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Lying about virginity (Page 6)

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Aparna_BD

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Aparna_BD

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Posted: 12 July 2006 at 12:24pm | IP Logged
Hey every body lets stop with all that attack!! I think there is nothing left to debate any more on this topic and we'll end up passing judgement on one members recent confessed actions.

This is my personal belief , neither should we be judgemental about others nor should we interfere in any one's personal life.

Since a few members PM'd me to open this topic and promised to keep it clean, therefore i hope you all refrain from attacks.


Edited by Aparna_BD - 12 July 2006 at 12:37pm

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Aparna_BD

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Posted: 12 July 2006 at 12:42pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by sonali_k

roomate who had a bf for 4 years and they had a fully sexual relationship.

 Then she had bf for another 1 yr which also included sex.  


What surprises me how and when during this debate did this girl turn into a slut that sleeps with every TDH for pleasure !!!???!!!Confused She had two steady boyfriends. A girl with loose morals will not go steady for that long. It obviously means she attempted to work on relationships that did not work out!! So how and when did her morals become loose ?? How does 2 past steady men in her life make her promiscous ???????????????????

Its sad that you didn't believe in your friend leaving her past behind and wanting to have a fresh start. You believed some one you don't know (the future husband).




Edited by Aparna_BD - 12 July 2006 at 12:49pm

insouciance

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Posted: 12 July 2006 at 12:56pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by MonicA#1Actress

Originally posted by sonali_k

Aparna said

I would refer to Minnies response as to why would tell my daughter to hide the fact about the pre- marital sex.

But if there is some issue where she is having problem in getting married( lets say she is manglik) then yes. The reason being this small lie will not impact her married life in my opinion. If its a big lie i agree that will impact then you must start clean.

Aparna, you were calling the virgins "hypocrites" but what you are suggesting is the biggest hypocrisy. i.e. have pre-marital sex and lie about it. I am sorry but I dont think your daughter is going to have any respect for you if you give her an advice like that.
And in this case, I have sent an email to that guy that she is lying to him along with the names of the guys. I dont think a lying who*** deserves a guy like him. Of course its an anonymous email. And some people here might think it was wrong of me to do that. But she basically had no guilt about lying and I cannot see an innocent person get cheated like that.

That was a cheap, disgusting act. And I bet if your friend had been a guy, and he was the non-virgin, you wouldn't have been concerned at all. And this is the harsh truth. Not only did you betray your friend, but you have proved that stupid double standards still do exist.

Its not double standards...I think some of the feminists are being hypocrites when they defend everything that a woman does..I would do the same even if the genders are reversed.....I would like to cite an example of one of my acquaintances...The girl was married to a boy who had all sorts of vices and had been quite promiscuous....The girl was told that the boy is a gem of a person..and after the marriage,she uncovered all of his foibles one after the other...and she realized that her husband was a far cry form being a gem of a person..She divorced him,and guess what she finally asked her matchmaker(who happens to be my grandmother's sister in law)..."Why didnt you tell me about this man before my marriage...you knew everything about him,yet everyone TOGETHER cheated me".....Isnt that how the boy is going to feel when he comes to know about the girl's behaviour????

Originally posted by MonicA#1Actress

I have a question: You know that your friend is not a virgin, so how the hell are you sure he is  virgin too?? Just because he didn't have a girlfriend doesn't mean he never slept with a prostitute or had a one-night-stand, which is very common among rich people in EVERY COUNTRY as I have seen in real life.

Well,its the boy who is particular about the fact that the girl must be a virgin,if the girl too is particular,she too is entitled to know the truth...tell me,would the die hard feminists spare the boy if he had hidden anything from her....suppose he's a smoker...and the gilr is an asthmatic....When asked before marriage as to whether the boy has any vices,the answer was NO.....but that was a lie....wouldnt the girl feel betrayed?????and we surely would side the girl....so why are we being so hypocritical.....the girl isnt subjected to any kind of calumny,its the truth which her fiance is entitled to know...Any relationship built on prevarication would go bustOuch

insouciance

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insouciance

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Posted: 12 July 2006 at 12:57pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by Aparna_BD



Its sad that you didn't believe in your friend leaving her past behind and wanting to have a fresh start. You believed some one you don't know (the future husband).


