Ek Hazaaron Mein Meri Behna Hain

   

The attack - OS (part 5-pg 15 18/2/13) (Page 14)

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-Pj-

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Posted: 23 January 2013 at 12:58pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by pinky.padda


cannot believe this has finished absolutely brilliant


It has most likely finished as I think that the ending seemed fitting but you never know where my mind can take me.

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-Pj-

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Posted: 23 January 2013 at 12:59pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by urmilsalve

lovely and again an emotional update...loved the lines of book...thnx for pm


Thank for reading all the parts and liking the book quote. That was one book I actually read and finished.

-Pj-

IF-Rockerz

-Pj-

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Posted: 23 January 2013 at 1:05pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by nobo

That was really really Brilliant Pj ...I can't describe how much I love your way of ending stories. It's always just so so perfecttt

It's ur choice if you continue this as u said you 'r not sure whether its last or not, It could be taken further obviously But this part was complete in itself. Jeevika's journey from start till end, & Viren manvi's support ...beautifully described
I spl liked how you mentioned Lines from book In purple ...& how actually fir they were on Jeevika & @words In blue, beautifully penned

From Jeevika's breakdown to Maanvi 's emotional & Friendly support to Viren's patience & care, Everything was beautiful !!



Thanks Priya for your comments. I don't understand why you think my endings are so great I just try to get closure at the end or just make it relate to the beginning. I'm glad you liked the quite. I'm probably should have said which book it was. If anyone wants to know its from 'ONE DAY' by David Nicolls. Well I know which words in blue you meant but thanks for mentioning them. I guess they all that to play there roles. One will support and advice as a sister and some things which are easier to share with one than your spouse. And other who will support as a husband waiting to try and fix what is needed.

Lily2011

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Lily2011

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Posted: 24 January 2013 at 2:11pm | IP Logged
nice update. dear do pm me???????????

-Pj-

IF-Rockerz

-Pj-

Joined: 20 February 2006

Posts: 8341

Posted: 25 January 2013 at 2:51pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by --Iqra--

Wow!! This is amazing! (And I was so sure I commented. ErmmLOL) Brilliant last part! The dust has settled, Day Dreaming One very meaningful line... Thanks for the PM! 

Glad to liked this part and that last line. I thought I'd end it on a idiom, I don't no why, but it fitted the Os so I kept it.   

Amii90

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Amii90

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Posted: 27 January 2013 at 9:18pm | IP Logged
I didn't know you would be continuing this but glad that you did!!! Again its just brilliantly written piece of work and descriptive narration just made it even better! Those dialogues and those emotions in your words became so real as I read them!!! Well balanced as all the characters were depicted well given their roles and characteristics and Viren's anger/helplessness was something that was penned beautifully- I could almost see him enacting that scene BUT what works the best was again- portrayal of JEEVIKA!!!! Props!!!! Just like I mentioned in my first comment that the way you have written Jeevika's emotions and her inner turmoil is simply amazing as it required lot more sensitivity!!! Just the OS in itself, due to its senstive topic, can be very hard to write and present it on paper ensuring that its similar to what you had imagined it to be! But definitely, you have treated this OS in an amazing manner where it doesn't make the reader uncomfortable with all those details intact!!! More than I loved the you way you ended with a line " Finally the dust had settled"- narrates so much more than its face value and indicates a commencement of something beautiful in their relationship!!!! Amazing job, Pj :) 

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Posted: 28 January 2013 at 1:35pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Amii90

<font color="#6600FF">I didn't know you would be continuing this but glad that you did!!! Again its just brilliantly written piece of work and descriptive narration just made it even better! Those dialogues and those emotions in your words became so real as I read them!!! Well balanced as all the characters were depicted well given their roles and characteristics and Viren's anger/helplessness was something that was penned beautifully- I could almost see him enacting that scene BUT what works the best was again- portrayal of JEEVIKA!!!! Props!!!! Just like I mentioned in my first comment that the way you have written Jeevika's emotions and her inner turmoil is simply amazing as it required lot more sensitivity!!! Just the OS in itself, due to its senstive topic, can be very hard to write and present it on paper ensuring that its similar to what you had imagined it to be! But definitely, you have treated this OS in an amazing manner where it doesn't make the reader uncomfortable with all those details intact!!! More than I loved the you way you ended with a line " Finally the dust had settled"- narrates so much more than its face value and indicates a commencement of something beautiful in their relationship!!!! Amazing job, Pj :)</font>




I didn't know I would be updating this. But thought of a bit more so added it in. I have noticed I have a tendency to have quite a bit of description and less dialogue, as dialogue is to push the story forward when needed. (Put that hat away now, sorry) I'm glad you found a balance in the characters and their emotions. I know you have praised me for the way I wrote the story but I did have help with some of the ideas from a show I watched but just adapted it for these characters and how they would react. Yet I'm glad it was written in a way that doesn't make it uncomfortable. I wasn't trying to explicit about it and don't think I used the word rape till the last update. Not that it's something to be ashamed of at all, but it want the act that needed recognition but how they cope after that point. All of them but especially Jeevika.
I hate writing endings as you have to get that last line right. Something that fits the entire story. For some reason I wanted an idiom that fitted as so many meanings can be taken it from. It what is on the surface but also what has been secured underneath.

Once again thanks for your comment.

Edited by -Pj- - 28 January 2013 at 1:32pm

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Amii90

sabeeha

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sabeeha

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Posted: 18 February 2013 at 12:58pm | IP Logged
"Finally the dust had settled."

What a fitting end to very provocative story. The darker tones really do do wonders for Viren and Jeevika, and just the direction of the story, although slightly unsettling, was panned out perfectly.

You really do feel for Viren, Jeevika and Manvi throughout the whole story and I can't really put into words properly, but it was excellent in just how you handled it. The rape could have been trivialised so easily, but you stuck true to the real issue at it's heart - trust.

Bravo, loved it :)

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