So, here I am. As I promised. It took me week to post this! Sorry for any mistakes! For your knowledge, I post my stuff on FanFiction, too!
About this OS, oh this is my forte. Its dark, tragic and sad! So, my most comfortable area! I like writing Tragedies! Don't curse me later, I declared the Genre! ~ Happy Endings ~
For the thirteenth time I rang
Jeremy and still he was not picking up the phone. Damn. I should have gone with
them. I should not have listened to Stefan at all. I needed to go there. I
cursed myself as I tried Bonnie's cell again. Thank god, I sent Bonnie as I
lost my trust in Stefan when it came to Jeremy and it was for better even
Jeremy was uncomfortable with him. It was irony that my brother actually hated
Damon but he learned his killing and hunting skills from him and we both knew
that Jeremy liked Damon, though we never talked about it, not me, not Jeremy
and not even Damon. It was one little silent agreement not to talk about
family. Family. I can only think about Jeremy and Damon when word came to my
mind which reminds me that they both should have been here by now with Bonnie
and Stefan. Why I was so restless? I walked back and forth on the porch of the
boarding house. I was just going inside to get myself a blood bag and it
happened. Suddenly, everything was black, and I tried to scream but my voice
was muffled in my throat and I choked. I had no idea what exactly was happening
to me, but I just dropped onto my knees at the table inside the house and held
clutched my heart with deadly tight grip. It was sharp pain in the middle of
the heart which was not supposed to be beating. Tears ran down my cheeks as the
pain grew more and more and it was difficult to breathe and then it was gone. I
sighed of relief and everything was clear. I felt free and there was nothing in
mind, it was just plain. But the pain was not gone. I felt terrible, creepy
feeling that something was wrong. I could breathe but with every unwanted
breath it left that sharp pain in my chest. It was unbearable. Damon. I don't
know how but I know. It has everything to do with Damon. Next thing I knew was
dark black clouds overpowered my vision and I was numb. I was gone. I was lost.
When I opened my eyes, I was not
at the table where I passed out. I was on bed. It was not familiar. It was
Stefan's room, as I recalled. I felt extremely uncomfortable and I got up and
ran straight to Damon's room, in the shine of hope that he would be there with
his playful smirk and he would give one of his sarcastic welcoming line. I ran
because I wanted to see him badly. Screw the sire bond; I was so in love with
him. Ever since he sent me home from the lake house, all I did was thinking
about him. He set me free and I was free but my mind was there. I remembered my
last goodbye kiss all the time. I really had no idea why everyone was creating
hype for the bond. I was perfectly fine, my feelings were real. I kept telling
everyone but no one listened, not even Damon who was so blinded by doing the
right thing. I spent my nights thinking about the beautiful night we shared. I
spent my days reminiscing about how we were happy. It was one hell of a
beautiful day, let's say, twenty four hours before the stupid bond bomb broke
on us. I loved him. I realized it when I was away from him, when he was busy
teaching Jeremy how to kill Vampires, risking his own life for me and my
brother. I knew I loved him and I was ready with an entire crappy, filmy and so
very cheesy romantic speech to make him realize that I loved him. I was ready.
And all I needed was him and he was not there. But as I make my way to his room
I was happy I would find him. I was so very ready to tell him how much I love
him, want him, forever.
As I entered his room, all my
hopes shattered in one look. All I saw was an empty room. I could not believe. But
I was not the one to give up, how could I forget Damon loves his bourbon, he
must be downstairs. I quickly went downstairs only to find Stefan, Jeremy,
Bonnie and Caroline sitting on the sofas in front of each other, they were not
speaking anything, from the look of Jeremy and Stefan, I knew something was
wrong. And where was Damon? I looked at his small bar, empty chairs. Where was
he? I moved ahead and asked, 'Where is he?'
'You woke up.' Stefan stated and
got up to come closer to me. But I backed away.
'Where is he?' I moved away from
Stefan and went to Jeremy. I kept asking same question repeatedly shaking his
shoulders. But he didn't answer; instead he caressed my cheeks in most loving
way, and tried to make me sit beside him. But I refused. I would anything he
would ask, just once I see Damon by myself. I had my speech. I need to tell
him. I...and Stefan's voice interrupted my thoughts.
