Ek Hazaaron Mein Meri Behna Hain


The attack - OS (part 5-pg 15 18/2/13)

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Joined: 20 February 2006

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Posted: 03 January 2013 at 8:06pm | IP Logged
A very different story it will be two parts its not brilliant. But ... Please feel free to hit me if you want after this for story and errors.

Slowly Jeevika attempted to pick herself up. She tried to use forearms to lift herself up however, she fell back down again. She groaned out loudly in pain, as she couldn't bring herself to rise. She stretched out towards a chair and used that to finally lift herself.

She staggered out of a dark room, clutching the side and smearing her hands across the wall, spreading everything across it. Her hair was unkempt and she was finding it difficult to breathe, let alone walk. It took all of her strength, and she placed all her weight on the doorknob as she opened the door to her room and tried to get to the bathroom. Grabbing everything in her way- just to keep her standing.

She scrambled to find the tap and opened it, washing her hands. Red blood flowed off her and washed down the sink. She was using her elbows to prop herself up. Suddenly, the light came on, she turned towards the door.

"Bhabhi?" Virat saw his Bhabhi peered over the sink, struggling to stand. She had cuts in her face, with blood smeared across it. Virat stood there in utter shock.
"Shut the door, just..." She lost her balance and began to fall, she tried to hold onto anything. Virat rushed towards her and picked her up and carried out of the room.

Virat and Maanvi rushed Jeevika to the hospital to get her treated. Maanvi sat in back with Jeevika. She brushed her fingers across her face, trying to move her hair. Jeevika flinched at the slighted touch, startling Maanvi. As Virat drove he tried to call Viren from his hands free. Jeevika sat there silent, as Maanvi attempted to clean her slightly, she tried talking to her, but she got no response.

Viren had been out for a business dinner, and Virat was unable to get through to him. As Jeevika was being examined, Maanvi stayed by her side, wanting to help, but Jeevika simply sat there in silence. The doctors cleaned Jeevika's wounds, she sat there in shock as Maanvi winched at every exam.

Virat kept trying to get through to Viren but couldn't. He almost threw his phone on the ground, because of his helplessness and frustration . He can't help Jeevika and can't get through to Viren. Virat texted Maanvi and let her know he going physically go and tell Viren as he wasn't picking up.

Virat drove to the restaurant where Viren was, he tried to drive as fast as he could, trying to get through all of the traffic lights. Every red light, angered him further. How could this happen? Why did it? The evening was going do well, when did Bhabhi leave? Where the hell is Bhai?
He walked into the restaurant and saw Viren chatting to a client, discussing a case. Viren noticed Virat as soon as he walked into the room. Quickly he excused himself and rushed up to him.

"Virat!" He dragged him aside. "What are you doing here? You know I'm with a client for work. You can't just come here."
"Bhai, I've been calling you for over an hour!" Virat was getting impaitent as Viren was being unreasonable.
"So what! You know where I am and why," Viren went to leave, Viren dragged him back and narrated what happened to Jeevika.

Rushing back to the table, he quickly gathered his belongings and excused himself from his meeting. Virat drove them to the hospital, with Viren in the passenger seat, he now felt a huge amount of guilt. If only he had picked up the phone at least once.

As he entered the hospital, he rushed towards Jeevika's room. There he found Maanvi standing outside. She rushed up to him and tried to calm him now.
"Maanvi what the hell happened?"
"I don't know, some guy beat Di up. I can't see her like this, I just wanna beat this guy myself,"
"Police?!" Viren began dialling his phone
"Police have already gone Jiju,"
"How the hell did this happen?" He threw his fists against the wall. "I'm suppose to protect her aren't I? How could I let this happen," he sat on the hospital floor as he cradled his head in his hands.

Jeevika had a broken nose, a black eye as she had taken a blown to the face. Her left hand was broken and she was covered in bruises all over her body. 

