I don't think love is unconditional. And I don't think there is "the one" person for us. We meet people, and we have messy and unruly lives, we learn lessons, relationships end, other ones may begin. I think that narrative of true love and all is really overrated.
Pasting my responses from another thread on love ["Is love a good thing?"] last month
. Sorry for being lazy:
Originally posted by --arti--
Ultimately, love is about companionship. Most of us tend
towards long-term domestic relationships, someone with whom we share
our time (not all our time), a home, family, etc. That sharing
and growing together feels good. Co-habiting feels good for some people.
But I also know couples who have been together for a long time who
prefer maintaining separate residences.
Love is a good thing if you accept/practice the following principles:
it doesn't mean you have ownership over all of the other person's
affections (including sexual affection), energies, and time. You get to
enjoy quite a bit of it when you're in a committed relationship with
someone, and that's great, but you have to be able to have your own life
and not expect that person to be your whole life (which is pathetic
anyway, but that's just me).
- it is possible to love many
people, and to love more than one person romantically (whether or not
that goes anywhere or one acts on it is another thing altogether)
it is not a license to treat someone like crap (being controlling,
manipulative, getting jealous, dictating what they should do/wear, whom
they should associate with/avoid, etc.)
- it is not "unconditional." Of course
it's conditional -- on the other person not being a jerk, on the other
person being able to grow/challenge themselves, on them being receptive
to constructive criticism, opportunities for emotional growth, and so
At least that's my point of view. I wouldn't be able
to accept that someone "loves" me if the above wasn't true, and same
goes for what I feel for someone too.
Overall, a pragmatic and
progressive approach towards human relationships is important. We are
all fed so much sentimental stuff on a daily basis (because card
companies need to sell cards, and magazines need to sell sex advice, and
cosmetic companies need to sell insecurities and so on). I think deep
down we are all beautifully complex and are able to live with respect
for one another, as long as we are able to challenge many of the norms
and assumptions that come with romantic relationships.
Originally posted by --arti--
But all said and done, a lot of people these days live
fulfilling lives without having relationships (it doesn't mean they
don't have any romantic love or any sexual interactions). I think in
many ways the primacy of coupledom is challenged more today than before.
I also think that many queer couples or even straight couples with
feminist values are able to challenge some of the patriarchal
assumptions around how a romantic relationship should be practiced.
Edited by --arti-- - 16 March 2013 at 8:15am