I think she knows her friend better than anyone of us do.....Smile

and i dont think anyone of us would want to be betrayed and cheated....None of us would want our brothers/sisters/daughters/sons to be cheated into believing something which is false....what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gancerTongue

It happened with my mamu too...he was betrothed to a girl ...and later,before the engagement,came to know that the girl was of loose morals(and this again is  very subjective)...and my grandparents broke the engagement because they didnt want a girl like her....now whether they were right or wrong is not the question as Its very subjective ...But if the boy in question happens to hail from a similar background,the parents wouldnt want a non-virgin as their DIL as if people come to know about the girl's behaviour,it would become good fodder for the gossipmongers.....and we must not forget,we still live in a society where such things arent really acceptedSmile(atleast in the conservative indian society)



Edited by Buffie - 12 July 2006 at 1:12pm

Aparna_BD

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Aparna_BD

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Posted: 12 July 2006 at 1:07pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by sania 2

well i thnk its a great act to tell dat boy the truth Big smile actually dat girl donot hav any morals ,she simply slept wid two guys for money n pleasure so definately a good boy donot deserve such an immoral girl.


Its funny if all she wanted was money (like a sex worker) why did she stick around with a man for 4 years ??!!??

And its nice to know that you don't even know this guy but assume he's a great boy and a virgin.

I've done with what i have to say. I can't bear this gloating !!!Dead


Edited by Aparna_BD - 12 July 2006 at 1:10pm

sowmyaa

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Posted: 12 July 2006 at 1:12pm | IP Logged
sonali_k- in midst of all this, one question- why did you send out email as anonymous? why didnt you tell your name? just curious. When your friend told you her indepth secret that she would have not told everyone what she talked with this guy in meeting, she confessed to you did you told her that you do not agree and will tell this guy? Did you confront her?

Going back to the main topic. I think that girl should not lie. to me it's morally wrong. if for that guy knowing her verginity status is imp. that girl should NOT lie. If i was her...i would 've smiled and told him that I don't feel I would like to marry someone who would ask me such question or something and just ignore his question and say no at the end, but will NOT lie.

Edited by sowmyaa - 12 July 2006 at 1:17pm

insouciance

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insouciance

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Posted: 12 July 2006 at 1:17pm | IP Logged

Originally posted by Aparna_BD

Originally posted by sania 2

well i thnk its a great act to tell dat boy the truth Big smile actually dat girl donot hav any morals ,she simply slept wid two guys for money n pleasure so definately a good boy donot deserve such an immoral girl.


Its funny if all she wanted was money (like a sex worker) why did she stick around with a man for 4 years ??!!??

And its nice to know that you don't even know this guy but assume he's a great boy and a virgin.

I've done with what i have to say. I can't bear this gloating !!!Dead

She surely cannot be called a gold digger,but its true that she didnt really take her relationship seriously(as if she was so damned serious,and if money was the only impeding factor,she could have spoken with her parents and tried to convince them...orelse she must have give it a thought before consummating)..

and please can we stop glorifying the girl by digressing and  saying that maybe even the guy might not be a virginConfused..I mean,we surely arent talking about a man's double standards hereDead...we're debating as to whether its right or wrong to lie about virginityDead

and the guy IS a virginConfused

Originally posted by sonali_k

The guy in question is a virgin. So he asked her if she was and she told him yes. Also he is good looking and well educated. I believe she is lying because she knows he will not agree to marry her if she tells him of her past. She is on the heavier side and not good looking as such. But her parents are rich and so are his. And this is kind of an arranged marriage where the parents fixed them up. I told her what she would do, if he finds out after marriage about her past bf's. And she says, he will not find out. I think since he is a virgin, he has complete right to expect a virgin spouse. I believe having sexual relations with someone for 4 years if like being married to someone for 4 years. Then its disgusting to lie to someone that you area a virgin

from what I hear,the boy happens to be an innocent chap,who is being cheated....thus I feel sorry for himCry



Edited by Buffie - 12 July 2006 at 1:21pm

jprasad

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Posted: 12 July 2006 at 2:15pm | IP Logged
I say girls should never say they are a virgin even if they are. So girls should actually lie and say I am not a virgin and wacha gonna do about it. Looking at the bigger picture in life, I think there are bigger issues at stake than being truthful or untruthful about virginity. So just say you are not a virgin. If the guy really loves you, he will still marry you. Tongue And you know...lie about everything...lie till you turn blue in the face...if they find out the truth from someone else...oh well...who cares...we still have the homeless to feed and wars to fight if we are bent on doing the right thing.

sonali_k, I admire you. I think we should all do the right thing and always tell potential spouses that a girl is not a virgin. Perhaps we will save the girl from getting into a relationship she doesn't even want to get into. Tongue

If it is really important to a man that his woman be a virgin, then obviously that man needs to grow up. That girl don't even need to be with someone so narrow minded. See Sonali, you saved the girl. Good job.   Clap

I think it is ok for Sonali to be anonymous, cuz if a guy will believe something from someone he doesn't know, then well you are still saving the girl.   Tongue

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