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'A Dare!'---- An AsYa OS. (Page 3)

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Enchantress

IF-Dazzler

Enchantress

Joined: 26 August 2012

Posts: 2664

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 10:04am | IP Logged
Hey dear, 

Such a sweet OS. Amazing. I love najma for the dare she gave her. I m just loving the entire confession and the entire OS. Not to forget Zoya's shyari was superb too. 

So, you'll not update the SS tomorrow . Its okay , I do understand and off course this OS compensated it and I loved to the fullest but still don't be that late. Hope to see you soon.

~Dee~

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enrique

IF-Rockerz

enrique

Joined: 04 February 2012

Posts: 5188

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 10:05am | IP Logged
Awww it was brilliant

Love najma

Beautiful os

Simply cute wala .

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Eternal1234

Goldie

Eternal1234

Joined: 06 August 2007

Posts: 2230

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 10:06am | IP Logged
This was awesome loved it!!!!!

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_Sadaf_

Senior Member

_Sadaf_

Joined: 15 May 2012

Posts: 637

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 10:07am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Laila2009

Excellent first attempt. Totally well done! You have beautiful comic timing in this OS. It's hard to believe this is your first one. Here are some of the strengths in this OS:

Grammar, descriptive writing, sentence structure - all of these were bang on and made the whole story easy to read and follow...

No unnecessary background information; again made it fast, great to read, and not a drag.

Wonderful friendship shown between Najma and Zoya. That she shared her feelings with Najma who embraced her - all added an endearing and touching quality to the comedy. 

Asad and Zoya's conversation and his comment "this is not a dare" were sweet. I would have had him actually kiss her on the lips and then say something to her beyond the peck on the cheek...she might have got it but his silence and is not saying anything beyond getting her a pizza left me a bit unsatisfied as a reader; I wanted a passionate kiss with - and this is not a dare...and then a wink...and then Zoya's reaction that he indeed felt for her.  

The sharyai was a wonderful closing element. 

Overall, this is one of the better OS I have read; you should write more...and you can even do a second part to this one...where Zoya and Asad decide to pull a prank on Najma for having dared herWink


Thank you so much and I thought to make him kiss on her lips but that would be too fast according to the story so yea..
And I loved it how you mentioned everything about the OS. Thanks for all the appreciation...
I didn't think about the 2nd chapter of this one. If I do then I'll consider your idea of playing a prank on Najma and also I'll consider your other wish that is AsYa kiss, I'll show that too :) Thanks again for your long review... Made me feel nice... Thanks a lot.

-ScarletRose-

IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 06 February 2011

Posts: 11415

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 10:09am | IP Logged
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havokhotline

Goldie

havokhotline

Joined: 17 May 2009

Posts: 1264

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 10:09am | IP Logged
OH MY GOD!

This is the cutest AsYa OS in the universe! :D I loved the entire concept and all. :)

Wonderful! Please write more. :D

And the fact that this is your first writing attempt is unbelievable because this is so professionally written.

Great job!

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Prizi

IF-Sizzlerz

Prizi

Joined: 24 December 2012

Posts: 17108

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 10:10am | IP Logged
Loved it...

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mahimarewari

Newbie

mahimarewari

Joined: 11 May 2011

Posts: 24

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 10:10am | IP Logged
Good one Khan... Loved it sachi... Everything was perfect...
SO IN SHORT SIMPLE SWEET WORDS... i say it was
OUTSTANDING...
Wink ClapHug

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