this is the bullshit she chruned out for me, it has a lot of gabbu in it too read the part in red 🤣
yes,i am suffering from schizophrenia and major depressive disorder usually known as unipolar disorder,not split personality that's really close to schizophrenia but thank god i am not suffering from that,my family know about my disorder they know about it but not the reason behind it and they didn't even bother to know actually..the last time i was talking to u i told u that i didn't tell my family about my last reports as everyone is so happy and busy with di but then after that function i fall sick got admitted so Rey told them about my last reports too..yeah di thank u so much for understanding me..😳
about my father,he just brought us in this world and left us all but still he is my father i totally agree what u said i agree but i don't know why i find it so difficult to do..i miss him sometimes i miss him alot he is my father!and i love him still..i know that he never cared he never did..but u r right maybe it was not those words what he said it was the my last hope that he still love me and will come back one day..i lost my hope yes u r right i should stop thinking about him and i have tried many times!i am trying to just think of those who actually love me and no matter what will be on my side..i think i will be successful soon... :)
u know di people said that family was the most important thing and I totally agreed. But in my case one day I found myself wondering why I believed it. I started to see things through the truth grid of reality. My family was not healthy. My upbringing was not focused on nurturing and empowering or even paying attention to the needs of others. I actually found this truth shocking but it was the beginning of me realizing that many things that happened to me were extremely abusive and dysfunctional and when my rose colored glasses shattered, it hurt like hell i don't think that the smallest of actions does not have an impact on life. It has an impact on our future. No choice drops into the ocean without causing a ripples. We are creating and each choice is another brick in the foundation for tomorrow...isn't it?
i guess by doing all this somewhere unintentionally i am hurting Rey i am hurting my bhaiyya and mom..why i am thinking of a person who never looked back who never thought that maybe we need him all these years i am a grown up girl now mom was there bhaiyya was there they did so much for me and look at me..how bad! oh ho.u r right di..i should stop thinking about him...
Ok i will tell u my real and big problem the only problem that changed me..i was not the way i am today i was never so confuse..
ok see we r three sisters and one brother bhaiyya is the elder one and i am the younger one 2 years back my elder sister got married to my uncle's son he live in pakistan that was a love marriage she went there for studies and they met and start liking each other mom and bhaiyya did what she wanted them too we as in naina and i met my cousins for the first time on my di's marriage as we lived in newyork or here in jeddah she was happy then she died after 6 months of her marriage and i was attached with her of course i was,she was my sister than somehow i stayed back for studies with my cousin my mamu's son he was a lawyer i came to know after some days that my sister was killed by her husband
i doubted this matter when i saw her meds her meds were so stinky as if they were expired and un ko hath par rakhny sy itching hony lagti thi and then same bottles but all different tablets,and i found many other things when i went at her place to collect her stuff alone.jiju was not there he was out for some tours for his elections a chemist and doctor confirmed that those tablets were slow poison that was really shocking i with my cousin investigated everything about it,it took us a month or so that was very difficult to gather proves against him he is very powerful...he killed her that was a planned murder he use to give her medicines to show it a biological death.we gathered all the proves against him..we didn't tell that to anyone in the family as no one was gonna believe us only my cousin and i was aware of that than we went to her husband's house one last time to talk to her maid's that how everything exactly happened and that what was the actual reason in the house after many pleadings one of them got agreed to tell us the truth and i really can't write that..i can't..that monster killed my sister he not just killed her but in all those months he did the worse he can do to her,in all those months he humiliated her he actually tortured her physically n mentally to such an extend that she got a high fever of temperature 111 and died reason on her death certificate sever dehydration and there too he started acting that i told her many times that u should takecare and blah blah di i think that Emotional abuse does not produce cuts and bruises like physical abuse, so its scars are more difficult to recognize and treat. However, emotional abuse can leave deep scars on the psychological well-being of the victim. Also, emotional abuse often leads to substance abuse, low self-esteem, feelings of powerlessness, isolation, alienation, anxiety and depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder..that what happened with my sister he not just tortured her physically but emotionally too..
