Posted: 18 January 2013 at 3:28am | IP Logged
Originally posted by -SamiR-
Very well written and thought provoking piece as always JAMi!
In general, I firmly believe that a mother has the utmost right to be respected and obeyed (unless the order is to sin) by her children. This is not conditional; even if the mother is harsh and unreasonable, there is no other option but to respect her. A child can reason with her, but within limits of politeness and respect. I'm ofcourse speaking in the ideal sense. This is why I respect Suraj's character, as he is quite close to this ideal.
Now this may not seem to answer your question, but really it does. If every mother has the right to have dutiful children, then Bhabho too deserves an ideal son like Suraj.
As for the historical truths revealed by Babasa, I think there is another way to look at these. Why did Suraj lie about him failing in school? Isn't it obvious? He knew that if he didn't there is a high chance that Bhabho would not have agreed to sacrifice Suraj's future for the family's sake. This sacrifice might've been the right thing to do at the time, but a mother doesn't see right and wrong when it comes to her child; she only sees her child! It's true that she eventually found out about the lie, but it was too late by then. Also, she must've been more able to see that Suraj had taken the right step, as it helped the family avoid an even bigger crisis.
We also learned from Babasa's speech that Suraj has a history of doing what is necessary to avoid Bhabho's love for her son from overtaking the family's interests. Bhabho's love wouldn't have allowed Suraj to gamble his money on Vikram's shop, even thought it was in the family's interest. Bhabho's love wouldn't have allowed Suraj to waste his hard earned money on loser Mohit, even though it was in the family's interests. And it was her love for Suraj that allowed for Chavi's marriage to be approved. This also explains Suraj's decision to hide night college truth from Bhabho. He must've thought that this was in the best interests of the family, but Bhabho's love for him would not permit it to happen. And like always, Bhabho will understand when the truth eventually comes out, by seeing the positive results. (IMO, the ideal time for revealing the truth would've been when Sandhya successfully learns to manage both house and studies; but I guess this wouldn't have been ideal for TRPs.)
Anyways, let me end here. I think you're being a bit harsh with your lovely Bhabho.
But I can understand your position. Bhabho has to eventually understand to put more trust in Suraj, and not suffocate him with her love. Let's see if she goes in this direction
Hmmm...Very well said...in fact almost perfectly put.
A parent does have every right to be respected...but does not need to always be obeyed.
Sure...when they are young and dependent on us for their needs...as parents we expect that children obey us. But as they grow older...parents also have to come to an understanding that the same children are individual beings who have rights of their own. One of these is the right to make their own decisions and face the consequences resulting thereof.
Interfering...or suffocating as you put it...yes suffocating your children...grown up children...married children...is just plain wrong.
Children are not our posessions or slaves...to treat them as such is wrong.
Differentiating between children is wrong.
Comparing your son's love for you with the love he feels for his wife...to the point of being jealous of it...is wrong.
I remember I asked my own MIL once...why she didn't live with any of her sons. And she replied...I raised 5 sons to the best of my ability, made sure they were educated and cared for..then when they found their life-partners...I knew my role of being the "woman in their life had ended and someone else's had begun. I accepted this fact and moved on into the next phase of my life...and let them move on too".
I can't begin to tell you how much all 5 of us DILs loved her. Because quite frankly respect is a 2 way street.
And I know...that many many many...and many years down the road..when I become a Saas...I'll be a real rocking one...because of the lessons I learned from my own.
So...while I still have respect for Bhabo...it's come down a notch...and I definitely don't agree with her.
Edited by ummesulaiman - 18 January 2013 at 3:25am