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0-SD-0

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Posted: 11 February 2013 at 11:25am | IP Logged
Originally posted by apolloartemis



Shri, 
I think I can see your point. And you are right, unlike us, people in general like the turbulence of emotionsLOL
I still don't see the appeal of the "bad" boy though...
Just another example of double standards, I think,, that we have to live with.

You have to be clearer than that my dear LOL LOL Because I did not understand whether
  1. You would dislike it more to see a woman as a bad person ?
  2. or you would dislike it in general to see anyone as bad  ?
I will tell you the ugly fact from life...the very recent one that happened on Sep 1st last year to my family. 

My brother's marriage already in doldrums...we are expecting Sec498A slapping anyday...and it happens...we get the bail as told by our lawyer ...it happens to be Friday evening...then we have a saturday...that woman's party lands up at our gates...and all hungama of abusing starts...police called for...constable there ...shouting and yelling doesn't stop...my father like a hero against the advise of my mother opens the locked gate ...shouting ...I need this drama to end and the police is also standing there...what can they do in presence of Police...saying that he tries to walk outside from amidst them...that woman, her father, her mother and two other people catch hold of the old man (my father...senior citizen) and start slapping wherever they can lay hands on him. The woman...supposedly filed a case of Harassment by her in-laws under sec 498A and here now she is the one who is beating an old man...scratching his throat with her nails and if that was not enough...she took her footwear out.

When I was hearing this on phone...what happened to me...Just heart was pounding because all of this was expected...what happened to my sister who saw this...for a month she could not sleep...what happened to my mother...she and me are same...something dies in us and yet we keep going...my brother...he was abroad at that time...don't know what happened to him...

What did the Police constable do when all this was happening...he stood there dumb...when my mother yelled at him from inside closed doors...he started calling his superior and tried to stop the assailants.

I think I cannot tell you more...because I am unable to write...but thing is ...it became a crusade for us to have the FIR done with local Police and also drag the Police into it...which we did...but the corrupt Police tried to bail themselves out and we had to resignedly have a delayed 24 hour FIR done. Now we have a criminal case against that woman and her parents and all...

Still people say...the Courts favour the Woman.

Now tell me ...how it should hurt our family...and tell me how our old man must be cursing us for this kind of children he has ...who just brought ignominy to him at this old age...

but again whose mistake it was...

I just don't have any answers. No answers Sanaa...why people con others...I just don't have any answer.

Why I am shamelessly watching Madhubala...because I don't want to think about all this that don't have any answers...my heart beat just goes up.

Why do I shamelessly write all this on public forum. But then why should I not ? I am no coward, my father is no coward, we did not do anyone any injustice, we were right and that truth will protect us against falsity...So yes, its idiotic to see just woman being subjected to insult and torture...even men are...just no one shows us that. At least olden days films has Lalita Pawars who were shown to bully people...strangely these days...no Lalita Pawars exists on TV or Films...where as it is still true...

ETA:
The Inspector asked the Constable on site why he did not stop it from happening...you know what was the answer..."Sir, She is a woman, How can I lay my hands on her ?"

When we complained to the Station Inspector and the Circle Inspector that your constable did not do anything and was standing there and he is the primary witness to all this drama...they avoided my parents eyes...and just rewrote the entire FIR and had my father forcibly sign it...in a take it or leave it manner...they dropped their constable presence out of it.

Thing is cheating is cheating. There is no way a cheating can be reversed. What makes you feel better is to be standing erect with fortitude even as you are cheated. It feels better to be able to walk between the same society who witnessed your public ignominy.


Edited by 0-SD-0 - 11 February 2013 at 11:36am

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apolloartemis

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Posted: 11 February 2013 at 12:18pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by 0-SD-0

Originally posted by apolloartemis



Shri, 
I think I can see your point. And you are right, unlike us, people in general like the turbulence of emotionsLOL
I still don't see the appeal of the "bad" boy though...
Just another example of double standards, I think,, that we have to live with.

You have to be clearer than that my dear LOL LOL Because I did not understand whether
  1. You would dislike it more to see a woman as a bad person ?
  2. or you would dislike it in general to see anyone as bad  ?
I will tell you the ugly fact from life...the very recent one that happened on Sep 1st last year to my family. 