he used her she was scared of him he use to hit her i can't write this i am sorry
when i heard everything mera nervous breakdown ho gaya main hospital main admit thi mery so called JIJU ko sab pata chal gaya he was not in the city he came back immediately well after 3 weeks when i came back in senses i was asking about my cousin again n again and than i came to know that the day i got admitted he died in a car crash with his daughter and wife all of 'em died on the spot than there house caught on fire and everything got destroyed..all proves everything just like that got destroyed i didn't tell anything to anyone than my sister's husband came there to see me at night no one was allowed there..he can control hospital authorities too and he i don't know how stopped my family for coming there who came there the next day after getting my nervous breakdown's news..
he came there and said so many things he admitted infront of me that he killed my sister and not only my sister but my cousin and his family too he was laughing on me that "look at u oh poor baby now what u gonna do let me tell u marry me,oh well shaadi karny ki kya zarorat hai,hai na" i can't forget that face he did everything he can do to me that night..he said my sister was stupid she actually loved him but he never loved her it was just his lust
he said so many things so many things which i can't tell anyone..i can't repeat those disgusting words he used for me..
that night he Ok see he came there i was so weak was on drips he tied my hands with those drips and when he was saying all of this he he was siting on me and bas i can't write anymore
after saying many things he put much cotton in my mouth so i can't shout and humiliated me i can't use the exact word,i fainted many times and he was pouring water on me again and again and was saying how can u just sleep like that wake up feel,feel how much i love u..i don't know how much time he was there which then seems like ages he cut my skin with knife i don't know why!!and was doing such retarded stuff he is not human he is not..if u put a plastic paper just in a shape of women he will make out with that too..he is disgusting..he said the first time he saw me on there marriage and regretted the time he wasted on my sister and such disgusting words he used to tell me that what i was wearing that day and how he felt he was squashing and crushing my skin that your clothes were tight from here and some from here u looked so hot in that u don't know who u r i think no one told u that your body is like fire just by pathetic disgusting dog jerk..i hate him..
i can't forget his disgusting touch on my body i was just 16 he ruined my life,destroyed everything i was unable to move due to weakness struggling against his hold was out of the question i tried alot but i failed i badly failed..di believe me please that was not my mistake i never gave him any wrong signals yeah i use to talk alot i was the way every girl should at that age but trust me it was not me!mujhy tu pata bhi nahin tha mery sath kya ho raha hai i was so young and so childish to know that i remember i was just crying alot,alot that mujhy bht dard ho raha hai i tried saying many times with those cotton in my mouth that jiju please mujhy chor den mujhy dard ho raha hai..but he didn't listen..i was trying to struggle and i got ride to but then he hit me so hard that i fainted i still remember each n everything every word he said loud n clear two years his face and that guilt that my sister didn't get justice bcz i was weak haunt my dreams like every other teen ager i too dreamed of a prince charming i won't lie i did every girl do,isn't it! but that night i saw my dreams my wishes getting shattered in thousand pieces when i was just getting hurt by its sound and was lying under him and he was so ruthlessly fulfilling his dirty fantasy..
that day i don't remember when he left but when i came back in senses the room was dark and i was lying there with no clothes on and there was blood all over a nurse came in and helped me i didn't cried after that she was crying i don't know why!!she said i m sorry i was not able to save u but why she said sorry when a dirty flesh like me was unable to protect her ownself i was unable to walk many days..i wonder how my family didn't saw my blue lips and scars on neck and near ears..maybe they noticed maybe the didn't..i don't know but they didn't said anything all those days when i was there that one nurse helped me every day she use to give me meds and all.
