I know I'm a bit late but Suvika this one is for you.
Chapter - 4
What followed was
uneasy quiet...though of few moments...but it seemed aeons to both. Nidhi was
caught off guard and Ashutosh who felt to have driven crazy by his impulses...
hoping for the best and expecting worst...waited anxiously for her reaction. Rahul's
murmur... Didi please open its wrap...brought her out of her daze...she
slowly opened its gift wrapping to please the Rahul who was slowly dozing off
due to the medicines he had taken. He in a state of slumber...eyes half open
muttered...vow fruit and nut dark chocolate...your fav..ou...rite. Nidhi slowly and affectionately ruffles his
hair as he closes his eyes and turn towards Ashutosh pretending as if she has
not been able to comprehend the connotations in his words, placing the
chocolate on the bed on Ashutosh's side near his hand and utters:
Sir therez no need for this... what I did was
my wish, it was my intense desire to make this little tot feel happy I don't
need any rewards or gifts for this. Ashutosh
raised his head and glanced at Nidhi but before he could respond a nurse came
looking for Dr. Nidhi to tell her that she has been immediately called to ICU
by Dr. Behl. Nidhi gestured towards Ashutosh indicating she'll have to take his
leave to which he nodded in affirmation. Breathing a sigh of relief she felt
the greatest thing that could have happened at the moment was the thing that
just happened, she literally fled from the place leaving behind dejected Dr. Ashutosh.
Her heart was pounding fast when she reached ICU but by the time she came out, her
heart was beating in normal rhythm. She took her things from her cabin and left
for home. While driving to her home her mind starts pondering about what
happened between them. She was assessing her riposte to the revelation he was
intending to make and suddenly the thought strikes her mind what if ...what if
he has taken her reaction as amiss... she shrugged her shoulders
muttering...so what??? ...and drives her car humming to a song playing on music
player in her car.
Ashutosh too left
the ward the moment Nidhi left for ICU taking along the chocolate. He was miffed
at himself he slumped into the chair in his cabin pondering how she might have
taken his words. Though she courteously returned the chocolate but he wasn't
able to infer anything from her reaction. Was she annoyed??? Or she was simply
trying to evade the situation not sure how she should react??? Was it too
early??? Or was he not able to perceive rightly what he saw in her eyes??? Then
what was that he had seen shining in her eyes for quite some time??? He was
trying to reason her reaction though he wasn't clear what he should deduce, he
wasn't able to comprehend anything. He so wished to lay bare his feelings for
her during the last few days as it was turning hard to keep distance from
her..." staying close to someone you want but can't have...is extremely
painful". He was truly in love with her, he was quite clear about his feelings
for her but he never wished to make it difficult for her. She is young and he
doesn't want to thrust his feelings on her. He knew she is aware of his
feelings to some extent that is what it seemed...what he could read in her
eyes. He cannot deny he was fearing
rejection and abandonment...it may seem odd but it is like feeling a sense of
loss over something you never had .Then suddenly the dread... the fear... he
fears most, erupts in his heart...what if...what if his love is unrequited. He
never felt as lonely in his life as he feels now. He has a lonely childhood in
his past that still haunts him sometimes, yet not as agonising as the thought
of living life without her haunts him now. He sighs in dismay...gets up...strictly
orders his personal assistant to call him only in case of emergency and leaves.
He is an orphan adopted by the renowned
surgeon of the city Dr. Mathur. He was found by him in a village that was hit
by drought chasing a dog for a loaf of bread in dog's mouth. Dr. Mathur was
himself living a recluse life at that time due to his daughter who fled and
married some Army personnel quitting her medical studies. He had a wish to see her
growing a proficient doctor but she had shattered all his dreams which made him
so angry that he abandoned her. He found a new hope in Ashutosh and brought him
up like his own son though he never adopted him legally. The duo had no one
else but each other and a domestic help who too was a male and was with them
before he was adopted. He had some friends and among them Malika and Arman were
closest. He was enjoying life as any normal person could have with wealth,
family, friends and status in a society. He always thought himself to be lucky
to have found a foster father like Dr. Mathur who not only made his life and
fortune but also gave him the love he won't have been able to get. But today he
was feeling dejected because of her. It has been only few days since they met
and she has come to mean so much to his life and the thought of not having her in
his life has made his life miserable already. The state of his heart which was
quite reflecting on his face atleast for the Dr. Mathur to deduce easily something
is wrong with his son the moment he enters his house. Dr. Mathur who was
reading a book sitting on a couch got concerned when Ashutosh entered, not aware
of Dr. Mathur's presence. he was looking lost when Dr. Mathur called him to get
his attention:
"Ashutosh
everything Okay beta, why are you so lost"
Ashutosh: Em...
