Posted:
Presented by Dr J - who completed her Ph.D in the art of kite flying this week. 🤗 🤗 🤗
Full Disclosure - I DON'T watch complete epi's. Bas, bol diya.
Week 3 che. As stated above - I've learned more about kite flying than I ever need to know for the rest of my nine lives. For instance - I know that young ladies need to make sure that their hair hides their face - like blinkers on a horse. (And if your hair isn't three feet long, then you need to make an emergency trip to the salon to score a wig. STAT.) This not only allows the girls to focus, but also prevents sorta-but-not-really fiances from sneaking peeks.
They're also required to yell "Kai-Po-Che" every now and then, which, in kite flying lingo - roughly translates to "How do you like THEM apples - sucker?"😈 😈accompanied by a victory boogie. A version of the chant is even used by soap duniya celebrities like Lalit Mohan - who deploys it in every Facebook post (Cut it).
Armed with our new found knowledge of traditions and customs - this week's Take 5 is posted from Garden-of-Eden-giri, where Dikhra finally sees the face that goes with the belly button and backless choli. 🥳
1. Monday. He's a JERK! Dikhri forgets the first rule of juicy gossip - check to make sure no one is eavesdropping. Unfortunately for her, Dikhra gets an earful as she bashes him like dirty laundry at the dhobi ghat. This being the last straw that breaks the camel's back - Dikhra decides to get out of town while he still can. The bags are packed, and all that's left is a stop in Bapu's room to get confirmation that he isn't selfish.
Selfish? Dikhra?? 😲😲😲
Bapu retorts - whoever said that needs to perform open heart surgery and peek inside Dikhra's heart. Unlike the rest of us mortals who have mundane things like capillaries and blood vessels - he only has LOVE and RESPECT oozing out of each vein. That's enough for Dikhra to change his mind about leaving - he's now decided to stay with Bapu. In. His. Room. To take care of him until he recovers.
Holy Devi Maiiya! 😲 Bapu backtracks in a hurry. He be the damaad - he can't do SEVA! Unfortunately, Dikhra reminds him of his own words - he's beta first and damaad later. Of course, all this is for the benefit of an eavesdropping Dikhri - who has very kindly alerted Dikhra to her presence with her incessant jingling. This would drive any normal person BATSHIT CRAZY 😡 but then - so would the rest of that outfit.
Yeah. Let's not go there.
2. Tuesday. He's WHERE?? Dikhra's Daddy learns that beta went AWOL. Instead of wowing businessmen in Las Vegas, he's rescuing Bapus in Las Ratnagiri. Daddy-ji is surprised, but pleased. Coz beta is finally falling in line with his expectations, and it is all because of Dikhri! He shares his joy with Step-Mummy-ji...
...who reacts like Cleopatra being dethroned. This being Telly duniya- the vamp always gets her share of smarts in bulk from the local warehouse store. So she bounces back with a grand plan to go to Dikhri-land and fly kites with the prospective in-laws...
...who are still engrossed with those blessed kites. 😕 Dikhra and Dikhri are playing "I-spy-your-belly-button-but-not-your-face" and he's growing ever more determined to see if she has a giant wart on her nose. He's partially successful thanks to Bapu - and is at least able to confirm that Dikhri isn't cross eyed, and doesn't have a Harry Potter scar on her forehead.
PROGRESS!!! 🥳🥳🥳
3. Wednesday. Hurricane Alert! As the Garden of Eden flies a kite, the snake prepares to slither in with her poisoned apple. But more on that later.
All of Dikhri's household is kai-po-che'ing while the underlying war of wills continues. Dikhra is determined to see her face, and Dikhri is just as stubborn. He saw her belly button on Skype, and now he gets to see her back. The face is off limits.
This gal is muy loco. As in AJEEB.
The festivities continue as Dikhri's bapu falls more desperately in love with Dikhra each day. (No, smart-ass - that wasn't a typo. I did mean Dikhri's Bapu 😕) The audience can smell the coming heartbreak like a pair of stinky gym socks, but is still hanging onto the hope that Swami-ji is omnipotent, and can change destiny. Or at least change the screenplay.
