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dramago

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dramago

Joined: 06 January 2011

Posts: 499

Posted: 30 January 2013 at 9:03am | IP Logged
Originally posted by bhakti2

 I am trying to expose my little son (he will be two years in February) to the idea that people in the world have all different ways of doing and thinking things.  We go quite often to the mandir, but I have taken him also to masjid, the gurdwara, the church - also given him different types of music to hear and different stories from other parts of the world.  The one thing I am most afraid of doing is raising children who think there is only one way to think or do.  This seems to be the very poison of our world.


Bhakti,

You amaze me with your clarity and superior thinking ...@bold...so very true...Thinking their way 
alone as right,their god,their country,their culture,customs,way of life alone as right is indeed the poison of our world...Your children are lucky to have you as their mom...All parents love their kids...many impose their beliefs on them out of this love but,only a few open their minds and broaden their personalities that could allow,tolerate and accept many different perspectives...you are an inspiration Clap...I feel many times it gets even harder to consider the 'other thought' if one is more educated...There is a danger of declaring the people around as being outdated and narrow minded without looking through and understanding what and where they are coming from  ...'Prejudice' is a very tricky notion to overcome for anyone...literate-illeterate,rich or poor...Is it not..?? This discussion is reminding me of 'Life of Pie' wherein the boy visits all different places of faith and decides to follow all of them...The movie also presents a scientific mind through his father who is an atheist and believes only in logic...I didn't read the book..Probably it had more detail than what could be depicted in the movie...what I loved in the story is how the boy retains his soul,a humble,loving one intact through all his trial and tribulations to survive...that too with a carnivorous mammal as companion...very interesting,positive movie with a lot to interpret and introspect


Edited by himbin - 30 January 2013 at 9:00am

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bhakti2

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bhakti2

Joined: 16 September 2010

Posts: 1079

Posted: 30 January 2013 at 12:44pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by himbin

Originally posted by bhakti2

 I am trying to expose my little son (he will be two years in February) to the idea that people in the world have all different ways of doing and thinking things.  We go quite often to the mandir, but I have taken him also to masjid, the gurdwara, the church - also given him different types of music to hear and different stories from other parts of the world.  The one thing I am most afraid of doing is raising children who think there is only one way to think or do.  This seems to be the very poison of our world.


Bhakti,

You amaze me with your clarity and superior thinking ...@bold...so very true...Thinking their way 
alone as right,their god,their country,their culture,customs,way of life alone as right is indeed the poison of our world...Your children are lucky to have you as their mom...All parents love their kids...many impose their beliefs on them out of this love but,only a few open their minds and broaden their personalities that could allow,tolerate and accept many different perspectives...you are an inspiration Clap...I feel many times it gets even harder to consider the 'other thought' if one is more educated...There is a danger of declaring the people around as being outdated and narrow minded without looking through and understanding what and where they are coming from  ...'Prejudice' is a very tricky notion to overcome for anyone...literate-illeterate,rich or poor...Is it not..?? This discussion is reminding me of 'Life of Pie' wherein the boy visits all different places of faith and decides to follow all of them...The movie also presents a scientific mind through his father who is an atheist and believes only in logic...I didn't read the book..Probably it had more detail than what could be depicted in the movie...what I loved in the story is how the boy retains his soul,a humble,loving one intact through all his trial and tribulations to survive...that too with a carnivorous mammal as companion...very interesting,positive movie with a lot to interpret and introspect

Thank you so much for those very very kind words! Every kind word feels to me like a gift; I am always so grateful.

Your beautiful description of the "Life of Pi" film reminded me so of the line from "Mangal Bhavan Amangal Hari" (lovely bhajan from an older film, "Geet Ghata Chal") that says, "Jaaki rahi bhavna jaisi; Raghu murti dekhi tin taisi."  It always makes me think that, however one feels or sees the image of god in his or her soul, that is how god would appear.  So why not understand, as Pi does, that all faith is really the same, born from the same impulse, tracking the same path, leading to the same end?  It is a beautiful thought, hai na?