i still remember him saying so many things i remember when he whispered in my ear that night that "how can u get justice for your sister when u can't even protect yourself i proved,i proved tonight that u can't do anything against me meri pyari J" and i was unable to say a single word and threaten me that he will kill my family and will keep me alive...i got scared and didn't tell all that to anyone..he said ab tumhn dekhny ky bad tumhari behn par kese dil ata mera tu bas mar diya usy..last 2 years i daily sleep with this guilt that bcz of me just bcz of me they all died..i can't forgive myself for this..my sister didn't even get justice bcz of me agar main kuch kar pati thora strong hoti tu shaid woh aj aisy free na hota kabhi bhi na hota,shaid meri di ko justice milta shaid mery cousin ko justice milta..
i don't know what r u gonna think of me after reading this..this is the darkest part of my life which i didn't share with anyone bcz i am ashamed of myself i don't know how u gonna react on this i don't know.but di trust me it was not my mistake i haven't done anything wrong..i was just..i am sorry!i didn't share this with anyone bcz i am scared that people will start judging me over this i know i am wrong but i am scared..
i feel disgust whenever i think about it..i feel so guilty that bcz of me he killed my sister she will never forgive me i didn't even fight for her right..two years i didn't tell this to anyone its not like i didn't tried telling my mom or di but its just that they didn't listen..they never wanted too..
well i told all this to Rey he know everything in much more detail he was begging me to stop and to not tell him anything but i don't wanted to start a relation without telling him this after all he was the one suffering bcz of what happened with me as when ever he tried to get little cozy or come near i always use to push him or start blaming him for things he never did..alissa was the first one to know this my family is still unaware of all this they still think he is a saint poor guy,his wife died he loved her so much..and blah blah he is not a poor guy he is a monster i have seen his face he looks like a animal hunting down his pray..
the time i told all this to alissa was bcz of rey and my fight.we were in some other city our parents sent us there to understand eachother better all alone and as i said no and he immediately called off our marriage and he said i will wait for u but our parents insisted that we have to give eachother a second chance as they were so confuse that we always use to stay together all the time..so we went there and i went there u won't believe bcz alissa said that i should give him a chance when she herself was unaware of all this and had a fight as he wanted to talk to me that why i am so changed he was like where is the old J i loved all my life and i was so pissed at him he was asking me questions and i didn't answer even one but then i cried alot bcz i always loved him and i was scared that the day he came to know about all this he will hate me and then i was scared of every men the all looked the same all after women body just want them on any cost..i thought he will do the same as that monster did to my sister he will get bored and will leave me,i was so wrong..i don't even want to remember what i was thinking of him..but then after writing all this to alissa after two years i fainted and when Rey woke up and saw me lying on the floor he took me to the hospital and i was there for a week unconscious he know me very well he was well aware that i am hiding something from my family and something big oh well he just one day before that talked to alissa Lol and alissa stupid told him everything that what i use to say about him that he look so hot and all :P hhahah! she told him don't believe her she love u so much and blah bah blah and he was so shocked he thought i hate him poor guy i use to actually hit him kick him i still do that..:P he call me kick queen btw! Lol but then he again asked alissa that what happened why i was crying and if she know that what my problem is she didn't tell him anything about it all week the both were trying so hard to save me i was on the verge of dying when they both saved me Rey didn't tell this to my family as my mind was changing sides from unconscious to sub-conscious and was stuck in that moment was living that pain again and again and was blabbering that he killed her i am weak and much more and then these two angels in my life came up with a way as doc was saying she need support and the time came when my heart beat was gone i was not responding on anything u know di they even played ashish's video to wake me up hahhahah! that was alissa's idea and they both were actually freaked out rey was looking like a zombie..5 days they both didn't sleep for a min..and u know di the msg i sent to alissa i which i wrote so many things that rey will do this and that accused him for many things with all this he read that himself,when i was unconsius as he was keen to know what happened and u know he told that to alissa and i read that msg i read there all convo's some of them were so so so funny..but still after reading what i wrote for him he still saved me as i was just responiding on him touching me :P alissa was laughing so much she said u r so desperate basanti.Lmao! :P now u know why i am so attached to gabbu..i love her so much..they both gave me a new life and made me who i am today believe me di i am talking to u that's just bcz they both worked really hard on me in those two years i sulked myself cursed myself hated myself to an extend i was unable to talk to anyone be it man or women i was lost somewhere in those 2 years i lost my friends my family i was all alone was trying hard to survive i am not saying i don't respect myself its just that for sometime i forgot who i am and who i was
i believe that at the end of the day its your life your road your's alone other may walk it with u but no one can walk it for u..i think that there are moments in our lives when we found ourselves on crossroads ,afraid,confused without road maps,the choice we make in those moments can define the rest of our days and of course when,we face the unknown most of us prefer to turn around and go back.but once in a while people push around to something better something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the.bravery and courage to let someone go..bcz its only when u'r tested,that u discover who u can be...the person u want to be does exist somewhere on the other side of hard work and faith and belief and beyond the heartache and fear of what lies ahead...am i right?
