Posted: 13 December 2012 at 11:11am | IP Logged
A/N - Mood is shit right now. Had to vent. Had to make someone read this. Might not make any sense at all but do forgive me. Anyone who's read "Peer-e-Kamil" will know what this is about. It's more like a fanfiction but I didn't know where to post it so...please do forgive me.
Love is pain.
Distance is hell.
Life like this is agony.
And he is addicted to it.
Sometimes he thought he has stopped living in reality and has embraced the delusional world completely. Where else would he get to see her so close to him and so at peace. In reality, she did slap him the first time she saw him. She did threaten to shoot him if he dared crossed the line. She had begged him to leave her and he hadn't obliged. And she was gone...
Now she thought he was dead. And he thought it as well. Well, he wasn't exactly alive. Breathing 24x7 was no proof that someone was alive. He died everyday, over and over again.
He got up in the morning, went to work, worked like his life depended on it, made a name for himself, got praises from everyone who met him, his good deeds made people pray for him...he finished his day, went back home in the dark night and he died.
She wasn't there.
But she was there.
He wasn't alive...
...so why wasn't he dead yet?
Now that he had no hope that she'd ever be his, why was he still alive? No, he shouldn't be thinking such things. He had to live. He had no right to finish his life. No...his life belonged to someone else. Not her, who was, he knew, happy to hear about his death but to Him, the One who created him. No...he won't disappoint Him again, not again. He had made a promise...and he had been fulfilling in for the past 7 years.
But he yearned for her, yearned for a miracle. Yearned, not only to just meet her and know that she was alright but yearned to touch her, feel her, possess her...forget the world in her arms. Keep her so close that she would never leave him.
Wow, ultimately he turned out to be a human, eh?
All those times when he tried to commit suicide, all those years ago, just to know what came next to ecstasy...he thought he had changed. He thought he had outgrown his phase of being an immature person with a 150+ IQ. But he was still stuck there.
Reason had changed, he had found his answer when he realized that he had lost her but the process got repeated. First, he did by jumping in front of oncoming cars, jumping down a bridge in the cold water, cutting the vein of his wrist...now he did it otherwise.
And he died.