Posted: 21 December 2008 at 3:21pm | IP Logged
Originally posted by Gauri_3
Originally posted by apux
Yeah, these double standards completely remain....I just hate how Indian guys in the U.S. have their fun here with girls and go back to India looking for virgins....that's not fair for the girl back in India or the girls the guy messed with....sorry for bringing up gender issues....as the original poster mentioned it was the girl that lied, so it works for both sexes....that girl should have told the guy the truth....its not like because she had premartial sex, she's promiscuous or something....who knows what else she'll lie to him about....
I am with you on the double standards part but I do not get the "girl being messed up" part if a guy walks out after having the physical relationship. If the girl is open minded enough to enter into a pre-marital sexual relationship, then she should be open minded enough to understand that the guy is not the only person who got pleasure out of it.
Being messed up for emotional reasons like lost love or companionship, I can understand but I don't understand why the guys are thought to be the only ones who enjoyed it all while the girl has been portrayed as the "victim". If the girl entered into premarital physical relationship just to keep the relationship going then she is the one at fault here. If she entered into it because she wanted it as much as the guy, then she should not be portrayed as someone who got taken advantage of.
I completely agree with you here, but I think there are a few different scenarios that can play out in a relationship which can victimize a person or not.
The first scenario is where one person leads on another person. Where people pretend, lie etc just to get into someones pants. While whoever puts out is slightly at fault for giving in, they are a victim because they were deceived for sex.
The next scenario is where two people mutually agree into a physical relationship, but one falls for the relationship and the other moves on after the one night stand/benefit period whatever. In this case no one can genuinely claim to be a victim, because although feelings cannot be controlled you know what was in store.
The final scenario is a mutual pre-marital romantic relationship which ends due to personal differences. This is never a black and white situation. When a good relationship breaks up both men and women do feel hurt and 'victimized' for lack of better words. Both men and women can equally cause the relationship to go sour. You really cannot call one person a victim because both are at fault in a sense.
However, I do think women would not play 'victim' so often if society was accepting of the fact that women too have physial needs and desires and sometimes even the best and most decent of them falter.
My advice to women is when you have choose to have sex for the first time you should not lose something, but gain something. If you just lose your virginity it was not worth it. But if you truly gained a fulfilling experience that you would not regret even if things go wrong in the future, then it might be worth it. For me it is not about age, before or after marriage, but whether that person was truly worth it.
My advice to everyone in general is when you turn down a person because they are not virgins, what is a greater loss. Them losing the virginity or you losing them from your life. A virgin at marriage is equally as likely to cheat than any other person and a non virgin is equally as likely to be a faithful loving spouse/companion. Gauge the true value of the person in your life, not make an issue over a tissue.