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Per Angusta Ad Augusta FF - Updated Oct. 14 - FINALE! Pg.37 (Page 10)

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Posted: 14 March 2013 at 12:36pm | IP Logged
^^ Yes, that's one thing I don't like about FF's too. Because if they are not taken care of properly and overlook details, they tend to lose the feel. Yours however, doesn't. I know how hard writing can be, it takes a lot of you to make sure the setting is perfect. It can get more difficult when you are writing something that deals with unreal. So I really like the way you handle the whole 'Supernatural' theme. To come up with cases, make it seem real and logical, the process of describing them, you have done everything well. 

What I love the most about this FF is, Emery. I have since forever wished for a female hunter in Supernatural. That partly came true with Jo's entry but the writers had to kill her off too. I don't understand why women hunters, basically female characters aren't given a chance in Supernatural when are capable of adding a lot of substance to the show. I am glad you did what they don't. :)

I can already see dynamics change between Dean and Emery and I like how they able to connect at a level. I see you are planning to pair up Dean and Emery and I'd be in for pair. <3 I don't usually go for fan fictions for some of my favourite books/shows but I decided yours may be just worth it. And so far, I can say you haven't  let me down. Keep up the great job! Embarrassed

P.S : Isn't it take you perhaps name your FF now? LOL

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Posted: 14 March 2013 at 9:53pm | IP Logged
Sorry Mahi Embarrassed for the late Feedback...
so here is my Fb for 
Chapter 1 The New Girl
1] Yeap i so agree!! The Winchester Brothers are THE BEST hunters in the world ..Big smile

I can even imagine Sam saying "who are you" with distrust and complete on guard stance..with gun held out...Day Dreaming Great character conformity at the beginning onlyThumbs Up...cool...Clap

2] Exactly my thought.Shocked..If somebody was successful at sneaking up on them ...he/she had to be of some mettle...Approve I can imagine Sam going through his laptop searching for detailsLOL...calling dean whenever he got some promising information.LOL..see there he proved again he is The correct choice of being Man of letters..Embarrassed.

3] Nice description dearStar...kinda forms an image.LOL..you know what I mean??...Confused Sense???Confused...is she a psychic??Confused Or is it that Dean is no more mysteriousErmm And anyone can read him??Angry

4] What was Sam thinkingConfused?? Even after having a Gun in her hands...he DID NOT feel her to be harmful??Stern Smile

5] Now this answers my previous questionBig smile...she is good at reading peopleEmbarrassed...and yeah They are THE legacy alrightLOL!! I can relate to the shock she had...but she is strongApprove...in that she can control her emotions...that's a nice portrayalClap...thank god she isn't dumb..or damsel in distress or a delicate stuffSleepy...love this type of woman portrayal.Heart..

6] oh yeah!!! Dean has always had a trusting issueErmm...he hardly trusts anyoneAngry...so quickly...top of that she was talking their mindsErmm...which was weird in their strange type of lifestyleConfused...i can imagine those wrinkles on dean's foreheadDay Dreaming...you have stayed true to this little detail tooShocked..am amazed at your observation skills dearClap

7] "They were carrying loaded baggage around, neither of them trying to get rid of it.  The simplest thing would have been to talk about everything and put it behind them.  However, their refusal to do so was turning every question into an accusation and even a light sarcastic joke into a loaded blame" This is exactly what the brother's folly isAngry...they so LOVE carrying this..this weight.Angry..grrr making things complicated..Angry. Wait ONE MORE argumentAngry?? I wonder what was it this time.Ermm..

8] Y would dean doubtConfused?? When his little brother himself was a bit of psychicErmm...he had met that "special kid " twins and he had met Pamela...he should know by now psychic do exist...Confused

9] ""Ahan... And who are you exactly?""Emery.""Emery who?""Just Emery.  I'm a hunter, like you two.""Oh, a hunter?! Wow, see Sammy, this superwoman here is a hunter like us."" LOVED it.Hug...am going ROFL ROFL...imagining Dean's sarcasm and scoffingDay Dreaming...LOVE you mahi for keeping this funny trait intact...HugAnd sam getting impressed easily but not dean..is so hilariousROFL...kinda reminds of all the fun moments.Ouch