'Elena...You need to sit. Damon is
'What do you mean he is not
coming? You all went there to get him back from the cave, you went to save him.
Then...Please. Tell me that he is fine' I snapped.
And as I said, the thought
slipped my mind and I realized. The horrible thought came to my mind and I
shook from the core. What if Damon was not fine? What if that hunter has kept
him caged? I shivered when I imagined Damon being tortured to death, bleeding
and alone. No. I stopped thinking about those torturous thoughts and sat beside
Jeremy, cuddling him closer. I wanted to something to hold on. I needed Jeremy.
He put his arms around my shoulders and rubbed warmly.
'Please, tell me he is fine,
please...Please...Please, Jer!' Tears formed in my eyes as I begged my little
brother to give me something hopeful about Damon.
Jeremy did not say anything, he
just looked at Bonnie and she presented me his ring. It was his ring. Damon's Lapis Lazuli ring with a capital D in
it, my heart would definitely stop if it would be beating at all. I looked at
his ring like it was something horrible, I was afraid to touch it. What did that
even mean? Damon without ring, Was he on suicide mission? I was mad, I was
terrified, I was shocked, I was afraid, I was heartbroken.
'He will never come back, Elena.
I am so sorry' Bonnie said reluctantly.
'He can't be dead' I snapped. It
was time I should come clean with everything. I needed to hear, I needed to see
it by myself. Damon could not be dead. Damon was...Damon. He was selfish enough
to get his ass saved, even at the last moment. Damon was a Vampire, a really
bad one. No one could kill him.
'He is. I saw it myself, Elena'
Stefan replied. I hated him at that immediate moment.
'No. No. No...no...no...no...'I refused
to believe that. I shook my head and I shook that terrible thought out from my
messy head, Jeremy held me as I cried. I didn't even realize I was crying. Bonnie
and Caroline stood up, trying to comfort me as if I was broken. Well, I was
not. I did not want them to see this Elena. Only Damon was allowed to see me
like this. Damon had right, he would see me like this and he would hold me and
he would not judge me. But he was not there. I stood up, and backed away from
all of them; I ran straight to his room and locked myself in his room. I heard
them talking about me, Stefan insisting to be with me, Jeremy asking him to
stay away and Bonnie soothing him, Caroline asking Stefan to give me an hour.
An hour? Who was she kidding? I would need an entire eternity to come out from
what exactly just happened. I stopped listening to them in an instant, when I
stood by the window, as it was raining. It was weird. It never rains this time
in the year, in Mystic Falls. I kept crying silently, staring at the rain. I
came back to his bed, and threw myself on his bed, inhaling his scent. It was
mesmerizing, how his scene alone could soothe me. I stopped crying. It was not
deliberate, it was accidentally. I just could not cry. All I felt was empty, hollow.
From inside, I felt the same pain, I felt the hours before. I sat up, and
played with his ring. It did not make any sense, I just felt exposed. All I
wanted was to take Damon in my arms and never let him leave. But there was no
point. He was not there.
He was not there. He would never
come back, the thought slipped my mind and suddenly, I realized. It was true.
He was dead. Dead. Dead like never be able to wake up again, stopped living. He
would never open his eyes and do the eye thing with me. He would never give me
one of his charming and irresistible playful smirks. There would be no
sarcastic remarks, there would be no jokes every day, there would be no smile,
there would be no kiss and not his warm gaze, his fingers tracing my back, his
lips caressing mine. He would never be here with me, to hold me when I break,
to tell me that I love him. He would never listen to my speech; he would never
ever even know how much I love him. He would never get the fact that it was not
the bond, he was loved truly. He would never know. He would never come back. He
was gone, really gone. No magic, no ring, no blood, nothing could help him come
back. He was...Dead.
And I was cold. And I missed his
warmth. And a part of me just...died.
I don't know for how long I
stayed like frozen dead in his bed, days or night, I lost track. I often
refused and screamed to leave me alone, when someone would come at the door. I
didn't want them, I wanted Damon. And if I would not get Damon then I wanted to
be alone. I don't know if I was blind, fool or plain stupid when I hoped for
happy endings, when I believed that happy endings are for real. I was an Idiot.
