SwaRon OS: The Unspoken Emotions

SwaRon OS:The Unspoken Emotions

I and Swayam were in relationship. It started with a week, 7 weeks, 1 month, 7 months, and now, it's almost a year. I don't know how many days exactly. But it didn't quite seem like we were in a relationship. I don't know why? It's not my fault. He never came out with me. What you heard is right. He never asked me out for a date.

He never did so. Never did anything to make me feel special. Never told me that he can pluck out all the stars for me and let me ask why not the moon too and get the reply because you yourself are a moon. Never told me that he could join the sky and earth for me. Never did let me brag about such a good boyfriend he was. Never told me that his love is more than of the whole world. Never told me that you're the most beautiful girl on the world. Never did let me show off the expensive or cheap any gifts he would give to my classmates. Never let me feel that I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world. Never he did try to romance with me or tease me. Never kissed me with his full might. NEVER!

I don't why he did ask me out then!?

Flashback

I was standing at the coast of a beach. He had told me to come there. I had a crush on him since grade 3. Now I'm in 10^th and he finally noticed that there was a girl named 'Sharon' in his school. I had been wearing a white full length backless one-piece. I was walking near the coastline dipping my feet in the icy cold water, enjoying the pleasant weather and smiling at the sunset and the flying seagulls.

The scene was undoubtedly beautiful. I was waiting for him. It was already 7. He had called me at 6. I was hell frustrated. I thought no use waiting. It might be a silly prank and started going back. There he came running.

"Sharon stop."

"Why are you so late? It's already 7!"
"I'm so sorry!"

"Fine. Tell me what work do you have?"
"Actually'"
"Hmm?"

"Er' I wanted to ask you that will you be my girlfriend?"

I was hell shocked. I wanted him to ask that, but hadn't expected it! I thought he might be joking, so I bust out laughing.

"What happened?"
"Please, I'm not that foolish to believe that."
"I'm serious."

I stopped laughing. So was this true after all? He really did ask me out! I was' I was' stupefied! Seriously I was. My eyes started watering. They were tears of happiness.

"YES!", I screamed.

"Okay fine. Now we both are in a relationship."

I thought now he would carry me in his arms, kiss me and take me for a dinner date.

"So'"

"So what?"

"Don't you have to do something?", I asked puzzled at his innocent reply.

"Oh yes."

I thought, finally the time has come. But no I was wrong. He ran to his car, got a small bag and handed it to me.

"What's in this?", I asked removing a small doll.

"It's for you. Now I gotta go. Bye. See you in school."

I was hell shocked. My eyes glistened with those unshed tears as I saw him running back, but this time not coming back. This time they were of sadness. I went home and cried out. But after it I guessed he needs some time. And I'

Flashback ends

 And I like a fool waited for that time which never came. Oh yes, I forgot to tell something. He, would everyday, everyday without fail, at night would hand me a doll. Can you imagine? I had more than 335 dolls of his. Yes. There wasn't a single day since we came in relationship he didn't hand me a doll. And I still don't know why.

Days passed. Now today is my birthday. Yes it is finally. It is 12. I was bombarded with calls of my relatives at 12. I talked to them and all that was over. I thought, today at least, he'll wish me and send some time with me. I waited for his call.

Soon it was 1, then 2, then 3, 4, 5 and then finally 6! He didn't call me! Why? Wasn't I his girlfriend? F**ck man! But, it can also be that he might be stuck up somewhere? May be his sleep didn't support him to wake up, or his cell battery or network betrayed him at the last moment? Or he might be sick. Yes it can be that.

At school, everyone came to me and wished me. I was treated very nicely. Even the canteen manager gave me free pass, through which whatever I ordered would be free for me. The class teacher gifted me a free period, though he's very grouchy. I waited for him to wish me, but to my surprise, he hadn't come. He might be sick after all.

Soon it was noon, then evening. The time for my party. But he didn't come. All arrived and I waited for him. But he still didn't come. Why? May be he is still sick? But he could call me at least. Or he could.. he could send a message through someone to me. But, he didn't come, nor did his call, neither any message. I did have fun in the party.

Soon it was night and I was  in my bed. I was weeping. He didn't contact me. I was really very sad. I couldn't sleep. The clock struck 12 and came a phone. It was him. Oh holy cow! After my birthday he calls me. I sniffed and picked up his call.

"Come down."

"Why?"
"Just come down."
"At this hour?"

"Don't ask questions. Come down. I'll be waiting."

I was really happy. At last he remembered my birthday. I freshened up and went down. He was standing there holding a little decorative paper bag. I guess it was my present. I faked anger and went towards him and yawned.