My brother's marriage already in doldrums...we are expecting Sec498A slapping anyday...and it happens...we get the bail as told by our lawyer ...it happens to be Friday evening...then we have a saturday...that woman's party lands up at our gates...and all hungama of abusing starts...police called for...constable there ...shouting and yelling doesn't stop...my father like a hero against the advise of my mother opens the locked gate ...shouting ...I need this drama to end and the police is also standing there...what can they do in presence of Police...saying that he tries to walk outside from amidst them...that woman, her father, her mother and two other people catch hold of the old man (my father...senior citizen) and start slapping wherever they can lay hands on him. The woman...supposedly filed a case of Harassment by her in-laws under sec 498A and here now she is the one who is beating an old man...scratching his throat with her nails and if that was not enough...she took her footwear out.

When I was hearing this on phone...what happened to me...Just heart was pounding because all of this was expected...what happened to my sister who saw this...for a month she could not sleep...what happened to my mother...she and me are same...something dies in us and yet we keep going...my brother...he was abroad at that time...don't know what happened to him...

What did the Police constable do when all this was happening...he stood there dumb...when my mother yelled at him from inside closed doors...he started calling his superior and tried to stop the assailants.

I think I cannot tell you more...because I am unable to write...but thing is ...it became a crusade for us to have the FIR done with local Police and also drag the Police into it...which we did...but the corrupt Police tried to bail themselves out and we had to resignedly have a delayed 24 hour FIR done. Now we have a criminal case against that woman and her parents and all...

Still people say...the Courts favour the Woman.

Now tell me ...how it should hurt our family...and tell me how our old man must be cursing us for this kind of children he has ...who just brought ignominy to him at this old age...

but again whose mistake it was...

I just don't have any answers. No answers Sanaa...why people con others...I just don't have any answer.

Why I am shamelessly watching Madhubala...because I don't want to think about all this that don't have any answers...my heart beat just goes up.

Why do I shamelessly write all this on public forum. But then why should I not ? I am no coward, my father is no coward, we did not do anyone any injustice, we were right and that truth will protect us against falsity...So yes, its idiotic to see just woman being subjected to insult and torture...even men are...just no one shows us that. At least olden days films has Lalita Pawars who were shown to bully people...strangely these days...no Lalita Pawars exists on TV or Films...where as it is still true...

ETA:
The Inspector asked the Constable on site why he did not stop it from happening...you know what was the answer..."Sir, She is a woman, How can I lay my hands on her ?"

When we complained to the Station Inspector and the Circle Inspector that your constable did not do anything and was standing there and he is the primary witness to all this drama...they avoided my parents eyes...and just rewrote the entire FIR and had my father forcibly sign it...in a take it or leave it manner...they dropped their constable presence out of it.

Thing is cheating is cheating. There is no way a cheating can be reversed. What makes you feel better is to be standing erect with fortitude even as you are cheated. It feels better to be able to walk between the same society who witnessed your public ignominy.
Shri, First off,
Thank you for sharing this with me. I too know how hard it is to be conned and be unable to do anything about it- I have a cousin who's wife was similar, and he finds it very hard to trust women who are not relations these days...we were not as close to it as you are, but if we felt such a jatka, I can't imagine what you felt.
I'm sorry this happened to you- bad things seem to always happen to good people who do not deserve them. I don't why people con other people- I don't know how they can deliberately hurt another human being and revel in it, take pride in it. Like you, I don't know. 
But we can control how we act and think. As you said, we as people should not react with anything except truth and sensitivity. What else can we do? The other option is to become bitter and lose faith, and that hurts us more than the people who caused us those problems in the first place. I admire you for having the courage to move forward from all that has happened, to pick yourself up and still believe the way you do. I hope the court system goes in your favor. But please know you always have us, and me especially, as a support system, as a ear to listen to.

As to what I was trying to say, you made me think hard again:
I have a problem with double standards- men are portrayed as bad, and in western cultures, and I guess in some way in Indian culture (looking at ASR and RK) it is seen as enticing. But if women are portrayed the same way, like in your example, they would never be redeemed- they are considered worse than trash. I don't like people being portrayed badly in general, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but I like the double standards even less. It also is bad for the men, like you said in your post, because media does not show how men are victimized, because it would be considered unmanly. They hurt both men and women with their portrayal.

