Posted: 26 December 2012 at 11:32am | IP Logged
This is what Yash might want to express to his silence. His diary where he opens every single bit of his heart. After listening to Aarti's inner self through mirage of Prashant to her. He wrote:
And I chose her to decide. It was difficult to lie that "I LOVE you" was just a lie. But now she could feel free. Why she expects me to say I Love you?! Why she is obliging me so much?! Why she kept on living her life according to everyone?! Why she was compromising with my new feelings and was ready to take them?! Her first love means so much to her, and still she was ready to accept my love. No! Aarti ji! You are not under any obligation anymore. You tried hard to make this relationship work. I too started believing that love can happen twice and see I am in love with you. And now, me a fool, finally get to know that how much you are sacrificing for my life and love to blossom. How much you were giving away for my life to restart again?! how much you were sacrificing for bringing light in my life?! You said "You love him more than your life" " you said it was so difficult for you to even think about someone else" You love him unconditionally" and I am the best person to understand that because I loved my first love like everything. It's not easy for you too Aarti ji. Living a burdened life with so many returns to give and with so many responsibilities.
You would be wondering that why I mentioned Arpita today, you knew about her and me everything. I mentioned her so that you can feel alright about loving your first love. It isn't a crime to love your first love. I can alibi. I am leaving every decision on you. You weren't given a chance to decide about this remarriage. You were never asked. But you do have all the liberty now to chose what you love. You must be wondering "why I didn't ask you?" Why I am deciding for you again?" aren't I doing the same like your parents did? But if I'd ask, you again end up sacrificing your wishes for my tears. My shattered voice in which I will ask you to chose between me and him, it will make you weak enough to think of your own. My each tear drop will prove an obligation on you. You are such a nice person and you again will end up choosing best for me. And that would be "you". And I again will become a reason for your half life and heart!
On my turmoils over this relation, when I was fighting with myself over my developed feeling for you, you gave me reasons to believe that it's alright Yash ji. It's alright to love second time. You were comforting my inner guilt. You even went to the extent where you said those three magical words to me. How much it did hurt you?! You always put your wishes second in order to strengthen and validate my feelings!
Aarti ji, you are all free to chose whom you love. All your wait for him, just got wasted because of this imposed remarriage. I can tell that how you can wait for your love till eternity but your eternity got elapsed with this remarriage. Now you are trying your best to make work this imposition.
All those past few days when you were quiet and low, all those days when I was telling you to share your feelings with me, you were struggling with yourself. How could you share that turmoil with me? If you did, I ended up shattered.
You must be wondering that why didn't I react on your lies?! Yash, the man of principles, didn't react!! How you could say truth? You stayed quiet because truth might end up shattering me.
It's alright Aarti ji. Loving your first love is alright. I can't blame you for that. I can only blame me for not guessing it.
I can always love you silently if you decide to stay with me. I will love you indirectly when I will love Aayu! I am not asking you to get out of my life. I can't! Because my life would be so incomplete without you! But for filling in my gaps, you don't need to part your heart. You are my love and will always be! I don't want a payback!
Edited by Nxt_rockstar - 26 December 2012 at 12:16pm