Happy Endings are myths. For one god damn day, it was all perfect and
then...nothing. And I was, no, we were bigger fools, to even expect for a day
that we could be happy without no reason. I was so, stupid when I smiled thoughtlessly
and expected happy ending for me and him. What was I thinking? After all I been
through after my parents' death, I was actually content and I was actually
hoping for my happy fairytale ending with Damon. I wanted things for us. I
dreamed our future. I wanted us a bright, blissful, shiny future and all I got
was more or less than twenty four hours. All we got was a night, a very happy, wonderful,
dreamy and beautiful night. What a cruel joke fate played with us, with him?
Why there was no happy ending for me, for us? I kept thinking and stared at
nothing but his ring. I got up and found my vervain necklace, and removed the
vervain pendant from it, and I wore it again with Damon's ring in it. I felt
little better, like a part of him was with me, though it was just like a drop
in the ocean but it was something. I needed to feel him. I wanted to feel him.
I wanted him, badly. And he was not coming back. It was not fair.
'Elena, it's your Jer. Please
open the door for me. I won't force you anything. Just let me in for once.' I
heard. I did not react but I got up, opened the door and without even looking
at him, I was back where I was, in Damon's bed, clutching his ring to my heart.
Jeremy came closer and kissed my forehead, caressed my face.
'I am not going to say sorry or I
understand because I know I will not. Elena, I don't even know what you must
have been feeling. All I know is that I am here. I love you. I love you for who
you are. I don't give a damn about cure, if you don't want it. But I know I
need to tell you something. I was the one who spent last few days with him. And
I know how he felt. Elena, I know you love him and you wanted to tell him that.
Bonnie told me. You need to know how he felt for you. Elena, he loved you. He
really loved you like I wanted someone to love you other than me. He was bad
ass but he was Damon. And he loved you so much that he was selfless enough to
go ahead with the risk for finding the cure. We both knew it would kill him,
but he sent me away and continued. I am so sorry Elena, I could not stop. I
would if I could. Because I know you two made each other happy. I just want you
to know that he loved you and I love you, I am here, anytime you want. I am not
going to force you to do anything. You can stay here all you want, just
remember I love you.' He said with calm and cool voice, with so much maturity in
it. When my little brother did grow up so much? I was stunned by his revelation.
Damon loved me but why in the hell he went away? Jeremy gave me another kiss
and left me alone. What a peace! I loved my brother, after Damon if anyone
could understand me without judging me, it was Jeremy. I was so glad that I, no
more have to take care of him, the roles were reversed, he was giving me a word
of advice. I hate myself.
'I want you to throw my ashes off
The Wickery Bridge.'
I remembered his words, and
another wave of excruciating pain hit my dead heart. I curled myself into his
I was lost. It must have been
weeks after my life turned upside down, I was barely holding it together. The
emptiness in my core was so eating me up that I had no control over it. I
wanted to feel something. Time passed by and I thought it would help but with
each passing second, it increased. I needed him more, I wanted him more and I
knew he would never come back. I could not cry. I could not feel. All I had was
emptiness. I never left his room, Stefan tried hard to get me speak to him but
I just did not want to. They all tried but after my deadly unpersuasive
response, they all decided to give me more time, while Jeremy was supporting as
always by just being there, saying nothing, just what I wanted exactly. I was
lost in my one day memory with him when I heard Stefan coming in. I did not turn
'Elena! We got it! We got the
cure. Damon did not die for nothing; he did what he wanted to do. I got it now,
it all makes sense now, and I understood what Damon was thinking...'
I stopped listening to him at
minute when he mentioned Damon did not die for nothing. I was mad at him, how
could he be so blinded for the damn cure that he forgot that his own brother
was dead? I avoided him and I moved out from the room, I needed to go somewhere
else. Anywhere but here, I was downstairs when Stefan stopped me.
'Elena, wait. We got the cure;
you have to take the cure. You are going to be fine now. You will be just
fine.' He came closer and caressed my cheeks. A new wave of anger hit me and I
jerked him away.
'Stay away from me, Stefan.'