Sorry Baba nothing just...everything is okay...howz your health baba you
weren't feeling well.
Baba: I'm fine but
you don't seem good...Anything wrong Ashu?
Ashutosh: Nothing
I'm fine...he smiles brightly
Baba: You can't hide
Ashu...your eyes convey to me even before you know.
Ashutosh: and what
do my eyes convey?
Baba: You want your
father to be frank enough???
Ashutosh: with a
slight frown...why not??
Baba: looking
straight into his eyes...a long pause...
Ashutosh:
what...???
Baba: They say my
son is in love!
Ashutosh: What???
He averts his eyes. Come on Baba. How can you say something like that?
Baba: Grins... you
may deny it today but you'll accept soon. He gets emotional Ashu I don't know...
what actually has happened... but I think one should not give up so soon not
in love atleast. Always know that any love worth having is worth fighting for.
Ashutosh: Avoiding "...Baba...Let
me change then we'll have dinner and slips" and Baba grins.
Ashutosh after
having dinner and settling his Baba in bed who was little feverish was
pondering again about Nidhi. He was feeling a little better and Baba's words too
have turned soother that he felt a bit at ease and was thinking about it all
anew. He thought he was caught by pessimism as he was drawing a conclusion out
of a reaction he hasn't been able to comprehend, ignoring everything that was
in his favour. What about the expression of those dove eyes...the thought
brings a little smile on his face and he starts relishing her sights...the
glimpses of her...he has stored in his heart forever.
" A sigh of longing
escapes his lips. She is the one who makes me smile and laugh. I can't allow
fear in me take over me. If that fear resides somewhere inside me she also
abodes in me and if I've to lose myself I'll lose to her."
He decidedly says
to himself he can wait for her all his life... She is worth it... and
visualising her by his side he conquers his loneliness and grabs her memories
to drift him to a nice sleep.
In the morning he
gets up fresh he doesn't have any of those pessimist thoughts with him. He
remembers her smiling face that was outshining even the bright morning sun
rays. He smiles the brightest of smile and gets up and moves out to check on
Baba. Baba's condition was not good he was running high fever. He gave him
medicines and started giving him cold compresses. He decides to stay with him at
home and calls Dr. Rangnath to revise and reschedule his day's appointments.
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Nidhi couldn't snub
the mounting disquiet in her for long... the disquiet that was revealing a
feeling of loss- loss of some treasure invaluable... the moment she thought
about the possible outcome of her rejoinder on him she felt a deep unknown
disquiet emerging from the recesses of her heart... she tried to ignore
at that time. But she felt a void inside her becoming more and more discern...an
emptiness that filled her with sadness that she couldn't sleep the whole Night.
She wasn't able to
understand why she was feeling that way. His eyes were haunting her and he was
no where. She didn't know he was having day off. She was waiting to see her.
She missed the passing shadow that she has become so used to see all these
days. She thought she could see him while he takes the rounds of the wards but
he was nowhere to be seen, her face fell when she saw Dr. Malika and other Sr.
Doctors entering paediatric ward...her eyes waited for him to come in...but he
was no where...Where is he?? Is he Okay?? She realises how incomplete she was feeling when he wasn't around. She was missing the feel...she felt every time his
eyes glanced at her...the feel of that lingering glance...the glance that
quite eloquently conveyed how he yearned
for her...the feel that made her feel complete.
As day passed she
was getting more and more anxious. She so wished to ask someone about him but
she hesitated when finally Janki bai the head nurse answering Rahul's query who
was also missing him, revealed that he has taken a days off due to his father's
ill health.
She felt a bit
relaxed after knowing he is okay but the emptiness... the void...the disquiet
in her was choking her breath...she in her troubled state finishes her duties
and leaves for home but on her way her uneasiness makes her to take a turn
towards a road that leads to the shrine...the Dargah she loved to visit in her
turbulent times. She thought Dargah is the place where she can find solace for
her heart...the divine and serene atmosphere of the Dargah can cool and calm
her perturbed nerves. She parks her car and moves inside Dargah courtyard...She
sits under a shade near the tree in courtyard...Dargah's whole ambience was
heavenly...she always found there peace...she stayed there for quite some
time...she found her agitated self
feeling blissful...she started thinking
coherent...and those coherent thoughts and composed self was inaudibly and
gently whispering in her ears...you are in love...tears of contentment were
flowing her eyes as if she suddenly found an everlasting peace she has never
experienced before... she takes some flowers...but something in her makes her
to drop the idea and she picks a whole bunch of red roses...to offer her
obeisance...as if it wasn't...the obeisance only for the divinity inside
Dargah...but also for the heavenly emotion she has gained ...the divine thing
that has taken her...L..O..V..E!
