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Story: Wilted| Chapter 3 Forgotten Puzzles|Page 7

-Dee- IF-Dazzler
-Dee-
-Dee-

Joined: 22 August 2011
Posts: 3389

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 2:31am | IP Logged
Prologue


When she was twelve,

The sky was a husky shade of pink with patches of violet announcing the world about the setting of the twilight of the day. The roof of the Sharma House was alight with activities. The youngsters were spread around the expanse of the terrace. Some chains of flowers to hang from the balustrade and the more responsible ones were dealing with the fairy lights - blue and white. Who would gather from their size that together those little tubes filled with helium were capable of lighting up diwali more brightly, beautifully and safely then the firecrackers.

'Bhai, can I help with the fairies please.?' she looked up at her brother with a hopeful expression. 'No.' Her brother snapped at her. 'But Riya is also helping,' She tried to debate albeit a little discouragingly. 'Uff! You know aren't capable of handling responsibilities. Go and switch on the lights from downstairs. Run along now.'  She ran downstairs with a film of tears blurring her vision.

~~~~~~~~

When she was seventeen,

Olive is an upscale restaurant in town. Table number five was a little messy. And one cannot expect any more than that from teenage girls out on a birthday bash. They were talking loudly and they were whispering harshly. They were giggling at themselves and they were mocking others. She too was a part of the crowd, she too was smiling but there was a dark light in her eyes which conveyed the half-pretense and the half-euphoria. She picked up her fork and knife to cut into the piece of tofu when she saw the girl across from her, whispering in her neighbours ears - hollow whispers of contempt and pretence.

'Such an intimidating and condescending bitch.' 

Yet again she was subdued by a choke in her throat and betrayal. She couldn't dance and she wasn't social. How was she a bitch?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

When she is twenty-two,

The granite of the wash room feels cold. Why was it difficult to accept a fact even when one has come to understand it? She wanted to do nothing but go to sleep, right there on the floor. She wanted to fall in a deep, wrath infused slumber until the hatred consumed her dreams and became a reality. She wanted to lie down on the cloudy-blurred-patterned floor and allow the iciness to engulf her in its embrace. Ironically, though her cotton pyjamas were drenched in sweat. She could feel the beads in hollow between breasts. The tears seeped down her cheeks, allowing a feeling more than chagrin and self-loathing to take over herself. She could not devise if it was her envy or the never ending non social attitude.

____________












 Big smile




Edited by -Dee- - 21 May 2013 at 1:23am

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...Doctor... IF-Sizzlerz
...Doctor...
...Doctor...

Joined: 15 September 2011
Posts: 14767

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 2:58am | IP Logged
Copy paste karoon? Ermm

Edit:

This was heart wrenching D. Poor girl, everybody treats her like this just because she's not a party animal, just because she is non-social. I felt bad, really bad for Riya. But to be honest we all behave like that with such people at some point of time. I am not saying that we are this harsh but we tend to react differently. I'll always remember this before behaving inappropriately with such people so Thank you, you taught me a lesson.

Now let's talk about your writing. I've said this before & I'll say it again, you write flawlessly. The flow is so perfect. The concept is intriguing & I would love to know how you'll carry this forward. In short I'd love to read the next part 

One thing I'd like to mention is that the last scene had me in tears, beautifully described. I felt the pain, the sadness, the anger coursing through her. Brilliant D!



Edited by ...Doctor... - 05 January 2013 at 3:02am

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-Dee-

sweetdesire IF-Stunnerz
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sweetdesire

Joined: 11 July 2010
Posts: 25856

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 3:27am | IP Logged

Woww Dee

A new story from you

Love the Prologue

Looking forward to read more

So do Post first part soon

Thanks for the PM

Take care

 

Love

Geet



Edited by sweetdesire - 05 January 2013 at 3:35am

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-Dee-

Rasgulla_sp IF-Stunnerz
Rasgulla_sp
Rasgulla_sp

Joined: 16 January 2012
Posts: 31016

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 4:43am | IP Logged
R

Edited:

I feel for the poor girl. Shunned by friends and family? Why? She seems to be a nice soul. Being misunderstood and underestimated all her life has broken the poor soul.

But your writing is perfect. Every alphabet and word in order. A 17 year old shouldn't be so perfect Big smile


Edited by Rasgulla_sp - 05 January 2013 at 4:45am

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sj_arhiLoveToLaugh-Dee--Rashi

gypsy Goldie
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Joined: 24 October 2011
Posts: 1166

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 5:34am | IP Logged
reserving Heroine Hiralal :-P... using my cell so I'll edit this as soon as I get my lappy back.

one suggestion: use Minz fabulous way to relieve yourself when you feel u r under stress :-P

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Anzie Senior Member
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Joined: 09 January 2012
Posts: 989

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 7:22am | IP Logged

That was really really interesting <3 I loved the prologue and the way you wrote it <3 Looking forward to reading moreā€¦.


Edited by Anzie - 05 January 2013 at 7:20am

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-Dee-

sj_arhi Senior Member
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Joined: 29 March 2012
Posts: 609

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 8:12pm | IP Logged
This was an interesting piece Dee. The girl in picture sounds handicapped the way expresses her inability to dance. Her own brother snubs her as incapable of managing responsibilities. The fact that people shun her probably makes her unsociable. Life seems unfair till now and my heart goes out to her. Do continue. 

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UltimateWishes Senior Member
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Joined: 28 July 2012
Posts: 492

Posted: 09 January 2013 at 2:47pm | IP Logged
Loved It ...spoke of true emotion and screamed out sadness 

Beautiful ...I would love to read more Smile

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