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Which is more important (Page 9)

rayadallie IF-Dazzler

Joined: 12 November 2010
Posts: 2851

Posted: 30 January 2013 at 10:58am | IP Logged
[QUOTE=koolsadhu1000]The reason i explained the past of Onir point was because it was brought up in this thread and i felt that it was accepted as a reason for getting out of the marraige by Purvi in the Purvi Onir marraige .

So i gave my opinion about how the past point was irrelevant .

But rayadallie i will now give a direct answer if u wish to ur direct and simple question .

If u fall in love and have the fortune to marry that very person , good for u .

If u get married to another person u can get out till  children have not come in the picture if u feel that i just cannot forget the ex

But if children come in the picture , they have to be given priority than any personal feeling of 'love'

Children r a stamp or seal on the institution of marraige .

It then becomes a question of priorities . Children or love ?

Children , as they have a full life ahead of them and they did not ask to come in the world .

For them , one has to make the marraige work . There r no two ways about it .

One cannot go on fretting about past 'love' and break up marraige up for it means you are giving priority to your personal feelings and not giving priority to life of children . It is a selfish act .

This pampering of your emotions even above little children is what i find as extremely spoilt behaviour .

If u put ur mind to it u can make ur marraige a success . U  can love again . Love can be controlled , love can be channelised wisely . 

The excuse for the divorce given is unhappy environment for children .

It seems this environment is there in the Arjun Ovi marraige . And it seems it will be very unhealthy for a child . 

Well who has made the marraige unhappy by just not  accepting Ovi ???

The problem is not from her side . She is ready to be a good wife , is a good bahu to his father and has no problems with him , she is ready to love him and make him happy .

It is he who is just not ready to give her a chance .

It is not even as if the wife is ugly or something . That he has to swallow it and make a big adjustment . Ovi is beautiful . She is ready to make any adjustment for him , she even wore a sari simply as he brought it though she wears dresses .

All she wants is a little love and a chance which he is just not ready to give .

He makes faces like he is swallowing bitter medicene and says 'yeah' with pained eyes .

How ridiculous , immature and spoilt is this decision of just not giving marraige a chance even when children come in the picture  . Even when the wife is ready and willing .

Why go far . See Onir . That marraige is a success and has a loving environment for a child coz he is determined to make it a success . He is determined to give the child a loving environment . That marraige is a success bcoz of him , not bcoz of Purvi and her tyaags .

See Arjun . Onir is determined to make his marraige a success inspite of the child being not his own ...he is determined to do this as he believes that no child deserves an unhappy upbringing . But Arjun is not ready to make any adjustment emotionally even for the sake of his own blood . Constantly with his pained eyes and sighs  and dialogues that he can love only the mother of his child and that he is doing a husband's duty by giving wife the necessities like food , shelter and clothing he gives his wife and marraige the message that love is even more important than children must hang on to the memories for life [ whereas in Jab We Met it was shown it is best flushed down the toilet] he is obstinate about not making his marraige a success .

This obstinacy is hailed as love and applauded and it seems one must be even more obstinate and break up a marraige ...the excuse now being the happiness of the children

Children require stability ...first criteria of their happiness . Broken marraiges and destruction of their stability is not giving them this environment and if the adults need to put a lid on their feelings and grow up , they should .

Anything else is unacceptable .

Love stories on graves of children are the worst examples of spoilt behaviour . 

[/QUOTE) I beg to differ as Staying in marriages that are not healthy just for the sake of children is the most outrageous thing I have ever heard of. Parents divorcing does not do any harm to the children if they both continue to play their part in their children's lives.

I am a result of a broken marriage when I was three mths old and it was not a love marriage. I grew up with my mother and grandparents and today I am proud of who I have become. Had my mother stayed in that marriage, I may not have her here with me up until now as she would have either commit suicide or die of stress at a young age. If I am not happy and stress free, how can I make someone happy - my children, my wife, my husband? I have to be happy and comfortable first and foremost before I can make anyone else around me happy.

Although many arranged marriages are successul, there are quite a lot that are not. I have been married for years and to someone I love and its a very different feeling than to live with someone you just cannot love. we are all human and i guess you would experience in someway that there are just some people you cannot handle no matter how much you try. It does not necessarily has to be a boyfriend, it could be your aunt, your cousin, a neighbour etc.