"Why did you wake me up at this hour?"

"Actually I had forgotten to do something."

Yes he now remembers. I faked more anger and pouted.

"Actually I was sick so'"

I was correct after all!

"So couldn't give you this at night. Hear it is."

I press closed my eyes, opened my hands and waited for him to hug me and wish me. But to my surprise he hanged the bag in my open hands. May be he still isn't changed. There might be a resent in the bag. But to my horror' it was a doll. He doesn't remember my birthday! I was figuratively having a heart attack!

"This is what you forgot?"

"Yes. What else?"

"Tell me that you love me."

He shrugged and went towards his car, sat in it and drove towards his home. I broke out in tears and fell on my knees. I was so very much hurt. I went inside and cried. I didn't have a wink of sleep that night. I was so sad.

Again days passed and months passed. Our relationship completed much more than a year. But everything was the same. He gave me a doll every night and didn't talk much.

I was walking on my way school, where I saw him. He was standing with another girl who was giving him a doll. His lips played a genuine smile. The smile which he never gave when I was near him. I was hurt. He gave me nothing but dolls and that too of others. I stumped my feet and started walking hastily. My eyes started watering. No! Not again man! For Pete sake how much am I gonna waste my precious tears on him? He noticed me and started running after me.

"Hey Sharon! Wait up."

I ignored him and walked faster.

"Wait up girl!"

He grabbed me and took me to the end of the street, in spite of my bloodcurdling yells of 'no'.

"Listen. I forgot to give you this..." He said referring to the doll.

"'last night." I completed for him.

"Yes. Hear, take it."

He handed me the doll, which looked prettier then the others he gave me. But I didn't care. Now was the time to clear up the mess between us. I grabbed the doll.

"Why do you give me this regularly huh? WHY! Why don't you give me what I want? Never talk to me never kiss me or never ask me out for dinner. Why? Bloody hell. Ever did you know how much am I craving for it? Why? Why doesn't it matter to you if it's my birthday or am I sick? You never seem to know that you are in a relationship with me. Nor that you have a girlfriend, whose name is Sharon! I want my answer. Tell me. Bloody heck tell me." I shouted on him and threw away the idiotic little doll on the road.

He.. he seemed' hurt! I didn't expect this! But there was no time for this. He shrugged back, his eyes shining mightily with those tears and mumbled, "Sorry." He went on the road, took the doll in his shivering hands and looked at me, guiltily.

"Why the hell are you picking up that doll? It's of no use. Keep it back."

But he didn't. He kept staring me helplessly. Suddenly, I saw a truck heading speedily towards him. And the driver wasn't looking at the road' he was talking on the phone.

"Move aside Swayam. MOVE!", I screamed at the top of my voice. But before he could move'

CRASH!

I  ran inside the crowd, which had formed around him, to get his glimpse. I called the ambulance. I sat beside his body and  started hitting his chest.

"Get up Swayam. Get up!"

He was alive at the moment. I knew he wasn't going to last longer. He smiled at me, the one he never gave me and handed me the doll. And his eyes shut. My world got over. My heart stopped beating. I fell on my knees. Tears started piling up in my eyes and soon the stream started to flow. I took the doll and stood up. He was no more. I took his final glance and headed gloomily towards the home.

My mother asked me what had happened, but I did not reply and went in my room and shut the door. I sat on the bed and started crying throwing everything around. May be he didn't love me but I did love him. I then again stood up and took out a box, which contained the dolls and piled up the dolls on my bed and I threw the last doll inside too. I started counting the dolls.

35, 79, 95, 267, 355 and the list went one. 455 and the last one, 456. We were in relationship from 456 days. I took the last doll and hugged it tightly. Those dolls were his only possessions I possessed. Suddenly, I heard 'I love you'. Not once but continuously. I stopped sniffing and looked at the doll.

The doll was speaking I love you, that too non-stop. I pressed it stomach again, and it stopped. Again I pressed, and came the same voice. It was his voice. I checked each and every doll. Each doll said the same thing with his voice.

Then I took up 456^th doll, his last doll, with his blood stain on it and pressed it. It said:

"I am sorry Sharon. I never said I love you. I never asked you out for a date.  I never tried to be with. I never wished you on your birthday. I never celebrated our anniversaries. I am sorry. I really love you. Actually I was very shy to do this all. I believed that it's not these all things that define my love. My heart is which defines my love, though love can't be defined. I might haven't done all these, but I love you. I really do. I am very sorry Sharon. I'll try my best to keep you happy from now onwards. Hope you forgive me. And yes, Megan added voice to the dolls everyday. So if you have ever seen me with her that's because of it.

With Love, your Swayam." 

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