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Zorica_Bgdapplenpeaches0-SD-0

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IF-Rockerz

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Joined: 24 July 2011

Posts: 6724

Posted: 11 February 2013 at 12:50pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by apolloartemis

Originally posted by 0-SD-0

Originally posted by apolloartemis



Shri, 
I think I can see your point. And you are right, unlike us, people in general like the turbulence of emotionsLOL
I still don't see the appeal of the "bad" boy though...
Just another example of double standards, I think,, that we have to live with.

You have to be clearer than that my dear LOL LOL Because I did not understand whether
  1. You would dislike it more to see a woman as a bad person ?
  2. or you would dislike it in general to see anyone as bad  ?

Shri, 

As to what I was trying to say, you made me think hard again:
I have a problem with double standards- men are portrayed as bad, and in western cultures, and I guess in some way in Indian culture (looking at ASR and RK) it is seen as enticing. But if women are portrayed the same way, like in your example, they would never be redeemed- they are considered worse than trash. I don't like people being portrayed badly in general, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but I like the double standards even less. It also is bad for the men, like you said in your post, because media does not show how men are victimized, because it would be considered unmanly. They hurt both men and women with their portrayal.

Thank you for that last para...even amidst this crying...that para brought cheer to my heart...and now I am smiling. Hug  I liked the entire last para.

As long as people think like you and they don't judge anyone without knowing anything fully, I am okay.  I hate judging, though situations call for it...So I want to say JUDGE ACTIONS of PEOPLE but don't judge people for their entire life. That is grossly unwarranted. We don't know what influences a person at a certain point of time, why they behave like that...like kaunsa keede ne use kaata tha ? We don't know...but I don't want to judge the man...but will judge the action with knowledge of Truth and sensitivity towards people's state of mind applied.

For ex: we did not stop saying to our Dad, that it was wrong of him to venture out "unprotected" before the mob crowd...and at the same time, we also recognize that ...because of his sankipan...we have the advantage now...for showing the true colors of the woman...otherwise, she would still be Victimized woman, in public sympathy. For some strange reason, like a Matwaari elephant, she dug her own grave that day...

So in the end my Dad was right..."Are, kab tak sunta rahta, kab tak chillane deta "

Later on my mom did not leave any Police waale...

Fighting back helps, it heals us a lot...

Now I am smiling...no tears now. Thank you.


Edited by 0-SD-0 - 11 February 2013 at 12:46pm

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vaani21applenpeaches

apolloartemis

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apolloartemis

Joined: 25 May 2010

Posts: 931

Posted: 11 February 2013 at 2:24pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by 0-SD-0

Originally posted by apolloartemis

Originally posted by 0-SD-0

Originally posted by apolloartemis



Shri, 
I think I can see your point. And you are right, unlike us, people in general like the turbulence of emotionsLOL
I still don't see the appeal of the "bad" boy though...
Just another example of double standards, I think,, that we have to live with.

You have to be clearer than that my dear LOL LOL Because I did not understand whether
  1. You would dislike it more to see a woman as a bad person ?
  2. or you would dislike it in general to see anyone as bad  ?

Shri, 

As to what I was trying to say, you made me think hard again:
I have a problem with double standards- men are portrayed as bad, and in western cultures, and I guess in some way in Indian culture (looking at ASR and RK) it is seen as enticing. But if women are portrayed the same way, like in your example, they would never be redeemed- they are considered worse than trash. I don't like people being portrayed badly in general, it leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but I like the double standards even less. It also is bad for the men, like you said in your post, because media does not show how men are victimized, because it would be considered unmanly. They hurt both men and women with their portrayal.

Thank you for that last para...even amidst this crying...that para brought cheer to my heart...and now I am smiling. Hug  I liked the entire last para.

As long as people think like you and they don't judge anyone without knowing anything fully, I am okay.  I hate judging, though situations call for it...So I want to say JUDGE ACTIONS of PEOPLE but don't judge people for their entire life. That is grossly unwarranted. We don't know what influences a person at a certain point of time, why they behave like that...like kaunsa keede ne use kaata tha ? We don't know...but I don't want to judge the man...but will judge the action with knowledge of Truth and sensitivity towards people's state of mind applied.

For ex: we did not stop saying to our Dad, that it was wrong of him to venture out "unprotected" before the mob crowd...and at the same time, we also recognize that ...because of his sankipan...we have the advantage now...for showing the true colors of the woman...otherwise, she would still be Victimized woman, in public sympathy. For some strange reason, like a Matwaari elephant, she dug her own grave that day...

