Joke junction no4

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Joke of the day:
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.

The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.

The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.

The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."

"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

 

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

 

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

 

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

 

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

 

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

 

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.

For the 1st experiment , they cut one of the dogs leg off, then they told the dog to walk. The dog got up&walked , so they learned that a dog can walk with just 3 legs.

For the 2nd experiment they cut off thr 2nd leg from the dog , then they told the dog one more to walk. The dog was still able to walk with two legs.

For the 3rd rxperiment they cut off yet another leg from the dog & once more they told the dogs to walk. However the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg. So the dog dont walk.

As a result of their 3 experiment the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog has lost it's hearing power after having 3 legs cut off.

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant.

 

In a manner she responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."

 

The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others ?

 

"That's obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture… "

This couple goes to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon, & are watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off: "A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year."

 

The wife nudges her husband in the ribs, & comments, "See! That was more than 5 times a month!"

 

The second bull is to be sold: "Another fine specimen, this wonder reproduced 120 times last year."

 

Again the wife bugs her husband, "Hey, that's some 10 times a month. What do YOU say to that?!"

 

Her husband is getting really annoyed with this comparison.

 

The third bull is up for sale: "And this extraordinary specimen reproduced 365 times last year!"

 

The wife slaps her husband on the arm and yells, "That's once a day, every day of the year! How about YOU?!"

 

The husband was pretty irritated by now, & yells back, "Sure, once a day! But ask the auctioneer if they were all with the same cow!!"

At a restaurant, one of the customers noticed that all of the waiters had two spoons in their vest pockets. Upon being asked, one waiter said, "We see that the most frequently dropped silverware are spoons, therefore we keep them for replacement."

 

Then the customer noticed that a string was hanging out of all the waiters' flies and asked what the string was for. "The string is for us to go to the bathroom," explained the waiter, "that way, when we pull it, it shoots and aims right away. Then we don't have to stop to wash our hands."

 

The customer asked, "Well, that's how you get it out, but how do you get it back in?"

 

The waiter whispered confidentially, "I don't know about the others, but I use the two spoons."

Two guys were hiking through the jungle when they spotted a tiger who looked both hungry and fast. One of the guys reached into his pack and pulled out a pair of Nikes.

 

His friend looked at him. "Do you really think those shoes are going to make you run faster than that tiger?"

 

"I don't have to run faster than that tiger," his friend replied. "I just have to run faster than you."

Computer gender.

A student asked,
"What gender is a 'computer'?"
 
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two
groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
 
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
 
The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be
of the feminine gender ("la computadora"), because:
 
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
 
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else;
 
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory
for possible later retrieval; and
 
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your pay cheque on accessories for it.
 
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ("el computador"), because:
 
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
 
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
 
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
ARE the problem; and
 
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a
little! longer, you could have got a better model.
 
The women won.