Joined: 06 September 2012
Joined: 06 September 2012
I was 8, when for the first time I heard her name "Nidhi verma". She stood at far end of our class, holding pinkish water bottle. When our class teacher asked her to sit wherever she feel like...She came straight and sat next to me. Even after all these years, it's a mystery which I could not solve? Why she chose me out of all people , preferred someone who was dirty , shabby and ran around with grumbling tummy'.!
Now...As she stood just an inch away, I felt this compulsion to get charge and run away, somewhere far away from her..Just Like I did so many years back when my whole world came crumbling down '..But a part of me is so desperate to take her back in my aching arms ' I feel this thousand emotions bursting inside me and lot more of memories, those memories which lulled me to sleep and some which woke me out of sleep '. tugging her shoulder, I stare at her intently to register every change, every expression of her face 'She hasn't changed a bit, she look just the same, the same girl who taught me to dance to the tune of vengaboyz, who played with toy guns instead of Barbie dolls, who listened to my dreams and stupidest imaginations .. Who giggled like a monster and cried like a drama queen. Who saved me in all possible way and loved me the time when I thought I least deserved it.
"Ashuthosh '" I hear her
"You are here '" I barely mumble
My heart skips a beat when I hear her hearty giggle '.There is joy, excitement and mixture of emotions oozing out of her eyes "How are you? And where were you? And why you just disappeared?" She stares at me in fake anger'
Before I could reply, her phone ring; I wait patiently for her to finish her call '."baba, Haan I am with Ashuthosh, yes 'I will be coming home , yes baba ..I am on my way " she smile staring at me .
"Its baba 'I have to go back home 'How about this, tomorrow morning, I will come over at your place for breakfast '.prepare our favorite paneer sandwich with extra chilies?"
"You still remember our paneer sandwich?" I ask her, grinning ear to ear
" of course '.Even I remember that one day after eating dozen sandwiches you spent whole day in bathroom " She laugh out loudly , the same devilish laugh ..The laughter which always flung my universe in kaleidoscope of new hopes '!
When I was 8, I met one boy. He was skinny and he wore extra big clothes to cover his bony self, he had kind eyes and a golden heart. He used to sit at far end of class, away from all laughter and enjoyment, as if he does not deserve to be part of any happiness ' it was my first days in my new school and when teacher asked me sit wherever I feel like, I stared at him and involuntary my legs lead me towards him 'Later when day ended, I extended my hand 'I saw him hesitating, fidgeting for few seconds and then as if he made up his mind..He smiled at me and shook my hand and muttered "I am Ashuthosh"
"Ashuthosh "grew up in one of those houses beside mine and Rohan lived in the other end'.I have long history with both of them which includes counting stars sitting in our rooftop, swimming in lake side when sun is high on top. Eating sugarcane fresh out of farm '..We were remarkably close while growing up, 3 of us until Ashuthosh just disappeared out our life 'It was 3 of us, Ashuthosh ,Rohan and Nidhi'Not only Rohan and Nidhi!
"Good morning, I was all set to pick you up in case you find difficulty to track my address?" he comes outside grinning '.
He look handsome and healthy, not the lanky, skinny boy whom I knew for so long ' As he lead me inside, I wander in his big house 'There is a whole lot of section filled with books and music CD's , there are photographs of his baba and us' myself Rohan and Ashuthosh. !
There is a sharp edge to those memories, an uncanny pain every time I touched it. As I look at him, now after all these years 'I wonder Why Ashuthosh left us? Why he preferred to stay away from us ' it is a mystery which I could not solve, just like why Rohan chose to betray me? There is no answer to those questions just acceptance that it was meant to happen and it happened '
"You still listen to Nick traina?" I touch soft fabric of CD pack where a whole lot of "Nick's"collections were placed.
"Nick traina was not my cup of tea'.you remember who liked it, our punk rock star Rohan. He gave me this on my 17th birthday "he grin
"So 'How come you are here?" he glances at me as I try my best to hide my ache '
"Oh 'its nothing, I work for one NGO ... They needed someone over here" I reply checking his book shelves
"What is it you do?"
"I am a grief counselor "
"What's that?" he looks up in surprise
"I help people to cope with their loss '"
"That's interesting ''" he smile
"So how is he? Rohan? I heard that 'Hmm'you both are together...I mean decided to get married ' I am happy for both of you" he smile
I hold myself with such reverse and struggle hard to smile 'I try my best to hide my ache because I don't to know neither what to respond nor how'.I so want to tell him everything and get over with it but I just could not 'something in me stop me the moment I meet his questioning eyes'
"Ashuthosh, I am so hungry 'Are those sandwiches ready" I ask him just to avoid his intense gaze and something in his face, his look tell me that...He understood that something is not right and nothing is right in my life '..
