Joined: 01 January 2013
Joined: 10 April 2011
Joined: 10 October 2012
Chapter - 4
What followed was uneasy quiet...though of few moments...but it seemed aeons to both. Nidhi was caught off guard and Ashutosh who felt to have driven crazy by his impulses... hoping for the best and expecting worst...waited anxiously for her reaction. Rahul's murmur... Didi please open its wrap...brought her out of her daze...she slowly opened its gift wrapping to please the Rahul who was slowly dozing off due to the medicines he had taken. He in a state of slumber...eyes half open muttered...vow fruit and nut dark chocolate...your fav..ou...rite. Nidhi slowly and affectionately ruffles his hair as he closes his eyes and turn towards Ashutosh pretending as if she has not been able to comprehend the connotations in his words, placing the chocolate on the bed on Ashutosh's side near his hand and utters:
Sir therez no need for this... what I did was
my wish, it was my intense desire to make this little tot feel happy I don't
need any rewards or gifts for this. Ashutosh
raised his head and glanced at Nidhi but before he could respond a nurse came
looking for Dr. Nidhi to tell her that she has been immediately called to ICU
by Dr. Behl. Nidhi gestured towards Ashutosh indicating she'll have to take his
leave to which he nodded in affirmation. Breathing a sigh of relief she felt
the greatest thing that could have happened at the moment was the thing that
just happened, she literally fled from the place leaving behind dejected Dr. Ashutosh.
Her heart was pounding fast when she reached ICU but by the time she came out, her
heart was beating in normal rhythm. She took her things from her cabin and left
for home. While driving to her home her mind starts pondering about what
happened between them. She was assessing her riposte to the revelation he was
intending to make and suddenly the thought strikes her mind what if ...what if
he has taken her reaction as amiss... she shrugged her shoulders
muttering...so what??? ...and drives her car humming to a song playing on music
player in her car.
Ashutosh too left the ward the moment Nidhi left for ICU taking along the chocolate. He was miffed at himself he slumped into the chair in his cabin pondering how she might have taken his words. Though she courteously returned the chocolate but he wasn't able to infer anything from her reaction. Was she annoyed??? Or she was simply trying to evade the situation not sure how she should react??? Was it too early??? Or was he not able to perceive rightly what he saw in her eyes??? Then what was that he had seen shining in her eyes for quite some time??? He was trying to reason her reaction though he wasn't clear what he should deduce, he wasn't able to comprehend anything. He so wished to lay bare his feelings for her during the last few days as it was turning hard to keep distance from her..." staying close to someone you want but can't have...is extremely painful". He was truly in love with her, he was quite clear about his feelings for her but he never wished to make it difficult for her. She is young and he doesn't want to thrust his feelings on her. He knew she is aware of his feelings to some extent that is what it seemed...what he could read in her eyes. He cannot deny he was fearing rejection and abandonment...it may seem odd but it is like feeling a sense of loss over something you never had .Then suddenly the dread... the fear... he fears most, erupts in his heart...what if...what if his love is unrequited. He never felt as lonely in his life as he feels now. He has a lonely childhood in his past that still haunts him sometimes, yet not as agonising as the thought of living life without her haunts him now. He sighs in dismay...gets up...strictly orders his personal assistant to call him only in case of emergency and leaves.
He is an orphan adopted by the renowned surgeon of the city Dr. Mathur. He was found by him in a village that was hit by drought chasing a dog for a loaf of bread in dog's mouth. Dr. Mathur was himself living a recluse life at that time due to his daughter who fled and married some Army personnel quitting her medical studies. He had a wish to see her growing a proficient doctor but she had shattered all his dreams which made him so angry that he abandoned her. He found a new hope in Ashutosh and brought him up like his own son though he never adopted him legally. The duo had no one else but each other and a domestic help who too was a male and was with them before he was adopted. He had some friends and among them Malika and Arman were closest. He was enjoying life as any normal person could have with wealth, family, friends and status in a society. He always thought himself to be lucky to have found a foster father like Dr. Mathur who not only made his life and fortune but also gave him the love he won't have been able to get. But today he was feeling dejected because of her. It has been only few days since they met and she has come to mean so much to his life and the thought of not having her in his life has made his life miserable already. The state of his heart which was quite reflecting on his face atleast for the Dr. Mathur to deduce easily something is wrong with his son the moment he enters his house. Dr. Mathur who was reading a book sitting on a couch got concerned when Ashutosh entered, not aware of Dr. Mathur's presence. he was looking lost when Dr. Mathur called him to get his attention:
"Ashutosh everything Okay beta, why are you so lost"
Ashutosh: Em... Sorry Baba nothing just...everything is okay...howz your health baba you weren't feeling well.
