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Lying about virginity (Page 5)

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MNMS

Goldie

MNMS

Joined: 15 December 2005

Posts: 1989

Posted: 11 July 2006 at 1:21am | IP Logged
Originally posted by MonicA#1Actress

Originally posted by Pradarshak


But my big question is, what about intangible factors like heart, mind or brain. Suppose a girl who never been in a physical relationship but is deeply in love with someone else(whom she can never forget in her life and her mind is completely occupied with this person's thoughts and memory). Does that matter to him too? I think that would damage the relationship more than the "damaged tissue".

Problem here is, the entire concept of "Male virgins" just don't seem to exist anymore! Almost every male who has had pre-marital sex wants a virgin wife, and that is just bull.  And according to polls in various magazines (real sources) and Planned Parenthood researches, more than half the male populations  ( by half I mean anywhere from 51-84%) in various countries (including India) have had pre-marital sex.

What I said is based on polls and researches I have read over many years from real (not fake) resources. It could be a little off, or maybe it is accurate, so don't attack me for this.

When so many males don't save their virginity for marriage, then why is the issue over the "tissue" arise?

Maybe the man didn't save his virginity. He could be lying too, so why are we all worried if the girl is lying?  Does anyone ever care if the male is virgin???? When my aunt's family were looking for a groom for her (abot 10 years back) the girl asked if he was a virgin, and from my mom I heard he and his family got angry and left. Go figureConfused

  I missed the debate! CryCry... but i must say... wonderful debate between Buffie and Aparna diClap.. Seriously Buffie, I truly appreciate ur language skills!! ClapEmbarrassed

  Monica... the question u asked is relating to the unwritten rules of the society.. unfortunately there are double standards..Finally someone here talked abt "Wht is practically done" rather than "Wht should be done -MinnieSmile .. See, i personally don't support lying (and pre-marital sex) in this case that it will cause nearly a catastrophe (IN REALITY) if the so-called virgin boy finds out abt this girl. For me the ground of such a relationship is based on lying and it is not going to turn good for both parties i.e. i highly doubt the sustainability of marriage.. even if this matter goes in the court for divorce, the reason will be stated in front of all the people (Im far stretching the matter).. I know the girl should have thought abt it b4 but she didn't, call it her immaturity, indecisiveness, inability to see the future etc, etc.... but now wht should she do... all of us are making the girl stand in the criminal box for lying.. but wht should she do NOW - either lie or accept the boycott from the society PLUS the shame and anger of her parents...If i just see the girl in the light of moral ethics and codes, then i don't support her.. but now i think this is a complicated situation for the girl... this is her decision for choosing the better of the two worse. And wht i think that she is marrying not the guy but his good looks wealth education etc. and he is demanding the return of his +ve points by asking the virginity question.Stern Smile

 I like wht Pradarshak asked abt mind, soul, heart!Clap Where materialistic things are important and of course do matter for some people, where goes such immaterial things??? Are we paying any attention to them?

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Pradarshak

Goldie

Pradarshak

Joined: 24 January 2006

Posts: 1609

Posted: 11 July 2006 at 1:42pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by MNMS

 I like wht Pradarshak asked abt mind, soul, heart!Clap Where materialistic things are important and of course do matter for some people, where goes such immaterial things??? Are we paying any attention to them?

Thanks MNMS. I am glad that you understood what I tried to mean.

Pradarshak

Goldie

Pradarshak

Joined: 24 January 2006

Posts: 1609

Posted: 11 July 2006 at 1:52pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by MonicA#1Actress

[QUOTE=Pradarshak]I can see a huge debate is going on. Enjoying everyone's views.

First and the fore most thing would be no lying in a relationship like this which is very delicate unlike blood relations.

From the girl's action, she should confess her past to embrace a new relationship(if asked or given much importance). Having a pre-martial relationship is not something condemnable, some succeed in them while some fail. We are prone to make mistakes. What is important is what we learn and try not to repeat them.

From the guy's action, I can see that he expects someone who is physically untouched and that matters to him a lot. May be he also saved his virginity(just my guess), nothing wrong in his action.

