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AY_candy_luver

IF-Dazzler

AY_candy_luver

Joined: 18 May 2007

Posts: 4315

Posted: 24 December 2012 at 6:54am | IP Logged
Hey all! 

This is Ana.  I wrote a piece of 250 words for this competition at school. We were given a picture that we had to use to get 'inspired' from. Just thought I would share it with you. Here it is. Tell me what you thought :)

The Wait

Short breaths unfurled from her mouth in wisps of translucent white. She shivered, her bony shoulders shaking, nearly rattling against the molding wall behind. Her eyes wandered...From the thick blanket of  snow- a patchwork of white  and shades of blue. To the canopy of trees right above, the branches stretching out towards each other. To the sky, peeking from in between the branches, the stars beaming down at her. A high-pitched yelp…. And her gaze dropped to the wolves. They were chasing each other's tails, biting and scratching. She heard a low, pathetic whimper from one of the wolves. A husky chuckle escaped her chapped lips, and for a moment, she let go. Of anxiety for her father, that tugged her conscience nearly every moment.  Of the bitterness, at having lost all that she ever had. Of the emptiness... The good, which was rapidly disappearing. Of the irrevocable hatred that she had clenched on to….At that moment, however, it all ceased to exist. She lifted her lips, and curved them into a smile. A gentle rustle of leaves….And the smile dripped off her face. She clung on, yet again, to the torrent of emotions. She flinched at the unmistakable sound of another life. Trying to remain calm, she casually leaned over. Her hand stretched over, inconspicuously, into her boot. "No need for that dear…." Her head shot up, and he stared, unblinkingly into her familiar face. Her lips twisted into a crooked grin. Finally….he was here.



Edited by AY_candy_luver - 24 December 2012 at 6:54am

The following 2 member(s) liked the above post:

..KaJenDelena..The.Patthaaka.

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ChaiBiskoot

IF-Sizzlerz

ChaiBiskoot

Joined: 06 July 2011

Posts: 11556

Posted: 25 December 2012 at 4:19am | IP Logged
250 words and u nailed it !! this was so unique from wot ive ever read!!

AY_candy_luver

IF-Dazzler

AY_candy_luver

Joined: 18 May 2007

Posts: 4315

Posted: 06 January 2013 at 10:40am | IP Logged
Originally posted by Purple_Lady

250 words and u nailed it !! this was so unique from wot ive ever read!!

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. Writing only 250 words is really hard… But it was fun to do :)

..KaJenDelena..

Senior Member

..KaJenDelena..

Joined: 09 November 2010

Posts: 726

Posted: 22 January 2013 at 7:05am | IP Logged
WOW! Gripped me from the very first sentence! I dont usually expect this kind of writing from members of india forums (with exception of few- off course) but heck, this belongs in a book or something! Original and beautifully written!
 
 
Just a side note, you got few grammer issues other than that, this is one of the best reads I have come across! PM me when you next write!
 
 
x

AY_candy_luver

IF-Dazzler

AY_candy_luver

Joined: 18 May 2007

Posts: 4315

Posted: 22 January 2013 at 8:44am | IP Logged
Originally posted by ..KaJenDelena..

WOW! Gripped me from the very first sentence! I dont usually expect this kind of writing from members of india forums (with exception of few- off course) but heck, this belongs in a book or something! Original and beautifully written!
 
 
Just a side note, you got few grammer issues other than that, this is one of the best reads I have come across! PM me when you next write!
 
 
x

Hey! Thanks for your comment. Its nice when people like your stuff. As for my grammar issues, are you referring to the suspension points? I don't know what they're called in English, in French they're called points de suspension. The three dots… I did that on purpose, I wanted the peice to be like a stream of thoughts- broken and kind of static. If there are any other grammar mistakes, do tell me about it. I'm always looking for ways to improve :)

*Dev.*

Coolbie

*Dev.*

Joined: 09 January 2012

Posts: 21496

Posted: 22 January 2013 at 4:08pm | IP Logged
Very nicely written! Title is suitable and Thoughtfull. Regards.

The.Patthaaka.

IF-Sizzlerz

The.Patthaaka.

Joined: 15 September 2008

Posts: 20257

Posted: 23 January 2013 at 12:51pm | IP Logged
Ana!You woman,are one hell of a writer.I mean 250 words,are u kidding me?

Its brialliantly written.Every single line.Beautiful.

--Ruchi--

IF-Sizzlerz

--Ruchi--

Joined: 23 December 2009

Posts: 12249

Posted: 24 January 2013 at 2:59am | IP Logged
wow this is something extra-ordinary...captured my heart.
It is so wonderful that I read it twice to retain its essence.

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