Untitled Supernatural FF - Updated May 15th -Pg 22 (Page 10) | 3402350

-Mystery-

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BollyCurry Buzzers

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Posted: 12 March 2013 at 8:26pm | IP Logged

@Flutter - Emery has had an awful past.. in a way, she's still living in it or at least under the weight of it. But that's made her who she is... even hone her skills. As for Dean being oblivious to other people's pain, I kinda have to disagree here. I think he does feel others' pain, he just doesn't show that he does often. Just like he never shows his pain either. Remember the whole wounded soldier conversation with Bobby? He knew that Bobby was hurting. And as L mentioned about him crying when Sam goes to kill Madison. Yes, he may initially be a little hard on people he meets for the first time (ex. Castiel, Henry) but as he gets to know them, he understands them and feels for them. Another reason behind Dean's tear was that he could empathize with Emery... as I mentioned in the update too. He was remembering the time he spent thinking Sam was dead and that brought a whole lot of pain up front.

As always, thanks so much for your comments!

@Sayanti - Aww thanks so much, love! Don't worry! I tend to be less and less online when things get hectic.. it's just that.. don't worry at all :)

Thanks sooo much for your comments!! I'm gonna try and not let them get to my head Embarrassed

hahaha.. but really, I appreciate them! And as for Dean, as I was explaining to Flutter, I don't think he's really oblivious.. yes, sometimes he is so caught up with his own turmoil that he doesn't realize what others are going through but it's not always true.. a lot of time he does empathize, he just doesn't show it. And especially for people he works with, he develops a certain bond with them... like Jo and Ellen, and he certainly feels for them. This is another way of showing that Dean and Emery are beginning to understand each other and getting past the whole hostility thing.

@L - Exactly! Loved the way you explained it!!!

@beyonddarkness - Thank you soo much!

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sayanti_ashiuv

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Posted: 13 March 2013 at 8:40am | IP Logged

Originally posted by -Mystery-

@Sayanti - Aww thanks so much, love! Don't worry! I tend to be less and less online when things get hectic.. it's just that.. don't worry at all :)

Thanks sooo much for your comments!! I'm gonna try and not let them get to my head Embarrassed

hahaha.. but really, I appreciate them! And as for Dean, as I was explaining to Flutter, I don't think he's really oblivious.. yes, sometimes he is so caught up with his own turmoil that he doesn't realize what others are going through but it's not always true.. a lot of time he does empathize, he just doesn't show it. And especially for people he works with, he develops a certain bond with them... like Jo and Ellen, and he certainly feels for them. This is another way of showing that Dean and Emery are beginning to understand each other and getting past the whole hostility thing.

do i see the beginning of a love story??? LOL

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herms_angel

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Posted: 13 March 2013 at 12:09pm | IP Logged

Just to let you know Mahi, I have read all the parts and due to time constraints I haven't been able to drop in my comments. I'd like you to know that, you write extremely well. What I like the best about this FF is the way you have kept Winchesters and Supernatural's essence intact. Its almost close to what and how the show is. :)

Shall drop in detailed comments later. For now, great job! Approve

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-Mystery-

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BollyCurry Buzzers

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Posted: 13 March 2013 at 4:59pm | IP Logged

@Sayanti - Hee hee... that's for me to know and you to find out ;)

@Husna - Thanks a lot! I understand time restraints, don't worry about it. Comment whenever you have the time. I personally don't like FFs that don't stay true to the characters so that's one thing I closely watch out for when I write one of mine. Glad to know you noticed that :)

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herms_angel

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Posted: 14 March 2013 at 12:36pm | IP Logged

^^ Yes, that's one thing I don't like about FF's too. Because if they are not taken care of properly and overlook details, they tend to lose the feel. Yours however, doesn't. I know how hard writing can be, it takes a lot of you to make sure the setting is perfect. It can get more difficult when you are writing something that deals with unreal. So I really like the way you handle the whole 'Supernatural' theme. To come up with cases, make it seem real and logical, the process of describing them, you have done everything well.