QUOTE]

Problem here is, the entire concept of "Male virgins" just don't seem to exist anymore! Almost every male who has had pre-marital sex wants a virgin wife, and that is just bull.  And according to polls in various magazines (real sources) and Planned Parenthood researches, more than half the male populations  ( by half I mean anywhere from 51-84%) in various countries (including India) have had pre-marital sex.

What I said is based on polls and researches I have read over many years from real (not fake) resources. It could be a little off, or maybe it is accurate, so don't attack me for this.

When so many males don't save their virginity for marriage, then why is the issue over the "tissue" arise?

Maybe the man didn't save his virginity. He could be lying too, so why are we all worried if the girl is lying?  Does anyone ever care if the male is virgin???? When my aunt's family were looking for a groom for her (abot 10 years back) the girl asked if he was a virgin, and from my mom I heard he and his family got angry and left. Go figureConfused

Monica, I think you misinterpret what I meant. In general cases may be you are right. But in this particular case, I don't know the guy's personal life. So, I guessed that could be true too that he is a virgin and expecting same from his female parter. May be it's his own principle which he values most that his partner should be a virgin. So, what's wrong in expecting that from his pooint of view. Whether his thought is back-dated or not, that's a different issue. If you are not a virgin admit and don't go to him, simple. Why go to someone, who cares so much about one's past life?

sonali_k

Newbie

sonali_k

Joined: 08 July 2006

Posts: 7

Posted: 12 July 2006 at 10:58am | IP Logged

Aparna said

I would refer to Minnies response as to why would tell my daughter to hide the fact about the pre- marital sex.

But if there is some issue where she is having problem in getting married( lets say she is manglik) then yes. The reason being this small lie will not impact her married life in my opinion. If its a big lie i agree that will impact then you must start clean.

Aparna, you were calling the virgins "hypocrites" but what you are suggesting is the biggest hypocrisy. i.e. have pre-marital sex and lie about it. [edited..............]
And in this case, I have sent an email to that guy that she is lying to him along with the names of the guys. I dont think a lying who*** deserves a guy like him. Of course its an anonymous email. And some people here might think it was wrong of me to do that. But she basically had no guilt about lying and I cannot see an innocent person get cheated like that.

Moderator's Note:
Kindly do not attack while debating



Edited by Aparna_BD - 12 July 2006 at 12:53pm

Aparna_BD

IF-Dazzler

Aparna_BD

Joined: 01 July 2005

Posts: 4926

Posted: 12 July 2006 at 11:03am | IP Logged
Sonali that was a terrible thing for you to do to a friend!! Shocked Confused

Abhishek Shukla's quote would be apt here " Morality is envy with a halo"Ouch


Edited by Aparna_BD - 12 July 2006 at 11:11am

MonicA#1Actress

Goldie

MonicA#1Actress

Joined: 19 April 2005

Posts: 2332

Posted: 12 July 2006 at 11:49am | IP Logged
Originally posted by sonali_k

Aparna said

I would refer to Minnies response as to why would tell my daughter to hide the fact about the pre- marital sex.

But if there is some issue where she is having problem in getting married( lets say she is manglik) then yes. The reason being this small lie will not impact her married life in my opinion. If its a big lie i agree that will impact then you must start clean.

Aparna, you were calling the virgins "hypocrites" but what you are suggesting is the biggest hypocrisy. i.e. have pre-marital sex and lie about it. I am sorry ------------edited--------
And in this case, I have sent an email to that guy that she is lying to him along with the names of the guys. I dont think a lying who*** deserves a guy like him. Of course its an anonymous email. And some people here might think it was wrong of me to do that. But she basically had no guilt about lying and I cannot see an innocent person get cheated like that.

-----------edited--------. And I bet if your friend had been a guy, and he was the non-virgin, you wouldn't have been concerned at all. And this is the harsh truth. Not only did you betray your friend, but you have proved that stupid double standards still do exist.

I have a question: You know that your friend is not a virgin, so how the hell are you sure he is  virgin too?? Just because he didn't have a girlfriend doesn't mean he never slept with a prostitute or had a one-night-stand, which is very common among rich people in EVERY COUNTRY as I have seen in real life.

Moderator's Note:
Kindly do not attack while debating.



