hi peeps
a great topic, and one I think women are more qualified to reply to and one that us men should take full note of their thoughts on...
However, i have been asked to write something, so i will....but pls remember i am always willing to change my thoughts....
The fact that a woman has her fathers name and then her husbands name is more a social system and one which makes sense and one which i think really must be adhered to. This itself does not affect a womans astitva... As a son, I am proud to hold my fathers name as a middle name, and my fathers surname as my own. This is how it should be.
The fact that the woman holds her fathers name before marriage is a "rule" the son also follows - but this does not affect his astitva. In fact, if they didn't then it would affect his astitva as well as hers. Roots are important for anyone, and the fathers name provides this.
When the woman gets married, she becomes someone elses, and in fact this is where the roots of the word "amanat" hail from. I actually think it makes total sense that the wife assumes the husbands name. As an entity, it is my belief - and this applies mostly to indian woman living the indian cultured way of life - it is my belief that she must maintain a certain degree of respect for her husband otherwise she causes problems for herself in her own existence....
Please note that I am not saying she needs to bow down to him umpteen times a day, and not refer to him by name and all that.....no, what I am saying is she must uphold a certian degree of respect for him in her own mind as well as in front of the world., and in fact this is in accordance with indian scriptures. Some people think that the scriptures were written by men so they would write this... but please don't think of the scriptures as something so mediocre...they really do make sense. The reason the woman needs to uphold this respect for her other half (and note I have not written "better-half") is because more than it being necessary for HIM, this mentality is actually necessary and esential for her to have for HER own benefit - for her own mental well-being.
I have seen and know very well some women who do not give a shred of respect to their husbands and have seen the mental torture they then go on to subject themselves to. Because of the inherent nature of a woman, it is necessary for her to uphold a certain type of mentality towards her husband. And once she does this, she is treading the path of her own astitva/existence in a more succesful way.
In the Zee Astitva Awards, a woman said how she has seen woman achieve more through being loving and polite than through fighting and assertiveness. People do call women the "weaker-sex" - yes physically they are, but other than that a woman can do so much good or so much bad that a man could never do, depending on her mental make-up and nature.
Astitva means existence/identity etc. Simrans identity is of a mature and successful doctor. Simrans existence is of a woman who has been wronged in marriage, wronged again by the same person at the alter, and one who has her most valued "possession" snatched from her. Despite all this, her existence has been of a woman who has stayed strong throughout all these ups and downs and managed to hold on to her identity.... Yes simran has had much injustice thrown at her, but that wasn't necessarily because of men - women also have been the culprit. So this proves that her astitva is her own.
I hope the above makes sense - not so easy to put thoughts in writing you know....
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