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||DOTW|| Love Marriage Ya Arranged? (Page 2)

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Xarina

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Xarina

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 5:32am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Justlikethat1

Xari, the risk of compatibility is there is both love as well as arranged marriages. I guess that is why marriages, irrespective of whether they are love or arranged marriage will fail if it destined to be Ouch

Yes. Compatibility is an issue. But in arranged marriages, I have this feeling that one tries a bit more if there is no compatibility.. Maybe because there is this outside chance that you may be wrong and have not understood the person yetSmile Plus in arranged marriages, there is this constant family support you get.

The thing is, today, I think it does not matter. Arranged and love marriages go through the same grind and I will surely not argue with which one is better..

As many examples as I can give for successful arranged marriages, I can give one or two morbid tales too that will make one scared to enter into a relationship.

It was in the 70's and 80's I think. The faze about grooms being international. There was a fad and there are chilling tales about how young, pretty woman were fooled to marry and were abandoned.. All this would not have happened if it had been a love marriage? Ermm  I don't know..

But I do know one thing. the definition of ''love Marriage' today is very different from what one would envision. Today, love pops up on sight and continues for 2 weeks, a proposal and then this hard headed attitude that your parents are against you. Is that love?Confused  What would one call a real love marriage? And is today's fast track love even called love? Does it not come under the category of 'attraction'?
@ bold 1.  Compatibility is always the main issue in any marriage.  In a 'love marriage' you have time to find out more about the person you are about to marry.  Their likes, dislikes, mood swings and what makes them tick.  It may be fun learning about that post marriage but imagine waking up and thinking that you have made a huge mistake?

@bold 2:  don't mistake that family support for concern, speaking in the general terms, as often it can come across as more concern for the family honour.  I may be revealing a bit too much here. But imagine being threatened, bullied to continue in the marriage by your 'loved' ones who then turn a blind eye to your predicament later on.

@ bold 3.  I wouldn't exactly class that as love.  Many people will mistake lust for love and think that it is the one when in actual fact it may be the former and fizzle out after a while.

In all cases to make a marriage work you need two people who are committed to building a life together, people who will think like one and cherish and respect the other. Not one who is a free loader and in it just to have someone run around after them and is me,me,me all the time.  

Looking at my first paragraph I cannot say that I am an advocate for either marriage.   Love can die, you can look upon marriage as a business contract where love is not involved but a mutual understanding is there.

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munnihyderabad

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 8:34am | IP Logged
great topic for discussion Xar Thumbs Up

Arranged marriage, pretty much same reasons as Harini's and deepikas .. mine is arranged marriage .. 

more later ,,if i get some time Embarrassed

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Justlikethat1

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 4:27pm | IP Logged
I cannot agree more Xari.Smile Here is a hug Hug  Wanted to give you one.

I do realize the 'support' from the family can be nothing more than a coercion tactic to stay in the marriage but it can also be otherwise.Ouch That is when it gets worse because you get no one to turn too..

I was rather talking about real support. This was years ago.. Happened in my neighborhood. Arranged marriage happened and the sweet relationship turned sour with an affair. Husband was gone in  a matter of months. The girl was left, pregnantOuch

But more than her family, it was the MIL who supported her DIL and raised the child. I remember the elders even talking in a hush about how she had asked the girl to remarry. Of course it is another thing that the girl declined to marry again. She decided to pursue her studies further and did really well I thinkSmile
That was the kind of support I meant. Something that makes you want to believe in love and familyTongue


I do believe that a love marriage is fine as long as one understands what love is.. Like you said, lust and simple attraction are considered to be divine love today. It is all chemistry you seeWink 
And that attraction becomes too much that the ones who are barely out of their teens think that they are the next best thing after Romeo and Juliet.Confused

In any marriage, love or arranged, it takes two people to make it work. There could be a little imbalance once in a while but if that goes on and on, then the marriage stops working..

Think about SNS.. Can you imagine what would have happened if Rashi married Ahem.. I am sure he would have divorced her on day 2 and she would have set fire to his hair.. One or the other would have happened for sure. The most frightening part is, Kokila was looking at a bride and Rashi may have been that personShocked

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delsi

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 8:33pm | IP Logged
Iam not Married but i only prefer for arrange marriage coz this were the stranger fall in love at some point of time we did not know when we love other but at some point we ill be surely love our parter for their care or something more over in arrange marriage there ill be a part adjustment will be there every partner ill be adjust the others that cannot be seen in love 

But in love all will be fall in love by seeing the girls or boy is beautiful or handsome but they wont realize the heart of the other and fall for that may be coz of that most of the love marriage fails only some love the people at some maturity will realize the true love and that won't be failed thats is a true love 

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 11:32pm | IP Logged
Well marriage ...ours is a love marriage and I could have not pick a better partner than my husband ...  we have the great relationship .. we were friends ...and now we are married ...  we love spending time together ... but there are things he like to do and I do not ... so I tell him go and do this with your friends...   and when I tell him i am going to have a girls night out ... he is ok...   I think communication is the biggest thing ... and we have that ...

I have gone of for a couple of days with my friend ...and the best thing is coming home and see my hubby...   he helps with the baby...   we both work...   and the baby is ours... not just mine or his.    So I think you have to have  a balance... 