Ashutosh too was
missing her badly he had in the morning asked Dr. Rangnath to mail him the duty
schedule of doctors with only one intention to know her duty timings, knowing
her shift was ending at 3.pm he had decided to visit hospital around 3.pm when
he can see her in paediatric ward which she always visits before leaving
hospital.
As Baba's condition
was little better he thought after having lunch he can visit hospital for
sometime and hurries to get ready but a visitor- his Baba's friend from Jeevan
Sandhya Hospital who has come to see his Baba made him to stay back. The Baba
noticing his desperation the way he was checking his watch every single minute
made him to say:
Ashu you can leave
if there is any emergency in hospital.
Ashutosh: No Baba
It is Okay I'm not going to hospital...because he had dropped the idea as It
was already 3.10 pm he thought reaching there will take 10-15 minutes and she
may have left by that time and it is good if he can try to see her on her way
to home.
Baba's friend: No
beta you can leave...your time is important...I'm not going to waste your time-
with that he gets up. As if what happened wasn't enough to dash his plans, his
baba asks him to drop the guest at some place on the way where he can easily
get the bus as it was hot outside to which he had no choice but to say, " Sure
Baba".
He was driving his
car disheartened back to his home after droping baba's friend on a highway he
had to take many routes to reach their to avoid traffic jam and it was 4.15 pm
when he was driving back with a thought:
"it is impossible
to see her now...as if fate conspired against me... what was wrong... I
only wished a glimpse of her..." he was muttering when the car comes to halt
with a screeching sound. The sight before his eyes was a spectacle to see...aah!...the
fate has conspired not against but in his favour... Nidhi was coming out of
Dargah...she was looking an epitome of elegance...her head clad with
dupatta...she was looking ethereal...he never saw her like that...his heart was
thumping... "is it a dream??? No it isn't??? The dream of my life...my
life...She is looking angelic...aah!...my angel.." She was slowly moving towards him. Nidhi who
was coming out in sheer peace, basking in the divine presence...beaming an angelic
look...quite unaware of his presence felt his gaze as if the stare she was
missing whole day was on her...she gets observant ...is he around...or I have
gone mad...she try to look around to confirm her madness when she found him
staring the most glazed glance leaning against his car. Nidhi got rooted to the
place where she was standing...their eyes locked for sometime...when a honk
from a car passing bye broke their eye lock...they averted their eyes and Nidhi
slowly moved towards him :
"Hello
Sir"...
"Hello Dr. Nidhi!...a pause...em..you here"
"yes Sir, I was at
Dargah"...
"Em...You come here or today is some special
reason" she gets a slight blush on mention of his special reason how can she
tell him
"No Sir, I come
here often...I actually feel good here...I visit this place more often" both
awkwardly averting their eyes...
"Good actually I
like the place myself...my father also loves to be here"
"oh! Bye the way
howz he I heard hez not doing well"
"Hez fine now,
thank you!" then follows an unusual silence
and both look at each other averting each other's look when Nidhi utters
"Okay Sir!
Bye"...
"Bye"
With that Nidhi
moves towards her car and Ashutosh watched her walking away...then...Nidhi
turns and with a passing look gets into the car...the moment he saw her turning
he gazes off... Both drive their ways to home feeling contented...Nidhi was
feeling her unsaid prayers were answered at Dargah... and Ashutosh felt if fate
conspired it conspired in his favour...he raised his head up in thanks.
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Nidhi was walking
towards Ashutosh's cabin she had to discuss accident case with him. Ever since
she met him at Dargah she has not been able to meet his eyes. They have been
averting each other's gaze every time their eyes met. She was about to knock at
the door but her heart was palpitating badly she takes deep breaths to cool her
nerves and knocks:
"Come in" Ashutosh's
heart skipped a beat on seeing her he was sitting on a settee in his cabin and
was studying some report.
"Sir we have
received an accident case a boy with head injury so I want to show you the
reports and discuss future course of action"
"Sure! Please have
seat...howz the boy now"
"Stable... Sir...here are the reports sir" He was a 11 year old boy injured
in a motor vehicle-bicycle collision. He was struck by a truck in a rural area while
riding his bicycle home from school. He was thrown over 30 feet in the air and
struck a rock wall. The driver left the scene of the collision and Harsh-the
boy was found bleeding from his ears and in unconsciousness approximately 30
minutes later by another driver. He was taken by ambulance to the emergency
department of a local hospital and stabilized. Now he was brought to KGH due to
the severity of his head injury. Ashutosh Checks his reports and asks:
"And what do you
think should be the future course of action?"
"Sir I think He needs to be operated on to remove a large subdural
hematoma. Then he needs to be evaluated by physical medicine and a core of
rehabilitation therapies to improve his range of motion, feeding and
swallowing, and his ability to attend and respond to his environment".