Across the sea, Hurricane Ghuman a.k.a. Evil Step mom is preparing for landfall in Eden-giri. She's all packed and ready - and already has a rating of 5 on the Television Satyanash Scale (TSS), seeing as she's cliched evil step mom *and* cliched evil mom-in-law all rolled into one backless package. 😕 And if that weren't enough, she even has a sidekick evil didi - who really needs to stop using an industrial paint roller while applying make up.
Note to Swami-ji: the audience has been burnt before by ominous references to DARK PASTS that turned out to be damp squibs. If you spend so much time developing a PAST - it had better have a decent TSS rating. A grand revelation along the lines of evil-stepmom-stole-Bapu's-dhoti-twenty-years-ago WON'T cut it. Capisce?
4. Thursday. Holy whiplash!! 😲 The day begins with more kai-po-che'ing, the game of Hide-and-Seek-Face is finally won - and we abruptly hang a sharp left into DEEP DARK PAST.
Dikhra and Dikhri sign up for the Ratnagiri half marathon - where the grand prize is a felled kite. At least for Dikhri. Dikhra could care less about the kite - he just wants to see her face, and he FINALLY does - praise the Lord. We can all move on.
Arey chokrey - BIG FAT REJECTION LETTER, sent express post from Dubai. Ring any bells?
Their chase takes them to a distant lake, where...abruptly and with no warning whatsoever - Dikhra is thrust into a nightmare.
Go-beta, the swift change from playful to anguished was neatly accomplished. My compliments. 👏👏👏
Clueless Dikhri continues to taunt him - not realizing that he isn't even listening to her anymore, but is caught up in the demons from his past. Mission accomplished for her - time to head back to the lair.
Dikhri blithely informs the elders that she sent Dikhra into the talaab. Going by the reaction, she may as well have declared that she sent him to the Bermuda Triangle - everyone scatters like ants at a picnic.
She's stumped - what'd I do? 😲
Nothing much, ladki - you just scraped a raw, festering wound with your nails, and then poured 150 proof alcohol all over it. Time to go eat humble pie, served with a large slice of crow on the side.
5. Friday. How much for 1 pound of maafi? Dikhra is back home after a stint of wood chopping - after he freaks out the owner of the wood. As he heads back home - he's awaited by Dikhri, who finally realized the enormity of her mistake. Unfortunately for her - Dikhra is NOT in a forgiving mood, he'd much rather slam the door on her. Which he does. Literally and metaphorically
Across the sea - step-mummy-ji is seriously mad, and more than a little worried. Apparently, the insanely rich and famous living in gora desh have the same passport problems that the rest of us ordinary mortals face...did she forget to renew it? To add to her woes, step-beta isn't even answering her calls. With poster-child-for-how-not-to-apply-makeup Didi adding fuel to the fire - she's desperately looking to head to where all the action is, to make sure beta hasn't suddenly changed his mind about remaining a sanyasi.
And to close out the week - a precap that portends more penance for Dikhri. Dikhra has decided to put her through her paces before she earns his forgiveness. Coz he knows enough about his Dikhri to know that he'll NEVER get such a golden opportunity again, whether they marry or not. Dikhra is a smart dude. 👍🏼
And week 3 rolls to a close. The story appears to be shaking off newbie jitters and settling into a rhythm that is apparently beginning to appeal to SOME viewers - if the page count on IF, and the number of icons is any indicator. (At least those that aren't just marking time until we hear the sound of chanchanchan later this month) 😉
Hopefully the newly installed Pope of desi soapdom realizes that the same audiences that are gushing over the budding romance today...will be sticking pins in bearded Bhansali dolls once the satyanash kicks in.
Will he change the story to make it more palatable to today's enlightened viewer? Or will he stick with a plot written when the world was still young and baby dinosaurs roamed the earth?
Now that - would TRULY be a 10 on the Television Satyanash Scale.
comment:
p_commentcount