Caroline stood by him and she was
actually happy, I was in shock. Did no one know that they got cure because my
incredibly selfless stupid man died? Was everyone that blind? I could not believe
Damon did die for this; he died for me, for the damn cure. And there...I felt it.
Guilt. Pain. Grief. I was so guilty, I was sorry...It was unbearable for me to
accept that I got to live at the cost of losing the person I love the most. Suddenly,
I felt my cheeks wet. Oh. I was crying, the countless days and nights with
emptiness were covered with new found guilt now. I started crying, it was inescapable.
Why this happened to me? I could be human again and what would I feel? Remorse.
Pain. It hurt. It did hurt badly with all this hurt filled in my chest. I
wanted to jump from the cliff and never came up. I wanted to burn myself up in sun;
I could not take that pain anymore. There was only so much hurt I could take. I
saw Stefan coming to me, and I backed away,
'Elena, he did this for you. He
wanted you to live like human, grow up. This is not you. You have to take the
cure. Look. I know you are sad, but I promise you will be just fine when you
will become human again, the sire bond has been broken, and with cure, you will
be fine. Everything will be fine.'
Urgh. I wanted to kill him myself
with a stake in the middle of his body. What the hell he was talking about? Did
he really forget that Damon was his brother? I was fuming with anger, blood in
my veins was burning and I snapped.
'Stefan. I don't want the cure.
If getting cure means I have to deal with Damon being dead, I don't want your
damn cure. If I get to be human again, I can't live with the fact that I had to
pay a big price for that. It would cost me the love of my life. I would not
survive, I can't. I loved him. I love him, correction. I can't take this cure.
I don't want this. You know why? Because, being human again means I will have
to deal with all those feelings, sadness, grief, pain, anger, guilt...and I can't
feel that. It hurts, already. With a Vampire, I still have an option to switch
it off. I am not getting the cure and it's final. I wanted my human life with
Damon, live my remaining life with him, have his kids...I don't want this if
Damon is not here with me. I freaking loved him and I feel terrible that I have
fight for it now...When he was alive, I was fool enough to ignore him and hurt
him and when finally, I realized what I want...He is not here!'
I hit a hard blow. I knew.
Admitting in front of Stefan that I loved Damon was little rough but I did not
care, exactly. I hated this Stefan, this was not the person whom once I loved.
He was changed. He has become so selfish that his madness for cure had gotten Damon
killed. And my stupid man Damon was ever so self-sacrificing that he did it.
Right thing, he told me once. Oh. I hate Damon, I hate him in such weird way
that makes me love him. I was going insane by each minute. When did Damon
become so important? It was like he is in my veins, and I can't get him out.
His death made me poetic, even. All I knew was that I was screwed, in a really
'But he would hate this. He would
not like this, Elena.' Caroline interrupted.
Oh. So now she cares. She knows
that Damon existed.
'Since when have you started
thinking about Damon, Caroline? Last I remember, he was a Mans**t and he was
taking advantage of me, right? So, tell me exactly, why actually should I
listen to you? I am not sired to him anymore, right? Then why in the hell I
miss him so much and why I just want to see him once and tell him how much I
love him? Why? Please...Caroline. Enlighten me.' I said in bitter voice, anger
was taking toll on me; I was shivering in extreme rage.
'I am sorry, Elena.' Caroline
said and I instantly stopped her.
'Don't! Actually, none of you
should be sorry. You hated Damon. Fine. Bonnie, you would kill him if he would
not have been my friend in the first place. Stefan, you asked him to set me free
that was one hell of a so called selfless love you showed. You all hated him.
You used him for cure and I feel alone. I feel terrible that he died. But I
don't get it, why in the bloody hell you are sorry for? All of you hated him if
I remember correctly. I, falling for Damon was sire bond, it was about bad boy
glory, and it was a mistake, you thought he took advantage of me, you think of
him so low that even now you would not at least appreciate what he did for me,
for us, it's like nothing has changed. Well...here is a news flesh. Damon died.
