And that last post of yours just brought tears in my eyes. For most part, I will say they are happy tears. Okay they have increased now...and I want to share such an important thing...let's leave it for another time.
And about that part, how you will do it behind closed doors...no you need not do anything proactively, because the idea, the seed has now germinated in your mind. So now your eyes, your body will shine with that thought. You will now be smart and protective about yourself in front of your kids for your kids. You will watch them and will guide them the best action and more importantly, you will teach them. Your kids will see that you are "no-nonsense mother".
One +ve thing you have...You have enough knowledge now to guide your children. Hopefully, you are resourceful enough to know in your mind that you can support them as well. All this comes naturally as you become a mother and you weather one thing after another. And another thing, if you live each minute, each moment with truth and compassion for others, then there is nothing you can much worry, because God takes care of you and he makes you walk on the road that he wishes for you. It may not be your liking or you may not comprehend it, but when those times are past, you shall see that there was all a meaning to it.
I never believed that only top class people are great. My father feels great that he is the best educated in his clan ...all through his sheer hard work and fight against fate and circumstance. He is still a bruised child and was an arrogant adult and now an idiosyncratic old man. He has vast knowledge and balanced mind, but yet, I don't feel too proud of him...because somewhere he hates poverty, hardship and all that which he had to fight against in his childhood and it has made him weak person...as in, he helps people, but he has lost the kindness from his heart, (except for his children). I don't like that trait. But again thanks to him, his two daughters got his mind minus arrogance. When we travelled to his village, we saw how my mother was more mannered with his cousins than him and how we saw their rustic intelligence (nope his brothers are useless, his cousins are intelliigent and wise) and how they talked. I liked that those tranquil minds. My father for the strangest reason never ever spoke about his father's greatness to us and only recently my sister ventured out to find out from our cousins all the story behind our grandfather. Now I have no clue, why you won;t talk about your father with your children. There are coves in my father's canvas of life, where even my mother has not been able to enter, forget us.
Then I slowly realised, ambition makes you weak. But ambition itself is not wrong, we just need to balance out and feel that even in small things we can be achievers. All that comparative sights made me realize, why teachers used to make us write essay on Garibi Ek Abhishaap hai. Fine it was Congress-Indira Gandhi "Garibi Hatao" campaign for schools, but I realized that psychologically, to feel "HAVE NOT" is not healthy and that's why everyone prays to Goddess Lakshmi. I used to be Vishnu Bhakth but never liked Lakshmi, because i thought what's so good of praying for money. Then I realized, no Lakshmi is Prosperity...which means "TO HAVE". And that feeling itself is so rich. And one becomes confident and we can impart happiness to others. Now I respect her a lot and understand why Vishnu the Preserver loves and respects her so much.
I also realized that I was rich because of my parents, although both of them, honest and hardworking in individual capacities had in their marital life with just the trust and no compatibility or love to support each other. They love their children like no end. And both love us like that, because they grew away from that motherly and fatherly support due to circumstance, responsibilty and their own pride at not to demand or beg for their share. Both coming from a large family, having loving fathers and loving mothers and yet being neglected due to responsibilities towards their other kids...They both grew up to be bullies which they bought in their childhood ...and I grew up in strict governance under them and yet ...because of their blood and love for me expressed to me in their actions made me first understand them and then support them. Confident I was not, until I lost everything and when my first marriage turned out disappointment to me. I made the decision to divorce not solely for me, but for my parents vested spirit of life in their children. My mother was the one who pushed and inspired me to have a career and also a happy married life, My father was the one who wanted me to excel at everything I undertake...then how I can be a failure by accepting a dead kind of marriage. My mother was unable to get out of her marriage as her family did not support her. And why should I repeat her kind of life, when she already cemented me with knowledge and education to weather the world. My father never stopped his children from doing anything if they were determined about it...because that was how he made his life and he always wanted his kids to have that die hard determination to make something inspite of odds. So he had trust in me. Eventually my mother supported me.
But after I went through that fight, which was questioning, breaking myself and rebuilding myself, when I got the confidence back, I realized that it was being rich. But the only difference being, I was richer than my parents through family standing besides me...which they never had...both in their individual capacity.
All of this has humbled me. And still things keep happening, but I feel grateful to my parents for what they made me. I scold them these days, as if they are talking non-sense, yet I feel nothing without them. If the school texts taught me that God exists and he is anyone that you think of (yes my parents never asked us to pray to God...the ritualistic prayers started only when I became of marriageable age), seeing my parents closely made me realize what is security, what is confidence, what is love, what is sacrifice and what is prosperity...finally what is God. They are not the best of parents and yet their honest intentions have made me what I am today.
So I guess, you too will become that kind of parent for your kids.
One downside though...not all kids are born strong to value their parents. While, the Gaddam daughters inherited the good and strong traits from their parents, the Gaddam Son inherited their weaknesses. If my parents successfully hid their weaknesses before their chilldren for a really long time, now looking at my brother, I feel I am looking at my vulnerable father and mother, who needed to be protected when they were young or were in their prime of life. However while they had steeled themselves in impoverished state, my brother becomes weaker in the luxurious availability of family support.He leans on parents too much for their unflinching support. The only persons who put him in his place are his sisters. See this is what I like about my family. My brother knows, any given day, his parents will trust the daughters and likewise any given day, he will not think one second in supporting his sisters. This protection for his sisters shows up unexpectedly and we feel he is a better father to us than our real father. Likewise, I guess he sees the mother figure in his sisters,
Hence life is so complex, that we better live each day as if we do not what would happen tomorrow and at best we live our life to the best in the present moment and plan something (just a little) for tomorrow. This shall keep us afloat and we will not make too many mistakes and nor we get abused thinking, we have time tomorrow to rectify our mistake.
God bless you.
Strange it is...you are a live case of Domestic violence and can slap that on your in-laws and yet you don't do that...and here, our family far far away from it, we have been slapped twice by Sec 498A and attempt of murder by SILs who got married to my brother's money and parent's houses. I still don't understand, how in the name of sanity a family can get into this situation. What is the lesson in for us...except repaying some kind of Karmic Debt.