Weather you marriage is arranged or love...you have to give it time...Even in love marriage you have to learn the other person habits...  you have to learn how to share...

I gohem  marriage gopi learned everything about ahem ... his likes and dislike... but ahem did not know anything about gopi's.   Until the school track... he did not know she wanted to learn how to read and write...  and after that he started to know more about her  and then the accident ... where he might loose her ... is when he thought ... what am I going to do with out gopi...  he was scared of  loosing her...

I think I have rambled on too long ...    but for me it is LOVE marriage...  

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Xarina

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Xarina

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Posted: 17 March 2013 at 2:26am | IP Logged
Originally posted by delsi

Iam not Married but i only prefer for arrange marriage coz this were the stranger fall in love at some point of time we did not know when we love other but at some point we ill be surely love our parter for their care or something more over in arrange marriage there ill be a part adjustment will be there every partner ill be adjust the others that cannot be seen in love 

But in love all will be fall in love by seeing the girls or boy is beautiful or handsome but they wont realize the heart of the other and fall for that may be coz of that most of the love marriage fails only some love the people at some maturity will realize the true love and that won't be failed thats is a true love 

Ah but Delsi in a love marriage you ave the opportunity to know more about the other before you make that final decision.  Seeing the girl/boy is one thing but then you go on and learn more about the other. Marriage  after that is an extension of that love and a commitment.  

But your first paragraph has me asking the question.  Wouldn't that happen in an arranged marriage?  You will see the boy but not really know much about him until after the wedding.  All well if you are compatible but what if you are not?

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Xarina

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Xarina

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Posted: 17 March 2013 at 2:37am | IP Logged
Hug
Originally posted by Justlikethat1

I cannot agree more Xari.Smile Here is a hug Hug  Wanted to give you one.

I do realize the 'support' from the family can be nothing more than a coercion tactic to stay in the marriage but it can also be otherwise.Ouch That is when it gets worse because you get no one to turn too..

I was rather talking about real support. This was years ago.. Happened in my neighborhood. Arranged marriage happened and the sweet relationship turned sour with an affair. Husband was gone in  a matter of months. The girl was left, pregnantOuch

But more than her family, it was the MIL who supported her DIL and raised the child. I remember the elders even talking in a hush about how she had asked the girl to remarry. Of course it is another thing that the girl declined to marry again. She decided to pursue her studies further and did really well I thinkSmile
That was the kind of support I meant. Something that makes you want to believe in love and familyTongue


I do believe that a love marriage is fine as long as one understands what love is.. Like you said, lust and simple attraction are considered to be divine love today. It is all chemistry you seeWink 
And that attraction becomes too much that the ones who are barely out of their teens think that they are the next best thing after Romeo and Juliet.Confused

In any marriage, love or arranged, it takes two people to make it work. There could be a little imbalance once in a while but if that goes on and on, then the marriage stops working..

Think about SNS.. Can you imagine what would have happened if Rashi married Ahem.. I am sure he would have divorced her on day 2 and she would have set fire to his hair.. One or the other would have happened for sure. The most frightening part is, Kokila was looking at a bride and Rashi may have been that personShocked
Aww Harini Big smile.  Hug Back.  Marriage needs CCCRU, compatibility, commitment  care, respect and understanding for two people to be happy and keep it alive.  

Koki knew what she wanted.  Not only did she turn Rashi down because of her pretence but because she would not have been right for  Ahem.  Where he is fire, she would have been the oil to stoke his anger even further.  Koki decided that Gopi would be better.  She wasn't far wrong.Big smile

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Xarina

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Xarina

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Posted: 17 March 2013 at 2:45am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ANJ4

Well marriage ...ours is a love marriage and I could have not pick a better partner than my husband ...  we have the great relationship .. we were friends ...and now we are married ...  we love spending time together ... but there are things he like to do and I do not ... so I tell him go and do this with your friends...   and when I tell him i am going to have a girls night out ... he is ok...   I think communication is the biggest thing ... and we have that ...

I have gone of for a couple of days with my friend ...and the best thing is coming home and see my hubby...   he helps with the baby...   we both work...   and the baby is ours... not just mine or his.    So I think you have to have  a balance... 

Weather you marriage is arranged or love...you have to give it time...Even in love marriage you have to learn the other person habits...  you have to learn how to share...

I gohem  marriage gopi learned everything about ahem ... his likes and dislike... but ahem did not know anything about gopi's.   Until the school track... he did not know she wanted to learn how to read and write...  and after that he started to know more about her  and then the accident ... where he might loose her ... is when he thought ... what am I going to do with out gopi...  he was scared of  loosing her...

I think I have rambled on too long ...    but for me it is LOVE marriage...  
Anj lovely comment and you showed that each needs to take an equal share in a marriage.  So nice.  Gopi had managed to get under Ahem's skin during the education track, then there was the rescue of the idol on Janmashtami and Gopi taking over and singing at the dandiya event.  His feelings were growing then and understanding her.  She was upset with Rashi's kidnapping and he saw that and wanted to take her to her maami's house to reassure her.  Can never forget his words about being her shadow.  Melted my heart.Big smile

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