And everything is changed. Sire bond is broken and I love him even more and he
is dead. I am left alone. And my friends want me to be human. Wow. Three claps
for my lovely friends!' I clapped mockingly. I was a Vampire and I really did
not need to breathe every single time, but I did, as I spoke in anger with
lightening fast speed. GOD! I was so mad at them, mad at Damon, mad at
myself...mad at my cruel fate, my whole god damn life.
'And if Damon would hate me for
being me, like this. I would be glad because he would be alive and he would
hate me. He would be ALIVE. I would have gladly made him hate me!' I was
surprised at my own words, I so sounded like Damon. I was being Damon, of
course, female Damon. When I became Vampire, I knew that I was becoming like
him, but I had no Idea it would feel like this. Damon held so much passion,
anger in him, I was being the same. I held the same passion, anger and hatred.
I was no good and perfect obedient girl Elena. I was one bad ass Vampire Elena.
I sensed Stefan trying to say something but I backed away and in a fraction of
a second I left. I needed to get out from there.
It was raining, wildly. I had no
clue, why it was raining but I was middle in the road. I was Vampire, I could
run as fast as I could. But I did not. I was crying and I was walking slowly,
in a defeated manner. What was the point? I hated myself. There was so much
pain, so much guilt. I remembered random words I heard from Vampires when I was
human. A Switch. I remembered how Damon and Stefan talked in past about turning
off the switch, there would be no pain, no guilt, just nothing. My urge to
switch off my emotions was so strong that I just wanted to switch it off and
vanished into thin air. I don't want to be here, I want to leave anywhere but
here where I can't remember him, about his painful death. Finally, my tears
were dried, I was tired of crying. There was nothing left, not even enough
tears. I was walking and walking when suddenly, I smelled it. I smelled the
blood. My inner demon woke up. I followed the smell with a quiet footstep. At
the time, I reached at the middle of the road, the smell was gone. I smirked. I
was loser. Rain had stopped. I was wet. And I did not care. I was in the middle
of the read, in a dark night, nothing could be seen and suddenly it hit my
I lied on the middle of the road.
I smiled sadly on my Idea. I was so like him. I had become female Damon. I was
being selfish, angry, and mean, I left my friends, my brother and all I cared
about was blood. I just needed blood. I was turning Monster and I had no
regrets. As I lie in the middle of the road, I looked at sky, there was no moon
tonight, only dark clouds, I could see. There was no sound, it was dead quiet.
And I was waiting for someone to come, a faceless human. And soon I heard the
voice of car. I closed my eyes as I sensed that car stopped and someone stepped
out from the car. As the person came closer, the smell become stronger, I was
losing it. I just needed to eat him.
'Are you okay, Miss?'
And I got up with my fangs
raising out from my painful gums, my eyes red and my fierce face. I saw him scared
for a moment and then, I sunk my teeth in the croon of his neck. His scream
echoed in the woods but there was no one. It felt so good. I did not feel a
thing, except for his sweet, calming blood. I could not feel better, as blood
pumping in his veins went straight into my mouth, so sweet, so tempting, and so
satisfactory. I wanted more. Soon I dried him out from blood and that faceless
stranger was dead. I hear the woman screaming his name, and she was scared. She
tried to run away and I followed her, thanks to Vampire speed, I just had to
take few steps and I was onto her. I smiled bitterly and bit her in the neck
and lost myself in the taste of her sweet blood. Until the last ounce of blood,
I dried her and left two bodies there. It was magic. There was no pain, no
guilt, it did not hurt anymore. I turned off the switch and I was free from all
emotions. I did not feel a thing for any of those strangers. I walked away and
lost myself into the world.
I passed through my home where I
was born, raised up and made believed that world was a good place, there are
good people and there are fairytale love stories in it. It was the place where
I was born as human with feelings and then I became ruthless monster, just
before few minutes. Fairytale and happy endings, that's what my mother told me
as bed stories. Well, mine was definitely not. I was just plain fool to believe
in happy endings. I believed deeply, and my prince, my savior, my Salvatore came
and everything was just perfect for few happy moments and then he was taken
away from me, and instead I have become the same Monster. I smiled at my
twisted fate as I remembered my mother saying...As they live happily ever after.
Happy Endings are Myths.
Edited by iMadz - 04 January 2013 at 10:53am