Baba: I'm fine but you don't seem good...Anything wrong Ashu?
Ashutosh: Nothing I'm fine...he smiles brightly
Baba: You can't hide Ashu...your eyes convey to me even before you know.
Ashutosh: and what do my eyes convey?
Baba: You want your father to be frank enough???
Ashutosh: with a slight frown...why not??
Baba: looking straight into his eyes...a long pause...
Baba: They say my son is in love!
Ashutosh: What??? He averts his eyes. Come on Baba. How can you say something like that?
Baba: Grins... you may deny it today but you'll accept soon. He gets emotional Ashu I don't know... what actually has happened... but I think one should not give up so soon not in love atleast. Always know that any love worth having is worth fighting for.
Ashutosh: Avoiding "...Baba...Let me change then we'll have dinner and slips" and Baba grins.
Ashutosh after having dinner and settling his Baba in bed who was little feverish was pondering again about Nidhi. He was feeling a little better and Baba's words too have turned soother that he felt a bit at ease and was thinking about it all anew. He thought he was caught by pessimism as he was drawing a conclusion out of a reaction he hasn't been able to comprehend, ignoring everything that was in his favour. What about the expression of those dove eyes...the thought brings a little smile on his face and he starts relishing her sights...the glimpses of her...he has stored in his heart forever.
" A sigh of longing escapes his lips. She is the one who makes me smile and laugh. I can't allow fear in me take over me. If that fear resides somewhere inside me she also abodes in me and if I've to lose myself I'll lose to her."
He decidedly says
to himself he can wait for her all his life... She is worth it... and
visualising her by his side he conquers his loneliness and grabs her memories
to drift him to a nice sleep.
In the morning he gets up fresh he doesn't have any of those pessimist thoughts with him. He remembers her smiling face that was outshining even the bright morning sun rays. He smiles the brightest of smile and gets up and moves out to check on Baba. Baba's condition was not good he was running high fever. He gave him medicines and started giving him cold compresses. He decides to stay with him at home and calls Dr. Rangnath to revise and reschedule his day's appointments.
Nidhi couldn't snub the mounting disquiet in her for long... the disquiet that was revealing a feeling of loss- loss of some treasure invaluable... the moment she thought about the possible outcome of her rejoinder on him she felt a deep unknown disquiet emerging from the recesses of her heart... she tried to ignore at that time. But she felt a void inside her becoming more and more discern...an emptiness that filled her with sadness that she couldn't sleep the whole Night.
She wasn't able to
understand why she was feeling that way. His eyes were haunting her and he was
no where. She didn't know he was having day off. She was waiting to see her.
She missed the passing shadow that she has become so used to see all these
days. She thought she could see him while he takes the rounds of the wards but
he was nowhere to be seen, her face fell when she saw Dr. Malika and other Sr.
Doctors entering paediatric ward...her eyes waited for him to come in...but he
was no where...Where is he?? Is he Okay?? She realises how incomplete she was feeling when he wasn't around. She was missing the feel...she felt every time his
eyes glanced at her...the feel of that lingering glance...the glance that
quite eloquently conveyed how he yearned
for her...the feel that made her feel complete.
As day passed she
was getting more and more anxious. She so wished to ask someone about him but
she hesitated when finally Janki bai the head nurse answering Rahul's query who
was also missing him, revealed that he has taken a days off due to his father's
She felt a bit relaxed after knowing he is okay but the emptiness... the void...the disquiet in her was choking her breath...she in her troubled state finishes her duties and leaves for home but on her way her uneasiness makes her to take a turn towards a road that leads to the shrine...the Dargah she loved to visit in her turbulent times. She thought Dargah is the place where she can find solace for her heart...the divine and serene atmosphere of the Dargah can cool and calm her perturbed nerves. She parks her car and moves inside Dargah courtyard...She sits under a shade near the tree in courtyard...Dargah's whole ambience was heavenly...she always found there peace...she stayed there for quite some time...she found her agitated self feeling blissful...she started thinking coherent...and those coherent thoughts and composed self was inaudibly and gently whispering in her ears...you are in love...tears of contentment were flowing her eyes as if she suddenly found an everlasting peace she has never experienced before... she takes some flowers...but something in her makes her to drop the idea and she picks a whole bunch of red roses...to offer her obeisance...as if it wasn't...the obeisance only for the divinity inside Dargah...but also for the heavenly emotion she has gained ...the divine thing that has taken her...L..O..V..E!
