Joined: 27 May 2012
Joined: 24 April 2012
Joined: 20 September 2012
Joined: 20 September 2012
The Night before the Valentine's Day
Sadness and Anger when comes hand on hand it causes havoc destruction. It works without any logic and philosophy. Specially for whom who always longs for love, affection and care and always wants to keep his/her beloved one with him/her at any cost. He/she doesn't care what is right or what is wrong. The only thing he/she does care is to keep his/her beloved one with him/her by breaking every barriers and boundaries. He/she doesn't see how much he/she gets hurt by that act and he/she doesn't want to see how much his/her beloved one gets hurt by this act. Because in his/her view whatever he/she does is for his/her beloved one's sake, for his/her beloved one's own good.
Every time I want you'.
Every second I miss you,
Every minute I need you,
Every hour I care for you.
All I need to be with you.
My feelings and emotions are captured by you.
My state is now just like dead body,
Whose soul is in your fist.
If I die that is only for you.
And if I love that is only with you.
You are as powerful as God'..Princess'
Because my everything from now belongs to you.
"Hey buddy you should be a pathetic poet rather than a player." A teasing voice whispered in Neel's ear. He shockingly lifted his head and found nothing anywhere.
"Oh buddy'..I am your ego, I am always with you. And I make you what you are today-Neelabjo Mitra, the toughest player and a brilliant software engineer, with my motivation. You are capable enough to do anything and everything." His ego smiled.
"Yeah, but how can I get Apu back? Don't you listen what she say?" he asked in heavy and wet voice. And a scene flashed on his eyes again''.
"What? Champ are you mad?" after his confession of love Aparna got up pushing him back hardly. Her eyes had something which indicated that she was shocked and disturbed at a time by Neel's words. Her voice became heavy with anger and she yelled "what's wrong with you? I thought you are trying to say 'I love you' to your beloved ones."
"I said 'I love you' to my beloved ones Apu. You are the girl to whom I love the most. Is this too hard to understand for you Princess." He asked in deep, fascinating voice. "And whenever you get angry, you looks more beautiful." He smilingly complimented her.
"Listen Neel'..I guess you mistake'we are best friend right. I never saw you in that way." Aparna tried to explain him but stopped by him.
"Oh God! Why don't you understand? You said it so many times since our childhood that you love me, you really care for me and you trust me more than you. And the most importantly you understand me completely. So now say where I am wrong? If we give our relationship a name with our marriage how can I be wrong?" he asked impatiently.
"Yes I do love you, I really do care for you. And you will be with me forever as my bestest friend. I trust you more than me because I know every time whenever I need you, you unconditionally support me. But'.this is love but not that kind of love I want. I mean'." She paused for a breath. A long silence covered and made heavy the entire environment of the room.
"You mean what Apu?" finally the silence was broken by Neel's indifferent voice. His voice was too cold and emotionless to imagine. That made Aparna scared. She tried to console him by saying "ah Champ'I guess you are tired. Why don't you go and fresh yourself? Till then I will make some hot coffee for you." She gave a stern smile to leave that place. But she was again stopped by Neel.
"Aparna Sinhania, please tell me in your view what is love? And which kind of love do you expect from me?" he asked her so rudely that her tears came out from her eyes without her knowledge. But before she could say anything Neel continued with his, "do you remember you used to cook for me from our childhood. Your mother and my aunt used to taunt both of us and called us child husband-wife. Where I protested you stayed quiet reddening your face. I guess that is not that kind of love you want. Or often you crashed into my rooms, arranged and adjusted my every stuff as you wish after my forbid or you used to nurse me if I got hurt during my practices or matches that were you did to pass your spare time right'."
