Joined: 10 August 2012
Hello readers! Yes I'm back again with another fic...This idea has been playing around in my head for a while now and I'd already written it down but due to connection problems | couldn't post...So we know that the ending of the cancer track was something that completely failed and wasn't executed properly but this first chapter is a rewrite of the ending and will, hopefully if I decide to write more and turn this into an SS, move on from the cancer track...This is something I quickly wrote, so it's really short...
So I hope that you do give this a chance and hopefully you'll like what you read...Do drop in your comments and like x
Ps. Another one of my dedications fics...This one is for you Krupaa...I've been cheating because this was already written down and as I'm hopeless on how to make anything else, I posted this...I'm sorry for the late B'day gift darling x
A Fine Frenzy...- OS/SS
A Fated Compromise
"Mysteries of attraction could not always be explained through logic. Sometimes the fractures in two separate souls became the very hinges that held them together."- Lisa Kleypas,
A beat. One rhythmic beat that is synchronized in harmony. Two hearts that are one but are slowly breaking, by the second. A moment. A brief pause in time. If I could, then I would choose to stay in that moment for as I long as I could. If I could.
How is it that we were two strangers who didn't give a damn about each other and now we are two souls who live and breathe for each other?
I wish it wasn't so. If it wasn't like that, then the pain of leaving would have been much easier. I guess I should have realized, but what else could I do? I was too caught up in my happiness. I should have known; happiness would never last. Especially when it's mine that is in question, I guess I was never fated for it. My new-found joy would soon be gone. I would be gone. I'd have to leave.
I was dying.
And as if it was already bad, I found out only
just recently, I was told that I only had a few years to live.
Do you know how hard it is to be told that everything you have will soon be gone, the beautiful relationships you once made will be broken because'.just because you were riddled with some disease?
I should've known, nothing could last forever. I should've known.
But dying wasn't the problem.
never scared of dying, all I prayed for was an easy death, I knew we would all
have to go up someday, so I was never really actually scared of death, or at
least that was until...until I realized, I wanted to live for those who I loved,
did I love just for it to be lost?
It wasn't fair, I knew that everyone had to die someday, but why was death calling me at a time when everything was still unwritten, if destiny told me that I was to die then I should leave this world naturally and not by force, at least I would somehow manage to bear the pain which is augmented even more now at having to deal with the prospect of leaving everyone, of leaving him...
For the first time, I was fighting for my life, I wanted to live and it was up to fate, whether or not it wanted me to live...
I had to go. I had no choice. How did I feel
knowing that? They describe me as a vivacious girl with a zest for life who
brings colour and joy to the people around her wherever she goes. I was someone
who always lived, everyone is alive but there aren't many who live.
How ironic? I was never even suited for the personality. So I reacted as any
other person would have had. I was in shock, I didn't believe it; I didn't want
to. I thought it was a joke. Surely, it must be, right?
But then. Reality hit me hard.
There was a sudden blur, the colors around me began to swirl as they slowly started to look perplexed; the sounds that I could hear seemed as though they were muffled until they slowly faded away, the light discolored into darkness around me. My head was hammering and then... My eyes closed automatically. I felt out of control. I was now not au fait of my body. I felt the world around me just suddenly fade, fade, fade...away.
My body gave up. I faltered. I felt myself just
drop. It failed to stay on edge for any longer. I just fainted. Even as I woke
up I was still unbelieving, but I eventually had to believe it in the end. That
was the reason I felt so useless, weak, so dead to the world.
But that was only one side effect, a small frequent one. Everyday, I
experienced more and more. Then slowly, I was getting even more affected. I
became even more weak. Started becoming more and more frail by the minute.
Small things which were frequent; small things, but they still had much of an affect on me. I began to cough up blood, and not just in small amounts. Whenever I saw it, I immediately felt sick and wondered if this really was happening to me or if it was just one big nightmare, a nightmare I never wanted to have again. It was still hard to believe I was dying, it was still a shock each and every time my illness affected me. I started realizing how things changed for me. Day by day, it only just got worse.
Slowly but surely...
I was dying. Even if I only wanted to live I had no choice, it was inevitable.
My hope had almost been gone. I had already got
the gist of it. I already thought that I wasn't going to win, because for me,
it was decided; I would have to, once more, lose again. That did, of
course, seem to be the same pattern. There was literally no hope at all. No
sense of optimism for me, or faith that I might just win this battle. But even
though I had little hope, that didn't mean that others did too. From the elders, to the young, to all my
friends, to my sister. Everyone was worried; but they thought that I could
escape from the claws of what is my death.
I tried keeping the balance between how it was
before to how it was after I found out about my cancer, but no matter how hard
I tried, I could never actually keep it that way. I couldn't fool myself; it
just wouldn't be the same anymore.
My only hope, I found in him. My
happiness resided within him; he was the reason for it after all. In between
all this, in the dreariness of having to deal with what was killing me, he
never gave up. Not once did I ever see him losing faith like the way I did. My
other half. I doubted, worried, too much too often, what would happen if I left?
What would happen? Would things still be the same? Would he continue living
without me? Or would he refuse to forget and just continue living with my
I knew how much he loved me. So much that I
often wondered, how I got blessed to have him as a life partner, what did I
ever do to deserve someone as amazing as him? As beautiful a soul as he has, I
don't think I have ever seen someone who is able to sacrifice so much for their
I've seen everything. How he could go through
any lengths to make his loved ones happy and his love smile, how to achieve
that he could do anything. How he could share all my sorrows and all my joys,
how he was always there for me; he would
always stand by me. How he loved me so much that it was too much to comprehend
and grasp all at once sometimes. Everything and anything about him, all his
small actions, all his sacrifices, it just shows, I've seen just how much how
he loves me.
Maybe that is why I wanted to live. I had so
much love here, I didn't want to lose what I had, there was too much to just
leave behind, I was always yearning, longing for that love; but
that same love would never get to be experienced fully.
I wanted to tell him I loved him every single day. I wanted to see him achieve and reach new heights and get to the highest position that he could, I wanted him to get everything he deserved and more. I wanted to show him just how much I loved him. But those were only wishes; my last wishes which I had presumed would never come true. I didn't want to leave him, to leave anyone actually. I wanted to stay, just for a little while longer.
Stay. I told him to stay with me. And he did. I
knew that he would always continue to do so until I took my last breath.
Sometimes his love was so much that it was overwhelming; in my dark
times it was his love that kept me strong, his love that made me
feel like I was alive, his love which gave me hope, it was that love; so
much love that made me want to stay, to keep holding 0n for my love. It
was him; always him. It was his love that protected me from the storm.
I could never leave the one who gave me so much, who loved me so much. I didn't want to leave, but fate was playing with me once again, so even though I didn't want to, I had to.
But what I didn't understand by then, was that Fate was always full of surprises. It was all, after all, already decided for us. How was I to know what was decided for me, what would be in store, how I had a chance? Maybe, just maybe, fate hadn't given up on me after all.
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