But strangely, he never asks anything again '!
I can never get mistaken with that look, I know she is hiding something...She could tell, I can tell with one glance, one look, one simple instant 'it was her eyes, they were sad and aloof '.
I was jerked out of my thoughts when my phone beeped; it was an emergency'A woman in her late 20's lied on ER table. Her reports showed that during early morning she began to feel pressure in her diaphragm and chest area. The pain had gotten so bad that she asked to be taken to the hospital... she was barely conscious by the time she rushed to ER'Even though Everyone tried their best but in the end we could not save her'.There was lot of internal bleeding and everything just got spiraled'
As I came out of ER, dejected and helpless...I saw her husband standing with a pale look on his face '. I saw His pale face, tighten and layers of sadness cover his worn out face as I broke this news, I saw his throat convulse spitting his grief in deep heavy sob 'Looking at him I wondered did my baba sobbed like this when I was born and when my mother died in there just like this 'Did he grieved just like this
Suddenly I felt an urge to break free and run 'It swells inside me with shocking suddenness.
I dash through corridors and plunged into small square shrubs near entrance, cold air shrills my face as I suck in lungful of air till my face tingle '.Standing there I see her, Nidhi coming towards me smilingly , she lift her face and peer at me, I worry her gaze which can see through me , my pain '.Before she could say anything I mumble " I '.could not save her '.I tried Nidhi but 'it just " her hands tighten around my shoulder as she whisper "That's ok 'you are not at fault" I feel the same magic , same reassurance in her voice which always lifted my spirit from the pit of my sadness , 'Always whenever Baba accused me that I am the reason for all his misfortune , whenever people pushed me away 'were unkind to me , looked at me with a sneer and called me ""grumbling tummy "'.I found same magic and reassurance in her voice , in her presence .
While growing up, We had our set of roles 'Ashuthosh and Rohan, they were poles apart 'Rohan was very outspoken and carefree, he was ultimate flirt, charming'girls adored him, he jumped from one relationship to another, never getting tired, never sticking to one until he asked me out 'I always found him greedy for more and restless under his own flesh and bones.
But Ashuthosh was very introvert; he liked to keep things to himself '.He was deep and full of ideas. He was someone you can trust... Always shy around girls, I never saw him showing slightest interest towards anyone .He was perfect gentlemen, polite, soft-spoken, warm and charming in his own way.
I still remember, he used to carry one journal wherever he go and scribble something'.Once Out of curiosity I managed to read through few pages, it was a grey September day where pale sun shined through his scribbling '
"I long for the day
When I can shed my skin
And take the whole world
Lift the rocks that encircle me
And hurl them towards the sea
Stomp my feet deep into the fire
Pluck the stars from sky
And create a basket of lite
So the world can see
How much you mean to me 'What you are to me!"
It is a line from "basket of lite" by Konai Helu Thaman ' I remember reading it ,his blunt handwriting... and suddenly feeling possessive and jealous thinking about the girl ashuthosh love with all his heart '.!
"Nidhi ...Do you think, we get tickets '.it is so crowded here "Ashuthosh look at me in confusion and irritation '
"Yes, now stand here 'I will make sure, we get it 'I am so waiting to watch this movie " I give him, his extra cheese , extra mayoneese burger
"I hate this junk food Nidhi, I told you so many times not eat these things ...It's not good for health "
"This is the problem having a friend who is a doctor "I glare at him
We stand like that for a long time, "Do you love Sid '." I ask him
" who is Sid ??" Ashuthosh peer at me in confusion
" He is a ground sloth "
" What ?"
"Ashuthosh, it is a character in this movie 'He is portrayed as clumsy, annoying, fast talking and slow moving '." I reply taking a bite of my burger
"You are still a kiddo...Never grown out of your liking towards cartoon "he Chuckle
"Hello! This is movie not only for kids '.anyone can watch and stop calling me kiddo "I stare at him in fake anger
"Stop it Ashuthosh '."
"You are still a kiddo '." I push him away...unmoved by my annoyance and angry glare ' he smile staring at me which seems genuinely sweet that unexpected warmth rushes through my skin, through my heart '!
As I blurt out "I am not a kiddo '"
I am exteremely sorry for being late , I hope you are all like this part too ...Let me know
Joined: 05 June 2012
Joined: 06 September 2012
Joined: 08 February 2013
Joined: 29 June 2012
Joined: 29 September 2012
Joined: 06 September 2012
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