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bhakti2

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bhakti2

Joined: 16 September 2010

Posts: 1079

Posted: 11 January 2013 at 8:38pm | IP Logged
Thank you Didi I appreciate your words and do learn from them.  I feel almost as if a veil is around me in the way I see things and if only i could pierce it i might see beyond. It reminds me of wishing to see as a bird - if only you could lift yourself high above the immediate moment and see the longer-range picture, historically speaking, maybe things would gain more perspective.   We live in a given moment, but all things pass, i realise, and then you can see better what their importance was (or was not) hai na?

You are exactly right about my husband.  His wounds are more inside than outside.  His pride is so hurt - his ability to give to his family the tangible evidences of all his hard work and sacrifice has been torn from him.  The second night home he cried into my lap, something he has never done since I have known him. I feel desperate to do something for him but it is hard for him to accept - I have just put him in my arms as much as he will allow.  I have seen that it can be hard for men as well as women when social rules are ignored all round. You have an almost Buddha-like way of parsing all of this chaos when you speak of your own attempts to live in the present moment and do the best you can day to day to think positively.  How quickly this impetus has left me - I who laughed at everything; now I only feel sorrow.  I wonder how long it would last.

When my heart cheers up, surely I will smile with you all again at the antics of our favorite characters.

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Posted: 11 January 2013 at 9:25pm | IP Logged
Bhakti,

Don't worry. Now that you shared your state of mind here, our energies will be with you. It will help you to become lighter and share your husband's hurt.  To be robbed is just outrageous. There is no way the feeling can be removed. Yes worse could have happened. Chalo, koi nahin, time will heal him. Just keep him protected, in whichever you feel it possible for you to do so.

Hug

Waise bhi zaroori nahin ki we should smile always. Crying your heart's fill will also do good. Jitna rona ha ro do.  Dil halka ho jaayega. Theekh hai ?


Edited by 0-SD-0 - 11 January 2013 at 9:23pm

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bhakti2

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bhakti2

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Posted: 11 January 2013 at 10:47pm | IP Logged
Thank you, very very much.  Those are words such as a mother would say and they have brought so much comfort to my heart.

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Soundarya22

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Posted: 12 January 2013 at 12:35am | IP Logged
Bhakti...Hug...sending you loads of positive energy and prayers

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apolloartemis

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apolloartemis

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Posted: 12 January 2013 at 6:07am | IP Logged
Bhakti,
Sending you all prayers and well wishes.
When I was very young my dad was on way back home to Jabalpur when the train he was on was assaulted by highwaymen- they robbed him of everything including his wedding ring.
Even today he still has scars from that.
It's very hard, especially for me-it hurts them more I feel.
I think women are hardier emotionally-we can endure more. Just my opinion.
Anyway, hope your husband recovers emotionally and physically soon. Until then, we are all here with you.

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Posted: 12 January 2013 at 7:11am | IP Logged
Originally posted by apolloartemis

Bhakti,
Sending you all prayers and well wishes.
When I was very young my dad was on way back home to Jabalpur when the train he was on was assaulted by highwaymen- they robbed him of everything including his wedding ring.
Even today he still has scars from that.
It's very hard, especially for me-it hurts them more I feel.
I think women are hardier emotionally-we can endure more. Just my opinion.
Anyway, hope your husband recovers emotionally and physically soon. Until then, we are all here with you.

Sanaa,  You are very right. Women are emotionally more stronger than men. I understand that. Getting assaulted is another outrage, that I didn't want to talk about...but actually good that it is mentioned again!  It helps us listening to your dad's story. It makes everyone get stronger with that knowing of experience.

As women, when we are protecting the men (whichever type of relation it is) from these irreconcilable outrages. the only way we can reduce the pain is us talking to them about the same. They can yell, get edgy, but that pent up emotion gone will help them to get healed by time. So talking and joking (like seeing the flipside of it) about the same helps.

And one more thing...Men do cry. They have larger tearducts. Tears well up in their tear ducts and that never overflows like women who have smaller tearducts.  And psychologically men are asked not to cry...So that helps them to control overflowing...biologically and emotionally they cry like ...with us not seeing the tears and when overflowing, it really looks scary and painful to us.

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bhakti2

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bhakti2

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Posted: 12 January 2013 at 10:05am | IP Logged
Thank you so much everyone for your kind thoughts!  I had just been keeping to myself not wanting to bother anyone with these sad thoughts but everyone is so kind here - I cannot believe the comfort it brings to share it all.

I am sorry, too, Sanaa, for your father's terrible experience, how he is still marked by this. I often think how we must not come to any swift conclusions about any person we see - how even the most quiet person you see going about his or her business may be bearing the greatest pain inwardly. How many people, I wonder, like your father or my husband, or the many violated women who have been speaking out, are simply passing among us each and every day, their wounds invisible but plaguing them nonetheless?

I keep thinking that, whether in a teeming, filthy metro, an American suburb, a small dusty village - no matter - it is compassion which will keep us moving forward.  

And Shri I agree with you so much.  Men come to their tears in the end, in despair.  Women are perhaps more accustomed to bearing blows, whether physical or otherwise? I don't know.  But men are not permitted to submit in this way -  at least not here. The kind, empathic heart I see in my little son, I see the same in my husband, but guarded, always guarded, lest someone should see it and accuse him of weakness.  What a complicated life men lead, having to learn from childhood to close off their tender thoughts.  No wonder we have all responded to seeing a character such as RK move from toxic, hardened RK to tender, open Rishabh.  It is like a redemption we might wish for all the men in our lives.


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Posted: 12 January 2013 at 10:54am | IP Logged
And Bhakti,

One more advice to you...Don't let you son pay heed to MCP culture around him. I know you live in patriarchal, joint family, that too in Delhi...but secretly start teaching your son back in your room behind closed doors that all than Male Dominance he can pretend, but in reality, he should always keep his softness and especially treat his sister as his equal. Teach both your son and daughter as equals and they should also support each other throughout in life.

Lot of it is on destiny, kismet, but apna try karne mein kya jaata hai...kiska kuch bigad gaya. Atleast tasalli toh rahegi ki tumne koshish ki thee.

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