Posted:
10 years ago
chapter eleven
I'd rather have the thought of you
To hold against my heart,
Than all the warm caresses
Of another love's bestowing,
Or all the glories of the world
In which you had no part.
I'd rather have the want of you,
The rich, elusive taunt of you
Forever and forever and forever unconfessed
Than claim the alien comfort
Of any other's breast.
Ah, Love, I'd rather grope for you
Within the great abyss
Than claim another's kiss-
Alone I'd rather go my way
Throughout eternity.
Angela Morgan
"Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could."
Louise Erdrich
Why do we fall in love ? why does that person we are in madly in love with have the power to make or break you? when did our life source slip away and into the hands of the one you love.Assistant commissioner police balasubramaniam stood frozen as he looked on shalini and the man who stood next to her.In an instant he knew that this was someone special in shalini's life.When someone are in love like shalini and mani were,their aura takes on a different glow from normal people going about their normal lives.Is it the chemicals and hormones in the lovers bodies that give out this glow,who knows for they seem not to belong on earth and seem to float in a different world.
Bala had always been a sensible and a practical person.But destiny brings people into its clutches with designs and destinations only it knows.For bala meeting shalini in college was a life changing moment and he could never forget that moment until his last breath.But for now he knew that shalini was lost to him again and that he could never take the place which was occupied by the man standing next to her.
Shalini looked at bala and said " hi,so we meet again".mani looked at bala and gently said "hello,i am mani.Bala and mani shook hands and when they both looked at shalini she said " mani is a friend from my childhood days and he works in the same building".she looked at mani and said " bala is a friend from my college days and is investigating the suicide which took place yesterday".
Mani gently smiled and said " well this is a surprising coincidence for looks like all three of us have met each other after a long time".mani looked at bala and said "shalini and me were just leaving to have dinner, and we would be happy if you join us".shalini and bala looked at each other and bala said why not.He was curious to know more about mani and it would also give him an opportunity to be with shalini.
Seated at their table bala looked across to mani and asked him how he had hurt himself on his forehead.Shalini nearly choked on the water she was drinking and tried to say something,but before that mani replied " well i tripped as i was trying to get into the elevator yesterday,but it is nothing to worry about.just a minor injury and will heal soon".Bala's instincts screamed and he very slowly but gently he asked mani if he tripped or he was pushed by someone else.Mani looked at him and said if i had been more careful the whole thing wouldn't have happened and i guess i have to be more cautious in future.
shalini knew where bala was taking the conversation to and tried to steer the talk in another direction.But bala was not going to give up so easily and told mani that he had seen the whole incident on tape and that anyone would have been upset for being treated so rudely by the man who had got into the elevator.But mani being the gullible person he was had no clue as to bala's line of questioning and innocently replied " well it was an accident and there was nothing i or anyone could have done about it.The only course left would have been to go up and confront the man and then it would have ended up in a distasteful state of things and nothing good ever comes out of confrontations.so it is up to me to not get into such situations in the future ".
Bala did not know what to make out of mani and prodded a bit more saying " well the man who pushed and injured you has died and i am looking into the case and would be happy to hear any information you can give me".mani shrugged his shoulders and said " i don't know much about what happened for i work on the 10th floor and hardly go up above the 14th floor which has the restaurant.And moreover i was getting treated for my injury when the whole incident took place"
That left bala with no place to go for he knew and had seen in the video that dilip had been alone when he had jumped to his death.But then the blank footage filled with static just before one could see dilip kill himself and for a few minutes afterwards puzzled bala and left him with lot of unanswered questions and just when he wanted to ask another one,shalini said " bala,we are here to have dinner and have invited you to have dinner with us out of courtesy and friendship,not for you to come here and investigate and question us like you do with criminals in the police station".
It was an uncomfortable moment and mani looked with surprise at shalini and was about to say something to ease the tension but decided that it was better to stay quiet.Bala sighed and then looked at both of them and said " i am sorry,really sorry for ruining your dinner.It was a mistake on my part to ask all those questions about my case.Please accept my apologies and i think i will leave now for lots of work pending".He stood up to leave and mani stood up too and they both shook hands and bala left with a simple bye to shalini.
Both mani and shalini sat quietly for a few minutes after bala left.shalini's thoughts were filled with fear about mani getting unnecessarily being harrassed by bala in the suicide case and mani's thoughts,well mani's thoughts were filled with shalini,the long kiss in the elevator and the taste of her mouth.his hand slowly crept and gently took shalinis hand and just like that the tension eased and love was back on the menu.
Shalini looked at mani and said " i am sorry that bala troubled you with all those unwanted questions".mani said "that's okay.he was just doing his job.like him i too am curious as to how or why that man jumped to his death .And bala being your friend i dont mind answering his questions or helping him in anyway to solve the case ".
Shalini looked at mani and her heart flipped and she knew that the emptiness she had felt all these years was now gone.She felt strange emotions and her soul felt like it was jumping out of her skin.she wondered in amazement how she could feel all these beautiful and crazy things she felt and some of those thoughts mad her blush.she wanted to kiss mani again,she felt like swallowing him and locking him inside her soul forever for she feared that he might just slip away like a dream.She thought well this hotel looks a dark and i wonder if we could sneak under the table and smooch for sometime until the food arrives and with those wild thoughts she turned towards mani and the for the first time in his life,threw caution to the high winds and bent his head and kissed her once again they were lost.lost among the clouds,lost like the gurgling stream which lies hidden in the dark of the forest.they were one for they were meant to be one and they knew and understood that they were meant to be and could never again be away from each other.
AASHRITHA watched and took in mani's happiness and felt something tug at her spirit and realised that it was about time for her to leave and wondered if all these years of wandering would finally come to an end and the power above would call her for she yearned for peace too.
Tu mujhe chhod jaaye
Yeh nahi ho sakta, saathiya
Meri baaton mein tera zikr sadaa
Meri yaad mein teri fikr sadaa
Main jo bhi hoon tum hi to ho
Mujhe tum se mili apni adaa
Kyunki tum hi ho, ab tum hi ho
Zindagi ab tum hi ho..
Chain bhi, mera dard bhi
Meri aashiqui ab tum hi ho
Tum hi ho, tum hi ho
Arz bhi, mera marz bhi
Chain bhi, mera dard bhi
Meri aashiqui ab tum hi ho
Meri Aashiqui
Edited by s.satishkumar - 10 years ago