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Is it OK to be a wife beater? (Page 8)

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return_to_hades

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return_to_hades

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Posted: 31 January 2013 at 12:28pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by K.Universe.

Originally posted by return_to_hades

^^^

Now that you are here K, do you have any thoughts on how we can address the issue of marital/relationship abuse in society?


I don't know what good a slogan like "Empower women", or some such, on paper, would do RTH.

Real world operates at a different level.


Of course there is no one shot solution - but we have to take one baby step in one direction to fix things?

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K.Universe.

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Posted: 31 January 2013 at 12:35pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by return_to_hades

Of course there is no one shot solution - but we have to take one baby step in one direction to fix things?


Sure enough. But if all we have is $10 on us on the credit card, we can't go to Saks 5th Avenue and start listing out the things we desire.

(Editing to say that the key concept in this analogy is leverage.)


Edited by K.Universe. - 31 January 2013 at 12:58pm

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LOVE_DMG

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Posted: 31 January 2013 at 3:13pm | IP Logged
how bout if i shoot HIM for beating up his wife for not making round capaties ... that sounds fair.

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Posted: 31 January 2013 at 7:00pm | IP Logged
Going to go to a different track for a minute to focus on the form of our discussion.

I think there needs to be some kind of agreement (morally, speaking) on how we will engage such topics. Is everyone's opinion of equal merit, no matter how demeaning it can be to the power and agency of an entire group of people? Are we going to respect certain historical facts, or are we going to add to uncritical discourses that paint entire ethnicities and races of people a certain way? I am not a relativist. There's right and wrong, there are truths and falsehoods. Obviously we disagree on which is which, but not everything is relative all the time. It doesn't mean we can be absurd. We can't deny that the holocaust took place. Sure, we can qualify it, we can say x, y, z also happened, and we can throw in our two cents on the commentary around it. But we can't outright deny. To me, denial of the agency of oppressed people is the same thing. Those who are oppressed also have power. In fact, it's that power that has changed the world, again and again. If we reject that we have that power even when we are victims, even if we don't appear to be following prescribed paths of self-determination, then what hope is there for any of us.

The reason why this is relevant is because in our attempt to make positive contributions to the world, we have to be careful, intentional, and strategic. I don't doubt that those posting in this thread feel they are interested in making a positive contribution. But isn't some form of self-scrunity is required to ensure that we are in fact contributing?

If I am speaking against domestic violence, I sure as hell want to ensure that I am not siding with racists who want to paint men of colour as inherently violent. That's important to me because there are those people out there who want to claim that South Asian men have some kind of violence gene, just like they want to claim black men have some criminal gene. It's not just offensive to me because I think it's wrong. It's offensive because it tries to take away my own voice and the voice of other people like me who want to be both feminist AND anti-racist. I feel accountable to communities that suffer racism, just as much as I feel accountable to communities that suffer sexism and misogyny. I feel I am answerable to the world, in a way, and that I cannot just say or do whatever I want. That's because I feel my destiny or my sense of freedom is tied up with certain communities that I feel suffer injustice.

I am not saying everyone has to approach it that way, and I'm really not trying to be self-righteous here. But if we are going to be able to debate an issue that has real repercussions and real impact in the world, don't we need to hold ourselves to certain standards? Or is it just that anything goes? I think there's a fundamental difference between preaching one's opinion, and seeing if that opinion is indeed respectful to the groups we are claiming to side with. If we were debating the merits of Windows 8 vs. Windows 7, we can hold ourselves to different standards, sure. But if it has to do with the real experience and pain of people in the world, I think a different sense of accountability kicks in.

I am actually raising this in the hope that someone, or more than one person, finds it relevant. Because how we do things is as important as the content of what we do. Even as I write this, I know there may be those who will dismiss this saying that this is just a forum, so why do we need any standards and such, etc. etc. My response to those people would be why not. If entirely just as an intellectual exercise, it still has merit as a practice. If this is a non-serious forum, does that mean we have to suspend our principles, our sense of solidarity with one another (at some level) and the things we deeply care about.. the things that make us fundamentally human. Don't we react, even to the most mundane of things, like in our discussions on this site about the TV shows we happen to watch, with that same humanity, and in fact, with the same solidarity, and that same sense of right and wrong? And so why is it so contradictory, or so out of line, to expect ourselves to have those standards when debating.

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Posted: 31 January 2013 at 9:54pm | IP Logged
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Freethinker112

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Posted: 31 January 2013 at 10:02pm | IP Logged
I don't get where the offended are getting the "fun" feel from? Although the troll thread bargained a troll response, I never saw any "fun" or humor in it, and rather pointed out the absurdities, both of the OP and what does in fact happen, in my post.

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Posted: 01 February 2013 at 8:22am | IP Logged
Originally posted by K.Universe.

Originally posted by return_to_hades

^^^

Now that you are here K, do you have any thoughts on how we can address the issue of marital/relationship abuse in society?


I don't know what good a slogan like "Empower women", or some such, on paper, would do RTH.

Real world operates at a different level.
Welcome to the real world and real chehere! Now for some real solutions for a real world -
 
@ RTH-  Some suggestions for your consideration:
 

1.     Report incidences of domestic violence that one notices in ones neighbourhood to a designated helpline. Waiting for a victim to lodge a complaint doesn't seem very  logical.

2.     More pro-active role by the Woman and child commission and NGOs  in the country.

3.     On receiving complaints the commission needs to ensure that prompt and stern action is taken

4.     Regular visits to such homes by social workers/volunteers /NGOs to ensure safety of the woman  

5.     Support offered to the woman in  the form of some vocational training and  opportunities to earn a decent livelihood.

6.     Decent crche facilities for the women's kids so that she can work without worrying about them.

7.     Make domestic violence punishable. ( Short term jail would suffice in most cases to put the fear even in men claiming to possess a "spine" who somehow always prefer to marry spineless women!)

8.     Professional counseling for the couple .  

9.     Repeat offenders to  get jail term with compulsory training to make round chappatis. If they fail shove toilet paper down their throats.

10.  Set up Reformatory Homes for repeat domestic abusers. Unlike the juvenile board there should be no release unless certified as reformed.

*Feel free to add to the list Tongue

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BirdieNumNum

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Posted: 01 February 2013 at 9:14am | IP Logged

^ most of the solutions above have a after-the-horse-has-left-the-barn kind of feel to it.LOL Guys have to be indoctrinated to not harm girls, at schools, in homes, as mandatory courses they have to take before they get ration IDs or drivers ID. And make the folks signing off on those cards accomplices to crime in case the guy they signed off on does something wrong...

i am all for punishment but i dont think even a death penalty would be enough to deter rapists, let alone domestic abusers. They are too far gone if they can even think like that. What is needed is a cultural shift in attitudes...  


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