Fabulous reply by Harini and Munni...

This debate is worldwide .. In China in the olden day they use to kill if the baby was a Girl I even had a few friends that told me the reason why they have to do a certain degree is so they don't burden the family.. Sad right..

Here in Australia its quite different.. It is quite different we have accpetec Girl and Boy  for what they are but the thing is here that Men get paid more and Woman less in the work force not sure if this is part of the Topic i thought to bring it up.. 

Will be back for later..

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DivineDarkness

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Posted: 07 April 2013 at 1:38pm | IP Logged
Fantastic topic Xarini
Reply by Harini and Munni great...
the treatment a son get nd a daguther get is different even now  and i can assure you this is not going to change atleast in India... i really dnt understand wat difference it makes whether u have a son or daughter???
 in my family we 7 of us(1st cousin's) 5 girls and 2 boys , were never discriminated on the basis of sex on any matter still i saw my cousin being tensed and praying for a son during her pregnancy... even aftr raised up in a family lik this and highly educated... her action baffled me...
Govts r taking lot of step to support girl child but still Female infanticide in India s not showing any decline...Why is a girl child s considered as a burden???  so why and where we are failing??? wat  can be done??? will any actions be frutile unless we change our mindset????

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Shweta2111Xarina

Xarina

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Posted: 08 April 2013 at 4:11am | IP Logged
Deepz it was atrocious what how the chinese treated little girls.  Abandoned outside orphanages that tied them to potties all day and treated them so badly.  I saw the documentary and literally wept.  Some were lucky and were adopted but a huge number either died in infancy or were aborted.  So the issue of the girl child is not just an indian phenomenom.
@Leki.  We can try and do all we can but equal treatment of females is still some time off.  When there are still members of the older generation who rule hand over fist and decree what is the norm it will be an uphill struggle.

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