What I love the most about this FF is, Emery. I have since forever wished for a female hunter in Supernatural. That partly came true with Jo's entry but the writers had to kill her off too. I don't understand why women hunters, basically female characters aren't given a chance in Supernatural when are capable of adding a lot of substance to the show. I am glad you did what they don't. :)

I can already see dynamics change between Dean and Emery and I like how they able to connect at a level. I see you are planning to pair up Dean and Emery and I'd be in for pair. <3 I don't usually go for fan fictions for some of my favourite books/shows but I decided yours may be just worth it. And so far, I can say you haven't let me down. Keep up the great job! Embarrassed

P.S : Isn't it take you perhaps name your FF now? LOL

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lakshmi_3004

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Posted: 14 March 2013 at 9:53pm | IP Logged

Sorry Mahi Embarrassed

for the late Feedback...

so here is my Fb for

Chapter 1 The New Girl

1] Yeap i so agree!! The Winchester Brothers are THE BEST hunters in the world .. Big smile

I can even imagine Sam saying "who are you" with distrust and complete on guard stance..with gun held out... Day Dreaming Great character conformity at the beginning only Thumbs Up ...cool... Clap

2] Exactly my thought. Shocked ..If somebody was successful at sneaking up on them ...he/she had to be of some mettle... Approve I can imagine Sam going through his laptop searching for details LOL ...calling dean whenever he got some promising information. LOL ..see there he proved again he is The correct choice of being Man of letters.. Embarrassed .

3] Nice description dear Star ...kinda forms an image. LOL ..you know what I mean??... Confused Sense???...is she a psychic?? Or is it that Dean is no more mysterious Ermm And anyone can read him?? Angry

4] What was Sam thinking Confused ?? Even after having a Gun in her hands...he DID NOT feel her to be harmful?? Stern Smile

5] Now this answers my previous question Big smile ...she is good at reading people Embarrassed ...and yeah They are THE legacy alright LOL !! I can relate to the shock she had...but she is strong Approve ...in that she can control her emotions...that's a nice portrayal Clap ...thank god she isn't dumb..or damsel in distress or a delicate stuff Sleepy ...love this type of woman portrayal. Heart ..

6] oh yeah!!! Dean has always had a trusting issue Ermm ...he hardly trusts anyone Angry ...so quickly...top of that she was talking their minds Ermm ...which was weird in their strange type of lifestyle Confused ...i can imagine those wrinkles on dean's forehead Day Dreaming ...you have stayed true to this little detail too Shocked ..am amazed at your observation skills dear Clap

7] "They were carrying loaded baggage around, neither of them trying to get rid of it. The simplest thing would have been to talk about everything and put it behind them. However, their refusal to do so was turning every question into an accusation and even a light sarcastic joke into a loaded blame" This is exactly what the brother's folly is Angry ...they so LOVE carrying this..this weight. Angry ..grrr making things complicated.. Angry . Wait ONE MORE argument Angry ?? I wonder what was it this time. Ermm ..

8] Y would dean doubt Confused ?? When his little brother himself was a bit of psychic Ermm ...he had met that "special kid " twins and he had met Pamela...he should know by now psychic do exist...

9] ""Ahan... And who are you exactly?""Emery.""Emery who?""Just Emery. I'm a hunter, like you two.""Oh, a hunter?! Wow, see Sammy, this superwoman here is a hunter like us."" LOVED it. Hug ...am going ROFL ROFL ...imagining Dean's sarcasm and scoffing Day Dreaming ...LOVE you mahi for keeping this funny trait intact... Hug And sam getting impressed easily but not dean..is so hilarious ROFL ...kinda reminds of all the fun moments. Ouch

. 10] ""We arrived here first. This is our case so you can leave," Dean said rather rudely, shifting from one foot to the other. He was clearly uncomfortable around her. The fact that she could read auras obviously didn't help." Dean is so. ROFL ...Dean...all uncomfortable... ROFL Star

11] "No one, and I mean no one, but me gets to call dibs on any case here. Doesn't matter whether you arrived an hour before me or a month," ...this just so... ROFL ROFL ROFL

12] Emery wanted to take on DEAN?? Shocked ...now am seriously impressed by her bravery Approve ...Bravo girl!!! Clap

13] Sam is so typical..The one who tries to balance things and find a middle path LOL ...and i loved the way dean said "Sammy". Day Dreaming ...i am just... speechless... whenever i hear that word Embarrassed ...thanks dear a ton for including that word... Hug

14] "Ghosts were predictable, humans weren't, which made them a lot more dangerous" How?? I din't get that part Confused ...how can being predictable be dangerous Ermm ?? On the contrary it should be double easy to counter them as we KNOW how it will react right??

