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What makes LOVE unconditional? (Page 7)

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boreddamsel

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boreddamsel

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 1:53pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by farheen75

but from the start two things r a pre requisite for turning that certain relationship or wedding into a sure shot success and they r respect and trust bcz without these two important things love cannot happen... How can u love somebody without even respecting them and trusting them to not ever hurt u or back stabbing u.

Agreed.. but it takes time to trust someone.. do we have that much time, especially in an arranged marriage.. isn't that a leap of faith? But yes, love comes with trust and respect.. This takes me back to the discussions we used to have about the show that may not be named!  

As far as the differences r concerned u should be committed to work on them with your all but if u think that u two song be able to solve them then if they r of very small nature and doesn't hamper your general equation with that person then u learn to adjust and compromise it if they r of huge nature and making u both unhappy and bitter then u should either go for a trial seperation and reassess your priorities and feelings towards each other and in life and see whether ypur partners makes u happy or sad and then take a sensible and desicion or simply end the relationship.

Agreed

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boreddamsel

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boreddamsel

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 1:59pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by BirdieNumNum

i think they are similar in other ways too. There's future uncertainty. One can never be sure how things will turn out when one is "outside" or makes a switch. That's what stops people from taking the plunge every time a new opportunity presents itself. Also, the grass looks greener on the other side many a time but we stay put because we often like to stay with the known devil than the unknown. I know that relating all this in business terms sounds bizarre, but both situations involve people and their assessment of each other. In both situations, we are also trying to optimize/ maximize our well-being.Smile Profit/ wealth optimization in one case, physical/ mental on the other. 

Actually it doesn't. It makes more sense to me now. I mean I just posted on another post about choosing careers.. and that makes me realize what we are looking for in a job and in a relationship are the same .. interesting.. I never thought about it. Yeah, sure no physical optimization when it comes to choosing a job, unless one of the job requirements is a hot subordinate or boss Wink

another analogy is like picking stocks. We dont know how the stock will pan out, we just stay with it as long as it is the best performer. Later, people get emotionally invested or married to the investment, so they never look to get out even when they shouldLOL

Not too sure about stocks, but don't you pick a stock based on how well it was doing? 
Aah.. oh I see.. I get it! 
Good analogy! 


Edited by boreddamsel - 16 March 2013 at 2:00pm

farheen75

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farheen75

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 2:09pm | IP Logged
Agreed.. but it takes time to trust someone.. do we have that much time, especially in an arranged marriage.. isn't that a leap of faith? But yes, love comes with trust and respect.. This takes me back to the discussions we used to have about the show that may not be named!

Arti it takes not more than a year in an arrange marriage to judge your husband and similar is the case with your bf as well or I would rather say that in an arrange marriage u can judge a person more quickly bcz there r no hidden surprises there as the man and woman both don't pretend to be somebody they r not bcz subconsciously they think that the marriage is already done so what's the point of being at your best behaviour all the time and u can't act to be somebody u r not... Secondly I don't think a year is a long time to make a decision abt your whole life.

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moomin4455boreddamsel

OnepoundChic

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 2:34pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by boreddamsel

Originally posted by OnepoundChic

ermmm i dunno exactly how to explain bt to me love just clicks right ...u meet a person n start liking him/her with the passage of time, wanna be with him then u seem to be accepting his every quality nd deficiency(at least for that time) ..its just my pov' ..that person seems perfect  to u no matter what others or  well wishers say but in fact no 1 is perfect nd later u do realize that love isn't quite unconditional as u thought before ..

Yup.. true. But I still like to believe there is something called unconditional love. It has to be there, else how and why do people live together for the rest of their lives. Are you telling me they don't love each other? I refuse to believe that! 

no 1 is perfect that doesn't mean that no 1 should not be loved BD.. love is there nd very much there without love living together can only be name as sacrifice not companion ship ..but still  expectations,conditions n circumstances do effect the cloudiness in eyes nd brain spread becoz of love...m not saying if some 1 is rich he gets poor later n u should stop loving him..coz if u do this then it wasn't love at 1st place ..but if ur companion doesn't like some thing about u it doesn't mean he doesn't love u ..expecting extreme lovey dovey-ness n sanity nd  'as u say', 'as u like' ,' as u think"  in the name of unconditional love is not some thing very sane LOL every one has flaws n excepting those flaws with the person is what we say love! 


its human nature to get attracted to a beautiful thing or a beautiful property of some thing or some 1 ,some times its looks some times its nature some times its success some times its background n family etc etc ..no 1 would be having these things all together so definitely 1 or half of these attracts ,, nd no love is unconditional i think ,its only, until u dun keep ur foot in to practical life ,fairy nd unconditional love exits in fairy age or fairy thoughts only.. conditions n sacrifices do come in a normal relationship nd life..

Sneaky aren't you.. you are dragging in "Fairy" to distract me! LOL
Agreed about attraction.. something about the other person should attract you. That is the first step to love. I mean take food for example .. something about the food makes you want to eat it, but you don't fall in love with it until you taste it.. Wink So yeah, attraction is a must, but that isn't love.. love happens after you realize what the person is like. So there must be a way to figure out whether that person is the one that you can live with for the rest of your life.. 'coz people rarely change, contrary to popular belief. Yes, their priorities might change, but the person.. their character never changes!!!! 

ah no fairy wasn't added to distract u LOL its only becoz i wanna explain my point that its ok to dream n think about unconditional love but still we cant close our eyes n deny the reality of world which isn't a fairy at all .. of course attraction is not love its just the 1st step to love as u ur self said .. but for getting involved in some one attraction is must then u take other steps like knowing that person exploring his nature n habits spending time with the person so that u can get to know about him ..nd all these steps are necessary if u r really looking forward to a person with whom u can spend ur whole life ..the way u r asking for is this only, ..trying to understand n explore the person .. as i said one cant be complete perfect but one can look forward to best possible! 

