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'A Dare!'---- An AsYa OS. (Page 2)

Nurshad.kajen IF-Dazzler
Nurshad.kajen
Nurshad.kajen

Joined: 21 April 2012
Posts: 3952

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 9:44am | IP Logged
Sk nice os..loved it..

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_Sadaf_anishaalluri

MisHumptyDumpty IF-Sizzlerz
MisHumptyDumpty
MisHumptyDumpty

Joined: 31 July 2012
Posts: 23796

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 9:51am | IP Logged
This was just Ahhmazzing!

If i amnt mistaken, You must be THE FAMOUS Khan Sadaf of FB who writes Ahhmazing FFs on DMG! Embarrassed

My little Sister Heena is a crazied fan of yours! Hug its soo great to know you Hug 

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_Sadaf_

Fimmy IF-Dazzler
Fimmy
Fimmy

Joined: 30 April 2010
Posts: 4340

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 9:52am | IP Logged
Loved it...

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_Sadaf_

KaJen_Ki_Mamta Senior Member
KaJen_Ki_Mamta
KaJen_Ki_Mamta

Joined: 10 September 2012
Posts: 308

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 9:55am | IP Logged
PROUD OF UR WRITING SK..
Clap

hayye AsYa kiss Embarrassed
mwahh

Lots Of Love
ur Mamly

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_Sadaf_

nihamrm Goldie
nihamrm
nihamrm

Joined: 02 January 2012
Posts: 1683

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 9:55am | IP Logged
wow that was so cute!!!
love tamatar 
And lol the sher in the end was it yours?? then it just cracked me up 
just love this  os 

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_Sadaf_

Laila2009 IF-Rockerz
Laila2009
Laila2009

Joined: 27 October 2009
Posts: 7546

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 9:57am | IP Logged
Excellent first attempt. Totally well done! You have beautiful comic timing in this OS. It's hard to believe this is your first one. Here are some of the strengths in this OS:

Grammar, descriptive writing, sentence structure - all of these were bang on and made the whole story easy to read and follow...

No unnecessary background information; again made it fast, great to read, and not a drag.

Wonderful friendship shown between Najma and Zoya. That she shared her feelings with Najma who embraced her - all added an endearing and touching quality to the comedy. 

Asad and Zoya's conversation and his comment "this is not a dare" were sweet. I would have had him actually kiss her on the lips and then say something to her beyond the peck on the cheek...she might have got it but his silence and is not saying anything beyond getting her a pizza left me a bit unsatisfied as a reader; I wanted a passionate kiss with - and this is not a dare...and then a wink...and then Zoya's reaction that he indeed felt for her.  

The sharyai was a wonderful closing element. 

Overall, this is one of the better OS I have read; you should write more...and you can even do a second part to this one...where Zoya and Asad decide to pull a prank on Najma for having dared herWink

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_Sadaf_KaJen_Ki_MamtaanishaalluriRushitaa

_Sadaf_ Senior Member
_Sadaf_
_Sadaf_

Joined: 15 May 2012
Posts: 638

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 9:58am | IP Logged
Originally posted by MisHumptyDumpty

This was just Ahhmazzing!

If i amnt mistaken, You must be THE FAMOUS Khan Sadaf of FB who writes Ahhmazing FFs on DMG! Embarrassed

My little Sister Heena is a crazied fan of yours! Hug its soo great to know you Hug 

Damn!! I wasn't expecting your comment!! LOL
Yes I'm the same Khan Sadaf. Itni taareef? Wink
Well, your sis is my fan and I am a huge fan of your gutter OS's and your amazing memes!! Big smile
You're Ankita Chatterjee on fb, right?? 

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KaJen_Ki_MamtaMisHumptyDumpty

_Sadaf_ Senior Member
_Sadaf_
_Sadaf_

Joined: 15 May 2012
Posts: 638

Posted: 31 March 2013 at 10:00am | IP Logged
Originally posted by nihamrm

wow that was so cute!!!
love tamatar 
And lol the sher in the end was it yours?? then it just cracked me up 
just love this  os 


Thanks a lot...
And yes that lame shayari was mine LOL

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