Sometimes i do think that people need to think fairly in the whole situation by looking at the cup half full and half empty at the same time. But I respect your opinion. no hard feelings sis

Edited by rayadallie - 30 January 2013 at 10:57am

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m_masti Goldie

Joined: 07 March 2012
Posts: 1852

Posted: 30 January 2013 at 11:52am | IP Logged
Originally posted by rayadallie

Its is fair post but what we do not know yet or or certain, if ovi and arjun actually consummated their marriage and result in ovi's pregnancy. CV's has not shown us anything with respect to that. We can only assume that ovi is indeed pregnant with arjun's child as he is her husband. We will have to wait and see how this all unfolds

according to whatever is shown to us, ovi from the core mad(love) arjun, and according to scope we have it was shown Ovi didn't want to be preggo...and she gave a fair chance to arjun...

until and unless CVs wants to ruin Ovi character so that they can make Purvi as mahaan, then only there is a possibility that ovi is carrying someone elses kid...

but still seeing the whole scenario...Arjun-Purvi kept things secret from Ovi, I am sure Ovi would have moved out if they told her they already consummated...

so even if for any reason CVs wants to Ovi's kid someone elses kid it is good for Arjun to stick with Ovi rather than getting sold by Purvi for lifetime...

I know love is blind, love doesn't think of anything...but still the love needed to get-on in life is different...

my feeling is
1. Purvi can always give other things prior than Arjun and can keep secrets from arjun
2. Arjun always have to change himself completely this will make him to loose what he is...

it is good that you change yourself for your spouse, but it is never good that you loose your identity...

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sashashyam IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 04 January 2012
Posts: 13755

Posted: 30 January 2013 at 11:52am | IP Logged
My dear Janhvi,

Well, you would have to cut Ovi-Arjun's baby loose too, you see, unless, as some in the forum would prefer, it is to  be disposed off by a miscarriage, preferably along with its mother.

I find it very revealing that amidst all this profusion of concern here for the genus baby,  in fact it is only Purvi's baby that is the focus of concern, whereas Ovi's baby is either contemptuously dismissed as not being Arjun's  (a facile, if ugly premise that says more about those propounding it than anything else) or else simply brushed aside as not deserving of paternal love and caring because of its folly in being born to such an unpopular mother.

This apart, what I find amusing, if tiring, is the predictability and repetitiveness of practically every point made in this and all the similar threads. Except for hopeful, and wishful speculation about Onir's supposedly shady past, there is nothing one can read here that has not been said many times earlier, and often in exactly  the same language. This is probably unavoidable, as all that we seem to have been doing for weeks now is, to borrow Jyothi's memorable phrase, keep  going round and round the mulberry bush.

So, while I would naturally not dream of curtailing the rights of members to reiterate their favourite points, I would suggest, solely to save time and effort on the part of all concerned, that an open letter should go to Ekta Kapoor from the forum, recommending that:

a) Ovi should have a miscarriage and lose her baby, and if possible die in the process.
b) Onir should be run over by a Mumbai bus (the very careful BEST drivers might protest, but who  cares!)
c) Archana, Sulochana, Teju, Manav, DK, and even Savita should get up a vote of  congratulations to Purvi for having  not just preserved Arjun's baby but also come back to Mumbai in such a timely fashion so that,  after umpteen near misses, this  great news could be publicly revealed to general  rejoicing and hosannas for her latest tyaag (don't ask me what tyaag. I do not know, but anything Purvi does is by definition an example of tyaag,  as certified by the expert in such matters, Archana).

d) His inconvenient wife now having been safely disposed of - as also a potentially inconvenient baby that, not being a product of 'true love' , is a sub-standard specimen that can be dispensed with -  Arjun should now be reunited with his eternal beloved Purvi,  in the hope of living happily ever after (which in practice would mean till  Archana's next crisis necessitates ditching Arjun all over again, but then he asked for it, did he not? So he deserves whatever he gets).

An effort along these lines, with the signatures of the umpteen supporters sure to endorse it in toto, just might click with Ekta. It would not just make the signatories ecstatically happy, but it would also result in the early winding up of PR, a consummation devoutly to be desired.

Moral of the story: Amar prem, by definition, means that you can bail out when it suits you, and then parachute yourself back in when that suits you. Anyone in the way should get out or be run over, if not  by the CVs, then by the majority in the forum.

Most refreshing recent development: The apparently complete triumph of Punni the Python. Atta girl!


Originally posted by soapwatcher1

While arranged marriages can work beautifully most times, being caught in a loveless marriage while you pine for another can be the pits especially if that loveless marriage was forced upon you through conniving and cunning. Better to cut loose than remain miserable and create misery around you.