. 10] ""We arrived here first. This is our case so you can leave," Dean said rather rudely, shifting from one foot to the other. He was clearly uncomfortable around her.  The fact that she could read auras obviously didn't help." Dean is so.ROFL...Dean...all uncomfortable...ROFLStar

 11] "No one, and I mean no one, but me gets to call dibs on any case here. Doesn't matter whether you arrived an hour before me or a month," ...this just so...ROFL ROFL ROFL

12] Emery wanted to take on DEAN??Shocked...now am seriously impressed by her braveryApprove...Bravo girl!!!Clap

13] Sam is so typical..The one who tries to balance things and find a middle pathLOL...and i loved the way dean said "Sammy".Day Dreaming...i am just... speechless... whenever i hear that wordEmbarrassed...thanks dear a ton for including that word...Hug

14] "Ghosts were predictable, humans weren't, which made them a lot more dangerous" How?? I din't get that partConfused...how can being predictable be dangerousErmm?? On the contrary it should be double easy to counter themConfused as we KNOW how it will react right??Confused

 15] "You know what" Sam's one of the famous quotesDay Dreaming...i can imagine JP saying thisBlushing...more than Sammy ROFL

 16] Dean never wants anyone to know what garbage he is carrying that so typicalAngry...when will he know his worthAngry?? When he will get the right thing to do is to talk your emotions outErmm?? Some times i really get frustrated at the way Dean retracts into his shellAngry...grrr are you getting what i mean?Confused

 17] Wow..just wow.Star.Emery called dean an IdiotShocked?? Am impressed.Approve..seriously BIG TIME..LOL.

 18] "Whatever" here again i can imagine JA Blushingmore than Dean...ROFL

 19] That's interesting...Dean's Irks bothering her more than usualShocked...hmmmWink

 20] what a sweet way to endBig smile..."jerk-bitch" i sorely miss it these daysCry...and dean's being impossibleAngry...is so DeanLOL...Sam keeping his work as priority...and trying to broker peaceLOL...awww sweet hon...Hug

 My Verdict LOL

I would say I have never read an FF SO close to the actual SPN in terms of characterizationShocked...and i have read many...as a matter of fact,,Embarrassed...

This goes to show how much effort you put inClap...and hence its a WINNER.StarStar..

Love you dear for that...Hug

Barring few doubts and disagreement.Tongue..i LOVED your work..HugClap


Thanks Mahi for letting me review your work...and allowed me to keep my thoughts in front of you...Hug

 




Edited by lakshmi_3004 - 14 March 2013 at 10:07pm

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 12:06am | IP Logged
@Husna - Thank you :) I did have trouble initially.  You know I started writing it because of some non-case scenes that came to my mind like the very first one when Emery appears and the brothers moments.  Then I realized that in order for the story to flow I would have to come up with cases that sound realistic (in a supernatural way) and so after some thinking, I came up with some stuff... I'm glad they seem real and logical.  Thank you for liking Emery!! Jo is actually one of my fav. female hunters too, wish they had kept her for longer.  I've always wanted a strong female hunter too so that was my thought behind Emery... I'm glad you're enjoying it... Dean has begun to understand Emery so yes, dynamics between the two of them are changing but I promise I'm not gonna make anything too mushy ;)  Thanks a lot, Husna, loved your comments! 

P.S. You know that's one thing I suck at.  I can name individual chapters but have such a hard time coming up with a title of the entire thing. Any suggestions?

@L - First off, can I just say that I love you?!! I do!!! Absolutely loved your feedback!! Makes my writing the FF totally worth it. I love reading thoughts on my work so I can't thank you enough. But I can try, so thank you!! Thank you sooo much! You're awesome!! <3

I'm going to just clarify a few points because I agree with everything else you mentioned.  

4) My thought process behind that was that Emery didn't seem maliciously threatening, she appeared on more of a self-protection stance and Sam kind of noticed that so he did not feel her to be particularly harmful... I think Sam is perceptive like that.  

8) You know even after that, I do think that Dean's a bit skeptic. Sam was a totally different story... his was not a natural thing, so to say.  And Pamela is really the only other person who had real abilities. He has met a lot of people who pretend to have those abilities but in reality, don't. So hence the suspicion... he's not sure if she's making it up or really has the talent.

14) The "which made them a lot more dangerous" part was referring to humans.  Since they are not predictable like ghosts, they're a lot more dangerous.