Viren opened the door into Jeevika's room. He gave her a light smile to which she tried smiled back softly. He closed the door, turning his back towards her and took a second to breath, before he walked towards her and sat beside her taking her hand.

A few days later.

Jeevika and Viren were in their room. Viren came out of the bathroom to see Jeevika struggling to get her trousers on. She was reaching down to attempt to pick them up, as they had fallen down. He rushed to help her.
"I can do it," she snapped.
"I know, I'm just trying to help." Viren felt so helpless. Ever since they have returned from the hospital. Jeevika was very abrupt and he found it difficult to comfort her. He took the trousers and helped her get her legs into them.

Jeevika tried to get her gown off, as she moved her hand she felt a sharp pain. Viren noticed the look on her face and helped her to take her gown off. Revealing the large bruises on her back, he put her hands through her top straightened the outfit for her.

Quietly Jeevika left the room. Viren flopped onto the bed. He shut his eyes and all he thought about Jeevika. Who could be the person who did this to her? How did they have the courage? He was angry at himself for not being at that party, if he was there then this would not have happened. However, he was also a tiny bit angry with Jeevika as to be able to help her, Jeevika has to share with him. However, after everything Jeevika had closed down completely. Shutting herself from Viren and Maanvi.

Slowly Jeevika walks around the house trying to get outside for some fresh air. As she passes through the hallway she saw the blood smears she made across the wall that night. As she went it touch them, she heard the screams of that night.

Viren laid fast asleep beside Jeevika. As she laid there wide awake, she couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she heard her screams. The screams she let out the night she was attacked.

He placed his hands over Jeevika's mouth to stop the sound of her screams. He had her by the throat as she was trying to claw herself out. He punched her in the stomach and winded her making it easier for him to drag her into a dark room in her own house. He grabbed her by the hair and threw her on the floor. She landed against a chair.

Slowly he walked around, as Jeevika laid there looking upon her attacker. She scurried to get up, but he got there before she could and pushed her back down again. He began to talk, but everything he said just blurred as Jeevika tried to protect herself. She kicked, punched, and tried to claw him. He pinned her arms down and carried on.

Edited by -Pj- - 22 February 2013 at 4:20pm

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Joined: 20 February 2006

Posts: 8346

Posted: 03 January 2013 at 8:07pm | IP Logged
Part two

Jeevika walked into the kitchen,while Maanvi and Virat were standing around arguing about how to make a cup of coffee. At first they did not notice Jeevika come in, she tried to open the cupboard where the mugs are kept. Virat stretched over and opened the door for her, she looked up and smiled. Maanvi poured her a cup of coffee whilst Virat went to get something.

*crash* Metal pots crashed onto the ground.

"Virat! Can you not break the kitchen, why are you even in that cupboard!" She and Virat began to pick up the pots and pans that had fallen and placed them on the counter. As Maanvi stood, she saw Jeevika crouched in the corner trembling. Her entire body was shaking, she had her head in between legs and her arms wrapped around.

"Di," she whispered. She rushed over to her, where Jeevika continued to tremble. She went to hug her, Jeevika backed away at the touch. Maanvi was slightly shocked, but she couldn't see her like this. She wrapped her arms around her again, tried to calm her down with a soothing sound.

Virat and Maanvi took Jeevika to her room. Maanvi wanted to stay with her, but Virat told her to give Bhabhi some space. Jeevika phone began to ring, which was on the side table. It was her doctor on the phone. She advised her to come in for a second exam. Jeevika had enough medicine to prevent the contraction of any form of infections or disease. She did not want to go back and live through it again. She simply cut the phone off.

Maanvi came in to check on Jeevika. She brought in her lunch to feed her as Jeevika was finding it difficult to eat because of her broken arm.
She placed the tray down on the side table, and looked around for Jeevika. She didn't seem to be in the room. She knocked on the toilet door.

