Joined: 27 April 2012
Joined: 27 April 2012
Joined: 27 April 2012
Joined: 22 April 2012
Joined: 12 January 2013
ue to thing discussed with somone Anyone interested in reading previous updates, link is right here. Enjoy
Chapter 8 '
"Please stop for me" last words Kunal head and simply unable to move at all. He thought may be for a second he got weak and he can try again, but he couldn't even try to move. How could he move away when Siddhi doesn't want him to go? In past too he tried his best to go away from her, not once but twice; but moving away from Siddhi seems impossible for him. What can he do? If he stays with her it brings trouble for her, if tries to go away; he is fighting battle he can't win. While Kunal standing at his place, thinking too hard as what can he do; Siddhi came near him.
"You think because of you I have suffered in life and you must be punished for that. But who gave you that right? I am the one who endured through all of it right? So I know better than anyone else what gives me pain." Siddhi's voice had intense ache, tears had almost made their way out while Kunal stood there with his head down. "You know what really gives me pain, seeing you like this. When you intentionally hurt yourself it gives me pain. When you block any type of life coming to you, looking at your lifeless face gives me pain. When I see you walk like defeated man, saying sorry to everyone, keep your head down feeling small gives me pain. Above everything else, you distancing yourself from me, not talking to me, not looking into my eyes give me pain" Siddhi couldn't handle herself anymore and in a way crashed on her knees.
By the time Siddhi finished her last sentence, Kunal couldn't help but look at her with intense pain in his eyes. His eyes too couldn't stop tears to flow heavily seeing Siddhi in such condition. Perplexed as what he should do he stood there. Part of him wanted to take Siddhi in a tight embrace and console her, but part of him questioned is he really worthy of it? Not aware exactly when but he took step ahead and held Siddhi by both of his arms and helped her get up. He did not say anything, just stared at her, in her eyes directly. Siddhi too slowly looked up into his eyes. Both witnessed immense pain in each other's eye. No words were necessary at this moment, this very honest moment where they exposed sheer agony to one another. No attempt to hide or walk away at this moment, very genuine experience it was. Although both projected their pain right here, still they established pure connection. A connection that was hidden somewhere, connection that was always there but time spent in isolation has exhausted it too much. It rekindled in true sense today as they looked into each other's eyes for not aware how long.
Somehow their tears stopped and they were left with silence. Silence where both could at least feel one another. Kunal released Siddhi from his arms, did not say a word and using his left arm simply told Siddhi let's go. Siddhi too didn't say anything and simply started walking with Kunal.
Mein hu gumsm to bhi khamosh he
Sach he samay ka hi sab dosh he'
For the first time long time they felt like walking together. Nothing else surrounded them at this moment. Simply 2 of them, completely aware of each other and their agony. Knowing that they understood each other's pain gave them some type of sense of peace so to speak. Both were still hurt, but knowing other one is right there helped them manage it. So in deep silence, not really looking at each other they kept walking their way back home.
Dhadkan dhadkan ek gum rheta he
Jane kyun phir bhi dil kehta he'Jee le zaraa jee le zaraa
Both got home in few minutes, before anyone can question them they got engaged in their usual activities. Today both in a way knew what one another wanted so all of their actions seem automatic. Before anyone says anything, they were on dining table, finished their meal and were off to what they usually do. Again both were still very much silent, but somehow knew what other one wanted. Kunal was sitting in his usual spot with his diary while Siddhi helped kids with their homework. Still very much silent eyes and mannerism, they hardly looked at each other. Once kids went to sleep, Siddhi looked at Kunal to witness a tired body, troubled face and still a dejected being. Now she understood exactly what was going in his mind.
Phir dil ke dil se, pul kyun toote he
Kyun hum jine se, itne ruthe he'
As she looked away with almost teary eyes, Kunal looked at her. Once a charming face that brought life into him with her innocent smile seemed so pale right now. Why is it life did this to her, to them? How is it fate was so cruel to just them to put through such agony? With this question in his mind, Kunal kept looking at his family and as usual fell asleep now knowing when.
Next morning as usual other family members were busy with their schedule. Kunal woke up bit early so he was able to see his sons right before they go to school. He took his towel and engaged in his morning routine. He got ready in 3o minutes and was ready to head for work. As he was coming out of his room, Siddhi was coming in. Both stopped came face to face, slowly looked into each other's eyes. Still no words were exchanged but both sure said something to each other. After brief interaction of a minute or so, Kunal went to work while Siddhi waited in the bedroom to catch Kunal from window from corner of her eye.
During afternoon Siddhi was just sitting in her room. She was done with usual chores of the house and now finally reflected back on what took place night before. "Of all that took place, she only cared for one thing; Kunal stopped for her. No matter whatever happened, what Kunal might feel because of her or how much ever he tries to move away from her; he will be there for her. Even when Richa came, Kunal was so protective of her keeping her in his embrace. The warmth she missed all these years, Kunal has still kept it only for her. Why she didn't understand before that she really is everything for Kunal. Kunal in true sense has immersed himself in her and is willing to do anything for her. Kunal is in this situation because of her he can come out of this only with her help. From now on instead of making same mistakes of assuming what is right for her, she shall do things for Kunal in true sense."
During evening time, Kunal was sitting by lake at his usual spot. He too reflected back to what happened night before. "Even now I was only thinking about myself. Yes I have wronged Siddhi but then she is the only one who has right to decide what to do. I sure need to be punished, but then more importantly I need to do what Siddhi wants. For 9 years she has suffered for me and I am still bothered about myself, still focus is on me. From now on I should only do what may bring joy to Siddhi, Joy that she rightfully deserves. Even after whatever happened she still is worried only about me and feels pain to see me like this. Not anymore. I will not do anything she doesn't like. The smile that has disappeared from her face, I shall bring it back at any cost."
Both Kunal-Siddhi with determination to bring them back in original state of mind. Kunal had bar-tending job little early today so he went to hotel directly from lake. He had informed of this to Siddhi, although through text message but still he did tell her. Given it was an early party, Kunal came home early as well at 11:30 pm. As usual he expected everyone would be at sleep. But as he was going towards his room, he saw Siddhi dozed off on dining table chair. He approached her, wanted to wake her up but didn't know what to do. He extended his hand, but stopped before touching her and couldn't take her name either. Siddhi as if have felt his presence woke up on her own. As soon as she saw Kunal she got up, "oh you are here. Sorry didn't mean to fall sleep like this. You can go wash up and I'll heat food in the meantime."
As Siddhi was about to take food in kitchen Kunal said, "No." Siddhi turned towards him with somewhat sad expressions thinking did he'"No need to heat the food" and sat on chair. Siddhi with some cheer started serving him and sat right next to him. Before Kunal takes first bite, "did you have dinner or no?" Siddhi nodded no. So Kunal out his bite down and served another plate for Siddhi. Again in silence, both ate their dinner, together. As soon as they finished, Siddhi ran into room. Kunal not sure why got up and went in kitchen to clean his and Siddhi's dish in sink. Siddhi came out with Kunal's white kurta-pajama for him to change, placed it on chair and went back. Kunal was bit perplexed as why, but then he took his clothes and went to change.
After 5 minutes when he went to bedroom, he saw Siddhi and kids sleeping. He looked at his corner and there was basket there. He also saw his old gadda lying right next to bed; old place right next to Siddhi's side. Kunal understood this is no one else but Siddhi. Even AC was on. Kunal first turned AC off, opened the window, kept lamp by his side on and went lied down facing away from Siddhi. As soon as Kunal lied down, Siddhi turned towards same side, looked at Kunal there with a sly smile on her face, just as Kunal too looked more at peace'.
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