16) I totally know what you mean... your frustration will be released in the upcoming chapter :)

Thanks a lot, L!! That's a biiig compliment for me.  I'm glad I'm close to the SPN, that was like my number one goal for this FF. And thanks a ton for taking the time for writing such a detailed feedback. I seriously love it.

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 7:12am | IP Logged
Loved it. I like how you're getting really into it with all of the sharp turns that the story is taking from time to time. Emery's story was beautifully done and very real. Great job! :)

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Posted: 21 March 2013 at 2:34pm | IP Logged
@Chhilt - Thanks a lot! Glad you're enjoying the read :)
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Posted: 21 March 2013 at 2:36pm | IP Logged

Part 10 – Emery's Past Hunts

Upon entering the room, Dean saw Sam working on his laptop and inadvertently rolled his eyes.  Sam was always like that.  Work and work, no play.

"Hey, so I have something that will ease your mind... about Emery," Sam said and Dean quietly grabbed a seat next to him.

"I'm listening."

"Well, so I talked with Garth and he has helped Emery a couple times.  He said that she had Bobby's number so I'm guessing she worked with him too."

"Yeah, she did.  Bobby helped her once with a particularly brutal exorcism."

Sam shook his head quietly before catching onto what Dean meant, then with wrinkles on his forehead he asked, "How do you know that?"

Dean tossed something that looked like a diary towards Sam, "From Emery's journal."

"Emery's journal? How did you..." Then suddenly thinking the worst, he demanded, "Tell me you didn't steal this!" When Dean replied with a deceivingly mocking grin, Sam yelled accusingly. "DEAN?!"

"Calm down, Gandhi!  You really think I'm capable of stealing someone's journal?"

"Yeah!" Sam replied without missing a beat.

"Huh... yeah... you're right," Dean was seriously thinking about it when Sam gave him THE look.  "I didn't steal it, okay! Emery gave it to me."

"She did what?  Why would she give it to you?" 

"Well, she didn't exactly give it to me, just let me borrow it." And Dean told Sam everything that Emery had shared with him about her past. She wanted Sam to know but she just didn't think she could tell it again.

Sam was still going through the journal and said, "I can't believe she has been through so much.  And have you read this thing?  All the things she has dealt with, mostly all by herself!"

"Yeah, she said that since she always worked alone, she kept a detailed journal describing the what's and how's of every single thing she ever hunted."

Every single hunt except the very first one that had killed her brother. She didn't need to write that down as every single detail was etched on her mind forever.  The boys shared an impressed look.  There were entries on ghosts, a shapeshifter, a poltergeist, among other things.  She had even done an exorcism.

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Part 11 – Problems with no Solutions

"This case is totally screwed up.  I can't believe that even after constantly researching for a week, we still got no clue about what's going on, Sammy," Emery said in a teasing tone, expecting Sam to give her the annoyed look that clearly said that she could not call him Sammy.  Only Dean could.  And rightly so, Sam looked up from his laptop, a little annoyed.  "It's Sam, I know!" Emery was mimicking him. "I just wanted to see that look."

"What? What look?" Sam was rolling his eyes like she was crazy.

"You know the Only-Dean-Can-Call-Me-Sammy look!"

"Seriously?!"

"Yeah, seriously! You always give me that look when I call you Sammy."

"Well, then maybe you should stop calling me that?"

"And spare you all the annoyance? Of course not!" Emery was just teasing Sam.  She loved doing that and she had missed it for years.  This was the kind of relationship she had with her baby brother, Adrian. 

Sam shook his head in disbelief and threw a book towards her, which she caught in time. "Do some work!"

"I have read every single book I could find on symbolism twice, and this one," Emery paused a moment to read the title, "five times."

"It was that interesting?" Sam asked raising his eyebrows.

"No, the author sucked.  Couldn't explain a single concept."  Emery replied with a straight face getting a chuckle out of Sam.

"Yeah, well, it's not like I'm doing any better.  I added a couple of things to your board, that's about it."

"We're all stuck in the same hole.  It's something big... I can feel that.  I just wish we were closer in our hunt after all this time."

"Yeah..." Sam sighed. "Me too."

"By the way, where's that brawny brother of yours?"

Sam smiled at her description of Dean, she probably had no idea behind the history of that adjective, "No idea.  Haven't seen him since the morning."