15] "You know what" Sam's one of the famous quotes Day Dreaming ...i can imagine JP saying this Blushing ...more than Sammy ROFL

16] Dean never wants anyone to know what garbage he is carrying that so typical Angry ...when will he know his worth Angry ?? When he will get the right thing to do is to talk your emotions out Ermm ?? Some times i really get frustrated at the way Dean retracts into his shell Angry ...grrr are you getting what i mean? Confused

17] Wow..just wow. Star .Emery called dean an Idiot Shocked ?? Am impressed. Approve ..seriously BIG TIME.. LOL .

18] "Whatever" here again i can imagine JA Blushing more than Dean... ROFL

19] That's interesting...Dean's Irks bothering her more than usual Shocked ...hmmm Wink

20] what a sweet way to end Big smile ..."jerk-bitch" i sorely miss it these days Cry ...and dean's being impossible Angry ...is so Dean LOL ...Sam keeping his work as priority...and trying to broker peace LOL ...awww sweet hon... Hug

My Verdict LOL

I would say I have never read an FF SO close to the actual SPN in terms of characterization Shocked ...and i have read many...as a matter of fact,, Embarrassed ...

This goes to show how much effort you put in Clap ...and hence its a WINNER. Star Star ..

Love you dear for that... Hug

Barring few doubts and disagreement. Tongue ..i LOVED your work.. Hug Clap

Thanks Mahi for letting me review your work...and allowed me to keep my thoughts in front of you...

Edited by lakshmi_3004 - 14 March 2013 at 10:07pm

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-Mystery-

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BollyCurry Buzzers

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 12:06am | IP Logged

@Husna - Thank you :) I did have trouble initially. You know I started writing it because of some non-case scenes that came to my mind like the very first one when Emery appears and the brothers moments. Then I realized that in order for the story to flow I would have to come up with cases that sound realistic (in a supernatural way) and so after some thinking, I came up with some stuff... I'm glad they seem real and logical. Thank you for liking Emery!! Jo is actually one of my fav. female hunters too, wish they had kept her for longer. I've always wanted a strong female hunter too so that was my thought behind Emery... I'm glad you're enjoying it... Dean has begun to understand Emery so yes, dynamics between the two of them are changing but I promise I'm not gonna make anything too mushy ;) Thanks a lot, Husna, loved your comments!

P.S. You know that's one thing I suck at. I can name individual chapters but have such a hard time coming up with a title of the entire thing. Any suggestions?

@L - First off, can I just say that I love you?!! I do!!! Absolutely loved your feedback!! Makes my writing the FF totally worth it. I love reading thoughts on my work so I can't thank you enough. But I can try, so thank you!! Thank you sooo much! You're awesome!! <3

I'm going to just clarify a few points because I agree with everything else you mentioned.

4) My thought process behind that was that Emery didn't seem maliciously threatening, she appeared on more of a self-protection stance and Sam kind of noticed that so he did not feel her to be particularly harmful... I think Sam is perceptive like that.

8) You know even after that, I do think that Dean's a bit skeptic. Sam was a totally different story... his was not a natural thing, so to say. And Pamela is really the only other person who had real abilities. He has met a lot of people who pretend to have those abilities but in reality, don't. So hence the suspicion... he's not sure if she's making it up or really has the talent.

14) The "which made them a lot more dangerous" part was referring to humans. Since they are not predictable like ghosts, they're a lot more dangerous.

16) I totally know what you mean... your frustration will be released in the upcoming chapter :)

Thanks a lot, L!! That's a biiig compliment for me. I'm glad I'm close to the SPN, that was like my number one goal for this FF. And thanks a ton for taking the time for writing such a detailed feedback. I seriously love it.

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chhilt

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Posted: 16 March 2013 at 7:12am | IP Logged

Loved it. I like how you're getting really into it with all of the sharp turns that the story is taking from time to time. Emery's story was beautifully done and very real. Great job! :)

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Untitled Supernatural FF - Updated May 15th -Pg 22 (Page 10)

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Posted: 13 March 2013 at 4:59pm | IP Logged

Posted: 14 March 2013 at 12:36pm | IP Logged

Posted: 14 March 2013 at 9:53pm | IP Logged

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