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What makes LOVE unconditional? (Page 8)

moomin4455 IF-Dazzler
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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 5:26pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by BirdieNumNum

Originally posted by boreddamsel


Every time there is a "piece" sighting.. eh.. I get it.. LOL

I don't know if love is ever unconditional. When you are attracted to a person, it is usually because something about them fulfills your requirements.. haha.. just like a job interview, bingo Clap But then there are different rounds of interviews.. if you pass all of the requirements, you make it through. And finally the offer letter with the terms and condition is the marriage proposal! You enter the job, the new job is exciting and things are relaxed and everyone treats you well (the first few months at work is actually called as honeymoon period for the same reason).. Then demands increase.. work gets tough, you get stressed out .. Then slowly the job gets monotonous after a while.. Brilliant analogy and I am loving it so far. Smile

But actually the relationships market is not as terrible as the job market. So you do have the option to quit. Unlike being jobless, being single isn't a bad thing.. in fact I would say its definitely better than suffering through a relationship that you gives you stress! 


i think they are similar in other ways too. There's future uncertainty. One can never be sure how things will turn out when one is "outside" or makes a switch. That's what stops people from taking the plunge every time a new opportunity presents itself. Also, the grass looks greener on the other side many a time but we stay put because we often like to stay with the known devil than the unknown. I know that relating all this in business terms sounds bizarre, but both situations involve people and their assessment of each other. In both situations, we are also trying to optimize/ maximize our well-being.Smile Profit/ wealth optimization in one case, physical/ mental on the other. 

another analogy is like picking stocks. We dont know how the stock will pan out, we just stay with it as long as it is the best performer. Later, people get emotionally invested or married to the investment, so they never look to get out even when they shouldLOL

It's true: it's like you are determined to put up and make the best of the situation because you've put up with years of excessive snoring, not taking out the trash, being ignored when there's sports to watch and bad sex. It's a ball and chain, but dammit it's your ball and chain LOL

Marriage is fun! 

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BirdieNumNumboreddamselMcNinja

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 6:12pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by boreddamsel

do we have to give up hope? Maybe it is out there,  just we haven't found it! Yes, it's been 10 years since I have been meeting the wrong people Angry.. and I think I should give up.. but somehow I don't want to. What if you give up, and the moment you look away, the dude just passes you. Or are you saying that there is no concept of spending the rest of your life with that one person?
...
But I wonder about what you said here : "it is possible to love many people, and to love more than one person romantically (whether or not that goes anywhere or one acts on it is another thing altogether)" .. are you saying its normal to feel attracted to someone else while you are with another.. I agree about having crushes or thinking someone's cute.
...
But if you are really attracted to someone, doesn't that mean you are not happy in the relationship you are in .. that something is lacking, which is why you found it with someone else? So maybe you were in the wrong relationship after all and it's time to call it quits! 


I mean to say that the concept of the "one true love" is far fetched. One can be hopeful, optimistic and romantic about the world. You can go on enjoying the present and living in the moment without necessarily always searching. Applies whether one is single or not.

I do think it's possible to have feelings for multiple people. It's true that we are conditioned to share that kind of relationship with just one person, but there are people who practice polyamoury in different forms. Some people have a primary long term relationship with someone but mutually agree to leave the door open for other sexual/romantic partners. It's amazing how liberating it feels to let go of jealousy/possessiveness and just be with someone because you want to spend time with them, which doesn't foreclose the possibilities you might explore with others.

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McNinja

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 6:13pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by moomin4455

Originally posted by BirdieNumNum


i think they are similar in other ways too. There's future uncertainty. One can never be sure how things will turn out when one is "outside" or makes a switch. That's what stops people from taking the plunge every time a new opportunity presents itself. Also, the grass looks greener on the other side many a time but we stay put because we often like to stay with the known devil than the unknown. I know that relating all this in business terms sounds bizarre, but both situations involve people and their assessment of each other. In both situations, we are also trying to optimize/ maximize our well-being.Smile Profit/ wealth optimization in one case, physical/ mental on the other. 

another analogy is like picking stocks. We dont know how the stock will pan out, we just stay with it as long as it is the best performer. Later, people get emotionally invested or married to the investment, so they never look to get out even when they shouldLOL

It's true: it's like you are determined to put up and make the best of the situation because you've put up with years of excessive snoring, not taking out the trash, being ignored when there's sports to watch and bad sex. It's a ball and chain, but dammit it's your ball and chain LOL

Marriage is fun! 

LOLLOL

I love meeting cynical married people who openly admit marriage comes down to how well you deal with the bullshit. 