Ashutosh too was
missing her badly he had in the morning asked Dr. Rangnath to mail him the duty
schedule of doctors with only one intention to know her duty timings, knowing
her shift was ending at 3.pm he had decided to visit hospital around 3.pm when
he can see her in paediatric ward which she always visits before leaving
As Baba's condition was little better he thought after having lunch he can visit hospital for sometime and hurries to get ready but a visitor- his Baba's friend from Jeevan Sandhya Hospital who has come to see his Baba made him to stay back. The Baba noticing his desperation the way he was checking his watch every single minute made him to say:
Ashu you can leave if there is any emergency in hospital.
Ashutosh: No Baba It is Okay I'm not going to hospital...because he had dropped the idea as It was already 3.10 pm he thought reaching there will take 10-15 minutes and she may have left by that time and it is good if he can try to see her on her way to home.
Baba's friend: No beta you can leave...your time is important...I'm not going to waste your time- with that he gets up. As if what happened wasn't enough to dash his plans, his baba asks him to drop the guest at some place on the way where he can easily get the bus as it was hot outside to which he had no choice but to say, " Sure Baba".
He was driving his car disheartened back to his home after droping baba's friend on a highway he had to take many routes to reach their to avoid traffic jam and it was 4.15 pm when he was driving back with a thought:
"it is impossible to see her now...as if fate conspired against me... what was wrong... I only wished a glimpse of her..." he was muttering when the car comes to halt with a screeching sound. The sight before his eyes was a spectacle to see...aah!...the fate has conspired not against but in his favour... Nidhi was coming out of Dargah...she was looking an epitome of elegance...her head clad with dupatta...she was looking ethereal...he never saw her like that...his heart was thumping... "is it a dream??? No it isn't??? The dream of my life...my life...She is looking angelic...aah!...my angel.." She was slowly moving towards him. Nidhi who was coming out in sheer peace, basking in the divine presence...beaming an angelic look...quite unaware of his presence felt his gaze as if the stare she was missing whole day was on her...she gets observant ...is he around...or I have gone mad...she try to look around to confirm her madness when she found him staring the most glazed glance leaning against his car. Nidhi got rooted to the place where she was standing...their eyes locked for sometime...when a honk from a car passing bye broke their eye lock...they averted their eyes and Nidhi slowly moved towards him :
"Hello Dr. Nidhi!...a pause...em..you here"
"yes Sir, I was at Dargah"...
"Em...You come here or today is some special reason" she gets a slight blush on mention of his special reason how can she tell him
"No Sir, I come here often...I actually feel good here...I visit this place more often" both awkwardly averting their eyes...
"Good actually I like the place myself...my father also loves to be here"
"oh! Bye the way howz he I heard hez not doing well"
"Hez fine now, thank you!" then follows an unusual silence and both look at each other averting each other's look when Nidhi utters
"Okay Sir! Bye"...
With that Nidhi moves towards her car and Ashutosh watched her walking away...then...Nidhi turns and with a passing look gets into the car...the moment he saw her turning he gazes off... Both drive their ways to home feeling contented...Nidhi was feeling her unsaid prayers were answered at Dargah... and Ashutosh felt if fate conspired it conspired in his favour...he raised his head up in thanks.
Nidhi was walking towards Ashutosh's cabin she had to discuss accident case with him. Ever since she met him at Dargah she has not been able to meet his eyes. They have been averting each other's gaze every time their eyes met. She was about to knock at the door but her heart was palpitating badly she takes deep breaths to cool her nerves and knocks:
"Come in" Ashutosh's heart skipped a beat on seeing her he was sitting on a settee in his cabin and was studying some report.
"Sir we have received an accident case a boy with head injury so I want to show you the reports and discuss future course of action"
"Sure! Please have seat...howz the boy now"
"Stable... Sir...here are the reports sir" He was a 11 year old boy injured in a motor vehicle-bicycle collision. He was struck by a truck in a rural area while riding his bicycle home from school. He was thrown over 30 feet in the air and struck a rock wall. The driver left the scene of the collision and Harsh-the boy was found bleeding from his ears and in unconsciousness approximately 30 minutes later by another driver. He was taken by ambulance to the emergency department of a local hospital and stabilized. Now he was brought to KGH due to the severity of his head injury. Ashutosh Checks his reports and asks:
"And what do you think should be the future course of action?"
"Sir I think He needs to be operated on to remove a large subdural
hematoma. Then he needs to be evaluated by physical medicine and a core of
rehabilitation therapies to improve his range of motion, feeding and
swallowing, and his ability to attend and respond to his environment".
Ashutosh was impressed "Em! I agree but he immediately needs surgery I think we can schedule in a day or two" another knock on the door brings Malika in.
