For sake to write this FF, assume Kunal has come to known everything that took place. While family is at the party, Kunal overhears Abhay-Siddhi conversation. Later CA (AC2) tells him reality of Abhay. He then runs into Sulekha who also tells Kunal everything. So Kunal has come to learn of all truth there are and hence, guilt trip. so here it goes.
Chapter 1 '
On isolated road, lonely Kunal is walking down. Complete
blank face, million thoughts running through his mind, lost in emotional turbulent
that arouse inside him, oblivious to everything around him, he is simply
walking down. The silent storm that was creating havoc inside him was getting
stronger and stronger. His mind kept replaying what he saw and heard at the
party. First overhearing Abhay-Siddhi's conversation about circumstances of
their marriage, Abhay's threat followed by what CA said about Abhay when he
came to Chopra house. If that was not enough, later he ran into Sulekha who not
only told Kunal about what took place in Diwan house but also how she met
Siddhi in jail. Soon came what Siddhi had said to Kunal at Karjat station,
Richa's confession in his bedroom, her wedding with Abhay, her statement in
court and her confession on terrace once she came back to him; all of it kept
playing over and over in his mind. Life has presented him with most complex
picture of his life. What was truth, what were false, facts, reality,
imagination, dream or mere trance; what was it? At one moment his mind is completely
blank, next moment it is flooded with so many questions. Questions, he has too
many questions about Siddhi, about Abhay, about his kids, about himself, what
happened 9 years ago, about life, question about what question he should go
for? The heavy burden in his mind, in his heart, is he about to burst into
million pieces, what is it?
Without really understanding how, Kunal got home. Everyone
else was still at the party, only he left the party once coming to know too
much or was it nothing at all? He slowly walked into his room. He was dominated
by feeling of uncertainty, not sure if the ground he is walking on is firm or
his steps are going in right direction. Unaware of how long it took him from
the main door to his bedroom, he stood in front of the mirror. He looked at his
reflection, forcing himself to think very very hard about his life in past 10
years. 9 years ago when whatever Siddhi did; did that really happen? Yes it
did, but why did Siddhi do whatever she did? Is there any possibility that HIS
SIDDHI would ever betray him? Siddhi who agreed to marry him, brought him back
to life, built him from dust, gave herself to him, almost died for him, HIS
SIDDHI, his lifeline, his better half, would she ever do what she is accused
of? His SIDDHI, can she ever go marry someone one else just for sake of money?
HIS SIDDHI, would she ever leave him and be happy? HIS SIDDHI, would she ever
wish him bad? HIS SIDDHI?
From some deep corner within him a loud uproar came; NO. NO
WAY, his SIDDHI would ever do any such thing to him. His SIDDHI has always
given everything to him, she had given herself up and immersed herself completely
into him. What he saw, heard and understood was all wrong. It was wrong 9 years
ago and it is wrong now. With everything that has happened, HE WAS WRONG< HE
STILL IS WRONG. Not Siddhi, but KUNAL CHOPRA IS WRONG. Kunal Chopra living with
his ego, keeping his head high is dead wrong and he has been wrong for 9 years.
He claims to always do the right thing; well he is far from anything right. He
was so much immersed within himself, his pain, his life, his ego, his anger; he
failed, he failed to see the truth and seek the truth. He accepted whatever
allowed him to remain dormant, curse his fate but in reality it was all his
fault. He ruined his life, his kids lives and most importantly, he ruined
Siddhi's life.
Still staring at his reflection in mirror, slowly tears
emerged, still in his eyes, but they tried to make their way out. These tears
were mere fragment of what he felt. Emotional turbulent that has arose within
him, nothing he had ever experience. Words such as pain, shame, guilt, anguish
were nothing, nothing compared to what he felt. Can any word even come close to
describing his emotions? NO, nothing or no one can even identify his emotions,
he himself did not know what to call them? Perhaps no man on this earth has
ever felt what he felt at this very moment. Looking at his reflection, slowly
sheer disgust took over him. Can he even
call himself a man, after everything that took place in his life and people
around him because of him; can he even call himself a human? Is he even worth
of looking at himself in mirror? His reflection turned into most heinous creature
he can imagine, he did not see Kunal Chopra, he saw a loathsome creature that
must die. Without much thought, he attacked that creature. He punched right
into the mirror as hard as he can, all the force he can gather to destroy what
he was seeing before his eyes. He did not hear glass breaking down, all he
saw was small pieces of glass on the floor with each reflecting his reality. It
seemed Kunal Chopra bursted into all of these pieces and each one of them alone
was so ugly. All of them calling him, laughing at him, tainting him, cursing
him, talking to each other. Was he looking at them or were they looking at him?
