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Marriage.. the Pavitra Rishta!

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boreddamsel

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Posted: 09 March 2013 at 8:17pm | IP Logged
Having always believed marriage to be a holy institution .. I was shocked when someone asked me point blank, why do you want to get married? Two of my closest friends, they have been living together for the past 14 years... and they have a 11 year old son... and they are as "married" as any other couple I have known. Well, yes they don't wear a ring or enjoy the benefits given by the US government to married couples .. but they are happy and together, refer to each other as husband and wife.. and their son is the sanest and smartest kid I have ever seen! In fact when my friend asked me why should someone get married, I brought up the topic of security .. you know how being married will ensure that that person will be with you forever.. and then I realized how dumb I sounded given the amount of divorces that happen now! Yes, if you are married you might think twice before walking away .. but then again isn't it better to walk away than to compromise for the sake of a "sacred bond"?

I realized I had nothing to say to him.. so I never broached the subject again. When you get married, how do you know if its because you really want to .. or because society wants you to? Agreed.. you want to spend the rest of your life with someone.. but why get married to that person .. why can't you just live with them for the rest of your life.. have kids, buy a house, grow old with that person! Isn't the love you share more sacred than that piece of paper .. the marriage certificate? Agreed you can just get married 'coz thats what society expects you to do.. but really, is there any other reason for getting married?


I did explore DM before posting this... the same topic was last posted in 2005, and since 8 years have passed, I guess people's views have changed.. and hence its alright to post it again! 

I also found this thread : http://www.india-forums.com/forum_posts.asp?TID=3396128 that was posted two months ago, but that question is different. 


Edited by boreddamsel - 09 March 2013 at 8:30pm

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King-Anu

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Posted: 09 March 2013 at 8:43pm | IP Logged
The difference between humans and animals is that we have developed frameworks to live our lives. Laws are an example. Most people dont end up doing any crime but they still follow the laws. Its a framework. Similarly marriage is the best framework for a relationship between 2 people. It does not guarantee 100 percent success and relationship outside of this dont have to fail either. However it gives direction, focus, prevents hasty decisions, keeps healthy pressure to make possible compromises and most importantly shows commitment and sincerity on part of the two individuals. All these things can be present ina live in either. However marriage adds consequences to it. If you are sincere and honest then you should be able to face those consequenses.
 


Edited by King-Anu - 09 March 2013 at 8:49pm

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boreddamsel

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Posted: 09 March 2013 at 8:48pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by King-Anu

The difference between humans and animals is that we have developed frameworks to live our lives. Laws are an example. Most people dont end up doing any crime but they still follow the laws. Its a framework. Similarly marriage is the best framework for a relationship between 2 people. It does not guarantee 100 percent success and relationship outside of this dont have to fail either. However it gives direction, focus, prevents hasty decisions, keeps healthy pressure to make possible compromises and most importantly shows commitment and sincerity on part of the two individuals. All these things can be present ina live in either. However marriage adds consequences to it. If you are sincere and honest then you should be able to face those consequenses.
 

Agreed. I like your view of frameworks!
But if someone is sincere and honest, why wouldn't they want to face the consequences while in a live-in?


Edited by boreddamsel - 09 March 2013 at 9:01pm

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Posted: 09 March 2013 at 8:54pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by boreddamsel

Originally posted by King-Anu

The difference between humans and animals is that we have developed frameworks to live our lives. Laws are an example. Most people dont end up doing any crime but they still follow the laws. Its a framework. Similarly marriage is the best framework for a relationship between 2 people. It does not guarantee 100 percent success and relationship outside of this dont have to fail either. However it gives direction, focus, prevents hasty decisions, keeps healthy pressure to make possible compromises and most importantly shows commitment and sincerity on part of the two individuals. All these things can be present ina live in either. However marriage adds consequences to it. If you are sincere and honest then you should be able to face those consequenses.
 
 

Agreed. I like your view of frameworks!
But if someone is sincere and honest, why wouldn't they want to face the consequences while in a live-in?
 
I dont think there are consequences in live-ins. Thats the attraction for people. It does not come with baggage. With marriage there can be issues related to divorce, financial issues etc.
 