I did not see the film, but I have read the book.  I am very embarrassed to say how I have come to have this book!  If some of you live in Indian metros, then surely you will know of the young boys who sell books at the stoplights and crossroads? They sell the books extremely cheaply, usually just a few rupees apiece if the book is not much in demand.  Well, I used not to know anything about anything, a condition which is not much changedLOL, but has improved slightly (not least because of all I learn here from all of you!)  as I understand now about book and film piracy and also about exploitation of children like these.  But before I knew these things, when I was walking out one day with my son, then a baby, I was approached by a book boy and what should he be holding (among other things) but an English language version of Life of Pi.  My little son caught hold of it, attracted by the colourful cover.  He bit into it and ate the corner!  The book boy shouted on me ki, "Now you must buy this book, madam, your son is eating it!" To make the long story short, I paid for the book, bought less sabzi, made more roti to fill out and got a tight slap from my MIL for being careless!  I was worried, too, that maybe the book boy would be in trouble for not selling it once it was bitten - maybe he might get slapped, too, and I did not want this. (If you get slapped a lot, which I do, you don't want this for others!Ouch)

So I am the embarrassed owner of a pirated edition of Life of Pi and, though it was a struggle at the time for me to read it, it was a beautiful, illuminating experience, completely raw.  I can only imagine how lovely it mist have looked onscreen!


Edited by bhakti2 - 30 January 2013 at 1:22pm

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Soundarya22

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Soundarya22

Joined: 13 October 2012

Posts: 2547

Posted: 31 January 2013 at 12:20am | IP Logged
Originally posted by bhakti2

[
I never cease to be amazed by the amazing people who write here!!  So many fantastically active minds - Soundarya I just loved reading your post!  You are an economist who studies music, travels widely, and also takes charge of a family?!  Jai ho yaar - it is amazing.

I think your idea of everyone reading the same book and sharing their ideas is too good - now I have to find a way to get hold of the book!LOL I will start working on this right away.

Also, I like you have loved reading many many versions of Ramayan.  I am held back by being weak in all the various languages, so have read some in translation.  Valmiki and Vyas I could easily read - sometimes I feel like I have huge chunks of the Ramcharitmanas just floating around in my soul and it comes up for me when I most need it.  

I am unable to travel, but I am trying to expose my little son (he will be two years in February) to the idea that people in the world have all different ways of doing and thinking things.  We go quite often to the mandir, but I have taken him also to masjid, the gurdwara, the church - also given him different types of music to hear and different stories from other parts of the world.  The one thing I am most afraid of doing is raising children who think there is only one way to think or do.  This seems to be the very poison of our world.

So I love to hear the travel stories of everyone here!  It is very fortunate for your children that you are giving them this beautiful wide horizon across which to perceive their world. They will be blessed, having such parents.

thank you bhakti for your kind words. Right now, I am a full time mother onlySmile

All those other parts of me will surface gradually when my kids start full time school, I hope.LOL

@BOLD -  Very true. 

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Posted: 31 January 2013 at 11:34am | IP Logged
To the lovely mothers with their loved kids.

Since I enjoy your talk about them and your worries...May be you know about it or may be you do not. So let me present you with a Studio Ghibli movie

My Neighbour Totoro

http://vimeo.com/35445424

May be your kids and yourself would like it.

P.S: Vaani, I feel you would like it most. Wink Its animation.


And to the romantic persons here

Another Studio Ghibli movie...Whisper of the Heart. It got removed from Youtube and has become difficult for online viewing.





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bhakti2

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bhakti2

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Posted: 31 January 2013 at 11:53am | IP Logged
Originally posted by 0-SD-0

To the lovely mothers with their loved kids.

Since I enjoy your talk about them and your worries...May be you know about it or may be you do not. So let me present you with a Studio Ghibli movie

My Neighbour Totoro

http://vimeo.com/35445424

May be your kids and yourself would like it.

P.S: Vaani, I feel you would like it most. Wink Its animation.


And to the romantic persons here

Another Studio Ghibli movie...Whisper of the Heart. It got removed from Youtube and has become difficult for online viewing.






Shri, I wish I could express how, even you might not be their mother, you have affected the lives of my children in such a positive way.  Before I came to IF or had any of these "conversations", I spoke to almost no one except my family in the house.  I did not question the conditions of life; I just did my best to live each day and to develop my mind as best I could, but I recognise that my viewpoint was necessarily limited by circumstance.