 'But i have heard people saying when old ur partner gets boring nd u cant live with him etc  but in my POV a person with whom u spend ur time ,ur joys dismal fights instead of a 'no more interested in'  that person should become ur habit which u can never leave unconsciously, if consciously ..its my one fairy unconditional(some where) love thought Embarrassed

I disagree. Someone should never become a habit.. then you take each other for granted...and then life becomes monotonous! Ouch






u r taking it wrong A .. by making habit i meant not leaving the person alone in life if u have really loved him..m finding u confused here ... as u said u think unconditional love do exits nd what i wrote is a point of unconditional love only ..m not saying make habit n take for granted m saying if u really love a person n plan do spend ur life with that person then he should become a part of ur life not just some thing u want to be entertained from n when u get bored leave n move on,means u should be there to sacrifice(retaining ur self respect too) for him ,u should be there when he needs u( not blackmailing u)..bt if some trouble comes nd you are  all ready to be un malleable nd non understanding at ur full then again its not love ! staying with a person through thick n think is smthing we call unconditional love, n here i dun mean taking complete shit in the name of sacrificing for/or staying with a person through thick n through ..its in case when love is actually there!



Edited by OnepoundChic - 16 March 2013 at 2:59pm

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boreddamsel

farheen75

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farheen75

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 3:01pm | IP Logged
Yup.. true. But I still like to believe there is something called unconditional love. It has to be there, else how and why do people live together for the rest of their lives. Are you telling me they don't love each other? I refuse to believe that!

Arti why didn't u accept Khushi's love then? It was unconditional as she didn't hold any grudge against Arnav for the ill treatment he meted out to her... Sweety people who live all their together with each other do it bcz they both fulfill all the pre requisites which r required to live a happy and content life... If u r in a relationship don't u want your better half to be faithful to u otherwise u will leave him so u r putting a condition for him to fulfill in order to be in that relationship with u... Yaar love without conditions is a very dangerous scenario... But the conditions have to be genuine and realistic.

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boreddamselOnepoundChic

OnepoundChic

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 3:11pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by McNinja

Originally posted by GayuArnav

LOL. Mehak You are my first guru for lyfe ROFL

Oh god! I love this. Two people fighting over me Cool

Im super Awesome. 

Chal ve, I don't fight over anyone...I'm the one fought over ROFL

Don't fatter yourself. I just like being given credit for my work. 

praba is right u n ur always 'tight 'balloonz ROFL  ROFLSleepy

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boreddamselMcNinja

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 3:23pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by GayuArnav

Originally posted by moomin4455

Aww G Hug

I completely love this comment!!

Agree love should be unconditional, but rarely is. Prometeus said it right: if you expect anything in return your love isn't unconditional and rarely do we love without expecting our love to be reciprocated, without expecting respect, and all the positive things we shower on the ones we love.

Loving unconditionally also means overlooking all flaws...can you carry on loving your partner if you find out they're an axe murderer? Will your love remain if your partner is constantly cheating on you?

The closest thing we have to unconditional love is the love between parent and child or love for our pets, as G says LOL...

Is it only in literature that we find people loving, pining over others who don't love them back, spurn them, prove 'unworthy' of their love? I'm thinking of Gatsby and the fickle Daisy...LOL

Aww Bim Hug

Im not as wise as you guys are! LOL
But sometimes even Parents love for child is not unconditional. They do expect you to take care of you when they grow old etc etc. Im not saying its wrong but still its an expectation right? 

And for any relationship communication is a must! 
We can't just sit back and wait for the other person to understand you without even communicating! It might be like that for few couples but not all.
So you should let the other person know what you are going through and tell him/her that their actions are hurting you and upsetting you. Only then they will realize and will not repeat it! 


XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX for this gayu .. communication must be there .. expecting ur partner to read ur heart eyes hair etc is not some thing very great LOL .. you should give chance n space to ur partner as u expect him to give u.. these are conditions but such love would grow up like unconditional one if not unconditional itself! 

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moomin4455

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moomin4455

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 5:14pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by farheen75

Yup.. true. But I still like to believe there is something called unconditional love. It has to be there, else how and why do people live together for the rest of their lives. Are you telling me they don't love each other? I refuse to believe that!

Arti why didn't u accept Khushi's love then? It was unconditional as she didn't hold any grudge against Arnav for the ill treatment he meted out to her... Sweety people who live all their together with each other do it bcz they both fulfill all the pre requisites which r required to live a happy and content life... If u r in a relationship don't u want your better half to be faithful to u otherwise u will leave him so u r putting a condition for him to fulfill in order to be in that relationship with u... Yaar love without conditions is a very dangerous scenario... But the conditions have to be genuine and realistic.

Farheen, my gut feeling is that people live together for the rest of their lives because they are compatible, comfortable and have shown each other that they will not break the conditions on which their love is based...

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farheen75

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