Unfortunately for the likes of me, who have a low bullshit threshold, there is no hope.. unless Mr.McNinja is ready to  succumb to my ball and chain...that of depreciating asset  with no promise of capital gains. Shit, I can't wait! LOL


Edited by McNinja - 16 March 2013 at 6:14pm

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 6:41pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by McNinja

Originally posted by moomin4455

Originally posted by BirdieNumNum


i think they are similar in other ways too. There's future uncertainty. One can never be sure how things will turn out when one is "outside" or makes a switch. That's what stops people from taking the plunge every time a new opportunity presents itself. Also, the grass looks greener on the other side many a time but we stay put because we often like to stay with the known devil than the unknown. I know that relating all this in business terms sounds bizarre, but both situations involve people and their assessment of each other. In both situations, we are also trying to optimize/ maximize our well-being.Smile Profit/ wealth optimization in one case, physical/ mental on the other. 

another analogy is like picking stocks. We dont know how the stock will pan out, we just stay with it as long as it is the best performer. Later, people get emotionally invested or married to the investment, so they never look to get out even when they shouldLOL

It's true: it's like you are determined to put up and make the best of the situation because you've put up with years of excessive snoring, not taking out the trash, being ignored when there's sports to watch and bad sex. It's a ball and chain, but dammit it's your ball and chain LOL

Marriage is fun! 

LOLLOL

I love meeting cynical married people who openly admit marriage comes down to how well you deal with the bullshit. 

Unfortunately for the likes of me, who have a low bullshit threshold, there is no hope.. unless Mr.McNinja is ready to  succumb to my ball and chain...that of depreciating asset  with no promise of capital gains. Shit, I can't wait! LOL

Bullshit is what constitutes marriage LOL. Although occasionally you'll stumble on something that make you realize how awesome your ball and chain is - keeps you going through times of extreme bullshit LOL

Depreciating asset with no capital gains and the possibility of a default at any moment. For good behaviour there can be a loan - high interest of course - once every fortnight. LOL 

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BirdieNumNumboreddamselMcNinja

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 7:21pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by OnepoundChic

u r taking it wrong A .. by making habit i meant not leaving the person alone in life if u have really loved him..m finding u confused here ... as u said u think unconditional love do exits nd what i wrote is a point of unconditional love only ..m not saying make habit n take for granted m saying if u really love a person n plan do spend ur life with that person then he should become a part of ur life not just some thing u want to be entertained from n when u get bored leave n move on,means u should be there to sacrifice(retaining ur self respect too) for him ,u should be there when he needs u( not blackmailing u)..bt if some trouble comes nd you are  all ready to be un malleable nd non understanding at ur full then again its not love ! staying with a person through thick n think is smthing we call unconditional love, n here i dun mean taking complete shit in the name of sacrificing for/or staying with a person through thick n through ..its in case when love is actually there!


The bold.. yeah.. that's why I was confused. Even I thought that was what was meant by unconditional love.. and that's why I kept saying that does exist .. else how can people live together for so long! On the other hand, attraction is based on conditions .. the golden list of what you need in your man LOL

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OnepoundChic

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 7:25pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by farheen75



Arti why didn't u accept Khushi's love then? It was unconditional as she didn't hold any grudge against Arnav for the ill treatment he meted out to her... Sweety people who live all their together with each other do it bcz they both fulfill all the pre requisites which r required to live a happy and content life... If u r in a relationship don't u want your better half to be faithful to u otherwise u will leave him so u r putting a condition for him to fulfill in order to be in that relationship with u... Yaar love without conditions is a very dangerous scenario... But the conditions have to be genuine and realistic.

'coz Khushi was a moron! Angry I don't want to elaborate, 'coz I don't like talking about that show any more!

Of course I completely agree about the requirements you want in a person. 

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moomin4455

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 7:29pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by --arti--


I mean to say that the concept of the "one true love" is far fetched. One can be hopeful, optimistic and romantic about the world. You can go on enjoying the present and living in the moment without necessarily always searching. Applies whether one is single or not.

I do think it's possible to have feelings for multiple people. It's true that we are conditioned to share that kind of relationship with just one person, but there are people who practice polyamoury in different forms. Some people have a primary long term relationship with someone but mutually agree to leave the door open for other sexual/romantic partners. It's amazing how liberating it feels to let go of jealousy/possessiveness and just be with someone because you want to spend time with them, which doesn't foreclose the possibilities you might explore with others.

Ok, this is scaring me more and more now. Ouch On the other thread, everyone's talking about humans being socially monogamous.. and here we have polyamoury! 

I just cannot be with a person who will want to sleep with someone else while he is with me. Does that mean I am possessive or jealous? Doesn't it just imply that I want my significant other to be loyal!


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moomin4455

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 7:31pm | IP Logged
Ball and chain.. now we are talking..LOL
We are taking it a notch up eh .. kinky stuff! 

This thread is finally spicing up.. 

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