Until I saw the opinions of other women here, or heard your strong and confident voice through your thoughts, I never thought to ask myself, how is this my life going to affect these children?  I thought nothing of being beaten right in front of them.  My husband has never raised his hand on me, and has always been loving, but others in his family are not so patient, and were disappointed when I became his wife, particularly due to the fact that I have dark skin tone.  His aunties, when they come, hit me a great deal and say how I had ruined his chances to have beautiful children.  My son also heard and understood this.

I am not relating this in complaint.  I am quite used to it; was hit also as a child by my father and brothers; it was simply a condition of life for me.  It is not so hard to become used to a life where one stays silent, does one's best, and just observes.

But then, once I came here, I realised that these things are laid before the next generation. What would my son think of watching his mother be slapped so much?  What will I tell my daughter? I would never in a million years want such a life for her.  Yet when she was born, my husband's family told me quite clearly I had failed, that I should have aborted her, that I was causing a weight on the family by having borne a girl.

Once Shri, you told me ki, tell your son behind closed doors - tell your daughter - there is another way to look at life.  I am not sure how to begin this, but I took those words very much to heart.  With everything going on right now all over India and the world, I know we must not let these patterns continue.

So I just wanted to say thanks ki, even you are halfway around the world, you have made the lives of my children better, and there is nothing on the earth that any mother can be more grateful for than that.


Edited by bhakti2 - 31 January 2013 at 11:49am

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Posted: 31 January 2013 at 1:36pm | IP Logged
Bhakti,

And that last post of yours just brought tears in my eyes. For most part, I will say they are happy tears. Okay they have increased now...and I want to share such an important thing...let's leave it for another time.

And about that part, how you will do it behind closed doors...no you need not do anything proactively, because the idea, the seed has now germinated in your mind. So now your eyes, your body will shine with that thought. You will now be smart and protective about yourself in front of your kids for your kids. You will watch them and will guide them the best action and more importantly, you will teach them. Your kids will see that you are "no-nonsense mother".

One +ve thing you have...You have enough knowledge now to guide your children. Hopefully, you are resourceful enough to know in your mind that you can support them as well. All this comes naturally as you become a mother and you weather one thing after another. And another thing, if you live each minute, each moment with truth and compassion for others, then there is nothing you can much worry, because God takes care of you and he makes you walk on the road that he wishes for you. It may not be your liking or you may not comprehend it, but when those times are past, you shall see that there was all a meaning to it.

I never believed that only top class people are great. My father feels great that  he is the best educated in his clan ...all through his sheer hard work and fight against fate and circumstance. He is still a bruised child and was an arrogant adult and now an idiosyncratic old man. He has vast knowledge and balanced mind, but yet, I don't feel too proud of him...because somewhere he hates poverty, hardship and all that which he had to fight against in his childhood and it has made him weak person...as in, he helps people, but he has lost the kindness from his heart, (except for his children). I don't like that trait. But again thanks to him, his two daughters got his mind minus arrogance. When we travelled to his village, we saw how my mother was more mannered with his cousins than him and how we saw their rustic intelligence (nope his brothers are useless, his cousins are intelliigent and wise) and how they talked. I liked that those tranquil minds. My father for the strangest reason never ever spoke about his father's greatness to us and only recently my sister ventured out to find out from our cousins all the story behind our grandfather. Now I have no clue, why you won;t talk about your father with your children. There are coves in my father's canvas of life, where even my mother has not been able to enter, forget us.

Then I slowly realised, ambition makes you weak. But ambition itself is not wrong, we just need to balance out and feel that even in small things we can be achievers. All that comparative sights made me realize, why teachers used to make us write essay on Garibi Ek Abhishaap hai. Fine it was Congress-Indira Gandhi "Garibi Hatao" campaign for schools, but I realized that psychologically, to feel "HAVE NOT" is not healthy and that's why everyone prays to Goddess Lakshmi. I used to be Vishnu Bhakth but never liked Lakshmi, because i thought what's so good of praying for money. Then I realized, no Lakshmi is Prosperity...which means "TO HAVE". And that feeling itself is so rich. And one becomes confident and we can impart happiness to others. Now I respect her a lot and understand why Vishnu the Preserver loves and respects her so much.