Ashutosh
was impressed "Em! I agree but he immediately needs
surgery I think we can schedule in a day or two" another knock on the door
brings Malika in.
Malika: Ashutosh I
need your signatures on this file
Ashutosh: yeah sure
one minute
Malika: Ashutosh
can I take the sample tablets I gave you yesterday
Ashutosh:
yeah..they are in the drawer...and Malika moves to take the sample tables she
opens the drawer
Malika: Vow!
Chocolate! Em... I was feeling hungry while she utters she takes the chocolate
and tablets and come back towards Ashutosh. Ashutosh gets alarmed with an
awkward look at Nidhi who was also looking at him
"Nooo you cannot
have this...in fact no body can have this...this belongs to someone else ...this
is not mine" and with that he literally snatches the chocolate from her hands
and places that on table. She is surprised to see Ashutosh behave like this and
for a chocolate.
"what is so special
in this chocolate that nobody can have this and to whom does this belong, you
can buy another one"
" Malika this is
Rahul's... he replies with an awkwardness Nidhi's presence has made the
situation little bit awkward. They have never discussed the chocolate...
since then he always felt Nidhi averting her eyes and he wasn't wishing to make
her uneasy... and continues "I bought this for Rahul on his birthday... I
have already given it to him...its now his...I can buy a dozen more for you but
I can't let you have this one'.
Malika sighs in
dismay "Okay!" shrugging her shoulders takes his signature on the file and
leaves behind uncomfortable Ashutosh and Nidhi...after some time Nidhi breaks
silence
"Sir...why didn't
you allow Dr. Malika to have this chocolate...it wasn't such a big thing"
Ashutosh with a
deep sigh "No it was...to me it was...because I feel when you give
something...you give that unconditionally in the true spirit of giving...it is
the discretion of recipient to do whatever the person wants to do with whatever you've given" he utters the last few words huskily that wrenches Nidhi's heart.
He hands over her the reports and file of the accident case they were
discussing "I think you check with Dr. Rangnath and see if we can fit his
surgery in next one or two days with my schedule"
"sure Sir" She gets
up and he with a squint look sees her hand moving towards the chocolate... she
takes the chocolate and utters"Sir I think itz not good to waste this sweet
thing" and turns to leave, after taking a few steps, with a smirk she says..."and
Sir I have already thanked Rahul for this" and hurries to move out. Ashutosh
was on cloud Nine he leans back on sette...laughing and mutters Nidhiii Thank
you!!!.
Next day when she
saw him she felt his awkwardness was gone Nidhi felt his stare has turned again
that persistent and lingering and he was not averting his eyes now but she was
still hesitant she knew her feelings for him but she just wasn't ready to make
her feelings open. Ashutosh had a surgery planned in afternoon which he
cancelled as the patient's condition wasn't stable instead he thought to carry
on with the surgery of the boy with head injury. He ordered Malika to check the
boy's condition and see if he can be operated at that time. Malika checked
every thing and thought him fit to be operated upon she assigns duties to the
team of doctors and informs Ashutosh. When he checks the list he orders her to
take out the name of Nidhi. He knew that she has to be in the list as she was treating
the boy but he ordered Malika to replace her with some other paediatrician.
Malika : Why ? she
is a good doctor you know that... you have appreciated her always..then???
Ashutosh: I said
replace her thatz it...do I need to give you the explanation???
Malika felt he was getting
angry and it was not good to confront or argue ...and she agreed.
Ashutosh was
feeling bad but he had to take this decision he knew she'll be hurt when she'll
come to know about this but therez no other way out.
Ashutosh was
leaving OT...surgery was successful...the parents of boy were thanking him...he
was feeling happy for them but his heart was hurting...hurting for the hurt he
gave to her...his feet took him to paediatric ward...he wanted to see
her...with heavy heart and slow feet he was moving towards the ward when he saw
her in the lobby... she was coming from the other side he slowed his pace when
she passed by but she didn't stop neither she looked at him...she was miffed
was quite evident...He sighed frustratingly ...not knowing what to do he moves
out...he thought he needed fresh air...after taking a stroll upto his car he
comes back and slumps into the chair in his cabin. He wasn't talking to any one
just saw a few patients and then directed his assistant not to disturb him.
After an half an hour he checks time as it was time for Nidhi's shift to end
and with the intention that he can talk to her in paediatric ward he gets up
and leaves, he was on his way when he saw her leaving towards main entrance...
he saw a young man smiling at Nidhi at the reception area...Nidhi taking her
steps nearer to him, gives him a side hug and both leave...leaving behind dumb
struck Ashutosh...
Edited by pansy123 - 11 years ago
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