"No it's not like that" she pleaded but again stopped " Let me finished Aparna. Today I have to know what was that? When you used to discuss about your co-curricular activities with me, when you asked my help for your functions and I also agreed to do that what was that? Why you do so much care whenever you find my cell busy or off? Why you don't leave me alone? Why do you decorate this cottage for me? Why the hell you come into my life? To show your pity on this orphan boy??? Why?" he shouted at Aparna. Seeing him so enraged she became scared and tried to pacify him again, "Champ'.not at all. I didn't ever think to show you pity. I really love you from the core of my heart. I guess I will never be able to care, trust or respect anybody like this what I really have for you. You are my everything. You are my best friend."
"Yeah I am your best friend. Yes you are right. How dare I think to advance so far? I am an pathetic idiot." He threw his right fist on a glass table and it was broken creating lots of noise. And his fingers were cut and started bleeding vigorously. But he didn't care about that and left that room. In the meantime Aparna got a phone call which she couldn't ignore so she picked that up and moved to another room for talking.
After half an hour she came to the balcony where Neel was standing. The balcony was dark and silent so she put on the lights. Neel raised his hand to forbid her then she discovered that his right hand's fingers were still bleeding. She rushed into the room to bring the first-aid kit and returned as fast as she could. She started dressing to his wounds but he pushed her back and moved from there. "Sorry Aparna Sinhania, I am too tired to bear your nursing, you know that I feel no pain if I get wounded or hurt. So stop doing this. And go from here." He clearly and slowly said. "Champ you misjudge me. And you don't want to listen me" she complained.
"Okay" he looked straight at her eyes "then say what you want to." He asked her.
''Actually Neel I and '..Actually we are dating from last one month." She said shyly what made him more jealous. "He is so caring and gentle. He used to come at our institute to meet one of our professor and we both'.." she couldn't complete herself due to her shyness.
"Yeah'may be he is that one( he pointing his finger to a shadow) who stands near his BMW 7 series wearing Black suit, Right? So how long do you see each other?" he asked bitterly.
"Told you na we are seeing each other since one month'.he will propose me'he want to do it earlier but I stop him as you were not here with me'.." she replied seeing at the floor.
"Well I don't have such a big and generous heart where I can approve my Love to go with someone else so close this topic and leave from here at once." He said in coarse voice and he himself walked away from the balcony and entered to dinning-hall. At the corner of dinning and kitchen area there was a huge fridge. He opened that making a great noise to bring some ice cube out from there. He tried to pick an ice cube from the tray but the cubes were fixed in the tray tightly. So he picked a knife from the cutlery and dug it into the tray and finally a slab of ice came out. But due to this process his left hand too got wounded by that knife. Now his both hands were bleeding but he didn't care about that.
Aparna was following him through- out his way but as he moved very fast she couldn't match with him. So when she came to the dinning-hall she found him digging the ice-tray and his both hand were bleeding. She ran towards him at once and snatched the knife and ice-tray from him and applied the ice on his wounds. She was weeping silently but her Champ somehow found that. As he didn't bear to see her crying he said her politely, " Aparna''.I didn't understand you'.only love you blindly. I don't know what you exactly feel for me. But now I want to say something to you." He paused as she lifted her face at him. "I know whatever you have done is uncountable and I never pay back you. I don't know when you did all that stuffs for me whether that was your pity or your care,love etc. for me. But right now your concern makes me weak and compels me to think about you. But I need to calm down as I have an important match the day after tomorrow. I will move from here tonight. So it will be better if you leave this place now. And one more thing I don't believe to keep broken things with me. And after today I see no reason of your to stay with me. So leave me."
Aparna tried to say " but Neel'.can't we be friend?"
"No'after today not at all. Just go." He left the dinning- hall and entered into his bedroom and locked the door from there.
Joined: 20 September 2012
Some shady and grey thoughts
If people let the things go then maybe they couldn't achieve anything in their life. If a striker let the ball clear by the defender he couldn't score a single goal. If a business tycoon let the opportunity go and scare from the risk he couldn't be successful in his life'.everybody has to hold the thing strongly and don't let it go easily.