So in the end my Dad was right..."Are, kab tak sunta rahta, kab tak chillane deta "

Later on my mom did not leave any Police waale...

Fighting back helps, it heals us a lot...

Now I am smiling...no tears now. Thank you.
HugI'm glad my words bought you comfort. To tell you the truth, back when I was younger-in college, I used to be quite judgmental. Then I took a job as a tutor and it opened my eyes to who people are and who they can be. It made me realize how foolish it is to write people off based on one action- like you said, we can judge actions, because they affect/hurt others-but it is not our purview to judge the people themselves- what do we know about them after all?
Realizing that lifted a huge burden from me. I didn't even know how much I had been weighted down until then.
Good that you are fighting back-actions that this continue to happen because people suffer them. No matter what happens, atleast you and your family to can "We did not take this passively. We fought back."
That should bring some comfort, I hope.

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kodai

Groupbie

kodai

Joined: 17 October 2012

Posts: 73

Posted: 12 February 2013 at 7:06am | IP Logged
Hello !

I am new here, thanks to Shri who let me join :) 

Let me introduce myself, I am 40, mother of 2  and live in Kentucky, US. I am a Tamilian, brought up in Hyderabad, and  married to a guy who is more of a telugu person.    I love Hyderabad, feel sad to see how the city is shaping up - as with all big metros in  India.  Am currently on a break from career, but am in the process of restarting it.  

Shri,  was feeling bad to read about your brother. It's painful when an average person is helpless in the face of injustice.  Has it been sorted out? It's sad your parents have to go through this at their age.
We had a similar experience, although totally different matter and my parents were so traumatized to go to court and sit in corridors and be with a very rough section of society ( i am not judging - many may have been innocent ) and be one of them.  My mom has gone through some things that an average middle-class Indian woman would never experience - but the only thing that carried her through was her faith in God. She always says that I went through fire, but was protected from burning.

I was quite disturbed after the Delhi rape case, questioning why terrible things happen to innocent people.  There are no answers and only way I can reconcile is through Bhagavad Gita's
philosophy when Krishna tell Arjuna to not grieve for those who are getting killed  as the soul cannot be burned, killed and is eternal. 

Kodai
  


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Joined: 24 July 2011

Posts: 6724

Posted: 12 February 2013 at 7:26am | IP Logged
Kodai,

Welcome aboard ! Hug

Nope. The trial is yet to begin...Will know more end of this week.
And as you remind me of Bhagwad Gita, only one thing keeps us going and keep me remain positive is that...I see that if you don't complete your circle of pain, if you don't take the test that God gives you with all honesty and conviction, it keeps repeating for you until you have finished repaying the karmic debt. So each time, I say; I don't know why it happened, I am also resigning to the fact that it could be a debt either inherited by our previous karma, our ancestors and if that is too superstitious, then to just believe that experience through difficulties may be preparing us for life ahead that we do not know.  We are all not wise, we are all not knowledgeable and so best is go by the Karma-Dharma preservation principle of Vishnu and it becomes easy to know how we have to guide ourselves. And again, dealing as one lone crusader is never good, one needs to share his journey of experience with others...be it family, friends or people, because the journey then becomes meaningful, as we understand more and more about it. Zaroorat hai to thodi si Himmat ki to undertake that journey...in english...we just need a little but of push or courage.


Edited by 0-SD-0 - 12 February 2013 at 7:21am

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Soundarya22

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Joined: 13 October 2012

Posts: 2673

Posted: 12 February 2013 at 11:21pm | IP Logged
SD- You have been through so much...big hug. Hope and pray that everything goes well with you and your family. Thank you for sharing. Want to write so much more, I will a little later. My son's 4th birthday party is happening today and am running helter skelter. 

About that case study, i do want to do it, just for fun, but after this track is complete. Want to see if it was damage control or an actual strategy. Am feeling a bit disconnected from MB. I can't bear to miss it but feeling distant. maybe it's a phaseSmile


Kodai - Welcome!



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Joined: 16 September 2010

Posts: 1079

Posted: 13 February 2013 at 8:18pm | IP Logged
Hello, ladies!  I have the lappy back (hope I get to keep!) - it is a long story haanh.

How are you all?  I missed chatting with you.  I have "retroread" with much interest, both here and in ED.Smile

Soundarya - janamdin mubarak to your little cutie!Smile

Kodai - glad to "meet" you!

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