Edited by Aparna_BD - 12 July 2006 at 12:54pm

MNMS

Goldie

MNMS

Joined: 15 December 2005

Posts: 1989

Posted: 12 July 2006 at 11:56am | IP Logged
Shocked

DON'T tell me sonali u did that !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! UnhappyUnhappy

OMG do u know wht u have done.... U have spoiled a life... I agree that he wasn;t aware with the whole non-virgin issue... but ...U should have given the girl a chance.. may b she wanted to improve herself after starting her marital life.. OMG i can't believe this!!!! U are a friend .. not a FOE !!! U have taken her LAST chance... but u know wht, i have seen people in real life who tend to b friends but backbite u in the most horrific hour!! Sorry to say this...generally i don't make personal attacks...and may b this is my 1st time..but this isn't justified... u ruined her life.. u ruined everything !! Even her last chance of improvement.. her last hope probably..Unhappy

insouciance

IF-Rockerz

insouciance

Joined: 10 January 2006

Posts: 6876

Posted: 12 July 2006 at 12:14pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by mkzara


envy of ur actions. u did something wrong and u know it so u r trying to rationalize it by saying that u did something to help an innocent person not get cheated


Firstly,I dont see any "envy" there Confused Its just that the woman cant see a sinless man becomming a victim of perfidy......I cannot stand it when innocent people are cheated,killed,betrayed for no fault of theirs Cry ...If my room mate had been promiscuous without any penitence ,and if she's all set to con an innocent man,I surely would condemn it Angry

It surely wasnt wrong......This girl has jilted her boyfriends only for a richer guy.......If we can defend lying about virginity saying that afterall its just a "tissue" ,then even this isnt wrong....If that girl can ruin the life of an innocent man just because a "tissue" doesnt matter to her,she can be exposed by someone else ...And if the guy is willing to marry the girl even after knowing about her,that's the best thing that can happen to her....

I would personally not want to marry a man who has slept around for frivolousness and fun(and going by what sonali has said,the girl just jilted her boyfriends for money Dead ...and thus was NOT serious about those relationships....She slept around plainly for pleasure Dead and there wasnt any bit of "LOVE" there)....and i would HATE that man beyond disbelief if I ever get to know that before marrying me,he had slept around with a plethora of women and that he had lied to me about it Angry ...I would want an ethical husband ,not a liar....I cannot forgive a man who has ruined my life(i would consider my life to be a sad existence if my husband had lied to me about his conduct and had blindfolded me )

When this girl can lie about her virginity,she can as well lie about so many other things...Like if she has an affair later,she can feign loyalty to her husband by lying...and one fine morning,when he uncovers about her betrayal,he would slap her(and here's when a man CAN slap his wife Wink ) and seek divorce.......Any relationship based on a lie would go bust.,..She definitely a far cry from his conception of the "ideal wife"

I hate it when women cheat on men....We always talk about men cheating on women,men lying to women ,male chauvinism etcetera...but here's a classic case where a woman is being so self-centred and cheating an innocent man...The woman cant be cut any slackAngry ...

Originally posted by mkzara


u had no right to mess up someone's life like that because u have a holier-than-thou attitude all u want to prove is that u r better and u know wat. u r not. at least she didnt attempt to ruin someone's life, all she did was lie and u set out to ensure that she wudnt be happy because u dont agree with her. u r a horrible person. and i dont think ur children will respect ur acts of venom either


well,if there's anybody who is to be blamed for messing up that girls's life,it is the girl herself....She messed up by sleeping around when she wasnt serious about her relationship..Atleast sonali is better than the girl who so non chalantly slept around and then lied....and please stop attacking other people...Opinions can never be right or wrong,sonali isnt doing the right thing by attacking Aparna ji,and even you are repeating the same mistake by calling someone whom you dont know from adams a horrible person...tell me zara,if the boy happens to be your own brother,and if you come to know that his betrothed was a girl of loose morals and has slept around and then has lied to your brother,wouldnt you tell him the truth about his fianc...I would!!and would you call me a horrible person for that Confused ...and I would certainly respect a mother like sonali so please stop attacking Smile




Edited by Buffie - 12 July 2006 at 1:06pm

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