Edited by sashashyam - 30 January 2013 at 12:13pm

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Kalapi IF-Dazzler

Joined: 25 August 2010
Posts: 3873

Posted: 30 January 2013 at 12:11pm | IP Logged
Sadly Shymala, it isn't only Ovi's dead that the forum demand's , now it is the actress too...such a sad day for all of us, I feel...
[QUOTE=sashashyam]My dear Janhvi,

Well, you would have to cut Ovi-Arjun's baby loose too, you see, unless, as some in the forum would prefer, it is to  be disposed off by a miscarriage, preferably along with its mother.

Edited by Kalapi - 30 January 2013 at 12:09pm

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sashashyam IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 04 January 2012
Posts: 13755

Posted: 30 January 2013 at 12:15pm | IP Logged
Really? Where? I hardly come here these days and so I would not know, but if this is really true, we are obviously making progress towards a revolutionary new definition of morality and ethics.


Originally posted by Kalapi

Sadly Shymala, it isn't only Ovi's dead that the forum demand's , now it is the actress too...such a sad day for all of us, I feel...
[QUOTE=sashashyam]My dear Janhvi,

Well, you would have to cut Ovi-Arjun's baby loose too, you see, unless, as some in the forum would prefer, it is to  be disposed off by a miscarriage, preferably along with its mother.

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koolsadhu1000 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 03 July 2007
Posts: 20976

Posted: 30 January 2013 at 12:17pm | IP Logged
see rayadallie if u read my post carefully i have outlined the situation as it is exactly in PR

i completely agree that there is no option but divorce in extreme situations

there is domestic abuse , extra marital affairs , secert bigamy , many many problems

but the situation in PR is not like that

we see 2 marraiges ,one  preparing for a child

one keeping the situation as it is

Both the fathers do not do domestic abuse

both the fathers earn well

one man has kept control on his emotions for the larger picture

one has not .

Just as love is needed for a marraige is true , work on a marraige is an equally profound concept .

With all due respect this story is different .

i never said children from divorces do not turn out ok .

But u cannot deny that more than 50 %  do not turn out ok especially if the social structure is in India .

All that this story requires is a little work from the man who is just not coming half way to meet his wife in his marraige .

Now it is said that the marraige will be unhealthy for his child so a divorce should hapen ASAP

why will the marraige be unhealthy if the man decides to give it his 100 % and by 100 % i don't mean the basic necessities as the man once chauvinistically said

he defined it once as Pati Ka Farz

the unhealthy for children argument in this case is somehow just an excuse to get the 2 people who goofed up big time together somehow

let them get together but let it be like Kabhi Alvida na Kehna . No excuses . And while at it show some reality . Show the indian after effects . In KANK they lived in America , show Indian society as it is as here they r shown living in India .

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Kalapi IF-Dazzler

Joined: 25 August 2010
Posts: 3873

Posted: 30 January 2013 at 12:57pm | IP Logged
Or Kool, show us Silsila and the dilemma that Amitabh and Rekha faced... not some half baked rosy totally unrealistic scenario

Edited by Kalapi - 30 January 2013 at 12:54pm

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koolsadhu1000 IF-Sizzlerz

Joined: 03 July 2007
Posts: 20976

Posted: 30 January 2013 at 1:19pm | IP Logged
Yup . Silsila and Kabhi Alivda na kehna are two movies that showed the effects and mental turmoil of giving precedence to certain emotions that can very well be controlled .

KANK was cleverly set by KJ  in America while Silsila was in India ...hence that ending .

Here again the setting is India . PR  is even bolder than these 2 movies as if the divorces happen , a mausi will be the cause for a marraige breaking up .

A father will break up his marraige for his sacha pyaar for a saali .

Can u imagine what the child will go through if raised in India ?

And this is ' healthy' for the child is it ?

I  am so sorry but i differ .

The TRPS were up when Arjun Purvi fought when they met right ??

Arjun lost in each fight that time . Purvi won was the story .

Well i want the same scenario again . I want a custody battle between him and Purvi and this time i want him winning .

I want to see the pain in his majnu eyes replaced by anger .

I want to see him as an individual .

Someone said the other day that he has been reducedto a cameo role and i agree .

I  do not want him going on his knees like Manav did in the rain after winning the custody but i want him unrelenting .

Will they dare show it ?

I want him finally snapping at the mental atrocities that Purvi has heaped on him . I want him telling her that i listened to each rubbish condition of yours as u defined it as a test of love but u planned to keep my child from me forever . Now watch what i will do . I will employ the best team of lawyers and get him back .

If this won't happen i want Onir being negative and running off with the baby to a foreign land . Nothing should happen to the child he should be well brought up but Purvi badly needs the lesson of her life from a man . She uses men shamefully . The way she was lying to Archana effortlessly today in front of the doctor ticked me off big time and she needs to be exposed .

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