i remember i really worked hard earlier..when all this happened before that,i was the youngest FD who actually designed clothes for a company and got a offer of working with them on just at the age of 14 i use to give tutions use to teach kids basket ball swimming when i myself was a kid lol and still i have achieved many things in life i did a successful fashion show and my designs were appreciated that show i got from my university and then comes Vogue,my dream,i always wanted to work with them and they wanted to work with me since i was 14 lol i am working meeting people on daily basis it is possible just bcz of Rey but he trusted me and put faith in my efforts when i got a call this sep like all these years 5 years!and i said no..Rey asked me about it and then he made me realize that i should fulfill my dreams and should give it a try and see just at the age of 19, 130 men and 50 women are working for me!
u know on my first fashion show where 25 young FD's was selected to show there talent i was one of them and the Prince was invited there maybe u know i live in a kingdom so i met the Prince and he himself called me and u won't believe he saluted me and said "welldone madam!,u took my breath away with your work we need people like u in our country" and for many hours he was talking to me and was like i like the way u think miss jehan i want to meet u again i was so proud that day that i did something on my own without anyone's help this is something i achieved on my own with my own money.i am not saying my life was bad but i can't forget what happened..i never thought i will stuck in all that like this i wish god ko thora pehly main yad a jati aur mery do pyary sy angel pehly meri life main a jaty..tu shiad aisa kabhi na hota..
i love Rey but i know he love more than i do..what he did for me no one i don't think no one actually do in this world and this world is not at all a bad place there r people like U,gabbu,rey who listen other's pain and feel that and understand what the person is going through...
i am glad that he accepted me with all my faults with all disgusting past and never talked about it and still doing so much for me i really respect him i do..u know di i still get attacks and i always see my brother-in-law i always see him in those attacks and now bcz of schizophrenia i often imagine him standing near me running after me trying to touch me i am still scared of him u know why Rey is here,right!i know my mom love me alot its just that she is very busy in her own life and don't express much and di she is busy with her job in all these years they never bothered too notice if even i have eaten anything or not it was like for many many days i use to stay n my room alone just looking at the walls i have done many things i use to look at myself in the mirror that what is in there why he did that why he said so..sometime bibi use to come and feed me..i can't get over it..its not easy fr me to forget all that i know i should and its not that i never tried i tried and got some improvement too i know i should stop thinking about it by doing this i am hurting Rey as bcz of my disorder i often think that Rey is that monster and start hitting him or shouting at him he always stay with me bcz i sometime freeze on the position i am and stay in that position for hours without knowing what is going on..and u know look at that monster audacity he came here too this September..well he got what he deserve..
i really wish that kisi larki ki first kiss waisy na ho jaise meri thi..i hate to say this but i will never forget that..i can't!
At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don't really expect it. It's like one day you realize that the fairy tale might be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle, well, it may not be a castle. And it's not so important that it's happy ever after, just that it's happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while, people may even take your breath away.
so that was all,
i don't know what u gonna think of me after this..
but Thank u so much di for your support and so much love n prayers🤗
Thank u so much and i know thanks is just a little word i really appreciate what u r doing for me..
Thanks alot
jenny..
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