As if on cue, Dean entered the room, "You know you two really need to get out of this room more."

"You know, Dean, some of us actually work," This was Emery.  Even though Dean and Emery were beginning to understand each other a lot better, they still gave each other hard time.  Some things never change.

"Oh, I was doing work. Very important work," Dean replied with a wink.

"Your kinda important or important important?" Sam asked.  Dean's reply was some more grins and one raised eyebrow, Sam knew better than to ask more.  Dean and his flings were nothing new.  So simply shaking his head, Sam focused back on his laptop.  Emery had a feeling that the boys were not talking about the case at hand.  What were they talking about then?  She also had a feeling that she was better off without knowing.

Emery felt an energy behind her a second before she heard flapping of wings.  Both Sam and Dean stared behind her a little surprised.  She turned her head and jumped back, a little freaked. After catching her breath, she stared at Cas, "Do you…" then she looked at Sam and finished her question, "Does he always appear like that?"  Sam nodded, sympathetically.

"Hey, Cas, what's up?" Dean knew that if Cas showed up without being asked to, then he probably had something important to talk about.

Confused, Cas looked up at the ceiling in response and a second later deadpanned, "I don't understand the relevance of that question."  Sam and Dean shared a knowing look and shook their heads while Emery continued to look at the perplexed Cas.  A second later it dawned on her that he probably took language literally. 

"Cas, everything okay?" One good look at him and Dean realized that he didn't appear all that great.  The boys had deduced that something was wrong from the strange way Cas had acted upon rescuing Samandriel.  Was something really bothering him? 

"Yes, yes, everything's fine.  I would like to know if you found anything else."

"We did.  It's not much but..." and Sam walked Cas through all the theories they had so far and the white board with all the connections they had made.

"Other than that, all we know is that the two victims had as much in common as Mother Theresa and Kim Kardashian." 

Cas furrowed his eyebrows at Dean's remark obviously not understanding what he meant. "Who is Kim Kardashian?"

Dean sighed exasperatedly in response and Sam explained, "He means they had nothing in common."

Cas replied in his serious voice, "I might be on to something but I am not sure yet.  I will get back to you as soon as I have something specific."  Cas was about to disappear and Dean couldn't just let his friend fight all his demons by himself, figuratively.

"Hey Cas, I think we could all use some break.  We're gonna go to a bar and take the rest of the night off.  Why don't you join us?"  Sam and Emery looked at Dean trying to figure out how and most importantly, why he came up with the idea.

"Uhh... Last time I consumed alcohol, it didn't end well," Cas said remembering the time he was "on a bender."

"You drank?" Emery asked disbelievingly.  Poor girl still believed in nice, innocent angels with halos and little white wings.  But then again, she hadn't fought a battle with them as Sam and Dean had. 

"Desperate times."  That was all Cas could say in his defense.

"But you're an angel!"  Emery didn't mean to say it accusingly.  Cas shrugged looking a bit guilty.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, sweetheart, but real angels are not the guardian types that sit on your shoulders and protect you as mommy said."  Dean immediately regretted his last three words.  Emery looked at him with so much pain in her eyes that he felt like a Class A jerk.  His shoulders sagged as he noticed her eyes getting moist.  It felt like someone punched him in the gut taking all air out of his lungs.  Why was she affecting him that way?  Granted, knowing about her past, he shouldn't have said what he did but what he felt was more than remorse over a few words that shouldn't have been said.  Within moments, she blinked a few times and steeled the usual mask on her face hiding any emotion whatsoever.  She fully guarded her feelings.  The only times her mask fell were when she felt intense emotions. 

Sam diffused the situation, "I think I could really use a beer."  Giving Dean a hard look, he stepped out the room and Emery followed.  Dean had told Sam everything about Emery's past the night he learned about it himself.  She wanted them both to know.  And so Sam knew that Dean's comment was unacceptable.  Topics related to family were very sensitive.  They knew that more than anyone else.   

Dean noticed Cas giving him a disapproving look.  "WHAT?!" Dean said in his usual sharp manner.  Cas simply shook his head in response and vanished.

"Way to go, Cas! Being a real good friend, buddy," Dean said bitterly to an empty room before stepping out.

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Edited by -Mystery- - 26 March 2013 at 8:48pm

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