What makes LOVE unconditional?

Originally posted by: boreddamsel

While comparing marriages and live-in relationships, we all agreed that what mattered more than the name assigned to the relationship were the people involved in the relationship and the love they share. 

That brings me to the next question. What makes two people fall in love and stay in love against all odds. Can love that you share with your partner be unconditional? Or is it based on whether you or your partner is rich or smart or hot or well-educated or funny or considerate or a good parent, whether the sex is good, or maybe its just a matter of convenience? How do you know if you and your partner are really compatible, or if your partner is just faking the compatibility to be with you? 

How do you know when you meet someone that they are the ONE .. that you will be able to live with each other for the rest of your lives? How do you know the attraction you feel then is going to last forever? 

I know this came up in the other discussion as well, but really, is there a way to quantify love?

Originally posted by: --arti--

Ultimately, love is about companionship. Most of us tend towards long-term domestic relationships, someone with whom we share our time (not all our time), a home, family, etc. That sharing and growing together feels good. Co-habiting feels good for some people. But I also know couples who have been together for a long time who prefer maintaining separate residences.

Love is a good thing if you accept/practice the following principles:

- it doesn't mean you have ownership over all of the other person's affections (including sexual affection), energies, and time. You get to enjoy quite a bit of it when you're in a committed relationship with someone, and that's great, but you have to be able to have your own life and not expect that person to be your whole life (which is pathetic anyway, but that's just me).

- it is possible to love many people, and to love more than one person romantically (whether or not that goes anywhere or one acts on it is another thing altogether)

- it is not a license to treat someone like crap (being controlling, manipulative, getting jealous, dictating what they should do/wear, whom they should associate with/avoid, etc.)

- it is not "unconditional." Of course it's conditional -- on the other person not being a jerk, on the other person being able to grow/challenge themselves, on them being receptive to constructive criticism, opportunities for emotional growth, and so much more.

At least that's my point of view. I wouldn't be able to accept that someone "loves" me if the above wasn't true, and same goes for what I feel for someone too.

Overall, a pragmatic and progressive approach towards human relationships is important. We are all fed so much sentimental stuff on a daily basis (because card companies need to sell cards, and magazines need to sell sex advice, and cosmetic companies need to sell insecurities and so on). I think deep down we are all beautifully complex and are able to live with respect for one another, as long as we are able to challenge many of the norms and assumptions that come with romantic relationships.

Originally posted by: --arti--

But all said and done, a lot of people these days live fulfilling lives without having relationships (it doesn't mean they don't have any romantic love or any sexual interactions). I think in many ways the primacy of coupledom is challenged more today than before. I also think that many queer couples or even straight couples with feminist values are able to challenge some of the patriarchal assumptions around how a romantic relationship should be practiced.

Originally posted by: I_miss_Snakewa

You know you are loved unconditionally when you feel like you are flying, knowing that you will never fall; cause you have someone who is there to catch you. You know you love someone unconditionally, when you love that person, overlooking all their bad habits and traits. Your focus is on them, and only them. You do not care what the world thinks of this person, because it does not make a difference to you.

Yikes.. to think I actually know that feeling.. till one day you realize the world was right and you were the fool 😛

 

Your feet are off the ground, and you feel like you are in an alternate reality, where there is only you and your beloved. No one else is there. Even if that person doesn't reciprocate, you still continue loving him/her, against all odds. THIS is what makes love unconditional. When you continue loving that person, without even expecting that person to love you back!

Sigh... that sounds too good to be true. Maybe I cannot give unconditional love.. I can give love, but in the end I end up expecting the same in return. Maybe that is in fact, my problem. That I expect people to love me the same way I love them. But isn't that a good condition .. I mean for a relationship to last, shouldn't both people involved actually contribute equally .. else won't it be a disaster, with one person always feeling like only they are contributing. I mean for love to last, don't you have to understand what the other needs and give it to them? Or is my idea of a relationship screwed up 😆

 

 But in reality, unconditional love is rare, as most people are either too busy for it, or they just don't believe in it! The love that you share with your partner CAN be unconditional, that kinda depends on them being the right person for you, and also your intentions in being in a relationship with them. As you said, people chose to be in a relationship with others depending on a lot of reasons. They chose to be with someone because they are rich, hot, well-educated, convenience. etc.

I am in the best relationship I have ever been in.. 😆 I choose to be with me forever, 'coz I am awesome and now that's something that will never change as long as I live.. or maybe even after that 😉 So this is one love that will always remain the same 😆  And I love myself no matter what I am like.. and that my folks is unconditional. 

But I agree.. and I love you for that answer .. and I will keep hoping I can find unconditional love... 'coz I am not settling for anything less! 😡

 

You know you are your partner are compatible when their stupid mistakes make you laugh, and their draw-backs don't matter to you. They make you laugh, they make you cry, they make you do things you have NEVER done before. So that's how you know they are the ONE, someone who you would like to spend the rest of your life with. And you trust, that you will never get bored of them, and nor will they ever get bored of you.

You took a dig at me, didn't you snakewa? 😆 I do get bored, very easily.. and I think its my partner's responsibility to make sure I don't.. hahaha 😆

 

And as for your last question, there is really no way to quantify love.You either love someone or you don't. It's not something that could be measured or proved. The person whom you love will know it, without you even telling him/her. It doesn't even need to be expressed. Because when one loves someone unconditionally, they are already proving that they love that person, just based on their actions around that person. It is not something that can be hidden.

Hmm. Now I hate that. I wish there was a way to determine whether someone loved you.. so you could avoid the heartbreak! 

Challenge accepted. I am going to win the Nobel prize for devising the algorithm that quantifies love. Oh wait, what category will that fall in? Peace prize?? Haha.. if people knew how to quantify love, they will stay away from assholes and the world would be at peace.. ! 😆