I also realized that I was rich because of my parents, although both of them, honest and hardworking in individual capacities had in their marital life with just the trust and no compatibility or love to support each other. They love their children like no end. And both love us like that, because they grew away from that motherly and fatherly support due to circumstance, responsibilty and their own pride at not to demand or beg for their share.  Both coming from a large family, having loving fathers and loving mothers and yet being neglected due to responsibilities towards their other kids...They both grew up to be bullies which they bought in their childhood ...and I grew up in strict governance under them and yet ...because of their blood and love for me expressed to me in their actions made me first understand them and then support them. Confident I was not, until I lost everything and when my first marriage turned out disappointment to me. I made the decision to divorce not solely for me, but for my parents vested spirit of life in their children. My mother was the one who pushed and inspired me to have a career and also a happy married life, My father was the one who wanted me to excel at everything I undertake...then how I can be a failure by accepting a dead kind of marriage. My mother was unable to get out of her marriage as her family did not support her. And why should I repeat her kind of life, when she already cemented me with knowledge and education to weather the world. My father never stopped his children from doing anything if they were determined about it...because that was how he made his life and he always wanted his kids to have that die hard determination to make something inspite of odds. So he had trust in me. Eventually my mother supported me.

But after I went through that fight, which was questioning, breaking myself and rebuilding myself, when I got the confidence back, I realized that it was being rich. But the only difference being, I was richer than my parents through family standing besides me...which they never had...both in their individual capacity.

All of this has humbled me. And still things keep happening, but I feel grateful to my parents for what they made me. I scold them these days, as if they are talking non-sense, yet I feel nothing without them. If the school texts taught me that God exists and he is anyone that you think of  (yes my parents never asked us to pray to God...the ritualistic prayers started only when I became of marriageable age), seeing my parents closely made me realize what is security, what is confidence, what is love, what is sacrifice and what is prosperity...finally what is God. They are not the best of parents and yet their honest intentions have made me what I am today.

So I guess, you too will become that kind of parent for your kids.

One downside though...not all kids are born strong to value their parents. While, the Gaddam daughters inherited the good and strong traits from their parents, the Gaddam Son inherited their weaknesses. If my parents successfully hid their weaknesses before their chilldren for  a really long time, now looking at my brother, I feel I am looking at my vulnerable father and mother, who needed to be protected when they were young or were in their prime of life. However while they had steeled themselves in impoverished state, my brother becomes weaker in the luxurious availability of family support.He leans on parents too much for their unflinching support. The only persons who put him in his place are his sisters. See this is what I like about my family. My brother knows, any given day, his parents will trust the daughters and likewise any given day, he will not think one second in supporting his sisters. This protection for his sisters shows up unexpectedly and we feel he is a better father to us than our real father. Likewise, I guess he sees the mother figure in his sisters,

Hence life is so complex, that we better live each day as if we do not what would happen tomorrow and at best we live our life to the best in the present moment and plan something (just a little) for tomorrow. This shall keep us afloat and we will not make too many mistakes and nor we get abused thinking, we have time tomorrow to rectify our mistake.

God bless you.

Strange it is...you are a live case of Domestic violence and can slap that on your in-laws and yet you don't do that...and here, our family far far away from it, we have been slapped twice by Sec 498A and attempt of murder by SILs who got married to my brother's money and parent's houses. I still don't understand, how in the name of sanity a family can get into this situation. What is the lesson in for us...except repaying some kind of Karmic Debt.


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Posted: 31 January 2013 at 2:23pm | IP Logged
I owe you some answers. Probably for the weekend, when I have time.

I have no words after the last two post, I just have tears in my eyes.
We are here to support each other, to learn something new, to share our experience,
this is not chat! Shri, thank you for bringing us here!

Edited by zorica - 31 January 2013 at 4:13pm

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vaani21

Joined: 21 August 2012

Posts: 2180

Posted: 01 February 2013 at 2:09am | IP Logged
Shri and Bhakthi reading your posts i got emotional and i have tears in my eyes.I am not good at words and consoling. Good wishes for a brighter future to Bhakthi and u too shriSmile
Thanks for the lovely Animation Shri.It was very touching.I watched it.
Have u seen the Grave of the fireflies?.Watching this animation.I cried a lot remembering again and again.




Edited by vaani21 - 01 February 2013 at 2:14am

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