*knock, knock, knock* "Di"
*knock, knock, knock* "Di"
*knock, knock, knock* "Di"

No answer. She peered into the toilet but Jeevika was in their either. *buzz, buzz, buzz*

Maanvi turned to see Jeevika's phone buzzing. She picked up the call. Before Maanvi could even say anything the person on the other end started speaking.

"Mrs Vadhera, it is my job to informed you to come in once again to be examined. We must check that everything is healing correctly, check the medicine you are currently on, are taking effect and to check that you have not contracted HIV, from the attack itself. I understand your apprehensiveness, but it is for your well being that you come in."

Maanvi hung up the phone. HIV. That word rung through her mind. HIV. HIV. How could Di have contracted or the possibility of contracting HIV.

Jeevika walked into her room to see Maanvi standing with her phone in her hand. She turned towards her sister and looked towards her, in a way she had never looked at her before. Jeevika was taken back, Maanvi had a strange look, one Jeevika had never seen before. She ran up to her and hugged her.

That night again Jeevika could not sleep. She lay awake thinking about what Maanvi had said to her that day. 

"Di, you didn't have control over what happened to you, but you can control NOW! I know it will be hard but if you don't control it now then you will suffer more than you are now."

The next night, Jeevika sat in the armchair Viren came in and say on the table in front of her.
"Jeevika." He spoke in a quiet voice and took her hands. She looked up into his eyes and knew.
"She told you," she pulled her hands away and sat back into the chair. He lent forward and pulled her toward. He rubbed his hands on her thighs.

"Don't you worry, this guy will not get away with this, seeing what this guy has done to you... He has taken something from you. You have the right to be safe. I'm your husband and I make sure you are.I can use the law to make sure that he is punished," his voice broke.
"...No, he won't get away with it ... what he had done, he will pay if I have to do..."
Jeevika suddenly took his hand and hugged him.

Part three- page six

Edited by -Pj- - 22 February 2013 at 4:30pm

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Senior Member


Joined: 24 August 2012

Posts: 637

Posted: 03 January 2013 at 8:24pm | IP Logged
WOW , this is yet another truly amazing OS ,
All the emotions were portrayed perfectly and the story as a whole was just a treat to read !
Thank you for this ,
Please write more os's or ff's , you seem like a very good writter Smile

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Joined: 30 June 2005

Posts: 3318

Posted: 03 January 2013 at 8:46pm | IP Logged
First thing first, I read this OS before going to sleep and I don't think it was great idea solely because of the content of the story- kinda left me with a heavy heart!! But besides that there is no doubt that it was one of the brilliantly written OS :)

The detail you have put in this OS is just AMAZING, Pj!!!! One could easily form vivid image of everything they read and feel those emotions in the same way if one was to watch it on screen. The concept becomes different due to its treatment; your take and how you have outlined everything makes it refreshing to read and manages to glue its readers till the very end! You have portrayed Jeevika beautifully- her actions, her turmoil, her emotional setback, her aggitation, etc- makes it all very REAL and genuine at the same time without any exaggeration!

Viren, Manvi, and Virat were depicted nicely too; especially with Viren's anger and disappointment in himself of failing to protect Jeevika was brilliant- relates to the Viren in the show too as we saw in the case of Karan and Jeevika's video footage!

Its not easy to write such content; requires you to be lot more diligent with what you play around and how you project the entire idea,  but like always you have a done superb job, Pj :)

Edited by Amii90 - 05 January 2013 at 6:12pm




Joined: 03 December 2012

Posts: 96

Posted: 03 January 2013 at 11:49pm | IP Logged
Great update


Senior Member


Joined: 14 December 2012

Posts: 352

Posted: 04 January 2013 at 12:10am | IP Logged
Amazingly written os:)
Love how u potray everyone emotions
Do write more:)




Joined: 27 October 2012

Posts: 10201

Posted: 04 January 2013 at 12:27am | IP Logged
Awesome update.
Continue soon




Joined: 09 November 2012

Posts: 7573

Posted: 04 January 2013 at 12:52am | IP Logged
great plz continue soon

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