Joined: 28 March 2008
I slipped under the thick blanket and lied straight for a second before a cold shiver ran down. It wasn't cold, couldn't be. March was half way through and winter had long bid adieu yet I felt oddly cold. I rubbed my hands together but the cold stayed, I shivered again. I was so cold. The chill ran deep as if it was in my bones. I was lying in thick blanket of snow it felt. I was that cold.
I closed my eyes in an effort to welcome my long lost friend sleep but the action made my eyes sting more. I had been crying a while ago you see, the tears were gone but my eyes were being unusually sensitive and burnt. Again I snuggled in my blanket waiting for sleep to come, waiting for the familiar sense of relief it brought but it usually visited at wrong times and abandoned me when I most needed it. I closed my eyes, made a firm effort to sleep and it almost felt like we were getting along but...my mind played the devil. It kept replaying the images from earlier that evening.
I kept hearing his words, hurting me making me feel of a lesser kind. I knew he never approved me of much. I was a big disappointment to him and he left no chance to make it clear. His few and rare words of adulation didn't make much difference as mostly his grim expression upon seeing me said it all. That evening was no different, once again through his well chosen few words he declared that how wrong I was. I had done nothing worth mentioning in my life. I was a disappointment. The little support that she used to give even that was missing. Clearly I have done plenty wrong in my life. Correction, my worthless life.
A fresh flood of tears surged up as the words kept haunting me but I refused to let them out. No I had done enough crying for tonight, no more. For a moment as the pain in the chest grew I even contemplated taking those magic pills that promised long undisturbed sleep in the forever land. I knew a little bottle was stashed away in the back of the cupboard I could have easily slipped in a few...or more but then again my cold body made it hard to move. Taking a deep breath I waited for sleep and it finally came to me. A little warmth crept in along with it. The magical sleep...my mind whispered but no, it shall have to wait till another night.
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Joined: 28 March 2008
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