In the end what gurantees relationship is sincerity, interest and not a contract like marriage. Unfortunately most people are not clear in sincereity, interest and these things are subject to change. In filmi terms its sounds great but reality is that human change with time. It is similar to me claiming well why should I follow laws when I have not broken any law. Thats not imporant. I might break law tomorrow. In same manner and to cover that aspect marriage is a better option.
 
Edit: lol ok i replied since you asked the question. Hope I have clarified. thanks.


Edited by King-Anu - 09 March 2013 at 8:55pm

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moomin4455

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Posted: 09 March 2013 at 9:04pm | IP Logged
I'll be honest, I think the best aspects of being married are that some laws may support married couples, they may get more tax breaks. The divorce rate in the UK and US is hilariously high - in the UK it's 50%!

Tougher economic times have meant that even if people believe in the institution of marriage they just don't get married because weddings can be expensive. Divorce is also messy too with the division of assets that needs to occur...

Do I believe in marriage? I would be happy just living with my partner. I think the promises you make to each other to be faithful, honest etc are just as valid when done without the ceremony of a wedding. It's like education: if you're going to be a good student you'll be a good student regardless of where you study because you have the will to do it. Similarly if you're going to be a good husband/wife you'll be so without the institution of marriage. How many married people have crappy marriages, where either partner is unfaithful or there's a lack of respect, or just lose interest in each other? I would say quite a few. 

Marriage has been made important for me because of pressure from parents/society etc, but that's not my personal opinion.

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boreddamsel

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Posted: 09 March 2013 at 9:13pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by moomin4455

I'll be honest, I think the best aspects of being married are that some laws may support married couples, they may get more tax breaks. The divorce rate in the UK and US is hilariously high - in the UK it's 50%!

Tougher economic times have meant that even if people believe in the institution of marriage they just don't get married because weddings can be expensive. Divorce is also messy too with the division of assets that needs to occur...

Do I believe in marriage? I would be happy just living with my partner. I think the promises you make to each other to be faithful, honest etc are just as valid when done without the ceremony of a wedding. It's like education: if you're going to be a good student you'll be a good student regardless of where you study because you have the will to do it. Similarly if you're going to be a good husband/wife you'll be so without the institution of marriage. How many married people have crappy marriages, where either partner is unfaithful or there's a lack of respect, or just lose interest in each other? I would say quite a few. 

Marriage has been made important for me because of pressure from parents/society etc, but that's not my personal opinion.

B.. I totally understand .. and you know what I definitely agree. And trust me it ain't pretty if you get married to the wrong dude..!!
To be honest.. I think the only reason I want to get married is because I want to have kids someday and I doubt my family would be alright with me having babies out of wedlock!

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Posted: 09 March 2013 at 9:27pm | IP Logged
Interesting question, Arti. Marriage, in this day and age may have variant meaning as compared to what it was initially intended to have. Some hundreds of years ago, marriage did not just mean what it meant to the 2 people it bound together. It also meant as a fair demonstration to the rest of the world that the said 2 people are committed to each other and "unavailable"! Isn't that the premise of the mangalsutra too? 

So, why marry in this day and age? Partly, social pressure/stigma, perhaps? Partly, we have all grown up (esp. girls) dreaming of our prince charming, a wedding and a happy married life?

Let's be honest when a man says he wants to "make an honest woman out of you", it means he is promising you that he wants you to be a part of his life and he wants to be a part of yours... for a whole lifetime. That, in some cases may not actually last a lifetime is something no one can guarantee. Because marriage, as any other human relationship, is in a constant state of flux.

I will err on the side of marriage, well... because I am married! Tongue Dunno if I answered your question, but I don't see the harm in standing together as a unit and later as a family. It feels good to belong and have the world now you belong together.  Smile I am however not for extravagant weddings! The money spent on some weddings these days can feed hundreds of people. That, I don't like!


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nishabee

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Posted: 09 March 2013 at 9:31pm | IP Logged
I think there is something very deeply romantic and beautiful about marriage. It's an important commitment. I understand that it doesn't suit everybody and that's okay too, because to each his own. In India they say that when you marry someone you are marrying their family. That's true in a way, and to me, that's another beautiful part about marriage. It expands our families and gives us a sense of security in more ways than one. It's not always rosy, and trust me, I have my fair share of nosy in-laws and all of that, but I wouldn't want to be isolated and not have that official relationship status with my husband and his relatives

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