Malika: Ashutosh I need your signatures on this file
Ashutosh: yeah sure one minute
Malika: Ashutosh can I take the sample tablets I gave you yesterday
Ashutosh: yeah..they are in the drawer...and Malika moves to take the sample tables she opens the drawer
Malika: Vow! Chocolate! Em... I was feeling hungry while she utters she takes the chocolate and tablets and come back towards Ashutosh. Ashutosh gets alarmed with an awkward look at Nidhi who was also looking at him
"Nooo you cannot have this...in fact no body can have this...this belongs to someone else ...this is not mine" and with that he literally snatches the chocolate from her hands and places that on table. She is surprised to see Ashutosh behave like this and for a chocolate.
"what is so special in this chocolate that nobody can have this and to whom does this belong, you can buy another one"
" Malika this is Rahul's... he replies with an awkwardness Nidhi's presence has made the situation little bit awkward. They have never discussed the chocolate... since then he always felt Nidhi averting her eyes and he wasn't wishing to make her uneasy... and continues "I bought this for Rahul on his birthday... I have already given it to him...its now his...I can buy a dozen more for you but I can't let you have this one'.
Malika sighs in dismay "Okay!" shrugging her shoulders takes his signature on the file and leaves behind uncomfortable Ashutosh and Nidhi...after some time Nidhi breaks silence
"Sir...why didn't you allow Dr. Malika to have this chocolate...it wasn't such a big thing"
Ashutosh with a deep sigh "No it was...to me it was...because I feel when you give something...you give that unconditionally in the true spirit of giving...it is the discretion of recipient to do whatever the person wants to do with whatever you've given" he utters the last few words huskily that wrenches Nidhi's heart. He hands over her the reports and file of the accident case they were discussing "I think you check with Dr. Rangnath and see if we can fit his surgery in next one or two days with my schedule"
"sure Sir" She gets up and he with a squint look sees her hand moving towards the chocolate... she takes the chocolate and utters"Sir I think itz not good to waste this sweet thing" and turns to leave, after taking a few steps, with a smirk she says..."and Sir I have already thanked Rahul for this" and hurries to move out. Ashutosh was on cloud Nine he leans back on sette...laughing and mutters Nidhiii Thank you!!!.
Next day when she saw him she felt his awkwardness was gone Nidhi felt his stare has turned again that persistent and lingering and he was not averting his eyes now but she was still hesitant she knew her feelings for him but she just wasn't ready to make her feelings open. Ashutosh had a surgery planned in afternoon which he cancelled as the patient's condition wasn't stable instead he thought to carry on with the surgery of the boy with head injury. He ordered Malika to check the boy's condition and see if he can be operated at that time. Malika checked every thing and thought him fit to be operated upon she assigns duties to the team of doctors and informs Ashutosh. When he checks the list he orders her to take out the name of Nidhi. He knew that she has to be in the list as she was treating the boy but he ordered Malika to replace her with some other paediatrician.
Malika : Why ? she is a good doctor you know that... you have appreciated her always..then???
Ashutosh: I said replace her thatz it...do I need to give you the explanation???
Malika felt he was getting angry and it was not good to confront or argue ...and she agreed.
Ashutosh was feeling bad but he had to take this decision he knew she'll be hurt when she'll come to know about this but therez no other way out.
Ashutosh was leaving OT...surgery was successful...the parents of boy were thanking him...he was feeling happy for them but his heart was hurting...hurting for the hurt he gave to her...his feet took him to paediatric ward...he wanted to see her...with heavy heart and slow feet he was moving towards the ward when he saw her in the lobby... she was coming from the other side he slowed his pace when she passed by but she didn't stop neither she looked at him...she was miffed was quite evident...He sighed frustratingly ...not knowing what to do he moves out...he thought he needed fresh air...after taking a stroll upto his car he comes back and slumps into the chair in his cabin. He wasn't talking to any one just saw a few patients and then directed his assistant not to disturb him. After an half an hour he checks time as it was time for Nidhi's shift to end and with the intention that he can talk to her in paediatric ward he gets up and leaves, he was on his way when he saw her leaving towards main entrance... he saw a young man smiling at Nidhi at the reception area...Nidhi taking her steps nearer to him, gives him a side hug and both leave...leaving behind dumb struck Ashutosh...
Joined: 18 January 2012
WOW...thank you...i thought all are sleeping am the only one awake...
Joined: 10 October 2012
WOW...thank you...i thought all are sleeping am the only one awake...
Joined: 10 October 2012
Joined: 18 January 2012
Joined: 01 May 2012
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