Ek Hazaaron Mein Meri Behna Hain

   

The attack - OS (part 5-pg 15 18/2/13) (Page 5)

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-Pj-

IF-Rockerz

-Pj-

Joined: 20 February 2006

Posts: 8347

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 7:18pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Amii90

<font color="#6600FF">First thing first, I read this OS before going to sleep and I don't think it was great idea solely because of the content of the story- kinda left me with a heavy heart!! But besides that there is no doubt that it was one of the brilliantly written OS :)

The
detail you have put in this OS is just AMAZING, Pj!!!! One could easily
form vivid image of everything they read and feel those emotions in the
same way if one was to watch it on screen. The concept becomes
different due to its treatment; your take and how you have outlined
everything makes it refreshing to read and manages to glue its readers
till the very end! You have portrayed Jeevika beautifully- her actions, her turmoil, her emotional setback, her aggitation, etc- makes it all very REAL and genuine at the same time without any exaggeration!

Viren, Manvi, and Virat were depicted nicely too; especially with Viren's anger and disappointment in himself of failing to protect Jeevika was brilliant- relates to the Viren in the show too as we saw in the case of Karan and Jeevika's video footage!

Its not easy to write such content; requires you to be lot more diligent with what you play around and how you project the entire idea, but like always you have a done superb job, Pj :)
</font>



Thank you Ami for your comments. Reading this before bed, may not be the best idea.

You have to be very careful with the words you use and how say it. I tried something different I did have some help from a show that showed a similar situation.

Thank you for saying that it is written well as I can see many things wrong it - mainly wording or little issues. Without exaggeration! I know I tend to keep things underplayed so worry if it comes how I intend to. Detail? Really, not limited detail. I'll stop playing devil advocate now.

Dear Ami, I don't know what to say. I'm really glad that you enjoy different emotions of everyone but especially Jeevika's as getting those right is important otherwise it wouldn't come off right. After we saw Viren after he saw that footage, of seeing how Jeevika was treated by Karan, you can see how that's come across.

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Amii90

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-Pj-

IF-Rockerz

-Pj-

Joined: 20 February 2006

Posts: 8347

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 7:21pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by scarlet167

superb superb superb..pl continue...love it!


Thank you for liking it. I'm not sure if I will be continuing.

-Pj-

IF-Rockerz

-Pj-

Joined: 20 February 2006

Posts: 8347

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 7:25pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by vishwa94

brilliant updateClaploved ur OS
all emotions were beautifully described



Thank you so much for liking the Os, and all the different emotions.

-Pj-

IF-Rockerz

-Pj-

Joined: 20 February 2006

Posts: 8347

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 7:30pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Dhoxi

A kindly request can you please continue :) its really awesome the way you have said, it really touched mine heart. N if you did continued(you have to lol) please send me a pm.


I'm not sure if I will continue it, I shall decide. Thank you for your kind request, was going to be something ( and maybe not as kind) If I will then I shall send PMs out.

Amii90

IF-Dazzler

Amii90

Joined: 30 June 2005

Posts: 3318

Posted: 05 January 2013 at 8:08pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by -Pj-

Thank you Ami for your comments. Reading this before bed, may not be the best idea.

You have to be very careful with the words you use and how say it. I tried something different I did have some help from a show that showed a similar situation.

Thank you for saying that it is written well as I can see many things wrong it - mainly wording or little issues. Without exaggeration! I know I tend to keep things underplayed so worry if it comes how I intend to. Detail? Really, not limited detail. I'll stop playing devil advocate now.

Dear Ami, I don't know what to say. I'm really glad that you enjoy different emotions of everyone but especially Jeevika's as getting those right is important otherwise it wouldn't come off right. After we saw Viren after he saw that footage, of seeing how Jeevika was treated by Karan, you can see how that's come across.


Maybe it was the fact that I was reading it in bed that I didn't notice any errors but usually I don't notice little details, overall product should make sense thats all plus my work is equally horrible when it comes to grammar and structure!! Thats exactly what I was saying- it was crucial for Jeevika's depiction to be the way you have depicted it with your words otherwise the impact wouldnt have been the same so props for making that work :) And no thank you for comments, its pleasure reading your work and to commend on it :)


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-Pj-

shine123

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shine123

Joined: 20 May 2012

Posts: 3628

Posted: 06 January 2013 at 4:57am | IP Logged
first of all sry 4 commenting so late...
Brilliant OS...
jeevika hiding from the family not wanting to upset them...keeping everything to herself...nicely written...
manvi and Virat worried for Jeevika...
Viren's helplessness of not being able to be with her, protect her...
Manvi and Viren's reaction not over but just assuring...brilliant...

Brilliant os...


Edited by shine123 - 06 January 2013 at 4:54am

indian10

Goldie

indian10

Joined: 04 June 2005

Posts: 1634

Posted: 06 January 2013 at 5:30pm | IP Logged
I had read story over and over again it just brilliant protray the emotions of jeevika just real I feel pain will read 10 time before bed will look forward next part pls pm me thanks

-Pj-

IF-Rockerz

-Pj-

Joined: 20 February 2006

Posts: 8347

Posted: 08 January 2013 at 2:02pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by nobo

Pj, Sorry m late, I did read it the same day you posted :)
One of your best works I'd say & very much on a right time when we are going thru a phase of change on large...
Everything was brilliant ...Jeevika's situation, Virat's restlessness , Viren's helplessness & Manvi's worries, Penned really nicely

Jeevika not wanting to disturb her loved ones even more & somewhere deep down scared of Thier reactions Kept every pain , trauma to herself, which is natural. Viren's frustration of not being able to be there for her...the question as to why it had to Their small happy family...Very realistic
I especially loved the last part , Manvi's words
"Di You didn't have control over what happened to you, But you can Control NOW "
Again Jeevika 's " She told you "...& her pulling away But Viren's emotional but still firm assurance...I loved this because neither Manvi Nor Viren Were over reactive...She would have hated sympathy in Their eyes But it was Just an assurance that it was not your fault & that you have every right to be happy , to be safe & To live ...Yet Again

& yeah Jeevika being paranoid for a while was nicely described !!
Really Awesome ...Loved it



Thank you for all your comments and don't worry about being late at all as you are not really. I'm glad you liked the their reaction as I didn't want to over do it. As frustration leads to something else and at that moment it wasn't needed.

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