hotwa and more... one barun's bday
it's your birthday today. a boy i've never met, a boy i will likely never know, someone years younger than me, who will most certainly never read the message i leave here.
yet, write i have to.
because you are part of my life really. in
strange, interesting wonder filled ways. three odd years ago, you
didn't exist for me. i was not the sort to watch television rapt. way
past my frolicking, crush getting years; just hanging around, doing this
thing we call life. the hum and drum of it, the finding and losing our
way of it.
i am a rambler, best that you know, and getting a bit philo is my way.
stuff without the inner thing gets tiring don't you think?
anyway, was by chance i saw you in shraddha. not a memorable tale, but something about the boy i thought. and after a few days, went to search for your name. found it. was intrigued by that barun, not varun.
it was really in iss pyaar ko that i let you straight into my life. no
idea why. and before thoughts veer to your terribly attractive looks,
your heart stopping expressions, you eyes, your smile, your turn of
head, your talk... yeah, undeniable all of them.
but it wasn't that.
to this day i have not been able to put my finger on it.
but something about barun just reached out and touched me. and stayed
on. if i were asked what is it about you i can't get over.
two things, most of all.
you talent as an actor.
your refusal to let anything change you... take barun as he is.
have absolute respect for both. and both make me strangely tearful. in a
world where everything is up for the highest bidder, where nothing
seems to matter other than fitting in and chasing wealth, when a guy
stands away, because that is who he is. i have respect... and yes, the
quintessential dhak dhak.
the beginning, it was straight talk, no extra sweet speak for fans, a
fantastic leveling with all. i'll never forget you struggling over fan
names in a book gifted by some... five or six long names of many
syllables, you said at the end that got you... with the most charming
smile you said something about easier names. i thought, yikes, those are
fans, then i saw your guileless face and knew they wouldn't mind. may
that smile never change, may those eyes remain clear, unclouded by any
sell. or buy. eyes that show a heart, a being, a man.
again and again you've said no to being on twitter, facebook, the ubiquitous
social media, my smart knowing friends have assured me you wouldn't
survive this world without being on at least one of them, read just now
you've said no even to a regular video to fans. because you can't be
true to it and stay enthusiastic about it... may i say, i absolutely get what you say.
and enjoy your being you. i have laughed hugely at your answer to what
you liked to read when younger... you said you'd mainly seen your
father's cheque book then. and then of course, oh very cool dude barun
like, pulled out the mahabharat from your gym bag. hope you did get to
read most of it and took cues for all and many more characters you'll
play from there. my grandma used to say, it's all in there... in that
many times i've watched you and felt thrilled at your irrepressible
sense of you. what you say about your father touches me. how you stay
committed to your life partner feels beautiful, i hope wherever she's
taking you on that two-day surprise trip is just what you have dreamed
of (by any chance, could it be singapore? they say a certain bengali
lady can turn out a pretty mean shukto there).
will not be seeing you or talking to you today, but i will be writing
about you this evening... episode 170... teri meri. i have been
searching for the right words for a couple of days. i watch your
expressions, i capture edit after edit, gah, what was he thinking when
he did this, i think. how did he bring so much to each expression, each
move of head, body, hand... that gaze, that embrace... not just a dance
was it? not too many actors can raise the sensuous to sublime... most
are happy to get the first one, the second one... that i believe comes
from the guy who is always himself... never what others want you to be.
a way, writing about 170 will be my celebration of your bday. sarod
maestro amjad ali has said, what he really hopes for and wants to earn
lots of is people's "dua" because that counts, maybe that's what i send
in these daily deliriums of mine, episode wise. hope they bring you the
best of vibes and wishes and you can feel their joy and lightness from
having experienced you. i have no idea if you're aware what a stupendous
actor you really are.
dear hotwa barun, a most happy birthday to you. and here's to some boneless mustard fish, though nothing like a bit of kanta to make life interesting.