But in Neel's case there was little difference. Form his childhood he had neither his parents' care, affection and care nor his family's warm support. His aunt was his world. But beside his aunt there was only an emptiness which gave him lots of pain and sadness. When the other boys of his age enjoyed holidays and vacations with their parents he had no one to whom he could demand or cry for. Though his aunt always tried to give whatever he needed and wanted that was not sufficient for him. He had very strong feelings and emotions which was very rare for a boy of his age. Soon anger was added in his sadness and pain which made strong his feelings and emotions. As he grew up his strong feelings and emotions turned into his passion. And to whom and what he was passionate he left no stone unturned to do anything for them. And from his childhood Aparna was his only friend who truly cared for him and never judged him. She trusted him blindly so automatically she became the only special person in his life. She became his priority more than his aunt. So he couldn't let her go from his life. Whatever he was all credits went to his Love Aparna only.
Within his mind his ego and super ego started fighting over the issue of getting his Apu back. One side his super ego or conscience suggested him to let her go with whom she wanted. And his ego or head said a no to his conscience. And his poor heart this time desperately wanted to go with his head.
Neel's head: I want Apu at any cost. If she will be not mine I will not let her be with another one.
Neel's conscience: You don't want to see the truth. She doesn't love you.
Neel's head: Yeah'.she said I am just her friend. Sorry her best friend.
Neel's conscience: Neel you are angry and sad now. And these two are going to kill you if you let them to control you.
Neel's head: These two made me what I am today. Behind my every success may be as rugby player or footballer, may be as software engineer, or may be as being her admirer of her every act'
Neel's conscience: Neel you mistake. Whatever you are today is only because of your talent, intelligence and hard work. Not for your anger and sadness.
Neel's head: oh really do you disagree that whatever I am today is due to my passion. And my passion comes from my sadness and anger'that is my passion which lead me to not to let go anything. I have lost my family, my parents in my childhood. My aunt is everything but she herself told me to find a bride for me. And I know only Aparna who can keep me good. And she is the main reason of my every success till now. Actually she is my passion.
Neel' conscience: Listen you are not in your sense. Yes whatever you are today is because of your passion. And behind of your every step she always supported you. So you can call her your true friend but passion??
Neel's head: After knowing that she is my love yes I am passionate to get her in my life by anyhow. And now she is my passion. I will get her''I will get her by hook or by crook this time'.But I can't let her go. I will get her back. I will win her for me.
I wanna be with you...or not then I kill you.
I want everything otherwise nothing.
I only want you either or nothing.
You are mine...or else you are not yours.
Neel's conscience: Neel please try to understand she is not a mere game of your Rugby, Football or your Karate or Mixed Martial Arts match that you will win her. Or she is not a trophy or medal that you will capture. She is a human.
Neel's head: I know. And I will not do anything to harm her by anyway but I will make her mine''
Justice is done
Judgement is made.
She is satisfied ...
But nobody listen me...
Nobody ask me...
How am I?
May be I am a bad mad dog...
Who need to be shot down.'
But still only I have feelings what is the ultimate truth.
Dear either I will die for you or I will live only with you.
And for this I have no ruth.
Neel's conscience: Neel'.Neel'.what are you saying?''Neel, don't let your anger and sadness control you. Neel'N E E L'.
His conscience was buried under his head's decision and his heart supported him in this. He had completed his packing already and finally he set his journey. He got into his car. He had 3 rugby matches back to back and as captain he must have reached to the venue before other players' reached.
The musical note of his cell phone finally broke his sleep. Neel opened his eyes and found him lying on the couch. After his children had gone to sleep to the upstairs he slept on the couch pondering about his past. He picked the call and came to know that something emergency was happened. He needed to attend an early morning meeting at 7:00am with a CMD of some group of companies.
He looked at his wrist watch and found it was already 3:30 at morning. So he stood up and walked towards the bathroom.
Joined: 24 April 2012
Joined: 27 May 2012
Joined: 02 December 2012
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