Suddenly he felt someone's touch on his shoulder, he jumped
in shock. He turned back, it was Siddhi. Siddhi with tears in her eyes coming
near Kunal looking at his bloody hands, "Kunal, what are you doing? Why are you
hurting yourself.." coming too close to him.
Kunal pushed her away and backed into to nearest corner he
could find. With guilt ridden voice, heavy ache he said, "d..d.. don't come
near me. Don't touch me. You' you need to stay away from me. No body come close
to me. I bring bad luck to people. Everyone around me suffers because of me,
don't come close me" still trying to back into already a corner as if lizard
was trying to get on the wall.
Siddhi still tears heavily flowing, "why are you saying
that? Please let me come'" took a step ahead.
Kunal yelled, "NO. I said don't'don't come close to me. Don't
you understand, I am not worth it. I only bring bad luck on people, especially
people I love or claim to love. Look what happened to Anand. I loved him and he
died. After him, I loved you, I loved you more than anyone, more than myself,
more than life itself and in doing so, I ruined your life. I ruined your sense
of being and made your life a living hell. What kind of person am I? My own
wife, person I love more than my life doesn't trust me. 9 years ago you preferred
to stay in jail but tell me the truth. Why? You said go and I left without
thinking why would you say that? Few months ago Abhay threatened you and you
agreed to marry him but tell me anything about it, why? Time after time you
made decisions about our lives, put yourself in harm but not tell me anything,
why? Because you don't trust me, you can't depend on me. If my wife, person who
loves me, understand me preferred to suffer for so long but tell me anything because
I am a looser. I am incapable of doing anything in life. I am a worthless
creature. That is why you had to do what you did. You lived alone in jail for 9
years, away from your family, away from your kids, not thinking about your happiness;
all because I am incompetent person. I have failed in everything life ever gave
me. I failed as a son, a brother, a husband and even father. Our son kept
asking me about you and I denied giving any answer. I blamed you for everything
that took place but in reality it was all me. I am such a selfish person who only
looked at my pain and left you to die in that jail. You are afraid of dark, yet
you lived in that dark cell for 9 years, all because of me. I was too much absorbed
in my own sorrow to see anything.
How can you ever betray me? No, I am the one who betrayed
you, I am the one who left you, I am the one who failed you at every step of
the life, because I am a looser. Kunal Chopra can never be anything else but a
looser. Everyone who came close to me had to suffer because of me. You have
suffered most, now may be in future our sons will suffer because of me." Kunal's
was heavily sweating, taking very heavy breathes in, moving his hand through his
hair like a lost individual trying very hard to figure something out. Siddhi
again thought of taking a step towards him and again Kunal yelled, "yes, that's
that's exactly what you need to do. You stay away from me and also keep our
sons away from me. Yes, that way they will stay away from any suffering. I am
the one who bring ill fate on people so everyone just stay away." Kunal was
moving his hand as trying to keep people away.
Siddhi was astonished to see Kunal like this. Never had she
imagined Kunal Chopra can break down like this. Was her eyes were seeing
reality or it was a very bad dream. She too was unable to understand what was
happening? See saw Kunal looking like fearful lost individual who was looking
everywhere. Kunal started sobbing a bit and Siddhi no longer was able to control
herself so she took another step forward that made Kunal jump, "NO. Don't you
understand? Look at your life, look what I have done to your life. I have
ruined you, robbed you of every ounce of happiness you deserve. You should've
never married me. You should have never met me in the first place. I have only
given you pain and suffering. All your life you kept doing what was best for
me, but I only gave you pain and nothing else. But not anymore. No, not
anymore. You must stay away from me at all times. You stay away and keep our
sons away; that's the only way you and our sons will stay safe. I must go away.
I am the problem, so I must stay away from you, far away from you and everyone.
Yes, I will stay away from you" finished with breaking voice.
With heavy breaths Kunal stood up, he wiped off perspiration
off his forehead and very carefully, keeping his hands out trying to keep
Siddhi away from him, he went out of the room. With-in a second he was out of
house leaving shocked, numb Siddhi. There was nothing in the room, nothing on
Siddhi's face; everything was blank. Kunal ran up to the terrace. For few
minutes he stood there, looked around him to make sure no one was looking.
Suddenly, he crashed on the floor and tears started flowing heavily from his
eyes. He cried out as loud as he could. He yelled out his cry with all the
energy in him. Right there on the floor, he appeared like an injured creature
unable to move at all, tears flowing from his eyes while he was crying. Soon he
realized he is interrupting the silence, he put both of his palms on his mouth
to stop the noise. He continued crying as hard as possible with tears coming
out so fast in minute he was lying in his tears; but still not a single sound
escaped his own grip on the mouth. All of his nights for 9 years had been very
dark, but today was really when he truly understood what darkness is.
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