What makes LOVE unconditional?

Originally posted by boreddamsel


That brings me to the next question. What makes two people fall in love and stay in love against all odds. Can love that you share with your partner be unconditional? Or is it based on whether you or your partner is rich or smart or hot or well-educated or funny or considerate or a good parent, whether the sex is good, or maybe its just a matter of convenience? How do you know if you and your partner are really compatible, or if your partner is just faking the compatibility to be with you? 

How do you know when you meet someone that they are the ONE .. that you will be able to live with each other for the rest of your lives? How do you know the attraction you feel then is going to last forever? 

I know this came up in the other discussion as well, but really, is there a way to quantify love?

Originally posted by --arti--

Ultimately, love is about companionship. Most of us tend towards long-term domestic relationships, someone with whom we share our time (not all our time), a home, family, etc. That sharing and growing together feels good. Co-habiting feels good for some people. But I also know couples who have been together for a long time who prefer maintaining separate residences.

Love is a good thing if you accept/practice the following principles:

- it doesn't mean you have ownership over all of the other person's affections (including sexual affection), energies, and time. You get to enjoy quite a bit of it when you're in a committed relationship with someone, and that's great, but you have to be able to have your own life and not expect that person to be your whole life (which is pathetic anyway, but that's just me).

- it is possible to love many people, and to love more than one person romantically (whether or not that goes anywhere or one acts on it is another thing altogether)

- it is not a license to treat someone like crap (being controlling, manipulative, getting jealous, dictating what they should do/wear, whom they should associate with/avoid, etc.)

- it is not "unconditional." Of course it's conditional -- on the other person not being a jerk, on the other person being able to grow/challenge themselves, on them being receptive to constructive criticism, opportunities for emotional growth, and so much more.

At least that's my point of view. I wouldn't be able to accept that someone "loves" me if the above wasn't true, and same goes for what I feel for someone too.

Overall, a pragmatic and progressive approach towards human relationships is important. We are all fed so much sentimental stuff on a daily basis (because card companies need to sell cards, and magazines need to sell sex advice, and cosmetic companies need to sell insecurities and so on). I think deep down we are all beautifully complex and are able to live with respect for one another, as long as we are able to challenge many of the norms and assumptions that come with romantic relationships.

Originally posted by --arti--

But all said and done, a lot of people these days live fulfilling lives without having relationships (it doesn't mean they don't have any romantic love or any sexual interactions). I think in many ways the primacy of coupledom is challenged more today than before. I also think that many queer couples or even straight couples with feminist values are able to challenge some of the patriarchal assumptions around how a romantic relationship should be practiced.

Originally posted by I_miss_Snakewa

You know you are loved unconditionally when you feel like you are flying, knowing that you will never fall; cause you have someone who is there to catch you. You know you love someone unconditionally, when you love that person, overlooking all their bad habits and traits. Your focus is on them, and only them. You do not care what the world thinks of this person, because it does not make a difference to you.